#er visit

Bare with my (almost medicated) ADHD ass, its gonna be a winding road. *fixes second typo* (for both of us lol)

My time in the ER taught me something kinda obs but more focussed on as a secondly thing. The ability to calm down a scared cornered wild animal...I mean patient is kinda huge. Like game changer huge. (For use for: whump purposes, (but also for general patient care stuff)

So I was scared. Medical stuff scares me - doctors, nurses, being touched in a physical exam way (ironically the sexy doctor thing is a kink), being forced into an unfamiliar space/room, being with unfamiliar poeple touching me in ways reserved for Trusted Poeple Only, needles....I'm cool with major injuries (I cry like a little girl when I get a papercut or tiny burn though), blood and even diziness and pain...which is an interesting mix of triggers and non triggers that should be triggers.

The EMTs came to the house (I let them in semi willingly, and let them take me to the ER semi willingly- you'll see what I mean as I keep going). The EMT-lady was...well she wasn't mean or anything but I instantly distrusted her. Not her fault, I was in Scared-Wild-Cornered-Animal mode, trust was a limited resource. She noticed I was curious though, and when I'd calmed down enough, she was good at distracting me by asking about books I was reading, hobbies, the ambulance layout and supplies etc. So she was Helpful. Just not to a me that was scared enough to not trust anyone. (Thats another post though...the power of distraction as another means of soothing that anxious scared cat thats hiding under the bed I mean)

The EMT-Guy did this thing I'd only read about. (Totally sounds like a like out of a porno/bad romance book...sorry) He saw how scared I was...if you have seen trapped wild animals that feel cornered and extremely stressed out, thats what it was like. And obs he has to do EMT-things. Which is by definition, in this state, a hard no.

Some of the EMT-things is stuff I'm familair with or am intensely interested in, so it was okay. But he wants to check by blood glucose levels...and like the word blood just sets me off, coz blood equals needles. I've see how blood glucose is checked, and rational me wouldn't flinch at that. But I'm Scared-Cornered-Wild-Animal. Rational isn't working at this particular time.

So he talks in a calm soothing tone, and suddenly I understand why poeple use it in movies and books for scared kids and horses. Like it overode my anxiety and I forgot to be scared. I just focussed on the soothing tone and just trusted him. Just like that. He explains the test and how its done and all that. In that same tone and I, still scared but trusting somehow, give him my arm to do the thing.

I actually let him do the EMT-Things.

I would have bitten EMT-Lady for even touching me.

The ER-Doctor did the same calm soothing tone and that helped. he needed to do a physical exam obs. Its kinda part of the medical thing. But he explained what he was gonna do and waited for me to say yes or in this case nod anxiously. It helped me expect the touch and not freak out. Another thing he did was he touched with light pressure first and observed if I was freaking out. Then did the normal pressure touch. It was good coz it felt less scary.

He also said sorry when something didn't go as expected. Like it took more pressure to get a ecg lead onto the pad. It was a little painful. But he said sorry and did the thing he had to, coz the ecg thing was important, and I get that. He wasn't being mean. It was unavoidable. Which is forgivable.

But he kept up the calm soothing tone the whole exam and it made me calm enough to tolerate it. Which is a miracle. I was also able to interact in ways that were more consistant with what was my actual feelings/symptoms. Coz they do the exam and also look at stuff like reaction to speech etc. Being anxious shouldn't create extra symptoms or reduce how effective the exam is.

ER-doctor was making sure he had all the information he needed. Which is his job.

I want to watch x-files

The nurse had a flaming elmo pin. Pretty epic.

Can't wait to find out what my hemoglobin count is. Will be shocked if it's not in the low 7s.

I just got to finish out work tonight... I'll be ok. I'll keep updates flowing.