#equijohn

Kill Me: EriDirk

(I…I couldn’t make it sad. I’m sorry.)

“Is this the right button?”

“No, that’s the menu. You’reopening the menu.” Dirk leaned over to tap the correct button on Eridan’scontroller. “This one. The A button.” Eridan scowled down at the controller.

“Why the fuck are the buttons A,B, then X and Y?” Dirk shrugged.

“Easier to keep track of?”

“Why not A, B, C, and D, or atleast A, B, Y, and Z?”

“Just because. Try the Abutton.”

Eridan pressed the indicatedbutton, and his character jabbed his spear forward in response. He blinked.

“Huh.”

“That’s your basic attack,” Dirkexplained, “B is the special attack. X opens the menu. Y is guard.”

“B ain’t doin anythin.” Eridancomplained.

“You have to hold it down for afew seconds to charge. Now-” Dirk grabbed his own controller. “Jump is up. Movearound with the other keys. If you fall off the edge, it’s an automatic death.”Dirk glanced up at the screen. “Uh, Eridan?

“Huh?” Eridan looked over athim, and released the B button as he did so. His little character in responsestopped charging and unleashed a giant ball of white flame. It flew on astraight past until it crashed into Dirk’s character, knocking him over theedge. Dirk rammed the buttons to try to recover but he was already falling.There was a sad *bloop* and the screen flashed to show him he had lost a life.

“Uh,” Eridan shot him a nervouslook. “Sorry?” Dirk stared back at him with a deadpan expression as hischaracter respawned. “Dirk?”

Dirk clicked his controller in acomplex combination. His little character uppercut Eridan’s into the air, leaptup after him, then slammed him down and offscreen. The screen flashed to showEridan’s lost life. Eridan scowled.

“That was childish.”

“We’re even.” Dirk leaned backon the couch. “C’mon, this time for real.”

000

Haunt me: EquiJohn.

Equius unlocked the door to hisapartment and stepped inside to find his home had been turned to chaos. Papersflew around the air in a cyclone and his curtains whipped around the wall,threatening to be pulled free. Equius glared at the confusion in irritation,holding his hair back to keep it from flying around in the wind. A ghostly moanrose around him rising and falling in volume.

WhhhoooooOOOOOOOOooooo

 “John,” Equius said.

WOOOOOOOooooooOOOOOOO

 “John.”

WOOOOOOOOOOO

 “Johnathan Egbert,” Equiusbanged his fist against the wall, just enough to avoid denting it, “ceasemaking a mess of my apartment this instant.”

The wind died down with a verynoticeable *huff* of annoyance. The ghostly voice sounded through the walls,but at a softer, more comprehensible level.

Aw, did someone have a bad day at his boring office job?

 “It is not boring.” Equiuspicked his coat-hanger up set his coat on it. “I admire the order andstructure, and the contribution I make to society.” He began to gather up the papersscattered about. A gust of wind scooped them out of reach and up to stack onthe coffee table. Equius sighed and straightened them up, making sure they wereall in order.

Why do you have to work so much? I was booooooored!

 The curtains shook again at thelast words. Equius rolled his eyes and headed into the kitchen.

“You could have listened to somemusic.”

All you have is classical! Ugh! You don’t even have a TV!

 “Television rots the brain.”

So does having a perpetual stick up your ass.

 “Language, John.”

Stick up your butthole.

 “John.”

A whisper of breathy laughterswirled around the room. Equius sighed and grabbed a pan off the wall.

“Nepeta is coming over fordinner,” He spoke out loud to the air, “I will ask you to behave yourself.”

Hmmmm

 Another breeze swirled throughthe room as John turned the request over in his head. Equius sighed again.

“And if you do, we can watch amovie tonight

Deal!

 John chirped almost immediately.Equius couldn’t help a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

“It’s a date, then.”