A king is only as noble as the causes he serves.

sorry I can’t hang out tonight. yeah I’m busy freaking out over things that might not even happen. yeah it’s gonna take a while

i understand that it's unreasonable to expect a band on world tour to play in every country in the world but i do think they should only be allowed to call it a world tour if they play in every continent. we need to make it embarrassing to say world tour and then not even step foot in africa

got my first ever official customer complaint because when i was going over the terms of their life insurance they were like "well i don't plan to die" and i was like "well you're going to"

We should hang out soon before one of us evolves or disappears

explosion at health potion factory 0 dead 0 injured

this fetish stuff is getting out of hand what the fuck is word play

going up to a character i enjoy and being like "i'd like to award you the highest honour i can bestow" and the honours in question are like. bad at sex. undiagnosable mental anguish. loser's temperament. actual body horror shit. nicotine addiction.

it's kind of like we live in medieval times cause everything is mid and evil

ever since I was little I knew I wanted to dedicate my formative years to imagining fictional scenarios

was visiting a friend who has a farm, and one of the chickens has a home made flared cone on, so i asked what was up with that and she said "that's diesel, and she's suicidal" so obviously i went ??? and she pressed the door lock on her truck fob so the truck beeped, and this dumbass bird SPRINTED full tilt across the garden to shove her head in the tailpipe. she has to be locked up and coned so she doesn't gulp down toxic fumes direct from the pipe for some idiot bird reason. she is obsessed with doing this and has to be locked up any time someone is using a vehicle.