#endrant

Look; viewing porn is not inherently "an addiction".

Engaging with pornographic content isn't "morally wrong" or "bad" (as long as no real-life ALIVE humans are being harmed or exploited by it).

Viewing "weird fetish content" isn't "an addiction" or "morally wrong".

Viewing it isn't the problem. Engaging with it isn't the problem. I adore porn, esp drawn porn because there's so much more room for absolutely wild shit, and artistry, and no one CAN be harmed! and then I go about my day and take care of what needs to be done at the house and maintain my few real-world relationships and disengage, and do other things, and find satisfaction and reward in other things.

The problem here is when someone ends up with a behavioral addiction. Behavioral addictions are real-- think gambling. There are people who go to the casino for shits n giggles and then continue on their Vegas trip.

Then there are people screaming and beating the slot machines with their fists and spending their entire savings, their kids' college funds, and not eating or drinking and quite literally pissing and shitting themselves to avoid leaving the slot machine for a split second.

There are people who play video games in the same way.

And there are people who consume porn in the same way.

Any. Rewarding. Behavior. Can. Become. An. Addiction.

When you value viewing porn OVER maintaining important facets of your life-- maintaining your existing relationships, eating and drinking, using the bathroom, going to school, doing your job, taking care of your kids/pets, maintaining your hobbies if you have any... That's behavior congruent with addiction.

When your day consists of 12 hours of viewing porn and NOTHING ELSE, that's behavior congruent with addiction.

When you have to view more and more intense pornographic content to experience arousal, that's behavior congruent with addiction (desensitization). Neat fact, this one is often seen in chemical addictions, too.

When you behave in an abusive manner towards people in your life when you can't engage with porn, that's behavior congruent with addiction.

When you experience negative symptoms like headaches, irritability, and other negative behavioral changes BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T ENGAGE WITH THE THING YOU ARE ADDICTED TO, that's behavior congruent with addiction.

"just watches porn but continues on with life" isn't behavior congruent with addiction.

"just has a pRoBLeMaTiC kink" isn't behavior congruent with addiction.

"just really enjoys porn" isn't behavior congruent with addiction.

"just has a really impressive porn library" isn't behavior congruent with addiction.

watching porn and beating off isn't going to make you go blind, watching porn and beating off isn't going to MaKe gOd hAtE yOu (or whatever the christians are peddling nowadays), watching porn and beating off are not "bad" or "a moral failure" or behavior congruent with addiction.

The simplest way I can put it is;

Replace "porn" with "gambling" to determine if addictive behavior is present and remove bias about the content.

"Alex watches porn from 8am to 9:30pm. He usually goes that whole time without eating. He screamed at his partner when they spoke to him because they interrupted his porn."

"Alex gambles from 8am to 9:30pm. He usually goes that whole time without eating. He screamed at his partner when they spoke to him because they interrupted his gambling."

"Sam sneaks off multiple times a day at strange hours to watch porn. They do this every day and they experience negative symptoms like irritability and anxiety if they do not continue with this behavior."

"Sam sneaks off multiple times a day at strange hours to gamble. They do this every day and they experience negative symptoms like irritability and anxiety if they do not continue with this behavior."

"Amanda has noticed that the intense pornographic content she engages with does not arouse her like it used to. She decides to amp it up and engage with far more intense pornographic content to feel as rewarded as she used to with the prior content."

"Amanda has noticed that doing scratch-offs isn't exciting like it used to be. She decides to amp it up and play the slot machines to feel as rewarded as she used to with the scratch-offs".

"Aiden's partner is feeling down and insecure about herself because Aiden said that he strongly prefers watching porn to having sex with her."

"Aiden's partner is feeling down and insecure about herself because Aiden said that he strongly prefers gambling to having sex with her."

I know this is a 40 page long essay but as someone who considers themselves VERY sex and kink positive, engages with pornographic content, and has loved ones who have had both chemical and behavioral addictions... I'm trying to tell you that if/when something takes over your life and there is no room for ANYTHING OR ANYONE ELSE, you have a problem.

And even if you have an addiction, it doesn't mean you're "bad" or "evil" or "dirty". It's not a moral failure. It just means that something scratched the reward center of your brain in *just* the right way and it got out of control.

I have nothing but empathy for anyone who has an addiction. It can be embarrassing and miserable. It can make you FEEL dirty and bad and terrible.

if I have ever implied or outright expressed I want queer actors in queer roles it is because I want the stigma that queer actors cannot come out and still get work to end

I want people of any and every profession to be able to come out with 0 repercussions that is the dream

that does NOT mean people should/have to come out or that I’m entitled to know anything about their personal lives

real people do not queerbait

they actually cannot

I made an America’s Suitehearts OC based on @omegalomania‘s awesome Suiteheart AU… or is it Headcanons? Anyway info on this dude below:

Essentially, they’re an artist/photographer who can take a photo of any person, and manipulate it to make the user look the way they want. Unfortunately it makes the user more conceited and they can become addicted to the changes (kind of like how some people are addicted to plastic surgery), which tires Star out because they are constantly bothered by these people.

They come off as being very self-centered, but it’s all cover-up for the fact their own self-esteem is very low and are constantly worried what others think of them (even though they act like they don’t care). The only Suiteheart they’ll actually be themselves around is Horseshoe (and totally not because they have a crush on him) and then keep to themselves around the other three.

S: PINING..........and usually slow burn by extension. I like emotional development much more than any other type (like intellectual/doctrinal or physical/power-ups, even with overlap). Good old fashioned 'i love this person but am too scared to express it' is my Brand and yes i will die on this hill. i live in a victorian novel, thanks for asking. i WILL flip my shit over the All Important Hand Touch.

i also love idiot protags bc theyre their own villain. it's like watching them crash a car, and as it slowly burns up they figure out if it was Really their fault, how they Really feel abt the flames, and Really, why didnt they take an extinguisher like the friend they pushed away said? Rly smart protags are great too as long as theyre wrecks in other areas (like FE Soren or Hornblower, i love their ingenuity but also their entire lack of social skills etc). I like as many debilitations as possible on my protags.

T: i thiiink a lot of things abt villains? bc i rarely like villains so v few things involving them appeal to me (only villains i can think of that i like are FE Sephiran + Zelgius, Yzma, and wyda's Max LOL). i dont get hateships, enemies to lovers doesnt feel rewarding enough to warrant a read usually, and redemption arcs only work 1% of the time bc i think villains a) dont need to be redeemed to be complex n worth interest or b) can be redeemable within the story's limits n without focusing overlong on it. So it's just a Not For Me thing.

So yeah... 20 years of this shit and I'm goin again. Hahahaha at least it's free for me to spend 4 days of being miserable and uncomfortable in an over-crowded convention, complaining like I'm 80 years old. To my defense though it DID turn into #linecon and this year will be #linecon2019. Laughing my ass off as I speak to my friend from highschool about this and how we've been friends for 20 years.... I feel so old....and I feel tired during the day.

/endrant