#endone

I live in Australia and have a multitude of chronic illnesses, (and counting) caused by mostly my dad’s RA genetics/heritage. (my conditions are on my blog) and as it’s commonly known, if it’s in your genetics, you might get a condition at a young age.

So I’ve been watching the opioid/painkiller crisis in the US, it’s not as bad in Australia as it is in America right now, and I feel for all the American spoonies I follow, & any American spoonies out there. Aus follows everything the US does and comes to us, as the US’s ‘partner’- It’s like a trend... 

So the reason I’m mentioning this painkiller crisis is that of the scare it’s created among many - to not give out these drugs,(replace with ‘pain management.’) especially for young people with chronic pain.

Most hospitals and companies in Australia now have cut out Morphine and endone for use, and no doctor will prescribe anything strong like those ones, for probably the last 5 years. 

Here are some articles about cutting out codeine (x) and a major hospital cutting opioids (St. Vincents hospital) (x)

Codeine was officially was made ‘prescription only’ this year in februray, and it has scared everyone into buying as many boxes as they could before it was taken off the shelves - this personally affected me, as I actually got a script for it, (my gp advised me not to take it often though and gave me lower, common anti inflammotories for my excruitating costochrondritis) I went into get codeine on my script because I really needed it, it was a chest pain crisis - and apparenlty there was a country shortage because of people buying all of them out... I Still haven't gone in to check if they're back yet cause I don't want to be disappointed.

It also makes Dr’s steer away from it, like I mentioned before, because of the negative name meds like codeine get for being, ‘addictive.’

( Note- I’ve been taking codeine since I was diagnosed and have never got addicted, never felt like I needed it, or had withdrawals - from it in particular. )

Another thing, I’m 22, I got diagnosed when I was 17 (and had the illness since I was 10 or younger.) In the Dr's point of view, I'm young, ‘too’ young. Because I’m also very small and thin at 50 kg (around 110 lbs,) it means they don’t want to give me much. When I finally got diagnosed, I only was prescribed a couple of medications and knew I wouldn't get much, and people in my area told me my specialist had this point of view. my GP also always says I have to lower my doses because of my weight. (he originally told me to take as much as my nerve suppressors as I want after I came into his office crying about my pain.. )

But, I’m not 17 anymore, I’m 22 - an adult. I don’t drink anymore (If you don't know, that is ‘unspeakable’ for an Australian btw.) I’m responsible with my painkillers, and despite still apparently being too young, I deserve to be able to get drugs that might work for me as I’m suffering. And, I’m not really that young anymore really...

Most politicians in charge of these decisions don’t understand how the fear of opioid prescribing affects the chronically ill, and change laws. and we've seen this happen.

But Doctors,- when they are actually looking out for us for once, are thinking long-term because it’s chronic, therefore a long-term use of painkillers, of course. They're trying to give us the longest life without more medical issues, such as ill livers and kidneys from having too many meds, - but they don’t get it. They don't get what it’s like for a young adult living a 50% life compared to all their abled friends, starting careers, and just trying to keep up with everyone else, it feels like a race were already losing. 

I would rather live A SHORTER but more fulfilling life now in my 20′s than live a long long painful life. I don't care if I die, not tomorrow or in 20 years. And it’s not suicidal to think that in my opinion, I’ve just... suffered a lot, and it’s overwhelming thinking of my future, I don't grieve for my past self, I grieve for the future me. I want to be dead by 50 because, if I cant handle my pain now I’m not going to be able to handle it when I’m elderly. It’s not about a long life, it's about enjoying it when you can enjoy it, I’m running my race differently. That's why terminally ill people normally try to do bucket lists before they get too sick. It’s kind of the same thing here. I will get worse. Other than debilitating pain, stopping my ability to walk, my thyroid will also probably stop working in a couple of years. My fibro seems to progress quickly. I know I’ll eventually be doing way less then I am now. 

I know that it’s killing my liver. How would I not know this, I already had to stop taking one drug long term because of the liver pain. I don't really have a choice, considering I’m still trying to start my life as a scientist and not be constantly bedridden. If I use these drugs, I get a bit of relief to be able to handle my jobs and responsibilities somewhat.

They will never see that point of view that I have because they are not the ones living the supposed ‘fun adult years’ not being able to do what everyone else is doing. If you say this to anyone else other than spoonies, they will think you're trying to kill yourself or that you’re having suicidal thoughts.

I’m already living like I’m in my 80′s in my 20′s. 

Another thing - when I go to emergency for heavy pain, they just give me my own... meds and say ‘you probably weren't taking them on time.’ - When I go to emergency it’s because its breakthrough pain, it’s not taking pills incorrectly...

I went there for my chest once, and a lot of you get costochondritis and KNOW how bad it is, but anyway, to describe it - it literally feels like a heart attack and broken ribs. And of course, ‘chest pain’ is the magical few words that will get you called an ambulance straight away, EVEN though you know, it's just ... your muscles and cartilage being inflamed. you know it’s probably not your heart.. and once you get there and they check your vitals and see no apparent heart attack, they send me home. (That time I was In the cold with no car, in a town 5 hours away from my parents [University] and the pain not going away any time soon.)

You want to know what the emergency doctor on duty said when he got to my stretcher? “ah, so I’ve been I hearing we've got a 19-year-old with fibromyalgia and arthritis in our hospital tonight!” Like I’m some sort of medical fucking mystery. How can a doctor think a young person with arthritis was weird, I felt like I knew more about genetic diseases then him. 

When I’m in that much pain, they could be at least nice to the young scared person and give her a bit of morphine or something a little heavier. Just for some peace for once. but no. it's probably again because I’m ‘toooooo youngggggg.’ 

This was just an opinion of a young person about heavy drugs and reasons why they don’t give them out.