#endecision

can i see your jasper cullen? :o

Sure! He’s not currently in the best state, fashion-wise....

Thanks! I hadn’t been wanting to do much in the way of updates, since this stuff has been just so repetitive. Tired of even thinking about it myself, tbh.

gawd, I’m on my fourth mead now, but I’m still agonizing over what I should write here. I think it started with HPMOR? But I’m not sure. The original rationalist thing was quite a back-and-forth, afair, and I didn’t connect the dots at first and it was literally a shock for me when I found out “wait, this guy wrote HPMOR? But I know him from an entirely different part of the internet!”.

I started tumblr as a fandom blog for Legend of Korra. I think I just stumbled into a conversation between people in the bubble somewhere along the line. Alicorn was somebody I followed pretty early on because of Luminosity, so that might’ve played a role in being sucked into that bubble as well. Then, especially after Korra ended and the fanart came less and less regularly, I just started following interesting seeming people who popped up on my dash.

Fifth mead.

that seems like an overly charitable interpretation - as far as I can tell they're saying they think emotional labor ought to be paid for with sex, which is gross

I think it’s less “emotional labour ought to be paid for with sex” and more “any amount of emotional labour outside of a romantic relationship is too much, this is not a thing you’re supposed to say you want and if you say you want it you’re signalling romantic interest but then not following through” with a side of “women, am I right”. Which in practice works out the same- shitty guys acting like they’re entitled to women’s bodies because women were nice to them one time and being enormous sexist pricks when the women in question go “wtf no”. 

But I think this problem has a lot in common with the “why do men send dick pics” thing. It’s really easy to read malign intentions onto someone who’s behaving badly- and this is bad behavior! Assuming that anyone who wants to have an emotionally intimate relationship with you wants to boink you is really unhealthy for everyone involved, especially the person who just wants to be friends with you! 

But if the problem isn’t “these gross people believe a gross thing”. it’s “there is a fundamental difference in assumptions between how AFAB and AMAB people are socialized”, then a much higher number of people are suffering for no good reason, and fixing “it is socially unacceptable to talk about your displeasure with this situation” will not fix the socialization difference.  

I’m going to steal some language from @avertingtheflamewars for a hypothetical (and thank you for giving us a set of non-emotionally-charged words that work well): 

Imagine a society where people don’t use doorknobs. You’re expected to lever open doors with your fingernails. If you can’t do this- say, you’re carrying a load of groceries- it’s (sort of) acceptable to ask a romantic partner or a family member for help. If you ask an unrelated person to help you open a door, this is basically an expression of romantic interest. 

You go from this society to the society where people are sane and use doorknobs or push bars or what have you. Someone attractive opens a door for you and holds it open, out of basic decency. You think “wow, someone opened a door for me? And I wasn’t carrying anything heavy? Clearly they must be into me!” and ask “hey you opened the door, do you want to get coffee later?” 

The person says “no” and is confused or even disgusted with you for making this connection. If you are basically a decent human being, your initial thought is “what did I do wrong? maybe I’m not holding open enough doors for pretty people? maybe I had something in my teeth?” If you’re not, you go on the internet and shout about how ARGLEDY BARGLE WHY DO DOORKNOB PEOPLE HOLD OPEN DOORS AND THEN NOT BANG YOU CLEARLY THEY ARE BAD PEOPLE!!!1! 

Saying “uh, you’re not entitled to boink people because they opened a door for you” until it sticks will make it less likely that you’ll hear the ARGLEDYBARGLE, if only because it will eventually become socially unacceptable to say that kind of thing out loud. But it doesn’t fix the problem- the one where half of everyone thinks they have to pry open doors with their fingernails and that if someone does the basic pleasantry of holding a door for you that they want to boink you.

If you don’t fix the problem, you wind up with a lot of people who are confused and unhappy for no good reason- no-doorknob-people thinking they’re unloveable because people keep opening doors for them and then going “no, wtf is wrong with you” and doorknob-people getting a lot of unwanted romantic attention from not-doorknob-people when they’re just trying to go about their lives.

Thank you.

I spend 90% of my time seething over something or the other. The world is full of ableism, transphobia, sexism, racism, ageism, fanwank, idiocy, and general fuckery. 

@endecision - Thanks! I don't want to think what might have happened if I hadn't been right there.

@katisconfused - That sounds like a special kind of fun. 😵 Especially with having to fiddle with it to even get to the battery. Sounds like a good thing the trackpad popped out before the battery could blow, still not knowing anything was wrong.

@endecision - Ha, thanks!