I thought it would be fitting to start off this blog of sharing personal stories about gender roles with the owner of this blog’s own story. So here we go. If you would like to read, please see below the cut.
I am a twenty-something young woman, still in school, still trying to figure out this whole life thing and really struggling with it sometimes. I’ve got people from all directions telling me what I can or cannot do. What I should and shouldn’t be doing. The pressure to live up to those expectations is suffocating. What is even more suffocating is my own expectations, which in some weird convuluded way are both completely different and entirely synonmous with everyone else’s expectations of me at the same time. It doesn’t make sense, but somehow I feel like there’s a few people out there who get it.
What are you supposed to do in this situation? Collapse in your room, alone, and just cry? Walk around a wired ball of angry stress, waiting for someone to say something wrong, and snapping? Shoving it down and pretending it’s not a problem until it either becomes unavoiable or you actually forget about it? I know I’ve done all three of these things. I also acknowledge that none of these options are healthy. That’s why I’ve started this blog. I want there to be a place where people can vent. Share their stories and offer a sort of network of listening ears for each other. Perhaps even offer advice on how to deal with situations. It’s hard, and sometimes we don’t want or need anymore advice, but at least there’s a place to share in our frustrations.
I want to share a meeting that I had with a professor recently. It goes like this. I am in Movement class, which essentially means that I am learning how to move in my body, how to create characters physically, and just how to be. I know that sounds sort of cheesey, but I wouldn’t explain it any other way. It’s midterms, and each of the students is required to go in to check base with the professor on how they feel they’re doing in class and express anything they migh tbe frustrated by or feel they need to work on. Well, my frustration was this. I am 5′2″, 100 lbs., and any muscle I have doesn’t really make itself known. That being said, I regularly carry half my body weight up or down the stairs, and lift a third of my weight (in liquid form) to my chest. I am not the strongest, but I am by no means weak. People don’t see that though and I have heard time and time again, I don’t think she can hold me. I feel like I’m going to break her. She’s so small, I don’t want to hurt her. Are you sure you’ve got it? You get the idea. So I told my professor that I know I can’t control what people think, but I want to do something so people see that I have this strength. Her response: “Yeah, that is really frustrating, but here’s the thing. You know you’re strong. So what does it matter what they think? I get what you’re saying, and there’s things you could do, but why fabricate it, you know? It’s... If you were at an audition, and they were paired with you and were saying they didn’t trust you or...or that they think they might break you, or that you can’t hold them... I’d say OK, and find you another partner. That’s a reflection on them, not you. I know it’s frustrating to have someone say “No. You can’t.” but...and that’s just part of being a woman, unfortunately, but you can’t let them saying no stop you, because you’ve got it. You know you’ve got it, so just do what you know you can do, and the rest will come. OK?”
