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One more angst prompt for the moment: āWhy are you awake?ā for perhaps cake? I am really feeling cake angst rn and I feel like itās underrepresented
Only took me like 4 months but! Hereās some Cake angst! Itās more uhhhh existential angst bc I keep going through it and I think Luke should have to too. The world is a lot.
On ao3 at:Ā https://archiveofourown.org/works/28864863
Calum knows somethingās wrong when he wakes up in the middle of the night to find that Lukeās half of the bed is empty. Itās still dark outside, the moon the only light coming in through curtains. Calumās woken up from a half remembered dream, bleary and disorientated, and ready to roll over and go back to sleep when heās met with Lukeās empty half of the bed. Frowning, Calum sits up a little, rubbing at his eyes. The sheets are long cold, clear that Lukeās been up and gone for a bit now. Petunia and Duke are both still at the foot of the bed, snoring lightly. That worries Calum even more, that wherever Lukeās gone, he didnāt take Petunia with him.Ā
Calum sighs, flipping the sheets back and getting out of bed. He leaves the bedroom, looking around for any lights on in the house. Everything is still dark inside, a clear sign that Lukeās not in here. Calum frowns, worry building up in his chest as he makes his way down the stairs and out into the living room. Calum takes a look around, noticing that the sliding glass door that leads out to their deck is open ajar. If Calum squints, he can just barely make out the shape of Luke outside on one of their chairs. Calum makes his way across the living room, opening the door slightly so that he can join Luke outside.Ā
Luke turns his head slightly when Calum comes out. The moonlight frames Luke, lighting him up and making him glow. Calumās forever mesmerized by Luke and the way he looks. No one can ever manage to look as ethereal as Luke, with his upturned perfect slope of a nose, bright blue eyes, and dimpled smile. Like this, outside in the moonlight, Luke manages to look even more like a fairy creature and Calum canāt understand how someone like Luke would pick him, a mere mortal.
Luke smiles weakly, turning back to face forward, staring out at the night sky.Ā Calum drops into the seat next to Luke, following Lukeās gaze as they stare out at the stars. Calum lets the silence continue for a few moments before he finally speaks up, drawing Lukeās attention to him.Ā Ā
āWhy are you awake?ā Luke murmurs, still facing away from Calum. If Calum wasnāt so familiar with Luke, the sound of his voice, the deep rumble of his voice when itās still sleep soft, Calum probably wouldnāt have picked up on the sad sound of his voice. Itās there though, Lukeās voice a little watery around the edges, like heās just finished crying or is in the process of holding back the tears.
āWeird dream. I woke up and you werenāt there. The better question is why are you awake? Itās far too late for you to even be awake.ā
Luke sniffles, rubbing at his nose, āI donāt know. I woke up and the world was a lot and I couldnāt get back to sleep because my anxiety suddenly started and it made me feel like I was choking. Everything just got so overwhelming I didnāt know what to do.ā
āDo you want to talk about it?ā Calum asks, reaching over to grab Lukeās hand and squeeze. Luke shrugs.
āItās just like...the world is a lot? All the time? We released an album and we had all these plans and then we went into lockdown and we keep making all these plans hoping eventually itāll end, but it feels like itās never going to end. We donāt even know if weāll be able to tour the rest of this year because they might not even let us travel to other states, let alone leave the country. It just feels like weāre letting all of our fans down and I know we donāt have any control over it, but I canāt help feeling responsible for it all the same. I miss my mom, I miss her so much and I missed my birthday with her and my dad and Iām sure Iām going to miss it this year with them and I know you miss your parents and we canāt do anything about it. And Iām happy Ashton made his album and that heās happy and fulfilled but then we keep seeing all those articles about how the band was going to break up or that I was a horrible friend because I didnāt post about his album and...itās just all too much. I just want to exist sometimes, without having to worry about the next thing or what Iām supposed to do or if I go outside to get coffee is someone going to take a picture of me, so they can judge my mask or what Iām doing. Sometimes I canāt breathe because of how much the world is and itās only gotten worse because Iām stuck instead and itās all I can think about. All I can focus on is how crushing everything is and I hate it and I need to get it out but I canāt put it all into words and I donāt want to burden you with it all.ā
āLuke, youāre my boyfriend. If thereās anyone you should be able to talk to, itās me. Thatās what Iām here for.ā
āExactly. Youāre my boyfriend. Itās not your job to take care of me,ā Luke says. Calum thinks he means for it to sound mean, but instead Luke just sounds teary as he wipes at his eyes. Calum tugs on Lukeās hand until Luke stands up, coming over to collapse into Calumās lap. He curls up there, reminding Calum of when Luke was smaller and younger and used to sit on all of them. Heās doing it now, curling up to tuck his head under Calumās chin as he sniffles. Calum strokes his hair lightly, pressing a kiss to his head.
āItās not my job, but I want to. I want to help you. I care about you and how youāre feeling. I wish you had told me about all of this. We could have talked about it. I donāt want you to feel alone. Weāre in this together,ā Calum says. Luke lets out a huff and buries his face into Calumās chest.
āI donāt want to burden you.āĀ
āYour mental health is not a burden. Caring about you is not a burden. I love you and I want to be there,ā Calum says. Luke makes a soft sound, tilting his head back to look at Calum.Ā
āPromise?āĀ
āI promise. I want you to feel comfortable talking about yourself and what youāre feeling. I canāt help you from getting too close to the edge if you donāt tell me.āĀ
Luke presses his head back into Calumās chest, humming lightly. Calum threads his fingers back into Lukeās hair. He hums slowly, letting Lukeās humming fade out and holding him close. Eventually, Luke's breathing starts to even out, eyelids drooping slightly. Calum nudges Luke slightly, jostling him awake.Ā
āCome on. Letās go back to bed okay. Might feel better,ā Calum says. Luke hums, allowing Calum to nudge him out of his lap. Calum holds onto Lukeās hand, guiding him back into the house and upstairs to the bedroom. Calum pulls the comforter back, nudging Luke till he crawls under the covers. Calum crawls in next to Luke, pulling Luke to his chest and letting Luke snuggle in.Ā
āI love you. Thank you for always being there.āĀ
āI love you. Iām always here for you,ā Calum says. He listens to Lukeās breathing even out, evidence of his drifting off to sleep. Calum canāt ease all of Lukeās anxiety, but he can be there for Luke whenever he needs it. He loves Luke, adores him and loves him. Everything will look better in the light of day when they have each other. It always does.Ā
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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