#emizsc

you were very much a cook unlike your husband who’s somehow burnt hot chocolate before, so you decided on what to make! “szechuan beef with white rice sound good?” you say, looking up recipes. “anything you want.”

you put kenma in charge of the rice whilst prepping the meat. anytime you’d have to turn your back to the camera, kenma always lingered right behind you, draping his arm on your hip whenever he could.

once the rice was cooked, you pulled your sleeves down to cover your hands as makeshift mittens to hold the rice container. you tilted the bowl for the camera to capture. “rice looks nice and fluffy.. so ken can cook good rice at least!” you tease, laughing softly. “y/n is that not hot?” kenma says with a raised eyebrow, watching the steam coming off the top. “it’s not that hot, i can hold it.”

“A-ahh BRO! y/n that’s h-HOT-!! WE HAVE MITTENS, LET ME HOLD IT! YOUR HANDS ARE GONNA BURN!!!” “kozu, it’s fine, i’m literally holding it.” “What do you mean?! Owsssshttt.. I LITERALLY HAVE THE MITTENS ON AND I CAN STILL FEEL IT!” in the end, kenma put the rice on a heat resistant mat and he ran your hands through some cold water. the live chat was racing with comments.

steinogfineshyt: bro doesn’t understand the ‘cooking hands’

bxngchnz: did he call his wife bro????

souleaterpeak: KENMA LOOKS SO STUPID WITH MITTENS IM FRYINGGGG

kaikamalhuening: kenma valid crashout

alhaithamkisser: y/n +134340 aura, kenma -12700 aura

levimalewife: that was so sigma alpha male of y/n

mammonscreditcard: does y/n need a wife

kkumacoups: blah blah blah proper name place name backstory stuff ahh kenma bro 😭😭

shokoscigarette: y/n i love you please don’t die

“my wife is mine to love and she will never die.” kenma scoffed at the screen before turning back to you, just completely enamored, like it was his first time ever laying his eyes on you again.

this youtube series has blown up everywhere— to the point some people don’t even know kenma as the CEO of Bouncing Ball Corporation or as a professional gamer/youtuber.

kuroo had been talking to his colleague about kenma once, when highschool was suddenly their topic of conversation. “ever heard of kodzuken?” “your best friend is the dude who doesn’t shut up about his wife?!” kuroo couldn’t even tease kenma about it anymore— kenma just was so shameless when it came to you! (and before he got famous all the yapping about you was always to kuroo. trust me, he’d recieve earfuls about you when you weren’t even together yet.)

after every valorant or league tournament (ewwwww) whether it was a win or loss, once the mic was brought to him to ask about the game, he’d state simply, “I’d like to thank my wife. Good games.” god he’d be even more annoying when it came to a solo queue in valorant. his go-to insult for a snobby teenager would be, “you’re bitchless AND jobless.” safe to say his ego inflates when they realize they’re talking to THE kodzuken, and if they didn’t know beforehand, they’ll know him soon enough when his motor of a mouth warms up to talk about his wife, forgetting to ever brief on the topic of having multiple jobs with high incomes.

oh but the comments on the series were always the best.

user @applepie: may this love attack me

user @kodzusss: y/n how do you find a man like this

user @makemestays: aura farming again

user @svteenm: i think i know more about y/n than i do about kenma at this point

user @moalways: he’s the standard i fear

user @emizszc: laying on the highway as we speak

user @sunaslefttoe: I WANT WHAT THEY HAVE!!!!

if you add up the time of all seven videos, the total time is pushing 5 hours… god he just can’t shutup about you. all the little emoticons for his channel; raids, copium, NT, are just you and him. every sub challenge just surrounds you. just to name a few, there was

“xx subs for a cooking stream with my wife”

“xx subs and my wife will play a ranked valo game”

“xx subs for a just chatting stream with my wife”

even when he had to switch gears. as a CEO, his management team was sick and tired of him. today he had been invited for an interview. he knew the interview show was scuffed prior to coming, so he decided to just do what he was best at. …talk about you of course!

“so, if it ever came down to choosing between your wife or your company, what’d you choose?”

“my wife.” he puts up his pointer finger before speaking again, “actually, she was one of my main motivations to start working on the … blah blah … and she really … blah blahhh blah … my career … blah” the interviewer felt a bead of sweat drop from her temple.

sigh kenma is so in love with his wife.

part two, three, and four of my mini kenma series here!!

“you weren’t supposed to see it yet, jin, oh my goodness, it was supposed to be a surprise,” you reply with a slight groan, dropping your arms which were tangled up in your hair as you were putting it up to try and beat the heat of the HQ in the summer.

“why didn’t you knock? what’s so important?” you say with a sigh, as if he wasn’t still in awe of your inked skin.

“nonono miss, you can’t just ignore the elephant in the damn room. you got a tattoo of MYYY name???” he elongates the word my, and you stare at him with raised eyebrows and a slight smile.

“what, was I supposed to get a tattoo of gris’ name—“

“—DON’T finish that sentence. you’re ruining the moment,” he says like a dramatic teenage boy.

he finally approaches, kneeling down to be eye level with the tattoo that sat right at your hip. his eyes were practically glowing despite the flow of amina and his lack of presence on the battle field. you place your hand on his head, combing through the strands, laughing softly.

“you like it?”

“i love it miss. perfect placement too,” he said with a smirk, knowing he’ll be placing his hands on your hips even more than before—if that was even possible.

“looks so good on you baby, i can’t stop looking at it. how’d you even hide this from me for this long, and when d’ya plan on tellin’ me?” his eyes have yet to leave your skin, similar to his hands that have yet to stop caressing up and down, following the natural curvature of your body.

“it’s not that hard, since we’re practically always in uniform. but it’s been extra hot here at HQ ever since rudo’s powers went awry that one time, and it messed up the AC system, so I decided to throw on a tank and you walked in as soon as my hands were up for you to see it,” you say with a shake of your head.

“i planned this for a while, and i got some time to get it done when i had to drop by canvas town after a mission.”

enjin groaned, his reaction practically doing a 360 as he sunk down, laying his head on your thigh.

“you’re so smart and that’s why i’m in so love with you but i can’t help but be jealous you got something done before i did,” he says with a huff.

you let out a snort, and you tug on him, a small signal for him to raise to his feet. “i did this on my own accord, jin. nothing’s stopping you from getting one of your own.”

“ok wait.”

“ENJIN WHERE ARE YOU GOING?”

…he decides to get his tattoo of your name right on his bicep so that when he flexes, it shows off his muscles and your name. oh and of course it gives him an excuse for you to cling onto his arm whenever you can.

a/n: enjin brainrot is not for the weak goodbye omg and also idc what anyone says, the cursive tattoos are so cunt, i can deal w/ the consequences when they come

speaking of husband, kenma struts into your shared bedroom, his back painfully hunched over, a family size bag of nerd gummy clusters tucked into his armpit. you don’t turn your head, instead glancing at him through the mirror in front of you. “i’ll probably be ready to leave in 20 minutes ken, i won’t take long.”

his movements come to a halt, but his head, inch by inch, turns to face you as if he was an anamatronic. he hasn’t felt this tense since his championship volleyball game in high school, “ready for…?”

“our date…? two weeks ago when we were walking in the city, you said you were going to make a reservation at that fancy restaurant we passed by. and i recall you saying it would be today…?” your voice mimicked the hesitant and confused tone of his to prevent yourself from blowing your cover. “did you forget? we can always resched—“

“no! no, it’s okay baby.” why did he say that. in fact, it’s not okay. he kept replaying that moment in his head, because he does remember walking in the city with you, and he does remember passing the restaurant. but what he also remembers is you two scanned the menu and realized nothing appealed to your taste, so you decided against booking a table. making matters worse, ironically, in 20 minutes, kenma was going to hop on stream and do his first ever collab stream with kinich and play some valorant.

he finally put the candy bag down on the bed, and fished his phone out of his pocket to open the calendar app to see if he did book a table, and his memory was just working against him at the moment. but of course, it just said…

• 5pm stream with kinich.

you continued straightening your hair, biting your lip to hide the smile that threatened to make show of its self any second now. “i’m so excited! i was really looking forward to the place. i’ve been craving italian food as well, so it’s perfect timing.”

kenma didn’t know what to do. it was anything but perfect timing! should he… cancel the stream that he and kinich planned a whole month prior??? …or should he break the heart of his sweet poor wife?

he took a deep breath, dropping his phone back into his pocket. “…i didn’t make a reservation.” you put the hair straightener down, finally turning to face kenma. you replied to him, in a shocked tone like he just told you he wanted to get a divorce. “what?” kenma walked over to you, making haste to close the distance between you and him. you practically melted and lost any will to continue pranking him after you noticed his giant dilated eyes and drooped down shoulders that were not because of his god awful posture. “i’m really sorry y/n, i never made a reservation. i thought that we decided against it… and today is an important day for me—“

“today was important to me as well. i thought we were going on this fancy date and all…” kenma’s hands cupped your cheeks, forcing you to look up at him. “i promise i’ll make it up to you. name any place, i’ll take you. are you still craving italian food?”

slowly, a fond smile grew on your lips, and you turned your head to kiss the inside of his hand. “i’m pranking you ken. i already know about your stream with kinich. one of my oomfs on twitter had been making a post for every hour closer to 5pm.”

he let out a groan which sounded more like a cat’s growl in your ears. “i kiss thought kiss i was kiss going kiss insane.” he kissed your face softly, too enchanted by your looks to stay mad.

“i’m banning anyone who talks about the video y/n posted by the way.”

blackclover2027: son😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭I'm crine😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

jinmaoluvr: the concept of y/n saying oomf

ieriswife: lowkirkenuinely y/n needs to become an actress

jeonghanspinky: kenma’s posture is fried

whitestevelacy: EARRINGS BY MALCOM TODD MENTIONED

belphiespillow: ok but where do u buy a family size bag of nerds gummy clusters pls

calebxia: can we talk about how beautiful y/n looked though

kinichsgirl: ON EVERYONE’S SOUL, I’M Y/N’S OOMF, IM THE ONE MAKING THE COUNTDOWN

nwjnsot5: it’s still so sweet that kenma didn’t lie unlike some other vids i saw of this prank :(

bxkgousgf: I WANT TO BE OOMFS W Y/N PLS

soobinspants: “today is an important day for me”. 🔄 TRANSLATING 🔄 “i’m playing valorant with hb, borderline bf, kinich”

kenma grumbled as he read the chat, seeing none of them take his threat to heart.

“nerds are from costco. y/n loves them so we always have them at the house.”

“kenma, queue up.” kinich’s voice falls deaf on kenma’s ears.

“y/n loves earrings. she also likes zip up my fly. i think that’s the title?”

“kenma, you’re not queued.”

“she always looks good. no matter the occasion.”

“KENMA QUEUE UP.”

“bro ‘soobinspants’ just said we’re lowkirkenuinely boyfriends.”

a/n: inspired by the current tiktok trend where people tell their partner that they’re getting ready for a non existent date! i thought i wasn’t going to be able to milk this series further, but when there’s a will, there’s a way

the comments from other haikyuu chars as follows: (too lazy to make up kewl usernames… i apologize ˙Ⱉ˙)

shōyō: OHEMGEE! Miss you two 😊!

-> y/n: how could you forget my baby 🥀

-> shōyō: I MISS YOU THREE!! I’LL BRING HER CAT FOOD NEXT TIME I COME OVER!!!

kuroo: STOP WITH THE THUMBNAILS IM RIPPIN’ OUT MY HAIR

-> kodzukenzsc: fyi our souls r actually stitched together so it’s impossible to happen

-> kuroo: i hope y/n wakes up, realizes how insane you are, and actually breaks up with you

-> y/n: yet you begged me to talk to him in middle school cos you were sick of him talking about me :P

y/n: i love you ken

-> kodzukenzsc: hi i have a crush on you please date me i want to kiss you i love you so much let’s get married

-> lev: I THOUGHT YOU TWO WERE ALREADY DATING???

lev: YOU BROKE UP??? WHAT???

his most popular video on his youtube channel is titled, “accidentally queued into a RANKED VALO GAME with EX GIRLFRIEND.” the video was actually you playing on his valorant account which dropped him from from immortal 2 to ascendent 3… he still couldn’t be mad at you!

“do you think this one’s cute snookums?” you hold up a white frilly top that was actually really cute… but megumi physically writhed at the petname. “i think it’d look good on you.” you cringed once looking at the price tag, “it’s 38 dollars.” megumi shrugged mindlessly, “i have gojo’s card. i swear he likes you more than me, so he won’t question anything.” “oh i thought that was obvious… but thank you snookums!!!” you held the shirt by placing its hanger on your index finger. you blinked once and it was gone. “say that again and you’re gonna pay with your nonexistent money.”

“pleaseee lovebug i need you to tutor me on this. i actually think my brain has been deep friend.” megumi felt a blood vessel pop in his head. despite that, he was taking out the respective textbooks and what not. you coo at him in a teasing tone, “aww my lovebug is so sweet to me.” “i’m actually gonna chuck a textbook at your head y/n.”

a small whimper left your lips— god you tasted so good. megumi dragged his hands along your sides, all the while sliding his tongue into your mouth just to pull away, teasing you. you looked at him with half lidded eyes, reconnecting your lips in a feverish manner. your hands raked through his navy hair, and you felt the grip of his hands on your waist grow even tighter. he pulled away with a smirk, noticing the shortness in your breath. he flipped the two of you over so that you comfortably laid on the bed while he was on his forearms, hovering above you. “so eager pretty girl.” you bring your hands down to his biceps, squeezing lightly. “just want you so bad, sugar-booger.” megumi sat up and his face dropped in an instant. he pressed his lips together tightly, raking a hand through his hair. “you’re actually gonna kill me one day.”

“you look nice… sweetcheeks.” you cocked your head back despite already looking at megumi through the mirror the two of you stood infront of. “what the eff did you just call me.” you say with furrowed brows, staring up at the poor boy. “i just wanted to play along with you! if i do it, it’s suddenly so wrong?” you bite back the laugh that’s threatening to fall from your lips any second now. he sighs (out of relief) realizing that you weren’t actually disgusted by him. “but i wasn’t playing about the other part. you look really pretty,” he mutters softly. you flash him a toothy grin, placing a hand on his cheek before giving him a quick peck on the lips. “and you’re so handsome— my amazing, wonderful, sexy, boyfriend!” he mirrored your smile, going in for a longer kiss, “i’d take that over bug-a-bear or whatever you said a couple days ago.”

you snorted at his words, “okay now let’s go! we haven’t gone on a dinner date in weeks!!” he took your hand, intertwining it with his before squeezing three times, “okay, my sweet, beautiful, headache of a girlfriend.”

notes: can i have a megumi in my life, please and thank you.

“what happened this time, hm?” you say whilst opening the red container. “my bow snapped mid fight ‘nd….” he rambled all the while you dabbed on the various ointments and what not, making sure you were gentle with your touch, responding now and then to what he was saying.

“wait,” you placed a hand on the side of his jaw to stop him from talking. and it felt as if time was moving so slowly, childe’s gaze locking onto your focused expression as you take a small q-tip with some substance and dab it onto the cut on his lip.

he let out a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding when your hand left his jaw. “don’t even try and taste it,” you state beforehand, knowing him all too well. he snorts, “wasn’t going to!” which quickly goes wrong when you hear him sputter. “blegh- some of it- oh my go- it went into my mouth—!! it tastes so baddd!!!” you couldn’t help but just roll your eyes at the dramatic man. “quit talking, that’ll help.”

once you stick on the last bandaid, there’s a small pout on his lips.

“i’m not getting a thank you?” “who told me to stop talking?” ……… you hold your tongue to not burst out at your boyfriend but he whines annoyingly to which you ignore, walking away. but you were caught off guard as a pair of arms wrap around your waist, and you fall flat on his lap.

“okay, okay i’m sorry, i know i’m bein’ annoying.” he says with a laugh, only making it sound more insincere than it already was. “i just hate seeing you hurt, and you know that. you always brush it off and try and make it seem something so light and simple, but what if it’s really serious one day, and i’m not there to help?” a dampened look adorns his features, making sure to take your words into consideration. “i know, i know, but you don’t have to worry your pretty lil’ head so much— since i’ve met you, i’ve been taking it alot easier. besides, i don’t plan to leave anytime soon. i’ll be crying like a loser the day i see teucer graduate highschool.”

and suddenly you mirror the look he had on his own face when you hear the mention of teucer graduating. he lets out an airy laugh, “oh don’t be upset, i was trying to brighten the mood.” “okay but now you have the image of teucer in my head and i’ll be so so proud ‘nd-“ your ramble of words get cut off when childe kisses you, and you feel him smile against your lips and..

“agh- childe you idiot! the ointment- this is disgusting- it’s all over my lips nowww!!?!” his boisterous laugh now echoes through your home. childe almost drops you from laughing so much, but you know you wouldn’t trade the world to hear it stop. “i love you,” you whisper to yourself, forgetting the yucky medicine taste in your mouth.

author notes: neo got my back 💚, i don’t like this as much as i thought i would..