Personal. Ffxiv. But mostly personal.
I'm feeling down lately 😕
Been working through msq on alts, working on completing quests I haven't done on Killick, finishing Killian's island (!!! Seriously, its like 8K xp away from 20), really trying to break that healing fear by letting rolos spin the wheel, and by all rights I should be feeling like there's been progress because there are things going great.
But a ramble...
But I've been struggling so much creatively I think that that's what is lingering, for one. Frustration over not knowing gpose enough and feeling terrible at what I do know, over staring at word docs that aren't getting anywhere, over still yet trying to make a place here. Wolcred week took a lot out of me and I loved some of the work I got out of it. But I've yet to do a masterlist. Which seemed a good idea, but also feels a little like oversaturating the dash with the same posts that folks don't really want or need to see again. I've also not had a chance to put some of the writing into something cohesive so it can live beyond tumblr. See writing challenges above. And even that... wolcred seems to be quite niche. So what's the point.
I don't even know if I want to keep trying to do heatwave or wolgraha week. Because I know I won't be able to put the same energy into it.
And I'm not usually one to start on state of the game stuff. But like. No sooner did I share Killian's details, I found out about this mod that makes it easier to track people and alts. And I was already anxious about even just sharing minor details about my characters. Now here we are, a good number are relatively easy to know if you know how to search. Some have fake names, but not all, and it's hard for me to stay aligned on what I've shared sometimes.
I wanted to make some more friends in game, but I feel like I'm going about it all wrong. Apparently name day events are a thing. I skipped mine because it made me anxious.
Then. There's the game.
NA is going to have to have a real reality check when cross-dc queue goes live. Dynamis has a lot of new players. There's a lot of content that just *can't* be run on Dynamis because no one else is trying to queue for it. We currently have to switch, and I can't say it's ever been a positive experience. And that's for me, who's maxed every job and been playing for a few years now. I wasn't here when Nier raids dropped, so no. I haven't played them 1000 times, and I don't know them like the back of my hand. There are just generally mechanics that don't brain well. God forbid someone ever try to watch their cut scenes, or be new to a duty, or even just slightly off their game. I get real discouraged when there are non-productive comments in alliance/party chat. " That was rooooough." Not helpful. Thanks.
Sorry. I'm usually much more able to deal with the shit than this. I'm a grown ass woman. Sometimes I just hate how my brain makes me feel like I need to be perfect at everything and turns to self-deprecation when I am inevitably not meeting that expectation of myself. I feel like I've got the game. And then suddenly I don't. I feel excited over creative ideas. And then suddenly they seem stupid. It's exhausting.
