Dec 5, 2020
Elmer’s GluColors
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Elmer’s GluColors
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Parents Magazine December 1953
Don’t you hate it when All they got is SKIM or WHOLE ??? cmon folks!
The Elmer’s Bones Theory
Ok I have a theory about human biology
So, we all know we have bones inside of us. What do bones make? Glue, bones make glue. Therefore our bones are glue just as glue is bones. So, we have glue bones. They’re sticky and hold us together. That’s why we don’t collapse. Here’s the kicker, what else is made into glue? Horses. Horses are also made into glue. So using the mathematical theory of equality, our bones are glue and horses are glue, glue is bones and glue is horses, SO bones are also horses. Basically we’re made out of tiny horses inside of us. We all know that dogs lick us just to get the bones from inside of us, but since we have horses in us, dogs want horses. Dogs crave horses. If we feed dogs horses, they will become a form or absolute power. Here’s a PSA to never feed your dog horses.
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Eddie just watched a horror movie and then was assaulted with stupid... today is just not his day.
Eddie: oh god.. i just watched a horror movie where a woman just got her head chopped off. I think im gonna be sick!
Richie: did she die?
Eddie: DId sHe dIE....
Richie: well, did she?
Eddie: She had her head sliced off.
No rich, she didnt die, her friends stuck it back on with glue! Dumbass
Richie: i hope it was superglue! If it was that white elmerglue, than that bitch needs new friends.
Eddie: .....
Eddie: im not talking to you anymore.
Thanks to Elizabeth E for this shot from Fringe (Season 2, episode 2).
SOOOO many things wrong here. I am calling this particular technique, “French kissing for the 1st time.” Sloppy, overdone, and not very satisfying for anyone. This is pipetting done wrong. Also, this is why we wear gloves people..to protect ourselves from the oozing science! Not sure what’s going on here, but it’s flu season around my house and whatever he’s pipetting looks mostly like what me and my children have been coughing up that last few days (yes, we all got the vaccine).
Imagine: Elmer claiming he knows how to read, but really doesn’t, and you have to teach him how.
For @lordmokus i love you girl
“Hey Elmer, what’s today’s headline?” You ask, exiting the lodge, as you shove your hair into your cap.
“Oh, uh, lemme see.” He says, squinting at the pape in his hand.
“Says t-t-oooornadoo to end New York!” You take the paper from him and examine it for yourself.
“Elm, it says tornado headed to New Jersey.” You say, laughing and handing him back the paper.
He turns a little pink, but rolls his eyes to hide his embarrassment.
“That’s what I meant. It’s early! I can’t read this early in the mornin’.” He mutters, walking away, in the direction of your selling spot.
“Sure.” You laugh to yourself and follow along behind him.
Night begins to fall, and the selling game was pretty successful, for a tuesday.
You are walking, hand in hand, back to the lodge, and a silence had fallen over the two of you.
“Hey, Elm?” You say, shattering the peaceful quiet.
“Yes?”
“Do you know how to read?”
“Yeah Ise told youse earlier!” He says, getting a little defensive.
You stop walking and he looks at you, confused.
“You can tell me anything, Elmer! Not knowing how to read is nothing to be ashamed of. Just last week, I was teaching Mush and Albert how to read their headlines a little better. I would be more than happy to teach you!” You say.
He sighs, and removes his cap to run his hands through his hair.
“Youse got me. Ise don’t know how ta read.” He says, hanging his head a little.
You lift his head to look you in the eyes.
“I would be more than happy to teach you.” You say, smiling.
He breaks out into a grin and runs a bit ahead.
“Come on!” He yells.
“Elmer relax! The books I have won’t disappear before we get there!” You yell after him, but to no avail.
He beat you back to the lodge, even after you started running.
He was sitting on your bunk with a copy of your Jane Austen novel in his lap, as he gave you puppy eyes.
You roll your eyes, but can’t help but smile at his enthusiasm.
You sat beside him, and opened to the first page.