#elliottbradder

To my wonderful one year old

How is it real that three weeks ago today you turned one? how is it that I’ve been a parent for a whole year already? I can honestly say that you are my greatest achievement and this year, as quick as it has gone by has been the the greatest of my life. I still look at you in awe when you accomplish something new, I still treasure the times when you fall asleep on me because I know you feel comfortable enough with me to do so. I still love you the same as I did when I first saw your face. 

I never imagined that I would ever be able to do this, I left the hospital without a single clue how to raise a baby and the truth is that I was scared, but you’ve made it so easy to be your mama. You teach me how to be brave and strong and you give me the wisdom to know when somebody else is definitely more important than I. Your needs have and always will come before anybody elses, but I wouldn’t change that, caring for you is the most important thing to me. 

The last year has been messy, tiring, stressful and testing. I’ve screamed, cried and completely doubted my ability to be a parent. Yes the last year has been hard, but it’s been beautiful. It’s been crazy, fun, wonderful and perfect. I’ve felt so full of joy and happiness, I’ve been the most proud I’ve ever been and it’s all because of you. You my wonderful, crazy little pickle have changed my life in more ways than one and I wouldn’t, couldn’t ever have it any other way. You complete me. 

At 10 months old you were walking and I realised, maybe you don’t actually need me as much as I want you to. Maybe you’re big and strong enough to conquer this world on your own. Regardless of that, I will always be your mama bear and I will always fight for you, you are so special Elliott. I hope that one day you can look back on this and realise that the mama who stopped you playing video games so that you could do your homework instead, the mama who refused ice cream until you finished your carrots and the mama who grounded you for coming home an hour later than curfew was just a mama who cared so fiercely for you, a mama who truly has never loved anything as much as she loved you and no matter how big and independent you get, you’ll always be the baby to that mama. 

Last but not least I want to thank you, thank you for being better than I could have ever imagined. You push all my buttons and you’re far from ‘the perfect baby’ but you’re so perfect to me. Thank you for making parenting so great, thank you for being ‘opinionated’ and strong willed, thank you for mastering those puppy dog eyes and devilish smile because without those things it would be hard to deal with the bad days. Thank you thank you thank you.

You’ll move mountains kid. 

Dear Elliott, 

This week you turned 7 months old, I can't believe it! You've gone up a stage in food and you are very much enjoying the extra little lumps in your dinner and lunches. 

I found your old clothes today that I had vacuum packed and saved, I swear I could have sat and cuddled all of your old clothes that don't fit you now but you used to swim in because you were so little. I remember bringing you home from the hospital and feeling completely overwhelmed with love, you were the smallest and most incredible thing and now you're this big boy who keeps me on my toes at all times! 

I don't remember much of my life before you, I don't think it's even worth thinking about now that you're here. I do however remember the nights I felt completely useless, I've wanted to be a mum forever but when you came there were moments (we've all had them) where I really felt as if you would be better with someone who knew how to cope a little easier, but the more I got to spend time with you the more I realised that all that I am is all you will ever need, and vice versa. 

You're so clever little boy, you really are the best blessing and I'm so proud to call you my son. These past seven months have been the best of my life and you continue to make me happy every single day. I love you, I love you, I love you.

Tonight is one of the very rare occasions where you're not with me, this isn't because I wanted a night off or that I was going out somewhere that you couldn't come, it's because mummy is super poorly. Your daddy has had a cold for a little while now and yesterday of course it finally hit me too.

So tonight you're staying with your nan-nan to save you from getting our dreadful cold too. If I made you feel half as awful as I feel now I would be the worlds guiltiest mum so I'm glad that you're away from me for the night, even if I am missing you like crazy.

Elliott you're 7 months old tomorrow and I can't quite believe it. I am so proud of you. You're the most intelligent baby I've ever come across, yes I am completely bias but you never fail to amaze me. It still feels like a dream to me, I don't know what I did to deserve a boy like you but you are perfect. I can't wait to see you tomorrow evening so I can give you a great big cuddle.