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i’ve fallen into the wincest trash pile and i don’t wanna get up

a neurotic list of wincest scenarios based off of Halsey songs that i’m never gonna write. if anyone else wants to write them, you’re free too. just let me know so i can cry over whatever you make.

it gets real fuckin’ long under the cut. you’ve been warned.

first and foremost, the entirety of Is There Somewhere: you were dancing in your tube socks in our hotel room, flashing those eyes like highway signs (fifteen-year-old sam wearing nothing but one of john’s old shirts, massive on his lanky body, and mismatched socks. he’s bored but the radio is on, so he puts on a show) light one up and hand it over, rest your head upon my shoulder, i just wanna feel your lips against my skin (dean smokes, sometimes, and sam convinces him to share. they sit and pass a cigarette or a joint back and forth, both pining for the other but too scared to do anything about it) white sheets, bright lights, crooked teeth, and the nightlife, you told me this is right where it begins (but then sam gets the courage, confesses to dean, knows by dean’s non-reaction that he feels the same. he wants this and he wants it forever) but your lips hang heavy underneath me and I promised myself I wouldn't let you complete me (and of course dean wants it too, wants it so badly, but sam is so young and so bright and he can’t. he can’t) i'm trying not to let it show, that I don't want to let this go, is there somewhere you can meet me? (and because he couldn’t, dean loses sam to standford, to normal. but he can’t help himself, either, so he goes to sam. says he’s just checking up, just taking care of his sammy, like always. sam knows, though) 'cause I clutched your arms like stairway railings, and you clutched my brain and eased my ailing (they both know it’s dangerous and wrong, the codependence and need that twists up beteen them, but they can’t really bring themselves to care) you're writing lines about me; romantic poetry, your girl's got red in her cheeks, 'cause we're something she can't see (sam meets jess, and he loves her, of course he loves her, but he also loves his brother. he’ll always love his brother. jess doesn’t now about him and dean, and he’s never gonna tell her) and i try to refrain but you're stuck in my brain. and all i do is cry and complain because second's not the same (dean tries not to be bitter about jess. especially when she’s gone, because sam’s so broken up, but he doesn’t always succeed. he didn’t get sam’s firsts and he’ll regret it til he dies) i'm sorry but i fell in love tonight, i didn't mean to fall in love tonight, you're looking like you fell in love tonight, could we pretend that we're in love? (and back on the road together, they realize that this is never going to go away. they’re in love, brothers and lovers all tangled up in one another. neither is entirely sure they mind)

then, of course, Trouble: let's cause a little trouble, oh, you make me feel so weak, i bet you kiss your knuckles, right before they touch my cheek, but I've got my mind, made up this time, cause there's a menace in my bed - can you see his silhouette, can you see his silhouette, can you see his silhouette? (sam feels so torn, in the weeks before he leaves for standford. on the one hand, he wants out, wants a chance at normal, but on the other - on the other, there’s dean. dean, who is easily sam’s entire world and has been since he was six months old; dean, who sam loves and is in love with. dean, who would never come with him because of john, even if sam begged, and he’s not going to, because that would be unfair) don't forget me, don't forget me, i wouldn't leave you if you'd let me (dean has never felt emptier than he felt when sam left. his entire world was tilted on its axis the moment sam walked out that door, john’s shouting following him like a bad smell. all he could think was please, please, sammy, please don’t forget me, baby, i won’t ever forget you)

and Drive: all we do is drive, all we do is think about the feelings that we hide, all we do is sit in silence waiting for a sign, sick and full of pride, all we do is drive (years. it’s years that they spend, hunting together, driving around the country in a beast of a car, the only place either of them has ever been able to call home [besides each other, that is]. years that they pine for each other, knowing that the other probably feels the same but not sure enough to make a move. sam is too afraid of losing dean; dean is still terrified that he’s gonna ruin sam, bring him down in the mud where dean lives. they’re both wrong, of course. dean would never leave sam, no in a million years, and if dean is dirty then sam is, too, because everything sam is is intrinsincally linked to dean) your laugh echoes down the highway, carves into my hollow chest, spreads over the emptiness, it's bliss (dean should feel guilty - does, when he lets himself dwell on it - about how happy he was when sam came with him. he knew, somehow, somewhere, deep down, that it wouldn’t end well. and he still did it. and even worse, he’d do it again) it's so simple but we can't stay, overanalyze again, would it really kill you if we kissed? (eventually, it’s sam that breaks. because of course it’s sam, stubborn and brass and clever. he brings it up and then he won’t drop it, and dean kind of wants to strangle him. and he nearly fuckin’ does, one day - sam picks a fight and it escalates, dean so frustrated that he’s crawling out of his skin. but instead of fighting him off, when dean gets sam pinned with his hand around his little brother’s throat, sam just grins. “fuck me” he says. and in that moment, dean just fucking caves)

how about Closer (it’s technically by The Chainsmokers, but Halsey is in it): i drink too much and that's an issue but i'm okay (dean spends a lot of time drunk and lying to himself. it’s a lifelong habit, but it’s especially bad when sam is at stanford) i know it breaks your heart, moved to the city in a broke down car, and four years, no calls (sam feels guilty for what he knows he did to dean. he does. but he’s also bitter, because dean wouldn’t come with him. because dean wouldn’t love him like he wanted him to. he knows it’s petty, but knowing doesn’t do much more than frustrate him)

alright i think that’s it for right now if you need me i’ll be in the landfill

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