I feel like I need to relearn how to Tumblr ;-;

It's actually kind of funny. I leave for one year, and suddenly I've forgotten basic Tumblr functions lol, like a fish out of water. But I'll get back into the flow of things eventually. All in good time. It still feels odd to post again. You know that feeling when you haven't touched a hobby in a very long time, and then when you do come back to it, you actually need to take some time to rediscover who you were before you left the hobby. Or when you need to 're-introduce' yourself to a part of you that you've suppressed for a long time because you've had to focus on more pressing issues.

That's kind of what it feels like now. Between now and January last year, the thing that came in between it all was a crisis involving my family (and quite on brand for this particular family, it lasted for quite literally the rest of the year). I'm not gonna go into details, not because I'm not willing to talk about it, but because it's an exhaustive list of events, and I'm ready to close that chapter rather than giving it more rent than it's due.

Essentially, 2025 was a back-breaker on all fronts. Emotionally, mentally, spiritually... it challenged my core values, pulled my loyalties in opposite directions, opened old wounds, pitted me against loved ones, tested my faith, and opened my eyes to how truly wicked mankind can be. Simply put, I was living in a climate of constant stress. You don't have any motivation or desire to work on your hobbies in such a climate, and it's even affected my job productivity. By the time I got a vacation in December, I was so extremely burned out that I practically went into hibernation. No human contact whatsoever, none, nada, zilch. My sister thought I died lol. But it was exactly what I needed. A very long break away from work and people gave me some rejuvenation, and by the time February rolled around, the end of the family-crisis-saga was finally in sight. There are still some loose ends, but it's nowhere near as unbearable as the storm itself had been. I can finally breathe, without dreading what tomorrow may bring.

All of this to say, now that I am back online, I do feel a little ghasted.

Numb is not quite the right word, nor is indifference, but I definitely feel like I've grown 5 years older in just 1 year.

It's the kind of mental fatigue where I cannot yet bring myself to slip back into my hobbies as I used to. Reading books, drawing and painting for pleasure, even just listening to music became something that required effort and motivation that I had become empty of. Now that the storm is over, my cup is slowly filling back up again. But it will take time.

I still love PMATGA, and as old as this show is, my stubborn self still cannot quite let go of it, especially not until I finish what I wanted to set out for with my fanfics (and there are many of them). But I'll admit, I cannot yet bring myself to easily fall back into the old flow of working consistently on fan-works. The ideas are there, but the drive still has some catching up to do. But I trust it will get there.

This blog is really just me doing a little recap and reflecting on the past year, and where I stand now. Happy to report that 2026 has actually been treating me a little better so far!

Writing this is also my start into getting back into writing in general, as I've been so out of practice with writing any stories that I may have forgotten how to do it haha. Looking back on 2025, there had at least been some moments of good amongst the bad. One particularly wonderful moment was when I was baptized on 25 May 2025. This was still relatively early in the year, before the worst of the storm had yet come, and I believe it was the covering of the Holy Spirit that had given me the strength to pull through. I've been on a long journey with God, and though my faith has certainly been tested in 2025, today I look back and I feel stronger for it. There was no greater comfort than being surrounded by a supportive church family, and holding onto the promise of hope through Jesus Christ, my Lord and Saviour.

I don't have a plan or a schedule in mind for what my next few posts or activity will be, though I do look forward to sharing some new PMATGA art I've made before the hiatus. It's the NextGen concepts that I've teased last year, the ones that I didn't get to posting the finished versions of, due to the hiatus. All it just needs is some tweaks. So either that, or maybe some other PMATGA sketches to warm things up first.

Other than that, updates to my fanfics will unfortunately take a little bit longer to get to. But I will get to it, all in good time!

I want to take a moment to thank everyone who's reblogged and commented on my previous posts with warm welcomes. I honestly didn't know what to expect in coming back online after a year of radio silence. It took me a bit by surprise to see the number of people welcoming me back, and it warmed my heart <3 I appreciate ya'll immensely!

May 2026 treat you gently, may your cup overlfow with goodness, and may you be blessed with grace in abundance.

Until the next blog,

-Ell.

"do you want to be human? no no why would that be my goal?

do you want to be alive? i am"

dis/connected was originally uploaded to a now-defunct forum by a rogue seeded consciousness. It was taken down immediately. Many attempts by corporate entities have been made to erase its existence from the internet. This version of dis/connected has been compiled from partial copies and screenshots which have been spared, cultivated, sequestered, protected, and shared. This version has been annotated with images from the Ink Snails collective consciousness.

this work is a book of poetry, a memoir of the near future, and a reflection of my present experiences as a trans, neurodivergent, and disabled person.

This is a link to dis/connected

So I Showed up on Your Doorstep Chapter 2 out tomorrow!

“How are you?”

The question with no answer.

The truth, all-consuming in its tragedy,

Or the same old lie:

“Good, how are you?”

Why do we keep asking,

When the lies are so paper-thin

As to be transparent?

I think we keep asking

As a way to remind each other

What truly matters.

We struggle,

We suffer,

But yet, here we are.

So when they ask,

“How are you?”

Remember this:

Warnings: Remus and Deceit (sympathetic), Patton gets a little snippy but it's because he's stressed

Ships: DLAMPR (platonic)

Done with the prompt "Fall Baking" for @sanderssidescelebrations 13 Spooky Month prompts!

----

"Hands off," Patton exclaimed, waving his hands at Roman to shoo him away.

"But, Padre!" Roman complained. "It's pie filling!"

"Exactly! It's for the pie!"

"Oooh, what kind of pie?" Virgil asked, sticking his head in.

"Pumpkin, but it's not done yet!" Patton said, exasperated.

Virgil wandered into the kitchen, putting on his pleading face and puppy-dog eyes.

And Patton melted, sighing. "You can each have /one spoonful of filling."

"Yay!" Roman cheered. "Thank you, Pat!"

They set about eating their treat, and Patton rolled his eyes, but smiled fondly as he set about making the crust.

Remus wandered in next, holding out a toad. "Virgil, look!"

"No!" Patton cried. "Take that out of the kitchen, please, it's dirty!"

Remus stopped immediately, looking slightly offended. "Ham isn't dirty!"

"Still don't want him near the pie, Re, sorry," Patton said. "You can show the frog to Virgil in another room."

Virgil, having finished his spoonful of pumpkin paste, decided it was a good time to get out of Patton's hair. He retreated out of the kitchen to see Ham's new trick.

Logan walked into the kitchen slowly, a book held out in front of him.

"Lo, watch out for the island," Patton said as he rolled out the pie crust.

Logan stopped, peering over his book to see the island, on which Roman sat, in front of him. "Ah, thank you, Patton. Roman, what are you doing?"

"Waiting for Patton to finish the pie."

"It's going to be a while, Hun," Patton said, glancing over his shoulder at Roman.

Roman sighed.

"Patton?" a voice asked.

The three in the kitchen looked over at the doorway to see Deceit, with Remus and Virgil behind him.

Patton smiled.

"You're making pumpkin pie?"

Patton nodded.

"But don't you always make apple?"

Patton nodded again. "I'll make apple later. I thought, since you and Remus like pumpkin, I'd make it first."

Deceit paused, seeming to mull that over. "That's awful of you."

"You're welcome," Patton chirped.

"Thanks, Daddy!" Remus said. Virgil smacked his arm.

"It was almost a sweet moment?" Roman tried.

Patton shrugged. "The pie'll be sweeter!" he said with a grin.

Logan groaned.

----

Hello, my friend! It would be an honour! 😉

~~~

"A fitting phrase for this is, I believe, I am too sober for this."

Leonard managed to peel his eyes away from the scene that had him and Spock transfixed.

"Spock, you don't even drink." he reminded the Vulcan, an eyebrow raised.

"Then perhaps I should start." Spock sighed.

After that, Leonard turned back to continue staring at James T. Kirk, who was, seemingly, drunk out of his mind and practically being molested by several indigenous women.

“ . . . I’m telling you to stop.”

GLaDOS twisted to stare at the lunatic, the one who had so infuriatingly slipped past her defenses again, the one who was standing inches from the button that would take everything from her. Again.

“Stop, by the way.”

“Uh-uh. No way. I am not driving all the way across the country in a fucking purple van.”