#eleventh entry

Dear diary,

Today has been a very lazy day. I've been laying in bed and daydreaming from 8 to 18.

Then I got hungry and went downstairs.

Afterwards I went in my room again to read some manga on my phone and then to play the guitar and sing a little.

A few minutes ago one friend of mine which is also a classmate told me that she had kissed with her crush on Christmas eve... So romantic.. I felt very happy for her and also congratulated her, but I also felt really jealous.

Many of my friends are getting so lucky in their love life recently... One finally meets his girlfriend, one finally had the guts to talk to her crush, one is in a happy relationship with her boyfriend (which are cute af btw), then my best friend is in a happy relationship too, and now my classmate...

It all makes me feel so hopeless...

I wanna be in a happy relationship and shower my lover with love god dang it. Is it too much to ask?

Ugh I gotta be patient...

Faaaaaateeeee. Hurry the fuck up.

I gotta go now. We have guests again tomorrow and I need enough rest to not wake up grumpy again.

I’m sitting in Rabbi D’s house, whom my friends studying the history of the Land of Israel already know. I’m looking out his window, which has perhaps the most amazing view of Jerusalem.

I can see the Temple Mount, Mount Olives, Mount Tzofim. Everything. The Golden Dome, the spot where our Temple once stood, is right in front of me.

Rabbi H and Dr B said goodbye to us today at the airport at a lovely ceremony our parents all came to. My grandparents were there as well, as they’re here for the Bar Mitzvah. They came with a sign my sister and my aunt drew for me–WELCOME HOME, LIOR ZOË!

Rabbi H, as per usual, read our minds. He told our parents that they would get their daughters back quieter. That we’ll put in our headphones and listen to new songs we learned in Poland and shrug off their questions. He said to wait, and that they’ll get us back bit by bit.

I’m different. The drive to Jerusalem showed me that. I open my eyes and see the ground my ancestors used to walk, to go up and make sacrifice to God and sing praises to Heaven, and I close them and see the gas chambers in Majdanek, Mengele’s building in Auschwitz I, the desecrated cemeteries all over that cursed continent, and, oh God, the Forest of Children, whose beautiful, blood splattered trees witnessed what might be the greatest atrocity ever committed against mankind, and somehow still manage to stand tall and quiet, as if the world can be quiet after what happened. That’s what I keep thinking about. They’re the same trees.

I am in Israel. I’m in the now. That’s what Rabbi D told us; we have to come back to the now.

I’ll try to do what Rabbi H said and just let myself feel what I feel.

I’m going back. I’m not done. I need to go back and learn more and tell more. God, I need to tell. I need to tell someone what I saw, what happened.

Started the day off by waiting around for Kevin again. That boy sure can sleep. After a quick breakfast at the Costa next door, we went back to Camden markets. My suggestion again, obviously I was hooked. When we got there, I quickly led us back to the store I had found on wednesday that sold printed singlets and necklaces. I bought a shirt with the Deathly Hallows symbol and a necklace with the Hogwarts coat of arms/houses on it. Yay!

Re-writing this I keep noticing how much we ate, can you tell I love food?! So anyway, we got chinese food. It was so mouthwateringly good, and so cheap. So that just made a good day into a great one. 

With nothing else we wanted to do, we went back to the hostel. I had to pack my bag, as I was heading off around Europe at 6am. While I was packing I started talking to Viktor again. He asked how much longer I would be in London for, and that he was thinking about coming over in the next couple of days. But of course that wouldn't work out because I was leaving for Paris in the morning.

And guess where he was at this point. Paris. Looks like we were going to see eachother again! Until he said that he was leaving Paris in the morning and heading south to Lyon and he would have come to London after that. 

So after talking a bit more we said goodbye again, hopefully our travel plans would match up and I would be able to see him.