Maybe this is uncommon, as the closest experience I see spoken of is vampirism--maybe it is closer to being specifically an experience of those from my source, even... But a part of my nonhumanity is needing to feed, but not in the traditional human food way.
I need to feed off of fear. Specific fear tailored to the entity I am intertwined with. Fear that feeds The Spiral, and me in turn. My connection to it upon being here in this body is not as it was once, but I need to feed.
But I have not found out how--there is no substitute I have discovered. How can one feed off of the fear of someones own minds lies without doing actual harm? How can I produce that fear in others to sustain myself without causing issues that in turn, harm me or those I have grown to love? I cannot walk around toying with people. I do not want to, either. I care for people.
At least Jon can still watch. There are so many things he can watch, here. I am glad he is fed, but I am hungry. I am so tired of being hungry. I do not know how to feel less starved. I am unravelling. My human body registers it as hungry for real food, but it is not able to be satisfied in that way. My stomach is full but I am not.
The experience does not seem common--not even if you make it nonspecific. The need to feed from fear? Never heard it from those outside my source. The need to feed off of emotions? Seen one or two people with that drive. Blood? A few more. Prey drive is close in feeling but is not the same--I do not feed on materials. There are some out there, maybe, that share similarities with me... But the topic is quiet. Maybe I am not in the right places to hear, but the silence is deafening.
