#eldritch!lxc

“Careful,” Jiang Cheng rushes out and pushes himself up from the ground to slam his hand into Lan Xichen’s chest, pushing him out of the way of the descending sword.

He saved Lan Xichen, like he calculated. He did not calculate that the sword will bite into his own arm.

Jiang Cheng clenches his teeth so he doesn’t scream, but the pain in his arm is almost worse than the one in his stomach.

Lan Xichen stares at him with big, wide eyes, before everything seems to suddenly slow down. And then Lan Xichen explodes.

Jiang Cheng has never seen him change his form this quickly, this explosively, but in one moment Lan Xichen is still staring at him, and in the next there is a writhing, furious black in the clearing. Eyes appear all over Lan Xichen, so many more than Jiang Cheng is used to, and the sound that fills the air is pure and unadulterated rage.

Jiang Cheng was under the assumption that Lan Xichen, while not having a completely fixed form, has a fixed mass, but clearly he was wrong with that. Lan Xichen grows bigger and bigger, right in front of Jiang Cheng’s eyes, and it doesn’t seem to stop.

Jiang Cheng can hear the men scream in terror, can see more than one drop his sword and run away in fear, but none of them make it far.

Lan Xichen reaches out with his tentacles, crushes them with barely any effort at all, like it seems, and some he just slams into the ground, only to leave a barely recognizable mess behind. And all the while the sound gets louder and louder, making many of the men bend over in pain, hands clutched to their heads before at least two drop dead simply from the enraged shout Lan Xichen lets out.

It’s not much of a fair fight at all.

Jiang Cheng has barely pushed himself into a sitting position, arm cradled close to his stomach to at least slow the blood flow on both wounds, when the fight is already over and the last man dead.

Still, Lan Xichen continues to writhe in the clearing, tentacles lashing out at random, and Jiang Cheng is sure that more than one tree is taking some serious damage during this.

“Xichen,” he calls out, but he can barely hear his own voice over the continuous wrathful scream.

He tries to reach out for Lan Xichen, but he’s too far out of reach, even though Jiang Cheng is somewhat protectively surrounded on all sides, and Jiang Cheng very much does not feel like getting up, even though his core works furiously on keeping the wounds shut so he doesn’t die of blood loss.

“Jiang Cheng!” Wei Wuxian suddenly calls out right next to him and Jiang Cheng sighs when he sees Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji at his side. He didn’t even notice them arriving.

“Get him to calm down, would you!” Jiang Cheng snaps at Lan Wangji, hoping Lan Wangji can hear him over the noise, who levels him with a look but Jiang Cheng is beyond caring and just points an accusing finger at Lan Xichen. “He’s going to destroy this clearing!”

Lan Wangji leaves them after one last warning look at Jiang Cheng and going by the pressure change, Lan Wangji changed forms as well.

There’s a second, much more soothing noise filling the clearing and even Jiang Cheng can tell that it has a calming quality to it.

“Let’s get this looked at,” Wei Wuxian cheerfully says, and while Jiang Cheng is beyond glad that he can hear something else than Lan Xichen’s scream, he leans away from Wei Wuxian.

“Thanks, but I’ll wait for the healers in the Cloud Recesses,” Jiang Cheng tells him, completely immune by now to the pout Wei Wuxian sends him.

“You could die by then!” Wei Wuxian calls out, and Lan Xichen immediately grows agitated again, even going so far as to push Wei Wuxian away from Jiang Cheng as if he needed protecting from his own brother.

“Xichen,” Jiang Cheng tries again, now that Lan Xichen is a lot closer, and when he’s cradled close by one of the many tentacles, Jiang Cheng puts a soothing hand on him.

Lan Wangji appears next to Wei Wuxian again, in his human form and his hand on the hilt of Bichen, levelling Jiang Cheng with a look that can cut through ice.

“What?” Jiang Cheng snaps out, beyond tired that they really have to do this here, now, while he’s bleeding out and in pain.

“Do not touch him,” Lan Wangji threatens him and Jiang Cheng slides his hand possessively over Lan Xichen’s tentacle.

“Or what?” he demands to know, because he doubts Lan Xichen would even let Lan Wangji get close to him right now.

“Do not hurt him,” Lan Wangji changes tactics, and Jiang Cheng sighs.

Lan Xichen told him that Lan Wangji is apparently convinced that one day Jiang Cheng will kill them all for daring to be different, and while this is a conversation he is dying to have with Lan Wangji, he really cannot be bothered right now.

“Why don’t you just fuck off,” Jiang Cheng snaps at Lan Wangji, prompting Lan Xichen to push his own brother further away from Jiang Cheng.

And while Jiang Cheng is greatly enjoying that, he knows Lan Xichen will feel bad about that once he has a clear head again.

“Xichen,” Jiang Cheng tries again, and while this time at least his voice can be heard, Lan Xichen isn’t reacting to him at all.

“A-Huan,” he tries again, and that finally gets Lan Xichen to still.

He shrinks down to the size Jiang Cheng is used to and almost half of the eyes disappear as Lan Xichen wraps himself around Jiang Cheng, continuing to protect him from a danger that is no longer there.

“You’ve been a very good, protective monster, but now I need you to change back,” Jiang Cheng lowly tells him as he pets the tentacle around his middle, but Lan Xichen lets out a high whine that tells Jiang Cheng exactly what Lan Xichen thinks about leaving him defenceless.

“There’s nothing here that’s a danger to me, not anymore, you made sure of that,” Jiang Cheng says, and he blinks in surprise when Lan Xichen flinches.

“What?” Jiang Cheng mutters and he instinctively curls his good arm around Lan Xichen’s tentacle when he tries to retract it.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” he demands to know, but Lan Xichen only lets out the same sound again, so Jiang Cheng slaps him lightly.

“Change back and use your words,” he says with a stern glare, and he is entirely unimpressed when Lan Xichen doesn’t react to that at all.

Before Jiang Cheng can explode, he takes a deep breath, aggravating his stomach wound in the process again, and while it hurts like a bitch he’s rewarded when Lan Xichen comes closer to him again.

“A-Huan, I need you to change back to fly me to the Cloud Recesses. I need medical attention and I cannot fly my own sword,” Jiang Cheng tries, keeping his voice soothing and even and he knows he has won when a shudder goes through Lan Xichen’s form.

He still fights the change for a while longer, but in the end, Jiang Cheng is held close by a very human Lan Xichen.

“I’m sorry,” he mutters, and Jiang Cheng frowns up at him.

“For what?” he demands to know and Lan Xichen doesn’t meet his eyes.

Jiang Cheng doesn’t like it.

“That you had to see that. That I lost control like this. I don’t—” Lan Xichen trails off and Jiang Cheng blinks in surprise at him.

“You think I’m afraid of you?” he incredulously asks, because he can damn well fill in the blanks, and Lan Xichen’s eyes snap to his.

It’s all the answer he needs.

“You think I wouldn’t lose my entire shit if you were hurt?” Jiang Cheng presses out. “Just because you turn into a bigger and badder version of yourself doesn’t mean I wouldn’t act in the same way, just on a smaller scale.”

“I killed them all,” Lan Xichen mutters and Jiang Cheng looks around the clearing.

They are all very much dead, yes.

“And good riddance,” Jiang Cheng harshly gives back and then raises his good arm to cradle Lan Xichen’s cheek in his hand. “I am not afraid of you and I am not judging you. Now, please, can you get me to a healer, I do feel a bit faint,” Jiang Cheng says and suddenly Lan Xichen becomes animated again.

“Of course, my heart,” he says as he carefully picks Jiang Cheng up from the ground, cradling him close to his chest as he steps onto Shuoyue.

Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian are still watching them, Jiang Cheng can tell, but he barely spares them a glance. He cannot tear his eyes off Lan Xichen.

There’s not a hair out of place, no blood marring his features, even though the clearing looks like a giant decided to dig it over. Jiang Cheng knows, rationally, that he should be afraid of Lan Xichen and what he is, what he can do, but even now, he cannot bring himself to do that.

Lan Xichen did this to protect him and Jiang Cheng cannot find it in him to mind that.

“Wake me when we’re there, okay?” Jiang Cheng mutters as he rests his head on Lan Xichen’s shoulders.

His golden core kept him together until now, but Jiang Cheng can feel it being drained, knows that the pain and the blood loss will finally get to him, and he’d rather be not awake for that.

“No no no, my love, you have to stay awake,” Lan Xichen whispers, pressing kisses to his forehead. “No sleeping until we reach the Cloud Recesses.”

“Tired now.”

“You can sleep later, I promise, but right now you have to stay awake,” Lan Xichen says, and it’s the pure panic in his voice that forces Jiang Cheng to open his eyes again.

“You’re a menace,” Jiang Cheng complains and while Lan Xichen still seems strained and worried, he smiles down at him.

“Tell me all about it,” Lan Xichen cajoles and Jiang Cheng narrows his eyes at him.

He knows exactly what Lan Xichen is doing.

“You’re rude for not letting me sleep, and stupid for thinking I would be afraid of you, and idiotic for thinking I don’t love you more than my life, and also rude,” Jiang Cheng says, though he’s aware he’s babbling more than forming actual sentences.

“For not letting you sleep, noted,” Lan Xichen gives back with a chuckle and then they are already descending.

“Time to sleep then,” Jiang Cheng mutters and snuggles closer to Lan Xichen.

This time, the darkness claims him.

~*~*~

When Jiang Cheng wakes up, he’s in the hanshi, Lan Xichen hovering at his side and generally looking like he didn’t sleep at all in the last however many days it has been.

“You’re an idiot,” Jiang Cheng says with a groan and Lan Xichen nods.

“And rude, I remember,” he immediately says and Jiang Cheng smiles.

“Good,” he gives back and then holds his hand out for Lan Xichen to take. “I’m okay.”

“I was scared,” Lan Xichen lowly says as he presses a kiss to Jiang Cheng’s palm.

“I could tell,” Jiang Cheng says with a nod and cups Lan Xichen’s face when he seems worried by that. “And I don’t mind,” Jiang Cheng says, again if memory serves him right.

He tries to push himself up, but pain laces sharp and bright through him and he falls back onto the bed with a hiss.

Lan Xichen shoots up from his stool and Jiang Cheng can tell that his control seems to still hang on a very thin thread, because there are definitely tentacles coming out of his back.

“I’m okay,” Jiang Cheng says again, because he’s not dead, and really, that’s all that matters.

“You might have not been,” Lan Xichen gives back, and Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes at him.

If they dealt in might have’s and could have’s they would both lose their sanity.

“But I am, and thanks to you,” Jiang Cheng tells him, his voice leaving no room for argument. “What’s the damage?”

“Stab wound in the stomach, deep cut on your arm. You’ll heal up just fine, I’ve been told, as long as you keep to your rest,” Lan Xichen informs him and Jiang Cheng smiles at him.

“I very much feel like standing up. Maybe I need someone to make sure I stay in bed,” he teasingly says and he really hates the surprised look on Lan Xichen’s face.

They had already been past this uncertainty on Lan Xichen’s part, and Jiang Cheng will not allow it to come back.

“And by someone I mean you, and preferably not in your human form,” he clearly states and Lan Xichen ducks his head.

“Are you sure?” he asks and Jiang Cheng sighs.

“Are you going to deny the patient the one thing that will make sure he heals up just fine?”

“The one thing?” Lan Xichen asks, confusion clear on his face and Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes.

“My boyfriend and his many many very good at hugging tentacles,” he gives back and Lan Xichen huffs out a laugh.

“You’re shameless,” Lan Xichen whispers, but he’s getting up and Jiang Cheng knows he has won.

“Shamelessly in love maybe,” he says with a shrug, because what does he care about anything else but Lan Xichen by his side.

“I love you, too,” Lan Xichen says and catches his lips in a soft, slow kiss, before he slides under the covers with Jiang Cheng.

He doesn’t change, not completely, but there are a few tentacles coming out to wrap around Jiang Cheng, causing him to go boneless against Lan Xichen’s chest.

“This is the best,” Jiang Cheng mutters as his eyes already drift shut.

He has a lot of sleeping to do, and with Lan Xichen wrapped securely and warmly around him, it’s easy to get started on that right away.

The black thing suddenly becomes agitated, Jiang Cheng can see some kind of tentacles move, and it shakes him with how wrong it seems. There are too many eyes and tentacles and limbs, and his brain has a hard time processing it all.

Suddenly a sound fills the room; Jiang Cheng can’t see a mouth on the thing, doesn’t know where it comes from, but it fills every inch of the room, putting an immense pressure on his head. It almost sounds like a whine, low and distressed, but it’s also sparking an intense headache, so Jiang Cheng only cares for it to stop.

Zidian comes alive in his hand, whip uncurling and slightly moving against the floor, though Jiang Cheng still hesitates. There are just too many limbs.

And then, suddenly, everything stops. The whine fades out, the limbs still and the eyes close one after another, until only two are left. A ripple goes through the form, a sound like a sigh coming from it, and then, in a move that almost makes Jiang Cheng go insane with its impossibility, the black thing reshapes to take the form of Lan Xichen.

“Jiang Cheng,” he rasps out, trepidation and fear clear on his face, and Jiang Cheng knows it wasn’t a trick of light or whatever.

Lan Xichen is not as human as he made Jiang Cheng believe.

Jiang Cheng continues to stare at Lan Xichen’s pleading face for a very long moment, before he calls Zidian back, turns around and leaves.

Lan Xichen is a monster. That’s the only thought in his head; his memory helpfully replaying the sight of that eye-covered, tentacled void next to him in bed over and over again and Jiang Cheng feels sick.

Lan Xichen lied to him all this time.

Jiang Cheng’s mind is whirring, wonders if it’s just Lan Xichen or if it’s a Lan thing in general, and he briefly fears for his brother. Hopefully Wei Wuxian is safe. He married one of the Lan’s after all.

Jiang Cheng shakes his head at that thought; Wei Wuxian can take care of himself. What’s more important is that a monster is lose in Lotus Pier and it needs to be stopped, before it can hurt anyone.

Jiang Cheng has barely thought that when he stops dead in his tracks.

If Lan Xichen has been like this all the time, then he has never done anything to hurt Jiang Cheng or anyone else in Lotus Pier.

Lan Xichen has been nothing but doting and sweet; he cares for Jiang Cheng as much as he does for everyone else of this clan and if he really, truly is a monster, then it doesn’t make sense.

Jiang Cheng grinds his teeth together as he balls his fists, because it doesn’t change anything.

Lan Xichen lied to him all this time.

For good reason, a traitorous voice in his head says, and Jiang Cheng has to admit that it might be right.

If this is how Jiang Cheng reacts to this secret, then it’s no wonder Lan Xichen tried to keep it hidden.

Jiang Cheng huffs out an angry breath as he turns around and storms back to his room. He deserves an explanation, and by the ancestors, he will get one, even if he has to face Lan Xichen in that other form again.

When he throws the door to his room open, he hesitates in the doorway when he sees Lan Xichen pack his things.

“What are you doing?” he snaps out, and Lan Xichen whirls around, clearly taken by surprise that Jiang Cheng is back so soon.

“Preparing for the inevitable,” Lan Xichen tells him with a small, sad smile. “I’m sorry.”

“So it was you,” Jiang Cheng says, because that apology clearly is a confession as well. “It wasn’t just a trick of light, or something else stealing your shape. It was you.”

“Yes,” Lan Xichen admits, and he’s not meeting Jiang Cheng’s eyes.

He distantly wonders what happened to all his other eyes.

“You’re not human,” Jiang Cheng states the obvious and Lan Xichen flinches under his words as if he’s been hit with Zidian.

Jiang Cheng is only met with silence, though he doesn’t expect an answer.

“Is it just you, or is it everyone in your clan?” Jiang Cheng asks, and the Sect Leader part of him wonders if they could take the Lan Clan if all of them are like this.

“No Lan has ever been born human,” Lan Xichen lowly admits and the admission sends a shiver down Jiang Cheng’s back.

He gives himself a moment to process that answer, before his brain turns into an unsuspected direction.

“Your mother was human,” he says and suddenly it makes a lot more sense, the unhappy marriage Lan Xichen has told him about.

Lan Xichen merely nods at that.

“But she loved you regardless,” Jiang Cheng goes on, because he remembers how Lan Xichen talked about her.

“On the days where she could forget what we were,” Lan Xichen lowly admits. “She tried her best, but there were days where she could barely look at us. Days, where she wouldn’t even touch us. It got better once Wangji learned to control his form, but it was never easy.”

“What are you?” Jiang Cheng wants to know but Lan Xichen helplessly shrugs.

“We have no language. There is no word for what we are. I think our Ancestor tried to give us one, but the best he could do was Lan.”

Jiang Cheng is silent for a moment before he looks to the side as he asks his next question.

“Do you sleep like that every night?”

Jiang Cheng doesn’t know what Lan Xichen sees on his face, but he sucks in a surprised, pained breath before he shakes his head.

“I’m usually a lot better of keeping to this form,” he admits. “I don’t know what happened.”

“Would you have told me?” Jiang Cheng wants to know, though he knows the answer and he tries his best to not let that sting.

He thought they had more trust in their relationship.

“Eventually,” Lan Xichen says, effectively catching Jiang Cheng off guard. “I would have told you before I asked you to marry me. My mother—she only found out afterwards, and I would never do that to you.”

Jiang Cheng can only nod at that, too surprised that Lan Xichen has even thought so far yet to form any coherent words.

Apparently the silence is too long for Lan Xichen, because he nods once, almost to himself, before he grabs his pouch and picks up Liebing.

“I’m going to leave now,” he whispers and then looks back up at Jiang Cheng. “Please don’t tell anyone. We have never hurt anyone, we’re not a danger to you or the other sects. We just wish to live in peace.”

Jiang Cheng’s heart is beating wildly in his chest, an immense pressure building up at the thought of Lan Xichen leaving, and he blurts out the first thing that comes to his mind.

“How many eyes do you have?”

Lan Xichen stops in his tracks, blinking at him in clear confusion.

“As many as I need,” he eventually says and Jiang Cheng tries to imagine how he just wills more eyes to appear, but his imagination fails him.

Lan Xichen waits for a moment, clearly expecting more questions, but when none come, he resumes his walking.

Jiang Cheng takes a moment to imagine it, Lan Xichen leaving his life never to return, and he is surprised at how much it hurts. He doesn’t want to live without Lan Xichen by his side, no matter what he is.

Jiang Cheng doubts Lan Xichen lied to him about his feelings; he remembers every kiss and every whispered “I love you”, and he never detected any insincerity in it. Though, given how successfully Lan Xichen kept this secret from him, it might not mean anything.

“Did you lie to me all this time?” Jiang Cheng blurts out, just as Lan Xichen reaches the door and he turns around with an incredulous look on his face.

“I didn’t just turn like this last night,” Lan Xichen gives back and Jiang Cheng shakes his head.

“No, not about that,” he tries to explain. “About your feelings. Did you lie when you said you loved me?” he asks, and suddenly he wishes he could take it back, doesn’t want to know the truth.

If Lan Xichen says yes, Jiang Cheng will break, he knows it.

“Never,” Lan Xichen says with vehemence. “I have never lied to you about that, Jiang Cheng. I love you. We might not have a language, but we do feel. And I feel so much for you.”

Jiang Cheng staggers slightly, he’s so relieved, but then he straightens back up. Lan Xichen is still hovering at the door, clearly uncertain if he should leave now, and Jiang Cheng wants to call him back so desperately.

He doesn’t want Lan Xichen to leave.

“Can I see?” he lowly asks and Lan Xichen jerks with his question.

“See what?” he carefully asks as his hand drops from the door completely.

“Your form. What you truly are.”

“You already did,” Lan Xichen reminds him but Jiang Cheng shakes his head.

“I saw something where I expected my boyfriend to be. I have not seen you.”

“I don’t know—,” Lan Xichen starts and trails off when Jiang Cheng shakes his head.

“Xichen, please. Let me see.”

Lan Xichen works his jaw for a moment, before he nods, once and sharp, and walks back into the room.

Jiang Cheng quickly wonders if they have to light some candles for him to see better, but by now it’s light outside and he should see just fine.

“Don’t watch the transformation. It’s hard for the human brain to process,” Lan Xichen instructs him and while Jiang Cheng all too clearly recalls the sickening feeling of his brain trying to put the view in front of him into an understandable shape, he shakes his head.

He has to see, in order to fully believe it.

“Fine,” Lan Xichen huffs out and then, without warning, his shape ripples before it expands into something else.

It hurts Jiang Cheng’s brain just as much as the first time, but he keeps his eyes on Lan Xichen, watches him grow and twist into his true form.

The daylight just makes it more pronounced just how black Lan Xichen is like this; it’s not the absence of light, it’s more like he’s emitting the dark, and it’s eating any light that touches it. Jiang Cheng can’t make out a head, wouldn’t even know where to start with the fluidly changing shape in front of him.

He watches tentacles grow and disappear again, an ever-moving void where once Lan Xichen stood and Jiang Cheng shakes his head at that.

It’s still Lan Xichen. And he’s holding back.

“Show me,” Jiang Cheng demands, again, and the whole mass halts, before it slightly crumbles, something resembling a sigh filling the whole room, and then the eyes blink open again and the tentacles spread out even farther.

This time Jiang Cheng takes his time to look at the eyes, really look at them, and while there are still too many for him to be entirely comfortable, now he can see that they all have Lan Xichen’s eye color, even though they are not all of the same shape.

They truly must glow, because they cause something like a halo to form around the pitch-black mass, and it makes the darkness glitter and gleam, almost like oil on water.

If Jiang Cheng is honest, it’s kind of beautiful.

He takes a deep breath and then starts to walk around Lan Xichen. He doesn’t turn with him, doesn’t have to with eyes all over his body, but Jiang Cheng knows that he’s watching his every move very closely.

Jiang Cheng wonders if Lan Xichen will compress himself into his human form again, if he should find a trace of disgust or hate on Jiang Cheng’s face.

Jiang Cheng unconsciously reaches out and the mass in front of him jerks back, causing Jiang Cheng to take his hand back.

“Can I touch?” he asks, waits patiently for permission, even though now that the thought has entered his head, his fingers itch with the need to reach out.

There’s a new sound in the air, something almost questioning and Jiang Cheng shrugs.

“I saw, and now I want to touch,” he explains and the sound stops.

Neither of them move for the longest time, but then, finally, Lan Xichen uncurls one of his many tentacles and brings it closer to Jiang Cheng.

Jiang Cheng holds out his hand, waits for the tentacle to brush over his skin before he turns his hand and touches his fingertips to the too smooth surface.

He slides his hand up and down, mesmerized by the feel of it, by the sight of his pale hand against black so dark it swallows everything, and he can’t help the fascinated smile on his face.

Jiang Cheng startles slightly when an eye blinks open next to his hand and he laughs as he lightly slaps the tentacle, careful not to hit the eye.

“You did that on purpose,” he accuses Lan Xichen, who somehow manages to get a bashful shrug across, even in this form.

Jiang Cheng can feel some smaller tentacles touch his legs, his back, curious and light in their exploration, and he wonders if he feels different to Lan Xichen in this form.

Before Jiang Cheng can think too much about it, he takes determined steps forward, right into the ever-moving blackness of his boyfriend.

He had thought it would be terrifying, being swallowed by this much darkness, but it’s not. It’s warm and protected and Jiang Cheng sinks into Lan Xichen with a smile, trusts his boyfriend to catch him, and he does.

It’s not at all like falling into a soft bed, but it’s the best comparison Jiang Cheng is capable of making and when the tentacles hesitantly embrace him, he lets himself go boneless.

He isn’t sure how he knows, but he can feel how much Lan Xichen loves him and when another eye blinks into existence next to his head, he isn’t even surprised anymore.

“I love you,” he sighs out as he nuzzles into the tentacles all around him and when Lan Xichen takes his human form this time, it barely even hurts his brain anymore.

“I love you, too,” Lan Xichen tells him and leans down to press a kiss to Jiang Cheng’s forehead.

“I could feel that,” Jiang Cheng contentedly tells him and only looks back at Lan Xichen when he lets out a soft “Oh”.

“You didn’t know about that?”

“I have never held a human like this, never allowed anyone to see my true form after mother,” Lan Xichen admits and Jiang Cheng is surprised at how pleased he is by that admission.

How possessive, as well.

“Is it strange for you, to take this human form?” Jiang Cheng wants to know and slightly pulls away from Lan Xichen, who takes a second to think about that question.

“It’s not strange, per se. I feel—compressed, like too much of my mass has to fit into this tiny space,” he finally says and to Jiang Cheng it feels like he’s trying the words out, to see how much they actually fit, but in the end Lan Xichen nods. “It’s not bad, though.”

“You can be who you are around me whenever you like,” Jiang Cheng offers him, and he’s startled to see the tears in Lan Xichen’s eyes.

“Thank you,” Lan Xichen breathes, as he pulls him close, presses him to his chest and doesn’t let him go for the longest time.

Jiang Cheng just puts his arms around him as well, knows Lan Xichen is thanking him for more than just the offer and he hates to think that Lan Xichen was so afraid of showing this to him.

When Jiang Cheng feels some tentacles join in on their hug, he just smiles into Lan Xichen’s chest, as he offers one of his hands, which one of the many tentacles wraps around immediately.

It’s like being hugged and holding hands all at once and Jiang Cheng loves it.

He knows they have to talk about this some more, there are still questions Jiang Cheng has, but for now, he just enjoys being held and being loved by his not-at-all-monstrous boyfriend.

“You’re troubled,” Lan Wangji says as Lan Xichen pours him some tea and Lan Xichen huffs out a little laugh.

Everyone always praises him for his ability to read Lan Wangji, but they never notice that the same goes the other way around as well. No one understands him like Lan Wangji does.

“Jiang Cheng knows,” Lan Xichen says once he is seated again and Lan Wangji is shocked by those news, Lan Xichen can tell by the slight widening of his eyes and the almost untraceable tension in his shoulders.

“You told him,” he says and it would be an accusation from anyone else but Lan Xichen shakes his head.

“I slipped up. Got too comfortable around him,” he admits. “I changed during the night and he woke up.”

“Are you unhurt?” Lan Wangji asks and Lan Xichen sends him a reprimanding look.

“Of course I am,” he answers. “He wouldn’t hurt me.”

“But something happened,” Lan Wangji goes on, leaving Lan Xichen’s last words uncommented and Lan Xichen frowns in his tea.

“He said he accepted me like I am,” Lan Xichen slowly admits, “but I’m not sure if that’s true.”

“What has he done?” Lan Wangji demands to know and his voice is noticeably colder.

“Nothing,” Lan Xichen reassures him, though he knows Lan Wangji doesn’t believe him.

“What has he done?” Lan Wangji asks again and Lan Xichen sighs.

“He said I could be who I am around him, but I’m not sure if he’s really okay with that. He didn’t seem disgusted by my form, but—,” he trails off, because he doesn’t know how to say it.

Jiang Cheng doesn’t act differently around him. It’s just—he didn’t ask any more questions, he didn’t ask to see again and he didn’t wonder why Lan Xichen never takes on his true form either.

“Did he ask you questions?” Lan Wangji asks and Lan Xichen knows where his mind is going and he almost slams his tea cup down.

“He didn’t ask about any weaknesses, Wangji, and I don’t appreciate the implications. He is my cultivation partner. He is my family.”

“And he didn’t fail to kill his family before,” Lan Wangji coldly gives back and Lan Xichen can feel his temper rise.

“Do not get into that again, Wangji,” he warns, because he is tired of his brother accusing Jiang Cheng of killing Wei Wuxian when even Wei Wuxian had to admit that it wasn’t quite that clear cut as to what truly happened.

“You shouldn’t have told him,” Lan Wangji says after a lengthy pause and then he gets up. “He cannot be trusted. Clearly you know that as well, since you are here and not with him,” he tells Lan Xichen and then turns around and leave.

Lan Xichen is left to stare after his brother and a very small part of himself wonders if maybe Lan Wangji is right.

He pushes the thought away as best as he can and then tidies up before he settles down to meditate. He hopes it will clear his mind.

~*~*~

Lan Xichen doesn’t know how long he’s been in meditation but when someone knocks at his door it’s already dark outside.

Lan Xichen stands up to open the door and when he sees Jiang Cheng on the other side of it, he freezes completely for a moment.

“What are you doing here?” he then blurts out and Jiang Cheng scratches the side of his face.

“Can I come in?” he asks instead of answering Lan Xichen’s question and Lan Xichen steps to the side to allow him in.

“What about old man Yao?” Lan Xichen asks and Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes at him.

“Fuck him, he took up enough of my time already. It didn’t feel right, you leaving like that, and I couldn’t help but wonder if something is wrong?” Jiang Cheng carefully asks and Lan Xichen shrugs.

“You tell me. Is something wrong?”

“You seem troubled. Right now more than this morning, I might add. Did something happen? Is your brother okay?”

“My brother implied that you would kill me, if given the chance,” Lan Xichen can’t help but to say bitterly and Jiang Cheng jerks back as if Lan Xichen had hit him.

“What?” he gets out and Lan Xichen scrubs a tired hand over his face.

“Jiang Cheng, are you really alright with me being what I am?” Lan Xichen softly asks, though he can’t quite meet Jiang Cheng’s eyes. “Because I think you might not be. And that’s okay,” he goes on, even though it’s anything but, “I don’t expect you to just accept it, but I need you to be honest with me.”

“Xichen, what I said to you on that morning is true. I love you, no matter what form you have. Nothing changed that, why would you even think that?”

“Because you didn’t ask anything. Because you didn’t want to see again,” Lan Xichen tells him and Jiang Cheng sighs.

“Come here?” he asks and holds his hands out, letting Lan Xichen decide if he wants to go for the hug or not, and Lan Xichen steps forward and right into his arms without hesitation.

Jiang Cheng holds him for long moments, and Lan Xichen clings to him because he has already been halfway convinced that he would lose this. That he maybe already lost this.

After a while Jiang Cheng gently pushes Lan Xichen away from him.

“I told you you could be who you are around me,” he softly says and takes Lan Xichen’s hands in his. “And you didn’t, you always stayed in your human form. So I thought maybe you are comfortable in that form, consider that who you are, and I didn’t want to pressure you,” he explains and Lan Xichen can’t help but let out a huff at that.

“And I never asked any questions, because I thought that would be a lengthy conversation, and you have seen how demanding old man Yao can be. I didn’t want to be interrupted. My plan was to steal you away the second he finally left, so I could finally ask all my questions.”

“And I thought you didn’t want to know,” Lan Xichen whispers and leans their foreheads together. “I thought you didn’t want to see again, now that you had some time to think about it.”

“To be completely honest,” Jiang Cheng starts and his tone alone makes Lan Xichen pull away from him.

He would be worried with that start, but the slight blush on Jiang Cheng’s face only serves to make him intrigued.

“For the past week I wanted nothing more than to get a hug from you, from real you,” Jiang Cheng emphasises. “Nothing against the hugs human-form you gives, but being hugged by all of your gazillion tentacles? That’s what I craved ever since that old man came to Lotus Pier and won’t stop nagging me.”

Lan Xichen laughs out loud at that, his relief spilling out and he pulls Jiang Cheng close again.

“Why didn’t you say something?”

“I thought being in that form around me makes you uncomfortable!” Jiang Cheng protests and Lan Xichen sighs.

“We really have to talk, don’t we?”

“Please. I have so many questions, and there is no Yao here who can just barge in and demand I talk to his farmers about the harvest,” Jiang Cheng says with an eyeroll and Lan Xichen brushes a soft kiss over his lips.

“But first a hug?” Lan Xichen asks and Jiang Cheng already goes boneless against him.

“Please,” he whispers and Lan Xichen steers them over to the bed where he sits Jiang Cheng down, who whines when Lan Xichen pulls away.

“Close your eyes,” he whispers as he puts his hand over Jiang Cheng’s eyes.

The transformation isn’t made for human eyes, he just wants to protect Jiang Cheng from the headache they normally bring on, but Jiang Cheng pushes his hand down.

“I want to see,” he softly gives back. “I always want to see.”

“I love you,” Lan Xichen whispers, leans down for another kiss, and then he just lets go, expands and takes the place he rightfully owns.

Jiang Cheng doesn’t look away during the process and Lan Xichen immediately reaches out for him with his many arms. Jiang Cheng welcomes them, slides his hands over Lan Xichen’s tentacles and Lan Xichen almost forgot how that feels, being touched in this form.

It’s so much more intense and he shudders when Jiang Cheng just smoothes his hands up and down his tentacles.

“Okay?” Jiang Cheng asks, clearly feeling how Lan Xichen reacts to him and since Lan Xichen can’t answer him verbally, he starts to manhandle Jiang Cheng into bed.

Jiang Cheng laughs when Lan Xichen wraps his tentacles around him to move him under the blanket before Lan Xichen slides in himself, all shimmering, slithering mass but Jiang Cheng doesn’t seem put off by it at the slightest.

Once Lan Xichen has found a comfortable position Jiang Cheng immediately scoots closer, burrows into Lan Xichen’s centre and Lan Xichen wraps all of his countless tentacles around him.

Jiang Cheng lets out a deep sigh and sinks completely against Lan Xichen.

“That’s what I’m talking about,” he slurs out, and Lan Xichen would chuckle if he still had his mouth to do so.

“You’re amused,” Jiang Cheng says and strokes his hands over Lan Xichen’s form again. “I can tell. You’re amused, and you love me.”

And now Lan Xichen is getting all emotionally choked up as well, because he never expected Jiang Cheng to understand him so well, even in this form.

“I love you, too,” Jiang Cheng tells him and tilts his head until he finds one of the few eyes Lan Xichen decided on. “I love you,” he says with emphasis. “Not only in this form, or the human one. I just love you, no matter what you look like, and I want you to take whichever form you feel more comfortable with around me, because I don’t care. As long as I have you close and with me, I don’t care.”

Lan Xichen didn’t know he could cry in this form, but of course Jiang Cheng would teach him differently.

“Are you crying?” Jiang Cheng suddenly asks with apparent horror. “Did I make you sad?”

Lan Xichen changes to his human form, just enough to be able to talk, even as he pulls Jiang Cheng closer to him again.

“I am happy. You make me happy, because you accept me for who I am,” Lan Xichen tells him and Jiang Cheng lightly slaps the first arm he can reach.

“What kind of partner would I be, if I didn’t?” he wants to know but Lan Xichen doesn’t have an answer for that, so instead he tightens his arms around Jiang Cheng once more.

“Questions after my nap,” Jiang Cheng decides, voice already slurred, clearly completely and utterly content in Lan Xichen’s arms. “So many questions.”

“Whatever you want, my heart,” Lan Xichen murmurs as he lets a few more eyes appear all over his body.

He knows there’s no danger in the Cloud Recesses, but he wants to watch over Jiang Cheng while he sleeps anyway.

It’s a humbling experience, to witness how much Jiang Cheng trusts him, and Lan Xichen swears to the ancestors, he will do everything in his power to make him happy.

And if that is by hugging him in this form, then it’s not even a hardship for Lan Xichen.

“And yet you were staring,” he gives back and turns back around to his report, though concentrating just got a whole lot more difficult, now that he knows Lan Xichen is in the same room as him.

Reaching out and just falling into him has never seemed more tempting than in this moment.

Lan Xichen is silent in this form, always so silent, but Jiang Cheng still notices the darkness outside of the candlelight shift as Lan Xichen slowly makes his way forward.

Jiang Cheng protectively cages the report in with his arm, because he knows what’s coming. They have had this fight a few times already, Lan Xichen demanding he rests, while Jiang Cheng is determined to at least pretend to be the leader of his own sect.

Jiang Cheng never wins, in the end, not that he minds that terribly much.

The tentacles start moving up his body, caressing him as they go, and Jiang Cheng immediately relaxes at that. 

He distantly wonders if Lan Xichen will ever stop having that effect on him, but he’s soon enough distracted by the wandering tentacles tugging at his report.

“Stop it,” Jiang Cheng complains and slaps the tentacle away, not that it’s doing much, since three more immediately follow.

“Just this one,” Jiang Cheng tries and the tentacles stop for a second, before their tugging gets more insistent.

The message is more than clear.

“I will come to bed once this report is dealt with,” Jiang Cheng says, though his words are almost swallowed by the huge yawn that overtakes him.

He swears Lan Xichen is laughing at him and Jiang Cheng musters up all his anger to send a glare in his direction.

“It’s not funny,” he complains but the black mass, and all its eyes, just cosies up to him, soothing his apparently hurt feelings and Jiang Cheng relaxes into Lan Xichen for a second.

He should have known that it was a second too long.

The tentacles immediately wrap around him, always so careful with him, and pull him away from the desk.

“Xichen!” Jiang Cheng complains, though all his struggling doesn’t help. 

If Lan Xichen doesn’t want to let him go, then Jiang Cheng won’t get out of his hug, they both know that.

Still, Jiang Cheng puts up a token protest and he can feel Lan Xichen’s mischievous laugh, right before his tentacles extinguish all the candles in the room at once.

It’s pitch dark, and Jiang Cheng’s eyes are decidedly not trying to adjust to the sudden darkness, traitors that they are.

“Fine,” he eventually huffs with a sigh. “You win, you big bad monster. Take me to bed then,” he demands, and tries to ignore the smug feeling he gets from Lan Xichen.

Lan Xichen quickly brings him over to the bed, not even allowing him to walk there by himself, and he is gentle as he manoeuvres Jiang Cheng into bed.

“Rude,” Jiang Cheng complains when Lan Xichen pushes him down into the mattress harder than is maybe necessary. “Very rude of you, to handle your boyfriend like this.”

Lan Xichen’s from starts to change, and the pressure in the room lets Jiang Cheng know that he’s about to turn back into his human form, but he still doesn’t close his eyes. 

He loves seeing his boyfriend change his forms, so Jiang Cheng doesn’t look away, no matter how much pressure it puts on his head.

“If you were even a bit more cooperative, I wouldn’t have to be so rude,” Lan Xichen informs him as soon as his mouth is fully formed and Jiang Cheng smiles at him.

“But then you wouldn’t get to manhandle me like that,” he gives back, knowing full well just how much Lan Xichen loves it that Jiang Cheng trusts his true form enough to handle him with care, no matter the situation and Lan Xichen only sighs as he slides into bed next to Jiang Cheng.

“You really shouldn’t stay up that long,” Lan Xichen says as he pulls Jiang Cheng close, who immediately cuddles into his chest. “It’s not healthy for you. You need rest.”

“Maybe I just need someone who keeps me in bed,” Jiang Cheng mutters back and he hides his smile in Lan Xichen’s neck when a few of his tentacles immediately wrap around him, just like he has hoped for.

“That can be arranged,” Lan Xichen tells him with a kiss to his head and Jiang Cheng goes boneless against him.

Jiang Cheng never sleeps as well as he does with Lan Xichen literally wrapped all around him and he just snuggles closer. 

“You’re unbelievable,” Lan Xichen mutters, but Jiang Cheng knows that he is beyond happy, can feel it radiate from every single tentacle that’s hugging him close.

Jiang Cheng wriggles his fingers where his hand is resting on Lan Xichen’s waist and one tentacle immediately wraps around it, following Jiang Cheng’s silent demand to hold hands. He loves that he gets to do all the things with Lan Xichen at once.

“I love you,” Jiang Cheng mutters, already more asleep than awake, but he still fights being completely pulled under until he hears Lan Xichen say it back.

He doesn’t have to wait long at all.

Next part