#ejvl

You write my imperfections and scribble flawlessness all over them. I love you and I'm thankful, so thankful. I don't know what I did to the universe that it led me to you and it made you mine but even if I know I'm less than how much you deserve, I will never ever give you back to the universe and give someone the chance to steal you from me. I promise you, I am trying and doing my best to be the person you deserve.

You scold me like a father preaches to his child. You caress me like a mother does to her infant. You eye boys who look at me like a bigger brother to her younger sister. You let me take care of you like you were my kid.

I'm sorry because I act like a teenage brat when you scold me.

I'm sorry that I sometimes can't keep myself in place and you become uncomfortable.

I'm sorry that I break your heart with my carelessness.

I'm sorry that I cry like a baby.

Thank you for caring so much.

Thank you for your effort on putting me in the coziest position possible.

Thank you for protecting me and thank you for coming into my life and making me yours.

Thank you for wiping my tears away and telling me that it hurts when you see tears fall down my face.

Thank you for your patience, understanding, patience (again).

I know I am sometimes stubborn and difficult to handle.

I am usually moody, selfish and ungrateful.

I randomly shout and I regularly get pissed about little things.

I am insecure and it bothers you that I am.

Thank you for reminding me that I am beautiful in your eyes and that's all that matters.

I am crying right now while writing this not because of pain-- not from you but from my own self.

I want to be the best lover because you deserve to be loved at a superlative degree.

I want to be flawless, faultless; i wish to be perfect.

And you sometimes may think that I don't care, but I do.

There's this wall around my heart but babe, you crushed it into pieces.

I may not always be writing about you but that doesn't mean that you don't inspire me.

You inspire me in a plethora of aspects even I, sometimes, am not aware of.

You inspire me in the morning when I wake up,

I am thankful every day because I know somewhere, someone loves me

And misses me, needs me, more than anything else.

You inspire me to eat right. And yup, that's a very important aspect in that plethora of aspects.

You inspire me to do good in class because I want you to be proud of me.

You taught me how to take care of myself. 

I may not be perfect but I am happy with how I am now,

And I owe it all to you.

I love you and I would tell you in all ways possible if I could but I hope this mere, overused statement shoots through your chest then through your heart like an arrow from Katniss' bow.

And yes you're right, we aren't perfect.

We will fight. There will coma a time when you or I will feel trashed, crushed, sapless and hopeless.

But whatever the cause is, we will make it through, together.

And always, always know that whatever pain and suffering I caused and will be causing you is a pain and suffering of mine too.

I feel lonely. I'm saddened by the fact that we can't be with each other anymore. It crushes my heart that I should let go of the grip I've held so tight for so long. It isn't easy but I don't want them to see-- even  you.

I know you're fine. You've always been that type. Maybe that's one reason why we fell apart. You're always fine, I'm seldom (almost never actually) fine. Maybe I was always overacting, over-feeling, oversensitive. I was always saturated by thoughts that made no sense to you.

All those times you were fine and I wasn't able to confide to you, I was dying-- my heart was. I can't tell you how I feel because I was afraid. I fear that I will lose you if I made you mad, which always happens whenever I try to tell you things.

We both agreed too that we lacked communication. I felt that. You don't know how much I cried while you were out there at the bar having fun while I was sick, puking to death every after five minutes. And I kept that to myself 'cause you made me feel I was a bother and that hurts.

Have you ever read me? All my writings were for you but I never got credit for them It is just now that I realize this. It was okay 'cause I was happy doing them, but now, I realized it was like you dumped in the trash the love letters I wrote for you without even reading them.

I did everything for you, you know. I actually have no regrets. Every time we're on a fight and I get the urge to go to you, I do it. No matter what time it is. I remember going to your house at almost midnight just to make sure we'll be okay.

There's still a part of me that says I need you and I love you but that part's just too little for me to come to you and beg you to not leave me like what I do before.

I got no regrets. I loved you the best way I could. I gave everything you asked for, did everything you needed for me to do. I did all I could for you to stay because I loved you.

Soon, I will see you with a girl, most probably, prettier, better-looking than me, but I already got used to the pain of my insecurities that you never took away. She may be smarter, more beautiful than me; she may be taller, fairer than me; she may be the girl you dreamed of; but she'll never do the things I did for you. She will never love you like I did. She will never sacrifice as much as I sacrificed. She will give up on you sooner than I did. You will never change. I hope you find someone who doesn't love herself and who will never love herself so she would cling to you forever.

PS,

I am not clingy and I never held you in the neck. I let you do the things you want. I don't believe I am not enough... maybe I was too much for you. I will forget you, and I will have someone far better than you. I will not search though. Time will come.