#eiswolfzero

“Hey,” Wally finally said, moving over to lean against one of the desks. He wanted to pace. He wanted to run. He wanted to phase through the window into outer space. 

“We need to talk,” Bruce said, repeating himself from earlier that day. Wally remembered the flicker of pain in his eyes then, and saw it in there now. 

He couldn’t do this. He’d seen it coming from miles away and still wasn’t prepared. He wasn’t ready. Some speedster he was. And that wasn’t to say that he hadn’t considered every possible outcome, statement, and response.  

He had, and he was still lost.

“Yeah,” Wally answered, taking note of the way his voice sounded, and the way Bruce’s expression was both gentle and solemn. And then Bruce took a step towards him.

He couldn’t do this. He wouldn’t do this.

“Wally, I-“ Bruce started, slowly, gently, and Wally could only cut him off, straightening up and stepping forward.

“I get it. You know, I get it. I always got it. I’ve already thought about everything you’re about to say, and you don’t have to say it. I don’t need to hear it.” Every possibility. He’d run through every single one. Every word.

Bruce looked dubious, and then a little hurt.

“Wally-“

“You’re wrong,” Wally blurted out, interrupting yet again. “I can change. I can be more. I can be what you need. I can be what you want. It doesn’t have to be this way.” He sounded pathetic, didn’t he?  He sounded pathetic and lost, and he was pleading, in a way, but he needed Bruce. If nothing else, the course of the past few months had solidified that notion.

Bruce looked confused now, and Wally could only feel the way he could no longer feel his fingertips. Bruce didn’t believe him. So he looked down at his feet, over at the wall, and then, finally, over Bruce’s shoulder, down at the earth through the window. He didn’t trust himself to look at Bruce, to see the look in Bruce’s face that confirmed everything he was saying. Instead, he kept talking, words quick and rushed and flooding.

“I can. I know I’m a little all over the place, and maybe we moved too quickly,” though it had felt like just the right pace, “And I knew from the start that I wasn’t ever going to be good enough, not for you, but I thought that maybe – I mean, if you just gave me some time, and told me what I needed –“

“Shut up, Wally.” Bruce’s tone was cold, harsh, and it was enough to stun Wally into silence, caught off guard and taken aback. When Wally looked back at Bruce, he was surprised to see visible anger in Bruce’s expression, directed towards him.

Wally felt his face heat up, his eyes starting to burn, and when he inhaled, the breath he took was shaky.

Bruce took a step forward, and Wally tried to stay still, to not vibrate, to not burst into tears.

“You are good enough. You are more than good enough. You have always been good enough, and you will always be good enough, West,” and Bruce was using his ‘grown’ up voice, the voice he used during Justice League meetings.

It took a moment for the voices in Wally’s head to quiet down, and then he was crying, because Bruce was still going to break up with him. And it wasn’t because of anything he could have done, or could do.

The tears rolled down his face and then Bruce was closer, cupping his face, quickly brushing the tears away with his thumbs and those blue eyes were searching his own green eyes so earnestly.

“Hey, stop crying, stop,” Bruce hushed, tone coaxing, and it only worked to further cause tears. Hot tears, and Wally’s vision blurred in and out as he blinked, still looking at Bruce and wishing, wishing, that he hadn’t seen this coming.

A couple moments passed, and in those moments, Wally was pulled into Bruce’s arms, those arms wrapping around him and his face buried in Bruce’s shoulder, trying to sniffle and breathe in Bruce Wayne for what might be the last time.

When Wally finally tried to push away from Bruce, the other resisted briefly before letting him go, and then they stood apart, Wally rubbing at his face quickly, shaking only slightly.

Bruce looked torn, and Wally felt immediately guilty. He hadn’t wanted for that. He hadn’t wanted to guilt Bruce into staying with him. That was the last thing he wanted. But, at the same time, he wanted to be selfish.

“I really like you,” Wally mumbled, and when he looked up, he noted the tension lacing Bruce’s frame. He was right. He’d been right.

“Wally…I’m not good for you,” Bruce started, slowly, carefully, and Wally wanted to push him away, because no. Bruce was not going to do the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ thing. The least Wally deserved was the truth.

“Bullshit,” Wally said, and there were still tears in his eyes when he looked up at Bruce, a heat in his gaze that wasn’t there before. “You owe me more than that.” Wally wiped his nose with the back of his hand, realizing he was shaking a little. Bruce didn’t owe him anything.

He’d seen this coming.

“No, listen. When we first…I don’t know what I was thinking. But I can’t…” And now it was Bruce who sounded uncertain, unsure, and it was enough for Wally to look back up, to find Bruce’s eyes with his own.

And he was surprised to see that Bruce looked just as uncertain as his voice sounded, just as out of his element.

“I’m not good for you. Wally, I’m not good for you. When we’re out on missions, all I can think about is how I wish you’d stayed behind, and I know you’re competent, and capable, and your own person, but if I had it my way, you’d never step into danger. And…to you, that’s everything. I can’t think straight when we’re together and it’s detrimental to my abilities as Batman.”

Bruce paused, and the pain in his gaze, Wally now recognized, was self-destructive. This hadn’t been about Wally at all, despite it being completely about Wally. Somehow, Bruce had removed him from the equation.

And that’s what made it unhealthy.

“Wait,” Wally started, and Bruce shook his head, all kinds of emotion flitting across his expression.

“No. You are good enough. You are more than good enough. And Wally, you make me feel as though I…I’m good enough. But this…I’m not good for you, Wally. You are warmth and light and I…” Bruce trailed off a little, searching Wally’s gaze earnestly, before sighing a little. “I’m dimming that light. And the longer you’re with me…I’m afraid-“

“Alright, shut up,” Wally snapped, not nearly as harsh as Bruce had spoken earlier, but exasperation lacing his tone because this, surprisingly enough, he hadn’t seen coming at all.

He hadn’t seen this coming because it was absolutely ridiculous.

“You’re, doing what exactly? Trying to save me? I’m an adult, Bruce. I can take care of myself.” Wally paused, all his earlier defeat dissolving into annoyance. “And my choice is to be with you. Even if it makes you pissed off because I have to do what’s right by me and we need to talk it over later with you yelling and me trying to calm you down.” And it had been exhausting at first, overwhelming and overbearing.

And then, Wally realized that’s how Bruce operated. It was a control thing that Wally was working on, working with. And it was toxic at times, but Wally could also tell that Bruce was trying really hard.

“Wally-“

“You wanna break up with me? Fine. But do it properly. Don’t tell me I’m too good for you or you’re not good for me or some bullshit like that. I’m distracting? Fine, I’ll take that. But don’t give me that I am light and you are darkness bullshit, Bats.” Because Wally could barely see himself as good enough, let alone imagine what Bruce was even beginning to try and say.

Wally was angry, tears burning his eyes again, but only because-

“Wait, I’m not trying to break up with you.” Bruce suddenly said, his voice sounding hollow and distant, and Wally froze.

They stared at each other, and Wally blinked.

Bruce looked complicated now, even more confused, and quickly took a step forward, dropping his hands on Wally’s shoulders.

“Do you want me to?” Bruce asked, lowly, eyes searching his, and Wally merely parted his lips in confusion. Wait, what?

“What? No!” Wally grabbed Bruce’s wrists, pushing him back a little and zipping to the other end of the room, suddenly rippling with energy. “I thought that’s what you wanted!” He shouted, and Bruce turned around to face him, frowning.

“What? No. You’re the best thing to have happened to me, why would I-“

“What was that ‘we need to talk’ stuff about then!?” Wally demanded, cutting Bruce off and flailing slightly, throwing his arms up in the air. “You’ve been cryptic and avoiding me-“

“You’ve been avoiding me,” Bruce answered, lowly, and Wally felt his voice raise a fraction.

“Only because I thought you were avoiding me and trying to let me down easy!”

Bruce didn’t respond, eyes narrowing slightly as he tried to understand Wally’s train of thoughts.

Okay, clearly he hadn’t seen any of this coming at all.

“Wally-“

“I have no idea what’s happening!” Wally exclaimed, and then zipped right up in front of Bruce, still vibrating. “What-“

“I need to be with you,” Bruce said, cutting Wally off, and the way he said it, more certain than he’d ever sounded before, caused Wally to still, to freeze.

“You-“

“And I need to know if that’s okay by you. I need to be with you, and I’ll keep you safe, regardless of what your answer is, but Wally…I may not be good for you, and I’ll be distant and cold and there are days where I won’t want to talk, and I’ll be consumed by work, and days where I can’t look at you because you are so bright, but I-“ Bruce took a shuddering breath, and then Wally’s hands were in Bruce’s own, and Wally felt his heart pounding in his ears. “I need to be with you.”

Bruce Wayne was the most dramatic man alive. This, too, Wally didn’t see coming.

“Yeah, dude. I…I wanna be with you too, man,” Wally managed to respond, disoriented and displaced. He also realized, by the emotion in Bruce’s eyes, that this was probably the closest the older man would ever get to “I love you.”

“I shouldn’t,” Bruce went on, as though Wally hadn’t said anything, which was only mildly irritating. “I shouldn’t because you need more, and I can’t give you that more, but I can give you what I have, and it’s not very good, and Clark tells me that there’s this thing with boundaries and I need to stop tracking your cellphone when you don’t respond immediately-“

“Okay, shut up,” Wally said, closing his eyes and squeezing Bruce’s hands lightly. Yeah, okay. The other guy had issues. But he was Batman, and Wally knew that coming into it all. He’d known that Bruce was solitary and obsessive, paranoid and distant, calculating and controlling. He’d known that.

Yet, he also knew that Bruce would always try to do right, not by him, but by himself. And that maybe in the future, Bruce would try to pull away, for the very same reasons that he’d just stated he needed to be with Wally.

And, he knew that Bruce Wayne was being selfish, right now. By his own terms. Selfish for saying all of this, and when he opened his eyes, he saw the conflict in those blue eyes. Bruce, running over everything he’d just said, trying to analyze it, trying to analyze Wally’s expression.

Bruce didn’t believe that Wally cared back, even a fraction of what Bruce felt for him.

“I’m-“

“I swear to god, Bats, if you’re going to apologize, I’m going to punch you so quick and so hard you won’t get another word out,” Wally cut in, quickly, and Bruce faltered slightly.

Okay. They were both clearly a mess.

“I need you, man,” Wally started, slowly, trying to keep his voice level. “And these past few months have been amazing. And I need you to stop analyzing everything you do, everything I do, and everything we do. But, I need you more than I need you to stop that, so we’ll work on it. Together.” Wally watched as Bruce listened to him, and tried a slight smile. “You can’t try to make a relationship fit into equations and calculations, at least not on your own, because there’s the two of us.”

And it went against everything Batman was, which is why Bruce was probably trying to figure it out so hard in his head.

“I’m here. I’ll be here. I don’t plan on going anywhere,” Wally said, gently, and brought one of the hands that Bruce was holding, up to his face, turning his hand so that Bruce’s palm was pressed against his cheek.

He hadn’t seen this coming at all. And, somehow, he still managed to be prepared. Maybe that’s what relationships were about. Maybe he’d been doing exactly what Bruce had been doing.

“I’ll stay with you, Bruce,” Wally murmured, closing his eyes and turning his face to briefly press a kiss against Bruce’s palm.

If, in Bruce’s warped twisted mind, he was light and Bruce was the dark, then they worked together perfectly.

Bruce leaned in, when Wally looked back at him, and when Bruce’s lips met his own –