Like a pear cider that's made from 100% pears

hes ur “emotional support blorbo”??? girl he cant even emotionally support Himself

Not ‘support’ as in ‘supportive’, ‘support’ as in ‘load-bearing’.

#oh he supports plenty of loads all right

from like 9 to 12 i would try to fall asleep by ‘making’ a new seinfeld episode in my head. i would open with a jerry seinfeld standup bit that was almost nonsense (its not like i can write standup like he can at 10 years old) and then it would be jerry and george arguing about a girlfriend i made up with some kind of pointless issue (”she wears bigger pants than me, jerry! everyones gonna know, who wears the pants!”) and then kramer would walk in. by that time id be almost out

I should also say i was ‘typing’ out the dialogue with my hands as if they were on a keyboard, but my hands were across my chest like a vampire

i think it would do a lot of people good to remember that Mormons are white supremacists, no nuance, no debate, no arguing how they've gotten "more diverse", their whole belief system is fundamentally rooted in white supremacist ideals

(clutching my side) ARGH! they shot me!! *Pulls my hand away to reveal pink glittery gel pen ink*

Can’t wait to not sleep at all on September 11th

i know ur from the uk(?) but reading this as an american is really really funny

why 😭 it’s about twenty one pilots???? Their new album is out sep 12th????

Organically sourced chat gpt

The opposite of “the elephant in the room” is “the centipede in the room”: something that’s not actually an issue but everyone is freaking out about

"kung pow penis," a phrase commonly used in reblogs to indicate utter disdain for OP, has twelve letters, each of which (traditionally) must be supplied by a different user. the unanimity of disdain indicated by these twelve unrelated users has strong parallels to the requirement of unanimity for a jury—also traditionally of twelve—to arrive at a verdict. in this essay i will

K

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I

"I'm so lazy for lying down so often" "I'm so greedy for eating such a big meal" MY BEAUTIFUL FRIEND!!!! YOUUUU ARE A GIANT OMNIVORE. YOU'RE MEGAFAUNA. DO YOU KNOWWW HOW ENERGY EXPENSIVE IT IS TO KEEP A GIANT OMNIVORE WITH A HUGE BRAIN RUNNING. very!!! very energy expensive!!! eat that burger take that nap. holy moly. you wonderful animal. your species is made for frequent meals and daytime rests and long sleeps. let yourself be a human.

I dont like how "reclaim" has turned into "can use against others in the exact same way it always has been and equally offensively"