Mar 14, 2025
Bella concerned: has Edward always had a habit of running headlong into certain death?
Alice: Naw, sometimes he walks. Occasionally, he shuffles. Periodically, he ambles.
Rosalie: One time I saw him trip into certain death
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Bella concerned: has Edward always had a habit of running headlong into certain death?
Alice: Naw, sometimes he walks. Occasionally, he shuffles. Periodically, he ambles.
Rosalie: One time I saw him trip into certain death
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Bella: the school has a strict no pets policy, unfortunately.
Edward: this rule does not include Rosalie's high horse. Which makes regular appearances.
Emmett, currently the subject of a nation wide manhunt for wrestling a bear at the zoo: Sometimes its nice to be wanted
Bella: Not by the fucking law it's not
Emmett ‘trying to explain how Alice got thrown through three cement walls and Jacob had to crawl out of a burning car’: So, we made a few small mistakes.
Edward: you said the words ‘Vampire demolition derby’ and didn’t think how there might be dangers associated
Emmett: Fine then, Lord Perfect. We made some medium sized mistakes
Emmett on the phone: Hey dad can I borrow 5,000 bucks?
Carlisle, slightly curious: certainly! May I ask what for?
Emmett: an escape room
Edward, listening from across the room: What kind of escape room costs five thousand dollars?
Emmett: Jail
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Emmett, addressing the camera like he’s in a documentary: Carlisle Cullen, noted doctor and vampire, has 51 distinct hugs. And I’ve taken the time to learn the subtle meaning and usage behind each one.
*camera zooms in on Carlisle giving Edward a hug*
Carlisle: You’ve done well son!
Emmett, without hesitation: Ah, number 33. The quick and soothing hug. With added encouragement to counterbalance moody tendencies. A true classic!
Jacob: In your educated opinion, how will I die?
Alice: Murder by an angry god. We never find the body. It is incinerated when you are smote by hellfire.
Jacob, nodding solemnly: That's a shame.
Seth, excitedly: What about me?
Alice You crave toast while taking a bath.
Seth, under his breath: I do love bath snacks.
Edward: Before you start hanging out with him, you should know that Emmett has no survival instincts. And his competitive streak will one day get him killed. Bella: That can’t be true. Edward: Watch this. Edward: Hey, Em! Race you downstairs! Emmett: *jumps out of the third story window* Bella: But that wont kill him Edward: Hey Em! Bet you cant juggle burning logs!? Emmett: *Already pulling out a lighter*