I'm struggling alot. Food is getting really tough and the thoughts of eating makes me feel sick to my stomach. I haven't been able to voice my thoughts lately. I haven't been able to follow my meal plan since January. I was turned down from ediop. I know recovery isn't linear, but I never knew how hard it would be until these past few months. I'm trying to please everyone in the midst of it I lost all hope for myself. I'm really losing myself to this eating disorder. I'm questioning all my choices and I'm going back to the phrase of denial. I'm in denial of being so lost in this eating disorder. I'm in denial that this eating disorder has taken so much from me already. I'm in denial that I can be happy without my eating disorder. My eating disorder has been with me since I could remember. I don't think I'm willing to give it up... and I'm scared I'll never be able to give it up. Ed has been with me through heartaches, loss, bullying, and much more. It's been my comfort through it all.
