#edchum

Fuck. I’ve been teaching with my coteacher for 3 years!! Even though we have VERY different teaching styles and she can make things really tough, I don’t want to work with someone new with only 70ish days left in the year. She will also be the 6th grade math teacher next year. That means idk who will be teaching with me at the end of this school year. Ughhhhh.

The only good thing is that the teacher hopefully taking my coteacher’s spot is my old 3rd grade teacher. She is fucking awesome and will get my homeroom in line. They are fine when they are with me, but my coteacher literally lets them do whatever they want.

And omg. So the kids my coteacher is going to have, we had last year and they were a rough bunch. The kids HATED her and so did the parents. They are gonna freak when they find out she’s gonna be back.

The 6th grade reading teacher(who is also my teaching bestie and the kind of teacher I want to be) is so pissed.

We had to make a seating chart for every single place the kids will be. They have to stay with their own “pod” family all day. The charts can’t change for two weeks, but preferably not at all. Ummmm. Some kids just don’t mesh and have to be moved from each other. Nope. Can’t do that. Anyways, we had to make these charts and I was almost done. Of course, something had to happen. I got a call and was told I had three new students. 🙃🙃🙃

I came to the realization that when I look back on an "unproductive" weekend or evening, it's one in which I actually did stuff for myself. Like laundry. And dishes. And it's BS that I have to feel like I'm doing stuff for school every second of the day to feel like I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing with myself. But I don't know how to stop.

My boyfriend makes fun of me for how much of a mess my room is. And I know it’s a mess. And I so badly want to clean it! But I don’t feel like I can. I don’t feel like I have time, because every time I try, I think about all of the work I need to do for school. And I can’t. 

And then I get stressed out. And anxious. And frankly, pretty depressed the past few weeks. (And admitting it now for the first time.) And he tries to help me fix it, because he’s a fixer. “How can I help?” “What else can you do to manage it all?” “Who else can help you?” But no one can. And I don’t know what else to do. Because the pressures put on me are immense. The pressure I put on myself is immense. But I care too much to stop. I cant stop.

So this weekend, I instead did 4 loads of laundry. And did the dishes. And went to an actual party. And I’m going to my friend’s orchestra concert tonight. And I admittedly read a good amount of random fan fiction. And I am trying to realize I don’t need to be ashamed of that. I don’t need to feel like I wasted a weekend. I can be a person too. And maybe later I’ll spend some time inputting grades. But I don’t feel like it now. And that’s OK.