How To Bathe A Hippogryph
ME: First off, thanks for flying me to the conference. Let's just go over The Rule again before we head out?
HIPPOGRYPH: Yes ma'am!
ME: Remember: This is a very serious function.
HIPPOGRYPH: Very serious.
ME: Lots of important people will be there.
HIPPOGRYPH: Very important.
ME: And you just took a dust bath this morning, right?
HIPPOGRYPH: I am super clean.
ME: So we're not going to give in to temptation and roll in the dirt like an uncultured dingus and make ourselves and the foundation we're representing look stupid, RIGHT?
HIPPOGRYPH: I am a rock of self-control.
(later, in a crowd of desert humans and mythics in fancy dress)
DIGNITARY: My word! Is your companion unwell?
(ME and everyone turn to see HIPPOGRYPH off to the side, sprawling like a seizure of wings and legs)
ME: (through gritted smile) If she's not, she's GOING to be.
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(A/N: Special thanks to my sister for beta reading and to @o-lei-o-lai-o-lord for inspiring me with her post about how both birds and horses roll in dirt to bathe, so naturally hippogryphs would be inclined to do so. XD I also drew inspiration from that one Spongebob Squarepants scene.)
For more assorted nonsense, visit my How To Guides for Mythical Creatures Masterlist! Or if you'd like to read them in sequential order, I've started posting them on AO3
