This post is part of the Bad Things Happen series.
***
I was planning to write this a little while later but since I’ve understood that many people were very fond of this series (especially on Tumblr) I’ve decided to prioritize that one instead.
If you have not yet seen the post entitled Target Syndrome, I advise you to go read it as it will enable you to understand some parts of this one-shot that could seem confusing otherwise.
Enjoy your reading once again!
***
Warnings: Implied past self-harm (not specified which)
Synopsis: “It won’t be of any problem.” A pause. “I... apologize about not being able to prevent this.” If he was initially talking to Randy, he was now looking at Hacker. He had never taken the time to apologize before, even if he felt like it was needed.
They stayed like that for a few seconds, looking each other in the eyes.
“...” Hacker eventually turned away. “You are not at fault.”
***
When Finch pushed the door to Hacker’s room open, he was met with three pairs of eyes looking at him. The first had two hazy dark blue irises blinking at him, barely processing his presence while the other two, narrowed, bright red and alert, snapped toward him.
He tilted his head down to show he was here in peace, resulting in Bobby and Randy relaxing.
“Hello.” He eventually said, the greeting soon shot back to him. “I’m glad that everything seems to be going well, have you had the time to talk?”
“Hacks keeps zoning out.” Bobby admitted, glancing worryingly at said man before turning his attention back to Finch. “But yeah, we were pretty much done with the main topics.”
“You seem to have something on your mind, son. Is there something you want to tell us?” Randy interjected, startling Finch. Was it that obvious or did Randy just have a knack for that sort of thing? He did remember Hacker mentioning an ‘uncanny accuracy’ when it came to guessing whether he or Bobby had something to say to him.
“I just thought you would want to be informed of Hacker’s transfer.” As expected, that seemed to pique their interest. Even Hacker seemed to come back to focus, saying nothing but staring at Finch with an interested look, nonetheless. Finch brushed off the vague weird feeling he got as he realized he had never really heard the other being so silent.
“Where is he going to go? And when?” Randy asked immediately, Bobby adding that they better make sure nothing happens this time, a scary expression displayed on his face.
Hacker motioned for the two to calm down. “He didn’t even say anything yet, chill out.” Bobby turned to him, scratching his neck as he muttered an apology.
“It’s fine, I understand the concern.” Finch reassured, clearing his throat. “He should be moving as soon as he recovers to... erm...” As he was faced with the expectant look of the three others, Finch found himself thinking on how in the world he was supposed to say it without the whole dilemma sounding strange.
Finally giving up on it, he finally confessed that Hacker would be moved to his house.
Silence ensued, in which Bobby and Randy both turned to Hacker with the same pointed and warning look. Said man deadpanned at them.
“I can hardly make a normal conversation; do you think I have the capacity to start screwing around?” He hissed, irritated as he looked away. Finch was unsure whether he should see that as good news or unwelcome news.
“In our defense, you totally would.” Bobby retorted; his arms crossed around his chest.
“... Well, yeah I would but I am really not in the mood.” Randy just gave him pats him on the head, the younger man leaning into it.
“Could I trouble you to update us on Hacker’s condition once in a while?” Randy asked, choosing to ignore the conversation his two kids were having next to him. “I know you would be unlikely to do anything stupid, but I cannot help but worry still.”
“It won’t be of any problem.” A pause. “I... apologize about not being able to prevent this.” If he was initially talking to Randy, he was now looking at Hacker. He had never taken the time to apologize before, even if he felt like it was needed.
They stayed like that for a few seconds, looking each other in the eyes.
“...” Hacker eventually turned away. “You are not at fault.”
Finch was about to reply before Hacker started letting out painful noises, each one louder than the other. Bobby reached for his shoulder in concern, tapping it lightly as he asked him what the problem was. Randy soon joined him but neither of them received a response as Hacker just kept on cowering on himself.
Eventually though, he did manage to let out that it hurt, bad.
The rest of the conversation was lost as Finch had run out into the hallway, in search of an available doctor.
***
The medical team that had hurried into the room once they were informed of what was happening soon came out, whispering among themselves. Ignoring that part for now, Finch approached them.
“How is he now?” The doctor he was speaking to bowed to him once he recognized him before straightening back up.
“We have managed to stabilize him.” He answered, looking back into the room. “Although... He’s the prisoner who is due to be transferred soon, right?” Finch nodded, noting that Randy and Bobby had started listening to the conversation.
“We have discovered something that you would probably want to know.” Finch frowned, what did that look on their faces mean?
“Proceed.” He encouraged.
“Have you ever heard of the disease called ‘Target Syndrome’?” At these words, if Bobby tilted his head on the side with a confused look, Randy’s reaction was much more aggressive as he froze, horror on his facial features.
Not him too, please.
Finch’s frown deepened but he stayed calm as of now. “I have yes, are you sure about this information? A wrong diagnosis of a disease like that...”
The doctor waved his worry away with the back of his hand. “I am aware but there is no doubt about that, we have made a soul screening earlier and these results do not lie. Nothing but the Target Syndrome would cause a soul to look this way.”
“At which stage is he?” Randy suddenly interrupted, the doctor blinking as his widened eyes stared up at the man. How he managed to not see the giant named Randy was an enigma.
“I presume you are close to the patient?” After the confirmation, he seemed to think about it a bit more. “I should not tell you that information but since the situation is this peculiar, I’ll make an exception today. He’s somewhere between Stage 2 and Stage 3, though he is closer to Stage 3 than he is Stage 2.”
Finch and Randy both paled at that, turning Bobby’s confusion into even more concern.
His question answered, the medic turned back to Finch. “We have some leads as to the dosage of medications needed to be prescribed but since we still have our doubts about this method of recovery, we would like to favor the more... ‘casual method’ of recovery if possible. I am unaware of your opinion on this prisoner, nor do I care about what crimes have led him to be put in a cell, I am simply asking you to make sure he would at least be comfortable in this new location.”
He then glanced at Bobby and Randy; the former latched on to the latter’s arm as he continuously asked what that really meant about Hacker. “This does imply to make sure these three will be able to talk as often as possible. I am aware that some restrictions should be put in place but in order to revert to an earlier stage, contact with loved ones is mandatory.” A pause.
“If you are unwilling to do it for his health, do keep in mind that what you will be doing would be another milestone reaching toward the full comprehension of this awful disease that has led many to die in horrific conditions.” Finch nodded, not interrupting in fear of missing out on some information. After witnessing it firsthand, it was hard not to think of how horrible dying from this disease was.
He still wished he could have done something, anything, to help him.
“Is there anything else I should be wary of?” If he was going to do it, he wanted to make sure he would do it well. Maybe this time, he would be able to prevent the death of another friend.
“... You should keep anything that could be harmful to him out of reach, especially when he already has a history regarding such incidents.”
Finch’s eyes narrowed. “Understood.”
The doctor, after some more recommendations, finally left.
***
“Strangely, I’m not too surprised about your living room looking so... bland.” Finch frowned as he let his pupils travel the room. He had no idea what Hacker was talking about, his living room looked fine to him.
“Can we focus on more important matters?” He sighed as Hacker went to sit on one of his couches. Even if there was a slight limp in his footsteps, it was still relieving to see that he regained his ability to support himself enough to walk around. “How are you feeling?”
Hacker scoffed at the question. “What happened to the whole ‘I don’t talk to criminals’ attitude? Don’t tell me you are growing soft on me now of all times.”
That was something else Finch noted: his change of behavior. He sounded so much more bitter now.
“I am not. Is it that strange for me to inquire about your well-being?” The other glanced at him as he asked that, in search of any sign of mockery in Finch’s eyes. When he didn’t see any, he simply turned away from him.
“... I don’t know.” He shook his head, why was he acting like that now?
“Anyway,” Finch changed the subject, pointing at the staircase behind him. “Those stairs lead to the bedrooms. The first door on the right is a bathroom but the rest is free to use. You can pick any room you like; it doesn’t really matter to me.”
Hacker raised an eyebrow. “What about your bedroom?” Finch shrugged.
“I mostly just crash on the couch when I’m tired, so I don’t really have an assigned room.” The other gave him a skeptical look but did not comment further. “And over there--” He pointed toward a corridor. “--You can find the kitchen and another bigger bathroom. You are free to use anything in the kitchen as you would like and if you think you may be lacking in something, you can ask for it anytime.”
He nodded again, before pointing toward a computer left in the corner of the room. “What about this thing?”
“I was about to mention it. You can use it.” If Hacker looked numb before, the look of pure shock replaced it immediately.
“What? You’re not joking, are you?” Finch raised an eyebrow.
“When am I ever joking?” He retorted.
“Good point.” He looked happier than he did a few seconds ago, that was surely a good sign. He walked over to the other and handed him a little package.
Confused, Hacker took it and shot him a questioning glance. Finch’s only response was to tell him to open it. He did, not without shooting him a wary glance before his eyes lit up at the contents of said package.
“Is that...?”
“Your phone, yes.” Finch confirmed. “You are free to call Randy, Bobby and Blue as you please, though do keep in mind that I would be able to hear your conversation. I’ve also saved my number on your device, don’t hesitate to call me if you ever need it.”
“... That sounds too good to be true.” Hacker stated. “Are you sure there’s no catch? Like, I’m not going to be beheaded next week, right?” The combination of his voice cracking and the fear in his eyes earned him a horrified look from the officer.
“Of course not!” He exclaimed. “Nothing is going to happen to you, okay? You’re safe here.”
“...”
“I swear.” He quickly added, earning a sigh of relief.
“Okay... I trust you.” He slumped over the couch, his eyes beginning to droop. “Do you mind if I go take a nap? This whole transfer thing had my head spinning.”
“Not at all, go ahead.”
As Hacker closed his eyes, he vaguely remembered being wrapped in a blanket.
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This is a birthday gift for a dear friend of mine, the one and only @asukamood
I didn't expect to be posting it anywhere but after some convincing, here we are! While I do doubt this is gonna show up on anybody's feed or be read by many, I hope it's worth the time of whoever does. If there are any errors do forgive me please I haven't read this twice as I can't stand to view my own writing—
I've stalled long enough, enjoy!~
----
Sypnosis:
It was over now, he didn't need to think of anything that happened in the past. Things have always been this way, Hacker would even say he hated and still hates the man with his entire soul!
The images infront of him only fueled that, but why did it hurt so badly?
Why did he still care?
----
Hacker was losing his patience.
He’d been flipping through the channels on T.V for the last 2 hours, unable to find something interesting enough to settle on. His phone was dead and the charger nowhere to be found, but his laptop wasn’t much of an option either considering the fact Randy decided to “revoke his computer privileges” because his sleeping hours became even more oddly timed than before.
Why does it matter, anyway? He still got the recommended 8 hours, sometimes even more!
He scoffed remembering that conversation, but it was too late to really change anything. Could he steal it back? Probably, Randy never quite bothered to hide things from him or Bobby unless they could actually hurt them.
He kept losing his cigarette packs recently, which was quite odd considering he shouldn’t even know about them..
It’s fine, he was probably thinking too deeply into it.
The laptop was most likely just..out there in the open.
It would be so easy to grab.
..then again, h̶i̶s̶ d̶a̶d̶ Randy placed enough trust in him to leave it that way while he was out of the house. Hacker didn't want to lose that trust or even worse, disappoint the man.
He could make-do with the TV for now, that is if it stopped showing the most boring content ever.
Really, what was so interesting about a recent robbery and why was everyone talking about it?!
A robbery isn’t something new or even rare, quite the opposite. It didn’t make sense, if it was Nightmare’s doing the news would’ve already spread even faster than this so that idea was scrapped quickly.
Couldn’t be either of his “emotional support idiots” as he called them either, the outcome would’ve been similar if so.
Hacker buried his face in the cushions, considering going back to sleep at this point.
Bobby woke him up a few hours prior (he should’ve already been awake by then, as it was 3 in the afternoon but really, who would pass up a chance to sleep in? His boss did say he had the day off due to complications anyway so who cared, really.) telling him he and Randy were leaving, saying the older one asked if he wanted to come along or stay. He opted for the latter, too out of it to guarantee not embarrassing himself in front of h̶i̶s̶ b̶r̶o̶t̶h̶e̶r̶ Bobby and giving him valid blackmail. The little gremlin would absolutely love that and he didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of it, really.
They planned to get groceries and maybe pass by a few other places, he made sure to remind them to buy him a charger replacement. It was stupid, neither of them had an iphone so he was left with no choice but to let it be which was irritating. How was he supposed to entertain himself properly? It was so boring alone, he couldn’t even talk to Blue to pass the time. Hacker was sure he figured it out by now but didn’t drop by as to not give away their location.
Time was passing by so slowly, Hacker felt like he spent days on the couch waiting. He almost regretted not going along with the other two, maybe he would’ve gotten a kick out of that and not gotten so bored. Knowing them, Bobby was probably rambling on and on about a new piece of minecraft merch he wanted and Randy, being himself, was unable to say no when he asked to buy it.
Seriously, did that kid not know how to calm down? He was gonna be the reason they ended up broke soon if it went on that way.
After nearly falling back asleep, Hacker finally mustered up the energy to stand up and move a little. Maybe that would make it a little less boring than just sitting there.
He didn’t have breakfast yet, so he headed to the kitchen. It was emptier by this time of the week after they got through everything, but at least there was still the ends of a bread loaf and some waffles in the freezer.
It took some time to decide but Hacker ended up just making a regular sandwich. Best not to end up throwing the bread out, not after their hard earned money was spent on it and it was perfectly fine anyway.
His focus was no longer on what was going on on the television, instead busy deciding if he wanted to go back to sleep after this until the other two returned or not.
Too busy thinking about what he was going to distract himself with, Hacker didn’t realize the knife in his hands ended up cutting his finger a little bit.
“Not again, I don’t even know if we have band aids this time..” he muttered, seeming more annoyed than anything. The cutting board had some of the blood on it now, he’s definitely getting questioned about that later on.
How much more entertaining could this day get?
Leaving his now abandoned breakfast on the counter he left to search for the box that should just about contain all of those.
They weren’t in the cabinets, nor were they in the bathroom or closet next to it.
There was a box in Bobby’s room but that was a last resort, he’ll get the silent treatment for a few days for using those over a small cut like this one but letting it be like this wasn’t much better.
It didn’t take much longer for Hacker to remember Randy kept some in a box under the TV.
All the way back in the living room.
And he went around the entire house for absolutely no reason.
None at all.
For a man who wanted to live so desperately he was starting to think death didn’t really sound all that bad.
With a sigh, he made his way back to check if there were any.
Sure enough, they were there.
A full box.
‘At least that wasn’t for nothing?’ he thought while opening it, finally covering the cut. Hacker knew he should’ve been more careful ,but the reminder was annoying regardless.
Whatever channel was on was still talking about the same topic, the words blurred together as he didn't care enough to focus on them.
That was until a certain name came up.
Hacker’s eyes snapped up to look at the screen as a cold sense of dread crept upon him.
There he was.
The same man he referred to as his ex constantly.
There was never an issue speaking about him vaguely, but for some reason seeing him after so long didn’t have the same effect.
A long time passed since they parted ways, Hacker would’ve forgotten the details if not for how they met in the first place.
It wasn’t…normal in any way but it could’ve been worse, a lot worse really.
He remembers looking around the room he woke up in, trying to figure out where he could be or see if there was anyone he knew.
Anyone who could help him figure out what happened, really. All he knew was that it was not where he remembered being a few moments prior.
After a comically long explanation, his eyes finally landed on someone who looked around the same age.
The man standing over him called the other, through the whispers of other people in that same room Hacker was able to figure out he was his son and that this man was the boss.
Apparently, his name was Colton.
Eyes still glued to what he was watching, Hacker listened attentively this time to what was being said.
Colton was handcuffed, saying some things he couldn’t decipher over the sound of the justice reigns employee speaking about the entire situation.
His eyes kept darting back to the blond instead of focusing on the words like he wanted to, but he caught enough to understand the gist of the situation.
After he returned back to his normal life, many questions about what happened came up. He was declared dead after a nasty crash, so how was he here and if it was faked then who would do that and why?
Hacker didn’t have the guts to answer at the time, he wasn’t sure he’d go into detail if asked now, either.
Apparently, one of Colton’s ‘minions’ was meant to go into a store and get something from the cashier, but they were seen and authorities were called after the citizen noticed how much more afraid she got as the conversation between them went on longer.
After the arrest, they couldn’t stay silent for long.
Everything about the gang finally came out, which led to the current situation at hand.
Hacker wasn’t sure how he felt about it. It was good, finally there was no need to think about the possibility of whatever website he was looking at being related to them, or being targeted as a possible threat and potentially even killed.
Part of him wasn’t so sure about that feeling, though. There was a slight panic at the back of his head, that same part of him didn’t want to see it happen.
He knew it would come so why did it feel strange?
Why did he feel like he..regret something?
There was nothing to regret in the first place.
W̶h̶y̶ w̶a̶s̶ h̶e̶ s̶t̶i̶l̶l̶ a̶t̶t̶a̶c̶h̶e̶d̶.
Feeling around for the remote to turn it off, he still couldn’t pull his eyes away from the screen.
From his face.
Hacker never saw him looking like this. Helpless, in a way.
Why did that make his heart hurt? There’s no reason for it.
It wasn’t like their time together was that good anyway, he knows it. Both of them knew it wasn’t healthy, but it was addicting. The thrill of something new and unexpected, the possibilities that came along with it and little feeling of control it gave.
Whatever, what they could have been is in the past by now. He moved on and improved himself and his relationships.
..right?
He’d like to think so at least.
Whoever was speaking seemed to finish, as the camera focused on the cuffed man held in place by none other than Finch.
Hacker didn’t have any difficulty recognizing him really- Serious as ever, doing his job as usual without any unnecessary speech or pointless banter as he ordered around some others.
The man’s demeanor caught his attention very quickly but that was besides the current point.
Colton seemed to be thinking of something, and if Hacker knew anything about him is that whatever came out of his mouth next would either cause someone a crisis or get him into more trouble with the law.
He wasn’t stupid enough to go with the second guess, he knew better than that.
Somehow it was a mix of both, surprising and not at the same time.
Suddenly, he could no longer breathe.
Not a single sound came from him, he didn’t move a single inch.
Not even when the report ended, he and every other gang member was officially in custody of the police.
Why does he care?
..well, ‘care’ is a little much.
Hacker didn't know how he felt, if he had to be completely honest.
Despite being mostly happy about it at first he couldn’t help but consider how things would’ve been if that went differently.
If the past itself went differently.
From the moment he heard the name get mentioned, Hacker knew his fate was sealed.
Colton was to be executed for all the crimes he committed, nothing could get him out of the grave he dug for himself.
Not now.
It didn’t matter, that was fine.
Hacker wouldn’t be affected by it, if anything that’ll only further prove the fact he never actually killed anybody (what was the need to frame him, seriously wasn’t being ‘dead’ enough??).
He felt weird.
Whatever, it won’t last.
He’ll forget soon, he always does.
..The silence was getting irritating, but he didn’t really have any desire to move and put something else on, it would probably be something else that’s boring just like before either way so there wouldn’t be a point.
The food left on the counter now long forgotten, Hacker found himself thinking about some things. Past events that could have gone differently, how things would have gone.
What if he never got through the database that one day? What if he listened to the warnings and didn’t stick his nose where it didn’t belong?
He probably wouldn’t be in this situation now or before, they’d have had no interest in him.
Why was it so conflicting? It didn’t make sense anymore.
Not like it ever did, but this was new.
It didn’t take long for him to lose track of time, too engaged with considering the possibilities and chances that were missed.
Could there have been a time they were truly happy?
Why did Colton take interest in him? It’s not like he was boring or unattractive, quite the opposite really. But, with the way that man saw people it probably wasn’t very relevant compared to something else he saw. The question still remained as to what it was.
It wasn’t like he could get answers for that question, not now.
No use dwelling on it.
It had been a long time since that anyway.
Since the day they met, the fire had died by now.
He had no reason to crave it. The silence was messing with his head.
..He missed the late night conversations, the absurd topics that sometimes came up out of the blue. They were rarely ever peaceful or calm, but they were entertaining. A nice change. Colton was always the type not to waste time, discarding whatever seemed useless or bothered him even slightly the moment it did so, yet he kept Hacker around instead of ignoring him.
While they were never official per say, they acted the part frequently enough for Hacker to consider it that way. He found it funny how at the time it seemed to be the other’s first go at something like that, it was no wonder he couldn’t know how to act properly to make Hacker know his place and yet keep whatever they had going on alive.
He thought it would be safe to assume most of his..negative? Traits were due to the influence of his father. The man was truly one of the worst he ever had the misfortune of coming across.
The idea of being stared down at by that man, tied down in what seemed to be the middle of nowhere made his skin crawl.
..Did he ever know about them?
He knows he never said anything, it was unlikely Colton did either but he couldn’t help wondering if that was possible.
He was just a mere tool anyway, all of them knew that.
The reason he was kept living was the fact he was useful at the time, that was it.
It was good enough for him.
The realization of that stung at first but he came to terms with it eventually.
At the time it wasn’t expected to come up in conversation, but it did regardless and undeniably made him question some things.
It was during the end of his first month there. Hacker was still getting used to the new routine, which was quite boring but he couldn’t do anything about it even if he tried to (it wasn’t like he wanted to piss someone off, he was even more of a twig back then than he is now so there was no chance it would’ve ended well, thinking about it.). Wake up, take a shower and get your breakfast avoiding as many people as you could to not aggravate anybody then go see what Colton was up to and potentially even get a task assigned to him. Those “tasks” weren’t any easy feat by any means, although it was all digital Hacker wouldn’t be allowed to get up and do anything unless absolutely necessary before he was done. He was always watched to make sure nothing was leaked either, it was quite uncomfortable for a while. Energy draining, to say the least. (He wasn’t even allowed to sleep in after as compensation. Just how unfair was that?!)
That day though, instead of being busy with something as he usually would be whether it was ordering (or moreso berating) someone around or actually doing some things himself, Colton was just..spinning around on a chair seemingly bored with not much to do. When the door creaked open his gaze immediately landed on Hacker’s curious face.
“Your hair looks absolutely terrible, did you even look at a mirror before coming here?” he scoffed, sitting up properly instead of whatever deranged position he was in just moments prior. (How did his back not snap actually he never thought about that..)
“You flatter me so early in the morning” Hacker rolled his eyes, a normal greeting in their words consisted of that and occasionally some other pointless remarks so it was a good sign.
“Why did you come here to bother me already”
“Can’t I just see my favourite person in this entire place?”
“Cut the bull, what do you want”
“You <3”
“Maybe I should get rid of you by now-”
“No-”
“-it’s not really like anyone would care, no one is looking for you or into your supposed death anyway”
Hacker wanted to respond, but he couldn’t.
A good sign, he said. Clearly.
“Oh?” The previously bored man now seemed interested, his expression perked up when he realized the other didn’t respond but actually only looked towards the ground instead.
“Did I hit a nerve there?” Despite the question usually being used in a joking matter when mentioned in a conversation with any normal people or friends, Hacker could clearly tell he was being mocked.
It wasn’t the first time someone said he wasn’t cared for.
Why does it matter now.
Why did he freeze.
Colton got up and walked towards him before grabbing his hand and stroking it gently. He never did that without reason.
“Poor little Theodore, I heard there wasn’t even a proper funeral held for you”
“..”
“I doubt many, if anyone, would have attended though so it doesn’t matter that much, don’t you agree?”
Nothing.
“To most you were probably just that annoying person they wanted to get off their backs huh? I bet some were even happy with the news.”
How long did he plan to continue?.
“Annoying, in their way. Did you ever have many friends, actually? I don’t see a reason for that to be the case but I can’t help the curiosity”
“Stop it.”
“When were you the one in the position to demand things of me?”
Right. He wasn’t.
“I understand them, really. The reason I’ve kept you around is because you’ve been useful, I have no reason to hide that. I'm sure you already knew, though?”
He hoped it was just some sort of insecurity acting up.
Apparently it wasn’t.
He leaned closer, now speaking right into his ear.
Hacker would have usually liked the sensation, he wasn’t one to complain about a man he found so pretty willingly being so close to him (quite the opposite unsurprisingly) but this time it was chilling.
“If only you kept yourself in your own business, then this wouldn’t even have come up at all. I’d not need to put up with you still, you wouldn’t need to be told all of this. Maybe you’d have come to the realization yourself after some time hm? The reason few were there before you were “dead”, how no one is looking for you right now despite some details about the death not adding up. Honestly I’m not sure how they even made the mistakes that they did but it doesn’t matter, I digress. Won’t you humor me with a response?” He continued, Hacker could practically feel his smile growing wider.
Of course he’d want to hear that.
“..I think I’ll be leaving”
“What a shame, so fast today”
Colton moved away slightly, but grabbed the other’s chin to bring him closer for a few moments before letting him go.
While Hacker would usually find that nice, he didn’t feel the same about it this time. He wanted to just go.
“You can leave, but don’t forget to come back in a few hours. You’d get lonely so I doubt it’ll happen, but a reminder doesn’t hurt”
“Right..”
It didn’t need to be said, Hacker’s mood was ruined after that. He left quieter than usual after that, clearly not happy about what just happened. N̶o̶t̶ l̶i̶k̶e̶ h̶e̶ h̶a̶d̶ t̶h̶e̶ g̶u̶t̶s̶ t̶o̶ s̶a̶y̶ a̶n̶y̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ a̶b̶o̶u̶t̶ i̶t̶.
It wasn’t like he didn’t already know but that didn’t make it better, the others in highschool made sure to remind him plenty. He heard it so much before and never cared, what was different this time?
He ended up back in his own room if it can really be called that considering how it felt more like a cell of sorts than anything (did these people not know what paint was?? Grey isn't the only colour for walls, seriously it was BEYOND boring! It was even chipped, come on!), still without an answer.
Why was Colton so amused seeing him react that way? It couldn’t be that entertaining, it sucked to be told that kind of thing.
Saying anything back may have ended with him dead, so he just..didn’t respond at all. It fueled the other even more to continue which was the opposite of what he was hoping for. Though again, it wasn’t all that surprising seeing what he is, why did he expect anything else? That was stupid.
Though, people are different anyway. Maybe he was having a bad day, so he couldn’t help but take it out on somebody right? It made sense, Colton was never the type to wear his heart on his sleeve. He trusted Hacker enough to show him that, if anything, the man should be proud, really. S̶t̶o̶p̶ m̶a̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ u̶p̶ e̶x̶c̶u̶s̶e̶s̶ f̶o̶r̶ h̶i̶m̶.
He was unharmed anyway, it was fine. Knowing the other, Hacker doubted anybody else would have managed to end the conversation there. But, he did. He was allowed to leave without too much trouble. He wasn’t hurt, Colton didn’t lay a harmful hand on him at any point despite some occasional threats of it. His….humor? was unique to say the least, finding what would usually be disturbing to be amusing instead. Though, it wasn’t his place to comment too much about that.
Some insults here and there are normal especially for a gang setting so he didn’t pay much mind to those, if anything a lack would be strange.
Nothing was wrong, but he couldn’t help feeling hurt.
It was so annoying.
It was all fine.
..How quickly was his supposed death handled?
Did his parents even know? Did they ask? Miss him? Search for him in hopes it was all fake?
If they did, would they have known?
Was there a possibility they cared enough to try s̶a̶v̶i̶n̶g̶ looking for him in this situation he found himself in?
He wanted to humor that thought for a little longer, the thought he mattered to them enough for that.
It wasn’t like he’d be hurt over it anyway, T̶h̶e̶y̶ c̶o̶u̶l̶d̶n̶'t̶ b̶e̶ b̶o̶t̶h̶e̶r̶e̶d̶, h̶e̶ w̶a̶s̶ e̶a̶s̶y̶ e̶n̶o̶u̶g̶h̶ t̶o̶ s̶c̶a̶r̶e̶. Colton wouldn’t let it happen. ...h̶e̶ w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶n̶'t̶. R̶i̶g̶h̶t̶?̶.
Definitely, he had no doubt.
It’ll be okay once he wakes up, forgetting this even happened.
Who knows, maybe he could even get an apology!~
Or that was just wishful thinking, either way it was fine. I̶t̶ w̶a̶s̶ t̶h̶e̶ o̶n̶l̶y̶ t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ d̶i̶s̶t̶r̶a̶c̶t̶i̶n̶g̶ h̶i̶m̶ f̶r̶o̶m̶ a̶l̶l̶ t̶h̶a̶t̶ c̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ h̶a̶p̶p̶e̶n̶, h̶e̶ c̶o̶u̶l̶d̶n̶'t̶ g̶u̶a̶r̶a̶n̶t̶e̶e̶ s̶t̶a̶y̶i̶n̶g̶ s̶a̶n̶e̶ i̶f̶ h̶e̶ s̶a̶t̶ d̶o̶w̶n̶ a̶n̶d̶ t̶r̶u̶l̶y̶ a̶c̶k̶n̶o̶w̶l̶e̶d̶g̶e̶d̶ t̶h̶i̶s̶ s̶i̶t̶u̶a̶t̶i̶o̶n̶. D̶i̶s̶a̶s̶s̶o̶c̶i̶a̶t̶i̶n̶g̶ w̶i̶t̶h̶ i̶t̶ e̶n̶t̶i̶r̶e̶l̶y̶ w̶a̶s̶ b̶e̶t̶t̶e̶r̶ f̶o̶r̶ t̶h̶e̶m̶ a̶l̶l̶.
The lore of this AT is so thick you have no clue how much Jay and I have been working on it. Anyway, you are once again about to read a part of the story that is not included in the “main storyline.” As a reminder, the main storyline is mostly about Dream and Blue’s arranged marriage.
You may have wondered what Hacker and Blue were here and how they met, this is the story of how they became best friends. You guys better buckle up because this is far from being a happy story. (Very long as well, this is only the first part.)
If you have yet to, I do encourage you to read the post “Target Syndrome (EX).” It will help you understand Hacker’s condition in the story, though it is important to note that the diagnosis here was done a bit differently considering the lack of magic in this world.
As a heads-up, I would like to point out that I am not saying that all psych wards mistreat their patients nor am I saying that all psych wards treat their patients wonderfully. This story is still fictional, do remember that.
This specific psych ward did not respect normal procedure (for one) and will later be closed for patient mistreatment so do not think that this is the norm of psych ward.
***
Warnings: Mentioned physical abuse (here disguised as self-harm), self-harm (cutting), eating disorder (anorexia), mentioned suicide attempt/ideation, psych ward setting (with patient mistreatment), very strongly implied depression, light description of injuries, blood, violence, borderline sexual harassment [the character has no intention to do anything of the sort but her words may be interpreted that way], mentioned sexual abuse
Synopsis: When, during one of his most violent outbursts, Papyrus had threatened to isolate Blue in a psych ward to show how much worse he could make him as he was struck down to the floor, Blue had no idea he would actually go through the idea.
So, when he found himself standing in front of a nurse in the hospital, telling him to strip, he could hardly believe he was not hallucinating.
***
When, during one of his most violent outbursts, Papyrus had threatened to isolate Blue in a psych ward to show how much worse he could make him as he was struck down to the floor, Blue had no idea he would actually go through the idea.
So, when he found himself standing in front of a nurse in the hospital, telling him to strip, he could hardly believe he was not hallucinating.
The nurse, a woman in her thirties who looked old enough to be in her fifties instead, glared as Blue stayed motionless. “What are you waiting for? I don’t have all day and you're not the only patient I have to see so I would appreciate it if you were to hurry up.”
“Ah- Excuse me but is this really--” He was unbelievably uncomfortable but the nurse, instead of softening her features at the sight of a poor 16-year-old boy so distressed, only had her eyes narrowed even more.
“If you keep stalling, I’m going to have to do it myself.” She hissed, tapping her finger on the wooden tablet on her lap.
That finally prompted him into action, reluctantly taking off his shirt. After he was done removing his clothes, the woman got up from her seat, looking him up and down before he heard her count aloud.
Was she... was she counting his scars?
After she seemed satisfied, she handed him a shoebox, telling him to change into the gown he would find inside. She took his outdoor clothes from him, along with his scarf.
“Can I not keep my scarf at least? It’s quite important to me--” He asked before he was rudely shut down again.
“Unless you want to know in advance how our sedatives feel, you can’t.” She simply replied, walking toward a bunch of drawers. She opened one of them, throwing his belongings inside before locking them up. “You’ll get it back after you’re discharged, now get moving. As I said, I don’t have all day.”
That is how he found himself being led by two staff members; their faces expressionless. Similarly, to their colleague, they seemed unwilling to answer his questions or even look his way. It was almost like they had been tasked with walking a dog instead of a human being. Blue tried to stay positive, telling himself that these two at least were not actively threatening him.
He had a feeling it would not last long. Although, he decided to ignore the thought for the moment.
Eventually, they stopped in front of a door leading to which he assumed would be his room. One of the psych techs handed him a binder labelled “Unit rules,” urging him to read it carefully. The other opened the door, explaining that he would be sharing his room with another patient who would be the one explaining how life worked in the facility.
He would have been fine with that if his roommate was not dangerous to him at least.
He stepped inside the room, checking his surroundings. The space they had was quite limited but sufficient for two people. The beds were each pushed against the opposite wall of each other, while what looked like a closet was placed against the wall facing the entrance, next to the window. A small desk filled the other corner of the room.
Each piece of furniture was either secured to the ground or the wall, leaving no place hidden for the staff. On his left, a door leading to what he assumed to be the bathroom stood there, slightly ajar.
Although, his attention was more attracted to the boy sitting on one of the beds, a nurse standing before him, holding his arm. Blond with some brown strands at the back of his head, dark blue eyes underlined by heavy eyebags, pale and young-looking, he looked... tired.
He was wearing a long-sleeved gown just like Blue himself was, but one of said sleeves was rolled up, revealing the poor state of his forearm. It was covered with both old and fresh cuts, some of which were even covered with concerning bruises. At the sight of the cuts, Blue involuntarily let out a gag, attracting the attention of both the nurse and the boy.
One of the psych techs narrowed his eye at him, telling him to better control himself. He nodded, not risking another look in fear of ending up throwing up. The nurse just rolled her eyes, pressing a syringe onto the patient, taking a little blood from him.
The boy was heard wincing, the grimace on his face easily guessable.
Blue waited until the nurse had left the room before risking a glance forward, the blond one waving in his direction with a small smile before he stood up to meet him. As he expected, he had rolled down his sleeves again, hiding the scars underneath the fabric.
“Hello!” He beamed. “You must be my new roommate, what’s your name?”
“You can call me Blue--” One of the psych techs cleared his throat before he had the chance to ask for the other’s name.
“He was asking for your real name, kid.” He sighed, looking away.
“My name is Lucian.” He has always hated that name, why did he have to be called that even here anyway?
Unexpectedly though, the other just smiled. “Hi Blue!” He glanced at the psych tech who only glared at him before taking his leave. “I’m Theodore, I’m glad to meet you!”
“As am I.”
“I’ve never seen you before, are you new here or did I just not notice you?” he asked, studying his face.
“I got here a few minutes ago.” He answered, grimacing as he recalled the behavior of that nurse. “The two others told me that you would explain how it was like here?”
Theodore raised an eyebrow, surprised. “They did?” He scoffed. “Actually, it doesn’t surprise me that they would make me do their work in their stead, oh well!”
“Did they give you the shoebox?” To answer him, Blue simply lifted the box in his hands. “Okay, perfect. You are in luck, we’re in our free period so nobody should bother us while we’re talking.”
Blue raised an eyebrow. “A free period?”
“They didn’t explain that to you either? Our life here is heavily monitored and rhythmed by a schedule we all follow.” He walked over to the desk, picking up a notebook Blue assumed was his. He flipped a few pages in front of Blue, ignoring most torn pages. He finally stopped on the last page that he showed Blue.
“In the morning, the staff takes your vitals which really means that they check your temperature, your blood, your bpm, and other stuff like that. After that is done, you’ll be led to the cafeteria to have breakfast--” Blue grimaced at the mention of the meal, already dreading it. “-- and you’ll follow up with an activity. It depends on the day but most of the time, you’ll be given free time.”
He nodded, showing he was following. “At noon, we’ll have lunch then free time, so what we are having right now, and then we’ll be sent to group activities.”
Blue tilted his head to the side in confusion, group activities?
Theodore smiled. “I had the exact same reaction as you when I was told that. Basically, we’ll be put in small groups with a psych tech who’ll make us read the unit rules and then talk about ourselves and stuff like that.”
“... That sounds extremely boring and uncomfortable.” Theodore nodded in agreement.
“You could not be righter. Did they tell you in which group you’ll be with today?” Blue shook his head, making Theodore frown again. Judging by the other’s reaction, it was clear that this was once again information he should have gotten but was not told of. He wondered just how many times this would happen today.
“I’ll just ask if you can join my group later then.” He scribbled something in his notebook along these lines with a... crayon?
Noticing his staring, the other laughed. “Yeah, they don’t let us use real pens because they’re worried about us trying to hurt ourselves with those.”
“I see...” That would also explain how thin these blankets look. Blue did hear something about the presence of ‘anti-suffocation’ blankets in wards. He never thought he would one day find himself using one of those.
“If the two thirds of the day are quite boring, nighttime is a bit more chill. We start off with dinner, then a shower--” He interrupted himself midway, looking around. Under Blue’s confused gaze, Theodore walked over to the door before closing it, motioning for him to come closer.
He did so as the other leaned in next to his ear.
“You’re honestly better off not washing your hair, the shampoo here is awful.” He whispered with the voice of someone who had learned that the hard way, before backing away again. “The bathroom is over there.” He pointed toward the door Blue had noticed upon his arrival, confirming his theory.
“There is no lock on the door since the staff is going to check up on you every once in a while, to make sure you’re not trying to drown yourself in there.” He added, making Blue’s heart drop.
“They... can enter at any moment?” He must have looked distraught as he said that, if the sympathetic look the other gave him was any indication of that.
“Pretty much yes, but there is nothing to worry about, there is a shower curtain, so you only need to pop your head out when they are there. Besides, I will always be right outside so if there is any problem, I will gladly throw hands.” He pat his shoulder, a dangerous look in his eyes. That look was kind of scary, but he supposed he didn’t mind it that much, considering he had said that to defend him.
“Right... You also spoke of the staff taking vitals in the morning I believe?” Theodore nodded. “Yet I just saw you get a sample of your blood taken and it is well past noon, why is that?”
Theodore smiled sheepishly, chuckling nervously. “It’s a bit hard to explain but let’s just say I’m a... ‘Special case.’”
Blue opened his mouth to ask him to elaborate, his interest piqued, but the other quickly changed the subject, this time gesturing toward the beds. “You probably noticed them before but those are ‘anti-suffocation’ blankets or, as I like to call them, ‘anti-warmth’ blankets.”
He made a grimace as he said it, grabbing one of said blankets and letting it fall to the bed again. “You can’t request for proper blankets, trust me, I’ve tried, but if it really is that bad some nurses do accept to give you painkillers to get through the night.”
Blue was not sure he quite liked the implication of the last phrase.
“During the day, you might be interrupted in your free time to talk to a therapist, a doctor, or any certified mental health professional. Most of the time, they ask you basic questions like ‘have you had thoughts of harming yourself or others the last 2 weeks?’ or to rate your emotions on a scale of 1 to 10. Though, since you are a newbie, they might ask you more personal questions.”
“You seemed to know your way around here quite well.” He remarked. “If I may ask, how long have you been here for?”
Theodore tapped his chin in thought. “... Which month are we again?”
“April.” He replied.
“Oh, then it must be my 4th month here since I’m still 14.” Oh, so Theodore was younger than him by two years.
“That... sounds like hell.” Theodore laughed, nodding in confirmation.
“Oh, it is, but there is not much I can do about it.” He walked past him to open the door. He gestured toward the hallway. “There is nothing left to see here, let me introduce you to the others and show you around!”
Blue gladly followed him. “What are you even here for?” Considering what he had seen earlier, he was quite certain severe self-harm was on the list, but he was quite curious to find out whether it was the only reason he was there.
The hall was mostly silent as they walked, which was quite surprising for Blue as he had more so expected to hear screams or at least a cry. Not that he was complaining though.
“You know, we’re not supposed to be talking about that kind of stuff.” He warned, eyeing a tech who was passing by. Then, quieter. “We always find a way to anyway but I’m mainly here for self-harm, sexual abuse and a bunch of lies.”
Blue nodded. “What about you?”
“Ah well...” He looked around, just like Theodore did previously, before sliding his thumb horizontally across his throat. He did not have to know the real reason for his internment here, it was probably fine if he lied for a bit.
“Ooooh, gotcha.” He gave him a thumbs-up before opening two large doors.
“We’re here!” Theordore announced as they stepped into the room. Unlike the hallway, this room boasted life; many patients were sat down, most playing cards. “This is the main area of the facility and one of the rooms you will spend the most time in apart from our room. During free time, we are mostly free to distract ourselves and during nighttime they typically bring us here to watch a movie together.”
Blue let his eyes travel around the room, focusing on studying the people reunited around the tables. “How would you describe the others?”
“Most of them are nice.” Theodore replied without much hesitation, following Blue’s gaze. “We are all pretty much in the same boat, fighting similar battles so you can say that we are pretty close to one another.” Blue nodded.
Since he had spent so long not able to interact with people, Blue never had many friends. He had a feeling this stay here was going to be a living hell, but maybe he could try to make a few friends?
He was about to ask another question before a girl, about their age, jumped on Theodore. “Theo!” She laughed, hugging him for a few seconds before letting go of the startled teen. “Nice to see you back, how was it?”
Theodore quickly regained his composure, shrugging at her question. “It was average, pretty much what always happened.”
She chuckled again, seemingly not having listened to a word he said. “Glad to hear that, anyway I gotta go, toodaloo!” she said, planting a kiss on his cheek, much to Blue’s surprise, before running off again.
“...Who was that?”
“That was Ella, she’s probably in a manic episode again.” He calmly replied. “She won’t remember she did when she goes back to her depressive episode so you shouldn’t place too much importance on that.”
“Right.” After that, Theodore led him to a small group of people playing hanging man (here called standing man because it was ‘too inappropriate.’)
It was going to take him some time to adjust to this life but at least his roommate seemed to be nice. He could not ask for much anyway.
