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Drnk faces are loose like dogssz And other thoughts; Drunk doesn't go away rape Tv doesn't go away sad I'm very drunk and it is nice Except I feel like my face is someone else's
INTRO: Manipulating time and space with science to broadcast live from 1867... It’s time for the International Incident Super Wino Show with Bryan The Canadian and Tyler The American - The only drinking game that’s also a show. This is Episode #43. It’s the one after Episode 42!!
This week’s magic drunkz word is spoopy! It’s not poopy. It’s not spooky. It’s SPOOPY!!
Live link!: http://j.mp/tiitalkliveshow
SPONSORS
Johnson’s Wireless Intercourse: now guilt free and no strings attached!
We have a special message from the ABMS, the Association for Bowel Movement Safety. Sit to the left of the hole when having a movement to prevent unwanted spontaneous combustion.
Nose Milk - we shoot every carton out our noses so you don’t have to!
Sally’s Fresh Ground Chuck - Makes great burgers. 10% of sales go to the Find Charles Foundation.
Rob Ford’s Mayoral Crack Pipes - each pipe comes with a free government pension!
Jizzy’s Juicy Jambalaya - It’s so tasty you’ll feel it in your taint!
THESPIANISM (thezzing out) - Pulp Fiction
INT. '74 CHEVY (MOVING) – MORNING
An old gas guzzling, dirty, white 1974 Chevy Nova BARRELS
down a homeless-ridden street in Hollywood. In the front
seat are two young fellas – one white, one black – both
wearing cheap black suits with thin black ties under long
green dusters. Their names are VINCENT VEGA (white) and JULES
WINNFIELD (black). Jules is behind the wheel.
JULES [Tyler]
– Okay now, tell me about the hash
bars?
VINCENT [Bryan]
So what you want to know?
JULES
Well, hash is legal there, right?
VINCENT
Yeah, it's legal, but is ain't a
hundred percent legal. I mean you
can't walk into a restaurant, roll a
joint, and start puffin' away. You're
only supposed to smoke in your home
or certain designated places.
JULES
Those are hash bars?
VINCENT
Yeah, it breaks down like this: it's
legal to buy it, it's legal to own
it and, if you're the proprietor of
a hash bar, it's legal to sell it.
It's legal to carry it, which doesn't
really matter 'cause – get a load of
this – if the cops stop you, it's
illegal for this to search you.
Searching you is a right that the
cops in Amsterdam don't have.
JULES
That did it, man – I'm fuckin' goin',
that's all there is to it.
VINCENT
You'll dig it the most. But you know
what the funniest thing about Europe
is?
JULES
What?
VINCENT
It's the little differences. A lotta
the same shit we got here, they got
there, but there they're a little
different.
JULES
Examples?
VINCENT
Well, in Amsterdam, you can buy beer
in a movie theatre. And I don't mean
in a paper cup either. They give you
a glass of beer, like in a bar. In
Paris, you can buy beer at
MacDonald's. Also, you know what
they call a Quarter Pounder with
Cheese in Paris?
JULES
They don't call it a Quarter Pounder
with Cheese?
VINCENT
No, they got the metric system there,
they wouldn't know what the fuck a
Quarter Pounder is.
JULES
What'd they call it?
VINCENT
Royale with Cheese.
JULES
(repeating)
Royale with Cheese. What'd they call
a Big Mac?
VINCENT
Big Mac's a Big Mac, but they call
it Le Big Mac.
JULES
Le Big Mac. What do they call a
Whopper?
VINCENT
I dunno, I didn't go into a Burger
King. But you know what they put on
french fries in Holland instead of
ketchup?
JULES
What?
VINCENT
Mayonnaise.
JULES
Goddamn!
VINCENT
I seen 'em do it. And I don't mean a
little bit on the side of the plate,
they fuckin' drown 'em in it.
JULES
Uuccch!
#FACTS
Albert Einstein's surname originated due to the fact that all males in his family were born with one ball.
Vlad III, Prince of Wallachia of the House of Drăculești, better known as Vlad The Impaler and source of the Dracula mythology, had a beloved pair of Chihuahuas named Pookums and Sunshine.
RIFFING
We’ve been working on our book, Men Explain Everything slated for publishing in 2014. Check out the site @ http://menexplaineverything.com and FB page @ http://facebook.com/menexplaineverything
DONATE TO TYLER like I did and Heidi did. If everyone who watches the show gave Tyler $1000 he’d have $1000.
BRYAN
I hate when people on the phone (tech support, etc.) try to use the International Radiotelephony Spelling Alphabet but they're all like Apple Boy Cockring Dildo instead of Alpha Bravo Charlie Delta…
Receptionist at FAG Bearings. No periods because fags don't have periods. It was the 80s.
Thought I heard a Finance person ask, "are you writing a cheque your ass can't cash RIGHT NOW??"
3 inch pube in the urinal at work! Dude 3 words: personal grooming system!
TYLER
America laughs at the silly Canada’s crack smoking Mayor of Toronto, Rob Ford. You want real corrupt politicians? You gotta come to the United States, my Northern peeps!!
Why are there no Mint-flavored suppositories?
I’ve been working on my Astral Projection lately. I can only get to the bathroom, then I can’t pee because I’m a ghost. Sucks.
Whenever I walk down the street and a Yeti is walking the other way, I clutch my purse tightly.
REVIEWS
BRYAN (because he likes to pee)
Betty’s and Mai Tais. And Chateau Ste. Michelle Gewurztraminer.
Candy Crush. It doesn't add turns your friends sent you if you're already maxed out at 5. You only get 5 turns. "Micro" transactions are hardly micro. Quirky - it chooses the direction you move your pieces sometimes. Maddening. I actually just uttered "son of a cock whistle" while playing it. It makes decisions for you, or at least it tries to influence your decisions. It is an asshole. You know there's a problem when the game actually makes me hate chocolate. I have to play with the sound of because the voice over guy sounds like a pervert. I find myself saying, "fuck you, chocolate" an awful lot. I'm pretty sure the chocolate is a metaphor for cancer, the way it spreads. And I'm further convinced the whole game is a metaphor for addiction and the cost - both monetary and psychological - on its victims and their families. Then it asks you to invite your non-addicted friends to play. That like your drug dealer asking you if you have any friends who'd like to try heroin. And now I'm probably going to play Candy Crush after the show.
TYLER (I got more because Bryan always has to pee) shut up No, YOU shutup.
A new wine and nothing else. Boo hoo!
Monsters University from Pixar.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
BRYAN
Cat ears do not a Halloween costume make.
My stripper name is Stiffanie.
Napoleon and Brosephine.
Rob Ford is a fat crack-smoking idiot!
Rock over London, rock out in Chicago! White Castle, it's what you crave!
TYLER
I once owned a cadre of schlubs.
And MY stripper name is Spoopy Rainbow!
Castor Oil is NOT good for stir fry.
Squids don’t like Mozart.
Slippery Nipples make me nervous.
SWORPL
The rules of the game are that you must use Google and you have to turn off Safe Search. Moderate doesn’t count. And now we get to show them during the show!
Bryan:
filthy muffin disco balls - http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/03/19/article-0-123C01EB000005DC-601_634x378.jpg and http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_pfFakkafeqY/SL6xzOBkZOI/AAAAAAAAApA/pONf0axn2aw/s320/disco+boobs.jpg
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
INTRO: Now that we’re done filming our cameo with Velma in the new Scooby Doo porno!... It’s time for the International Incident Super Sexy Show with Bryan The Canadian and Tyler The American - The only drinking game that’s also a show. This is Episode #40. We don’t need no stinkin’ badges!!
This week’s magic drunkz word is PENIS! Because reasons!!
Live link!: http://j.mp/tiitalkliveshow
SPONSORS
Kentucky Fried Penis: It’s penis-licking good!
Pantaloons - The original and only slacks for waterfowl AND crazy people.
Ellis Dental. We’re pretty sure he’s a dentist and doesn’t work for FedEx.
Dickens In A Hole - Experience the works of the legendary author from the bottom of a well.
Hipster Juice: made with fresh squeezed hipsters. Now includes real chunks of eyeglass frames!
La Saucisse Frite - Our dude peeps seriously need to stay away from this place. We’re not kidding.
SHOUTOUT: Hey, HVAC dude from Carl’s Jr. this morning. Thanks for watching!!
THESPIANISM (thezzing out) - Dumb & Dumber
The crowd APPLAUDS and begins to mingle again. Lloyd turns back to the Bartender and holds up his empty glass.
LLOYD [Tyler]
Two more, please.
Harry stares at Lloyd with concern.
HARRY [Bryan]
Lloyd, I've never seen you this
uptight. You've gotta chill out.
LLOYD
I can't help it. This is a very
important night for me.
(beat)
Harry, have you ever wondered why
you and I never have long-term
girlfriends?
HARRY
What are you talking about? I went
out with Fraida Felcher for two and
a half weeks.
LLOYD
That was a fluke.
(beat)
The reason we never have long-term
girlfriends is because of one thing:
We're afraid of the C word.
HARRY
That's crazy. We live for the C word.
LLOYD
I'm talking bout commitment.
HARRY
(beat)
Oh.
LLOYD
Well I'm ready for commitment, Harry.
The first time I laid eyes on Mary
Swanson, I knew she was the one.
(beat)
Some things you feel in your heart,
other things you feel in your groin.
This girl makes me feel it all in
the heart.
Suddenly Lloyd notices something across the room. Lloyd quickly turns toward the bar.
LLOYD
Oh shit, there she is.
HARRY
(checking her out)
Wow. You weren't kidding, Lloyd.
She's an angel.
(beat)
Well, what are you waiting for? Get
over there and talk to her.
LLOYD
She's gonna think I'm some kind of
psycho when she realizes how far I
came just to see her.
HARRY
You have her briefcase -- she's gonna
be thrilled to see you.
LLOYD
And then what? She'll take it back
and that'll be it. I'm a nobody.
Harry thinks about this a moment.
HARRY
Look, man, you just drove two thousand
miles to see this girl. Don't quit
on the last fifty feet.
LLOYD
(brightening)
Wait a second, I have an idea. You
go over and introduce yourself. That
way you can build me up so when I
come along I won't have to brag about
myself. Tell her I'm good-looking
and I'm rich and I have a rapist's
wit.
HARRY
I can't tell her you're good looking,
Lloyd -- she's got eyes.
Lloyd takes a big gulp of his new martini.
LLOYD
Please Harry, I'm appealing to you
as one loser to another. Just build
me up and then give me a signal to
come over. Please.
Harry SIGHS.
HARRY
All right. But you're gonna owe me a
big one for this.
Harry straightens his polka-dot bow-tie, then APPROACHES
Mary, who is now standing alone, admiring the owls.
HARRY
Nice set of hooters you got there.
#FACTS
9 out of 10 or 87% of all barnyard animals are poisonous.
Between 1811 and 1843, the law required all Cartographers to perform sexual favors in exchange for ink.
RIFFING
CHECK OUT our Thunderclap page and stand up for your favorite web drinking game fun show, The International Incident. It’s entirely free and you will help get the word out to more potential viewers. You can find the site @ http://j.mp/promotetiitalk. DO IT!!
DONATE TO US or somewhere at some time you least expect it, we will each grow a third nipple!
BRYAN
Let’s just say, much like Kanye West, I am a creative genius. And people are either going to love me or hate me. But please love me.
Erin’s gym teacher asked if there was a vet nearby. Because these pythons are sick.
A big "fuck you" to all the people who insist on taking the elevator one floor.
I'm beginning to experience more Skytrain rage. Nudging people and mentally preparing for confrontation.
Um, I need something positive to talk about...
Last name Fontenele?? Why is someone named after the soft spot on a baby's head??
With enough duct tape anything is possible.
TYLER
Crabcakes.
Syphilis.
Pornish game hens.
Pig slop.
Asparagus pee.
Shaving yaks.
Astronaut toilets.
REVIEWS
BRYAN (because he likes to pee)
Betty’s and Mai Tais. And Jackson-Triggs Riesling. Yes RIESLING!
Colecovision for iOS! http://www.tuaw.com/2013/10/09/colecovision-to-be-resurrected-in-app-form-but-you-need-to-kick/
TYLER (I got more because Bryan always has to pee) shut up No, YOU shutup.
A wine and a bottle of Sangria to finish!
Google’s emoticons. They suck, and not like vacuums or whores.
The SNL episode starring Miley Cyrus. Fail. Utter fail. Udder fail, even.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
BRYAN
You're not fooling anybody by offering free samples of "vitamin semen".
Do you think there's a market for Hitler blow-up dolls?
How about Eva Braun blow-up dolls?
Oh I get it - "blow up".
Where can I get a pair of Juicy sweatpants in extra large?
Rock over London, rock out in Chicago! The Home Depot, it's America's home improvement warehouse
TYLER
Sepsis is not a European candy.
You cannot tell when women are cold in the arctic unless they are nekkid.
Eva Braun had a penis the size of a kielbasa.
We done blowed that up REEEAAAALLLLL good!
Daryl Hannah owns a 10 foot spork.
SWORPL
The rules of the game are that you must use Google and you have to turn off Safe Search. Moderate doesn’t count. And now we get to show them during the show!
