#drunk scene

I totally get that it is a sensitive issue, and that it might be a difficult experience viewing, and honestly? I believe it was set up to be. The whole of season 2 is set up to be a difficult experience, that’s why a lot of us who joined simply for some happy endorphins are so taken aback and struggling, still maybe too invested yet to quit.

These are bold decisions by the makers, and fascinating intentions, and show to me again what media can be. As critical, humanly-conflicted viewers we are meant to struggle with this. We are meant to find our stance on this, and process, maybe learn, maybe take our stance and set boundaries. What you take from this scene shows you where you stand, how you consume media, what you take from it and want out of it, but those expectations and experiences can never be universal, or simply right or wrong, because we all come from different places here, with different needs, and histories, processing and coping mechanisms.

So.

Yes, this scene shows acts of dubious consent or even non-con. Does it glorify or romanticize or sanction, or normalize that behavior? No, that is put on us, to an extent. But I also don’t think it just shows, perpetuates that kind of behavior without commentary, as a neutral ‘make of it what you will’. The whole scene is set up to show very complex, humanly-flawed characters at their worst, it is not put in to be a happy ending, a guide how to relationship, a resolve to anything, not to simply entertain, but to show those layers and faults in a way that grips you where it hurts. It is a fault-filled step on the characters ways to themselves, and to me, that is vastly different from a show that puts in dubcon as a habitual part of a relationship, or even makes it cute somehow. I feel WBL knows what responsibility in that matter means, but it is also directed at critical viewers, who will take up their part of the viewing experience.

So to everyone struggling with this, and I really mean it: Good for you. You have learned to spot dub con and have a clear concept of what it means and have set those boundaries for you. I don’t want to sound patronizing, I really mean it. Good for you in protecting your boundaries, that’s something to be really proud of. I am sorry if this ruins the viewing experience or the couple for you, but that’s the thing with boundaries, some stuff that crosses them for you will have to be cut out.

And I really do get how those red flags appear in that scene, but for those who want it, I will lay out some nuance that make the scene more complex for me:

Those two characters do have power imbalances and a dependence on each other emotionally still, but at that point in time, they also have enough distance and detachment between them, especially on Shu Yi’s side, that the emotional repercussions of rejecting the other are not an imminent threat to their identities. What I mean is, is Shu Yi in fear of his life or identity or emotions to be irreparably damaged if he rejected Shi De’s advances here in that moment?  I don’t think so, and I also think Shu Yi is aware of that, and he stays because he wants answers, it is a conscious choice. What I want to say with that maybe diffuse argument is, I believe that Shu Yi believes he has a choice. He is not helpless against Shi De, nor physically his inferior, nor in a state of dependence that negates his choice.

I also think the show highlights that by leaving the door open, as a metaphor for he can leave if he really wants. Shu Yi puts Shi De in his place bodily by hitting him in the family jewels I believe to emphasize his ‘I said stop’. He is physical able to throw him off when he wants to, as is shown at times when he does. I don’t think Shu Yi is afraid of Shi De at any time, he is afraid for him and the magnitude of that break down and unsettled, but not afraid of Shi De violating him against his will. Of course, Shi De’s digressions and ignoring his statements of No and Enough are digressions, and infringement of Shu Yi’s consent and will, too, but Shu Yi tolerates them to an extent to get information he wants, or later because he gets cought up in the emotions. That is not said to shift the blame and responsibility for those digressions, that lies with Shi De, just to explain what is happening.

So another thing where this matter and that scene and the reactions to it get difficult is: Is that scene hot?

I do not think that from the maker’s POV it is put in to be ‘hot’. Or to be simply entertaining. Yet, that will still be part of the reactions that you’ll get, because people have different needs while watching, and filter by those needs what they choose to get out of that scene. Again, I don’t want to sound patronizing, make your experience what you want to make it.

It sure is intense and raw and portrayed by beautiful people sharing skin to skin contact, and kisses, that are their means of communicating when words fail.

And put that all together and be emphatic with it, relate in a subjective way, and you get a very intense feeling, and some will interpret that engagement as a sexual feeling, others will not.

Aesthetically it is beautiful, emotionally it is gripping and heart-wrenching and sad, and filled to the brim with desperate passion… so yeah. The step to making it somewhat sexual is there, as sexuality is complex for all of us, and without hard definitions in our interpretation of the feelings.

So, to conclude:

I see the elements that are dub-con/non-con.

I see the elements that are ‘hot’.

They are all part of that layered scene that shows many human complexities and flaws and sufferings, and in that somehow also achieves to be a mirror for us as well. Media is fascinating, as are humans. Aren’t we?

Also, no I do not think they had sex that night.