#dreadwulf

Dear Fenris:

I was so pleased to receive your letter! You told me not to expect anything, so I haven’t paid any attention to the mail. One of the superiors had to bring this to me personally, and I thought it must be a mistake. This is such a lovely surprise! Please thank your friend for his help.

Garrett is not very happy with me, either. As I’m sure you know, he’s pulled some strings to be able to talk to me every now and then. I have explained my reasons to him, and even if he does not accept them he knows that you did not force me to come to the Circle. Don’t worry: he will get over this in time. One day he will show up at your door and act as though nothing happened at all, and everything will be back to normal. It’s best to just go along with it when that happens.

I am doing very well. The terrors that were disrupting my sleep have gone, and I don’t hear the whispers of demons hardly at all here in the Circle. If I ever do, they are very faint, not the constant roar that was tormenting me when you came to my aid. The First Enchanter says that in time I won’t hear them at all. What a relief that will be!

At times the Circle is very much what I imagine school would have been like. We never went to the Chantry or played with the other children very much. Mother and Father kept us at home, so that I would not be discovered. I have always felt very guilty for that, for Garrett and Carver always having to hide. It is a great burden lifted not to have to hide anymore.

Here we have lessons, and sleep in a dormitory. It is interesting to be around so many other mages like myself. I’ve been outside the Circle much longer than any of them, and when I first got here, I must confess there was a bit of a sensation! They have so many questions about what’s happening outside. We are very cut off here, very wrapped up in our lessons and studies.

Some of the mages are very young, and I am mentoring a few of them. Well -- more like baby-sitting, really, and making sure they don’t set each other’s hair on fire!

Still it is a bit lonely, seeing the same faces every day, and never hearing anything from outside the Gallows. I fear sometimes that everyone has forgotten about me. Isabela wrote to me several times, but I think she’s lost interest. Garrett and Anders are taking up each other’s attention at the moment, so I don’t hear from either of them much. Do write to me again! Tell me everything that I am missing, everything!

Yours truly,

Bethany Hawke

*********************************

Dear Miss Hawke:

As I explained that night, I cannot write to you, though I did not explain why. As a slave, I was never taught to read or write, you see. Sebastian Vael, a chantry initiate, he is teaching me, and he says that continuing our correspondence will help me to learn. I hope that you do not mind if I practice on you. In return I am assisting him with certain matters involving the use of my sword, and he has my thanks besides.

(It is no trouble at all, and my pleasure to be of service --- S. V.)

There is not much news aside from that which I’m sure your brother has already told you. He and your mother are firmly ensconced in the Amell family manor, and they have outfitted it expensively beautifully. Your mother entertains quite frequently, I am told. Though he is still rather cold to me he did extend an invitation to the manor for a tour, and to dinner, although I declined the latter. I believe you are correct that he will eventually forgive me for encouraging you to turn yourself in. But it will be some time still before that happens.

Varric has profited outrageously from the Deep Roads Expedition, but is still unable to locate his treacherous brother. Aveline is exceedingly busy running her guardsmen, and seems ideally suited to the role. No other news of import comes to mind.

What sorts of lessons are they teaching you in the Gallows? Will you be facing your Harrowing soon?

Sincerely,

FENRIS

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Dear Miss Hawke:

I received word that you have been through your Harrowing. Very good news!

I was told, however, that you would be resting for some time afterwards. Please send a response when you are feeling better.

Sincerely,

FENRIS

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Dear Fenris:

Yes, I have passed the test. They made a point of giving it to me early, and with very little preparation, and to be quite honest it was rather a draining and upsetting experience. But it is finished, and with a few more days rest I shall be good as new.

Orsino, the First Enchanter, has been training me in the better control of my ice magic. Though I confess I don’t quite understand the purpose of learning spells that we will never be permitted to use. Still, it is nice to have proper teaching. It turns out my father was not quite the expert in magic that we all thought he was -- Orsino, on the other hand, is incredibly knowledgeable. He seems never to run out of energy for his spells, and they maintain for so long, and with such power! It is a bit scary sometimes, to think of what we can do. Father always stressed that we must use our gifts responsibly, but there are mages here who seem to revel in their power. I’m a bit frightened of those, especially the ones who were dragged in from the road, trying to flee. There are some very angry people here.

There are also some templars that are quite frightening. Ser Alrik in particular, I have heard terrible things about. I have a feeling that my brother’s increasing stature in the City is protecting me from the worst abuses, but I fear that some of the other mages have been

[the rest of the page is blotted out with dark blotches of ink, very deliberately]

[at the top of the following page the text continues unblemished.]

Please do continue to write to me - your letters are the highlight of my day. Give me all the news, about yourself in particular.

Yours truly,

Bethany

****************************

Dear Miss Hawke:

I have no news to report.

Be wary of these apostates who enjoy their magic too much. Power corrupts, and the more power any person has, the more tempted they will be to abuse it. I have seen such abuse in Tevinter, and it becomes all the more grotesque the longer they are allowed to operate unchecked. I wonder now at the wisdom of enclosing responsible mages like yourself with renegade apostates, or of housing them in a group where they might band together. I suppose it cannot be helped. If only more mages were so reluctant as you are to abuse their abilities, and to cause harm to the people around you! Perhaps then there would be no need for so much supervision.

The templars assure me that you will be able to have visitors once you have been observed for the full probation period. I look forward to meeting you again.

Sincerely,

FENRIS

***********************

Dear Fenris:

You frustrating man! Tell me about yourself. It is so dull here, I have memorized every crack in all the walls of my room and my roommates have begun to repeat their stories, they’ve run out of things to tell me. I have only gossip and your letters, which are becoming distressingly short.

What do you do with yourself, when my brother isn’t dragging you around? Do you still live in that abandoned building in Hightown? When will you make for yourself a proper home?

I am still not allowed any visitors, nor have I been allowed to go outside. I can look out a window once in awhile, but that’s it. Our days are very regimented. Prayers at dawn, morning meal, chores, lessons, midday meal, more lessons, I watch the children run in circles for a few hours, then I am alone in my cell at dusk. They have moved me to my own room, now that I am Harrowed, and because I am older than a lot of the new mages. It is nice to have privacy, but there is noone to talk to for all the long hours until morning. All I have to read is the Chant of Light and a history book by Brother Genetivi that I’ve already read twice. And your letters, of course.

Everything here is the same, day in and day out, like an endless gray fog. There is a window in the east tower that I can look out when I go up to fetch the children, and see a small patch of sky, a stone wall, and a little corner of the courtyard (the one past where the Knight-Captain stands, where the azaleas grow). I can stop there for a few minutes sometimes, and once in awhile someone will walk by that I can recognize, and my heart pounds nearly out of my chest with longing for them to turn their head and look at me, talk to me, see me!

I’m sorry. I know that I am lucky to be here. They are just very strict in the Gallows, and Ser Alrik has been [this part blotted out] and it has got me rather blue.

Write again soon.

Yours truly,

Bethany Hawke

***********************

Dear Bethany,

I am not sure what to tell you. Everything is the same.

I have not been captured by slavers, and I have not killed my master. Everything else is of little import.

Yes, I am still living in the abandoned manor, the one that you and your brother helped to clear of abominations.  I have since learned that it never did belong to Danarius after all, and he only borrowed it when visiting the city, so he is unlikely to return to it. Still I have no plans to find another home. Since I do not know where Danarius might be, or when my pursuers may strike, I may have to run at any moment, and why should I take the trouble to establish myself somewhere else when it will only be temporary? This place will do.

I do travel with your brother rather frequently, and we make some coin.

I am sorry that you are presently so constrained. Perhaps in time you will earn the favor of the Templars and be allowed to move more freely? I have inquired several more times and I am always told that the Circle is not permitting visitors now. With so many dangerous apostates within they must feel that it is necessary for safety’s sake.

The last paragraph of your letter was unclear: what has Ser Alrik been doing to upset you?

Sincerely,

FENRIS

*****************

Dear Fenris,

I’m sorry it has taken so long to reply. Things have been very tense and I have not been able to get ink and paper until now. Yesterday I wasn’t able to leave my room at all, not after [name blotted out] fought back [blotted out] when he [rest of line blotted out]

Silly goose. If you have nothing to write to me about, perhaps you could go out and do something interesting? I’ll bet you keep yourself shut away all of the time. I used to do that, when I was in hiding. I always thought that everyone could tell what I was just by looking at me, and I hated for people to look. It must be worse than that for you, because you do look so different. (I don’t mean that in a bad way - I like the way that you look - I just mean that you cannot hide your lyrium markings or your white hair or your ears, the way I could always hide my staff.)

Still, though I know it might be difficult, you cannot hide yourself away for the rest of your life. Take it from me, who wasted so much time hiding. Now I will never walk the city freely again, never blend into a crowd, never go to market and buy myself a sweet. All of these things I wish I had enjoyed more, while I still could.

Live a little extra for me, will you? Go out and see things, Fenris, and write me about them. Please. Go to the Wounded Coast and wade into the freezing water until you can’t feel your toes anymore. Go for a walk along the docks and tell me how terrible it smells, how there’s slimy mold everywhere and the clapboards are all falling apart. I miss that, I miss the docks. I miss everything.

Yesterday I realized I will never leave this place. I suppose there are worse fates, but still, it is difficult to accept.

Don’t tell my brother that I said that. He and Mother must believe that I am doing well.

Yours Truly,

Bethany Hawke

************************

Dear Bethany,

I thought about what you said a great deal.

It does seem unfair that you cannot leave the Gallows, when I know that you are a gentle soul and responsible with your magic. But I remember how you were suffering before you went to the Circle. I know the feeling of being hunted, the fear of discovery. You can never truly rest with pursuers at your heels. Now you are safe, and no overzealous mage-hunter will strike you down, and surely that is a relief?

I remember too how you have suffered here in Kirkwall, which you said was so infested with demons and the whispering from the Fade that you could hardly think straight. You hear it no more, correct? The Circle has some protections for you, and allows you to live in peace and safety.

I hope you do not feel the cost is too high, and resent me for bringing you here. I suppose you might someday. If you cease to respond to my letters I will know that is the case.

At any rate I did as you asked, and went out, although there is not very much to tell you about it. Sebastian accompanied me around the entire Chantry grounds, which is actually fairly extensive behind the high walls they maintain. There are many colorful gardens, though I’m not sure exactly who they cultivate them for, when noone is allowed in them. It gives the Sisters something to do, I suppose. Sebastian told me a great deal of history about the cathedral and its building that I have already forgotten. After that I brought him with me to the Hanged Man, where Varric holds a game of Diamondback once weekly. He declined to gamble or drink, but sat with me as I lost all of the money I had on me to your brother and his abomination lover at cards.

After that Garrett decided to be pleased with me again, so perhaps it was worth it. I should have tried losing at cards a long time ago.

I will continue to try to come and visit you. I am poor company but perhaps they will let me bring you a few little things to cheer you up. What sort of thing would you like?

Sincerely,

FENRIS

*****************************

DEAR BETHANY-

I AM SO SORRY.

I WANT TO SAY IN MY OWN HAND I AM SORRY.

YOUR BROTHER DID THE BEST ANYONE COULD HAVE DO NOT JUDGE HIM TOO HARSHLY.

YOURS

FENRIS

**************************

Fenris -

Thank you. There is not much to make me smile today but a letter in your own dear handwriting did that.

I simply cannot believe Mother is gone.

And that another mage

[there is a blot on the page where tears have mixed with the ink, leaving a messy blot and several words afterwards crossed out many times and made illegible.]

I’m in shock, I think.

Will write again soon.

Yours truly,

Bethany

*******************************

Miss Bethany -

I am writing this time on my own behalf, and not for Fenris. I know we have never met, but having composed his letters and helped him to read your replies I feel as though I have met you in some way.

My deepest condolences for the loss of your Mother. It has been months now, but I know that the loss does not dull with time, and only deepens. My own parents died quite suddenly a few years ago and the pain was unimaginable.

I met your Mother several times. She was a lovely, regal woman, who welcomed me into her home as a stranger and treated me as a friend. My sympathies.

If it is not too painful, please send some word to Fenris. He worries for you.

Your Humble Servant,

Sebastian Vael

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Dear Fenris:

I saw you in the courtyard, you darling. It made me smile. How did you manage to find the one small patch of the courtyard that I can see? Did you wait there long? I could see your white hair from here immediately and I stood there watching until they made me move away from the window. It was so good to look on a friendly face again.

I’m so sorry I haven’t written. These last weeks I’ve sunk into a sort of mire of grief and, I’m afraid, self-pity. It’s been very hard, and the guards do not have much sympathy for me even in my loss. They don’t seem to care if I have feelings at all.

I don’t do much now. The First Enchanter has terminated our lessons. I’m not sure what I’ve done to upset him, but he won’t talk to me anymore - he did not even offer his condolences for Mother. He seems to go out of his way to avoid me. I haven’t even laid eyes on him in weeks.

We are kept in our cells more and more, even for meals. When I do see the other mages we have to whisper, for our jailers take any excuse to separate us, and even to [the rest of the sentence is blotted out]

Some mornings I simply don’t get out of bed, and if noone comes to fetch me I will stay there all day long.

But now I shall check my window for you, in case you return. Come when the sun is highest, I will be watching.

Yours truly,

Bethany Hawke

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Dear Miss Hawke:

I am terribly sorry. I overstepped. It will not happen again.

Sincerely yours,

FENRIS

(Fenris will not tell me what he means by this, but he says that you will know. I do hope you will forgive him for he seems very contrite and very worried! --- S. V. )

***********************

My Dear Fenris:

You have nothing to apologize for. I was very surprised when you kissed me, but I was the one who took your hand first, and came closer than the arm-length boundary we are supposed to follow. I am only sorry that they made you leave afterwards, and I couldn’t tell you how wonderful it made me feel, how alive, how free.

I was surprised enough to finally be allowed a visitor! My brother must have complained to the right people this time. I’ve been hearing more concern from people lately, and some of the Senior Enchanters have been encouraging me not to look so morose all the time. And then I am abruptly taken from the midday meal and brought to you! I was so very happy!

I only wish there were a way for you to kiss me many more times than that, to be honest! So do not be sorry. It was the best thing that has happened to me in this place.

In fact there is a great deal of kissing inside the Gallows, when people can steal away. The Templars do frown on it. They say it gets us stirred up, ready to cause trouble. They especially don’t like relationships with people outside. It may be some time before we are allowed to see one another again.

It is so tremendously unfair that I could cry.

But instead I shall be happy and look forward to seeing you again someday, if you wish to, that is.

Truly Yours,

Bethany Hawke

*************

Dear Bethany,

Of course I do wish to see you. I wish it all of the time.

I even wonder if I was mistaken to bring you to the Circle. You looked so pale and so thin, instead of rosy and healthy as I knew you before. Please take care of yourself.

I will do my best to see you again soon.

In the meantime I have continued to go out. I go to the Wounded Coast at sunset, and sit. There is not much beach to speak of but there is sand and water, and it is pleasant enough. The sound of it is relaxing, when I forget about all of the sailing I did with my former Master. I can do that now sometimes, forget, at least for a little while. I try to think of you instead, and it helps.

I go to the market, and I continue to lose money to your brother at Diamondback. He is very worried about you. Anders is positively gleeful that I am questioning my belief in the Circle, moreso than he actually cares what happens to you. But Garrett is genuinely worried.

I confess I am very confused by all of this. It is not how I expected it to be. I thought you would flourish in the Circle, and not wither. It is more of a prison than I had envisioned. And to think of you there with some of the blood mages we have helped to capture… it is clear that you are not in their category. I had thought that all mages would abuse their power eventually, but I have never once thought this of you. I thought it poor judgement on my part at first, because of your beauty, but I have come to believe that you are different.

Also I am troubled by the way your letters [the text here is carefully blotted out and unreadable]

Yours,

FENRIS

********

Dear Fenris,

My beauty? Clearly my womanly wiles have overcome your rational thinking.

I know it must be difficult for you to understand that not all mages are monsters. I wish you could have met my father. He was a great mage AND a great man.

Although there are a great deal of mages in Kirkwall who are a bit monstrous themselves. I hear them plotting together here, though I don’t know what about. It frightens me.

The Templars are the real monsters.

I see that I can’t tell you what’s really going on here, not this way at least. You must find a way to come and see me again.

With all my love,

Bethany Hawke

***************

Dear Fenris,

Well, that was all very exciting, wasn’t it?

I know now why we are trained in magic here, even though we will never be allowed to leave. It’s so we can be soldiers. If the city ever needs us, First Enchanter Orsino will lead us into battle. Whether we like it or not.

I would be outraged, and probably will be in time. But there was something so satisfying in being allowed to be useful, and to be able to use my magic publically, to help, without having to hide. I could use any spells I wanted, as strongly and as flashy as I could, and it felt good.

It worries me, how good that felt. Though some of that thrill was simply being outside, under a real sky, and not surrounded by stone and candlelight. It was quite overwhelming to be suddenly back in the world again, and in such chaos. To use my magic at least gave me some sense of control, the first I’ve had in a long time.

It was such a horror, what the Qunari did. I saw awful things. Innocent people slaughtered, things I’ve not had to see since we fled the Blight. And what they do to their mages makes my blood boil. I don’t suppose you think it’s a good idea, to sew our mouths shut? No, don’t tell me if you do. I don’t want to know.

It was so very good to see you again, even briefly. I only wish we could have talked. But with the Knight-Captain watching me so closely, and with the First Enchanter nearby, I didn’t want to draw their attention. I hope you understand.

Did everyone make it through all right? I hear Garrett is on the mend. Perhaps after what he did, he can get me out of this place.

Yours truly,

Bethany Hawke

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Dear Fenris,

I haven’t heard from you in ages. What is happening out there?

Please write.

Yours truly,

Bethany Hawke

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Dear Fenris,

Have I done something to offend you?

Things here are not good. Please send some word. A single word. Anything.

Yours,

Bethany Hawke

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Dear Fenris,

I just wrote to you yesterday, but things are bad and getting worse.

[A full paragraph here is angrily scribbled out]

All of the mages who came in with me are now Tranquil, and it’s all because of [blotted and unreadable]. Ser Alrik has been coming [blotted and unreadable] Knight Captain [blotted and unreadable] protect me so far. But I’m afraid [blotted and unreadable] and he seems to think I’m his to protect.

Please [completely, heavily inked over and unreadable]

Please hurry!

Bethany Hawke

******************

Bethany,

I have been writing to your regularly! You must not be receiving all of my letters. Perhaps it is an innocent mistake? I do not know what is happening.

Hawke has appealed to everyone we can think of, but they are not letting us see you. The First Enchanter will not talk to us, and Knight Commander Meredith has been very unhelpful. With the Viscount dead, that avenue of aid is lost.

I will think of something.

Yours,

FENRIS

*********************

Dearest Fenris,

I am hoping that you will be in the courtyard sometime soon and I can get this letter to you. There is a crack in the window, and i’m hoping I can magic it over to you without damaging it. If someone else finds this, please give this letter to the elf Fenris, or to my brother Garrett Hawke in Hightown. It is most urgent that they receive it!

Fenris, I must get out of the Circle. The Templars are killing us. If it were not for my brother the Champion I would have been made Tranquil long ago. They tell me this over and over, and I don’t know that they won’t still do it eventually. They have struck me many times, for the smallest infractions. They let themselves into our rooms and do whatever they like. I have managed to keep Ser Alrik out, but only by appealing to the Knight Captain, and he expects certain things of me in return.

I feel if I don’t get out of here soon, I will break. I will go mad, or throw myself from the tower, or both. Please Fenris, if you have any feeling for me at all, you must help me.

All my love,

Bethany

********************

Bethany-

I am writing for myself this time, not for Fenris. Please send word soon. Your last letter was very alarming and when we saw that the windows in all the towers have been boarded up Fenris became terribly upset.  He went to see your brother and I haven’t seen him since.

I fear they are plotting something… inadvisable.

I will broker a visit to the Gallows on Chantry business and pass this note to you somehow.

Sebastian Vael

**********************

S. VAEL-

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR HELP.

YOUR FRIEND,

FENRIS

**********************

Ser Garrett Hawke -

What has happened? There was an explosion at the Gallows, and then all of the mages were fleeing. Were you involved in this?

Mother Elethina has assured me that most of the mages were recaptured, and all those who transformed into abominations were destroyed. But what has happened to Fenris, and to your sister? I have heard from neither of them since and I am terribly afraid that they have met a tragic fate.

When I saw your sister in the Gallows, and she had been so obviously beaten, I made the mistake of telling Fenris about it. I fear he has done something foolish.

Please reassure me if you can.

Sincerely,

Sebastian Vael

***************************

Dearest Brother:

Don’t be ridiculous. Of course I’m all right. I wasn’t kidnapped by Fenris, and I didn’t kill him either. The whole thing was his idea, actually.

Fenris and Anders. Can you believe it? The two of them working together? I swear in that moment rivers ran backwards and fish could fly. That was how I knew he really is in love with me, and that I could trust in him.

I’m so sorry they couldn’t tell you, and that I couldn’t say goodbye. The Knight-Commander watches you very closely, you know.

Anders has been collecting materials for a bomb for a long time. I think it’s based on Qunari gunpowder, with a lot of strange herbs and no small amount of magic. He was going to use it on the Chantry, of all things. Fenris appealed to him to use it to rescue me, and I suppose the idea of blowing up the Knight Commander was too much to resist.

Fenris gave every appearance of rounding up the runaway mages, yes. I’m guessing he probably did really kill some of the blood mages, to make it convincing. But when he found me inside, he said that he would help me escape, and if I wanted him, he would come with me. It was such a silly fantasy of mine that I could hardly believe it, and I thought he would turn and attack me the first time I used my magic on a templar, but he didn’t and we did, we did run away together, it really happened.

So we’re gone. I can’t say where, in case this letter is intercepted. Somewhere out of the Templars’ reach, if such a place exists..

I never wanted to be on the run again, but there was really no other option. It will be different this time, though. I am a grown woman now, not a child with no say in the matter. I can defend myself instead of having to rely on everyone else for protection. And this time I’m not dragging you into it. Traveling with Fenris has its difficulties, but he was already on the run, so I’m not keeping him from a normal life. Instead we’re protecting each other, helping each other to escape, to stay free. Maybe that’s not much of a difference, but it feels different somehow.

I think he is still a little afraid of my magic. But he says that if I could live through Kirkwall without once being tempted by a demon, when all around me were falling to blood magic, then I can resist temptation anywhere. He says that and I think in time he will really believe it.

At last I am free and unafraid. My magic is stronger than ever. I am stronger than ever.

I am happy, Garrett. Really and truly.

Take care,

Bethany Hawke

[On the reverse of the page, a crudely scribbled postscript]

HAWKE-

I WILL KEEP HER SAFE

WITH EVERY BREATH IN MY BODY

I SWEAR IT