#drdespairdays

Her mind was else where. They all hadn’t even been their for very long and not too many people had died, yet she felt... Numb? She didn’t shake in fear or cry. It just felt... normal. Getting threatened, someone found dead, and then someone getting ‘punished’ before their eyes. It felt normal. Fuck, even when her secret of being a Golden Gai Siren was at risk, she didn’t bat an eyelash. Just went to her room and starting building a gundam model even deep in her mind during the trial she just wanted to get it over with so she could do as she pleased. Like someone didn’t murder one of their classmates and was going to be killed themselves. That thought made the Akiba idol sick. Disgusted with herself and her thoughts actually. Honestly, that hint of disgust made her feel better. As if she were still capable of feeling even if it was a degree  of self loathing. 

Gripping onto her jacket the girl made her way to the Cinema Arcade. She just needed something anything other than being in her room to make herself feel like Miki Iwai. The girl who was lighthearted and fun. And didn’t act the way she was now. 

[Location: Cinema, Game Arcade] 

After grabbing a bottle of cola soda and a turning in the few coins that she had, though she wasn’t too happy with what she got. Seriously, a rock and some friendship bracelets? Talk about cheap prizes... The Akiba idol set herself up at one of the dance games. It ended up reminding her of all the times she’d take Fumiko to the arcade with her. Who knew a girl could move so quick in such thin heels! Smiling at the memories, she took in a breath and began to play. Playing each song in order on the hardest difficulty, hitting each arrow with no trouble.

“Huh? ..Oh! Hey! Needed some mindless fun too?”

She spoke to the student, she’d spotted in the corner of her eye without looking away from the screen or stopping till the song was over. With the grade Perfect on the screen, she smiling to herself. Looking pretty proud and allowed herself to have a drink of her soda that had been resting on the machine. Finally giving the other her attention she smiled to them.

I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS DEAD GIRL IS KILLING ME FUCK

Miki had been spacing in and out of it the second she saw Tokaji’s lifeless body. Her mind was spinning, and her emotions were going every which way. Part of her was disgusted that someone would actually kill another person and another part was... Relieved. Fumiko was safe. That’s what mattered to her, right? But with that thought filling her mind, the idol couldn’t help but feel completely disgusted with herself. To think so lightly of a human life just because one person she cared about was safe? She was no better than the killer that carried out the act that in turn saved her dear friend. 

Through the investigation she was much help either. Just mindlessly drifting about while the other scrambled to gather information. Gripping at her shirt, she felt helpless... Useless even. Plus on top of it she’d forgotten her jacket in her room so carelessly. She really didn’t feel like herself without it. When the trial rolled around, Miki could feel her heart race, she’d done nothing to help nor did she have anything to say, surprisingly. In the courtroom she only listened to the others but their words and voices only blended into one another, not really getting through the blue haired girl. Though that wasn’t hard to believe as she continued to zone out. 

Only when the execution came around did she snap out of it. Punishment to the murderer. A girl she felt like she knew once. Ushio was to die before her eyes. ‘Don’t look away.’ Miki told herself as it began. Her eyes never leaving the cruel sight of bind dedication.The idol couldn’t help but feel a slight dig in her heart at the realization of the similarities between herself and Ushio. If the boxer hadn’t done what she had done... She knew that she would have done it instead. Exhaling, she let go of the soft fabric of her tank top and ran her hand through her bangs.

“Thank you... Ushio...”

Miki was still shaken from the bear telling them they were expected to kill one another if they wanted to leave. She’d never considered taking anyone’s life with her own hands before. The very though made the idol feel ill... After spending time with Nodame, Miki returned to her room, avoiding practically everyone up in till the bear called for them again. His voice made her heart sink in her chest. Taking a deep breath she went to see what he wanted. Upon a arrival she listened with complete attention. A motive. Shit. This was serious... Wait. Someone special? Oh god... Her heart rate began to spend up and her thoughts began to dart through the names in her mind. Her mother, father, brother, was in the boss? Or... Oh dear god! Don’t let it be her of all people, anyone but her! Panic filled the blue haired girl as she pushed her way through the crowd of students and dashed toward the apartment complex as fast as her feet could take her. Nearly tripping on herself in the process. 

Fumbling to open her mailbox with shaky hands, her heart pounded rapidly in her chest. Once it was in her hands the Akiba Idol ripped open the envelope without hesitation. Only to regret it as she read the name in bold red ink. Fumiko Wakahisa. Miki could have sworn that her heart stopped for a moment. Using the wall to keep herself up as her legs shook, she shoved the paper into her jacket pocket and quickly made her way back to her apartment unit. This couldn’t be happening. Why did it have to be her? ---

Once back in her apartment, the girl shrugged off her teal track jacket and allowed herself to fall onto her bed. Laying in the silence, she took in deep breaths in attempt to calm her racing heart. Closing her eyes tight, she curled her body inward and wrapped her arms around herself. 

“Hey Fumi...”

‘Hm...?’

“No matter what, I’ll protect you, okay...? I won’t let anyone ever hurt you again! Not those stupid boys, your grumpy grandma, no one! I’ll be your knight and you’ll be the princess like in your books! We’ll be together forever, no matter what.”

‘Together forever and you’ll protect me...? You promise?’

“Cross my heart and hope to die!” 

Opening her eyes slowly at the though of her promise to her dear friend, a soft laugh escaped Miki’s lips. Such a childish promise. So naive. And yet... Even till this day she was living by it. Together forever, doing whatever she could to stay with her best friend while she was off have adventures around the world, growing and pursuing dreams that didn’t include her. Having a life out of a story book, prince and all. The idol was sure her friend  had forgotten her promise but still, Miki had to keep her word. Taking another deep breath, her mind began to fill with dark thoughts. In order to keep Fumiko safe someone needed to die. Her heart pounded again. She couldn’t kill someone. It just wasn’t in her nature. She wasn’t that selfish of a person! And if Fumiko was in this situation Miki just knew she wouldn’t kill anyone for her. That didn’t matter though, the blue haired girl was the knight not the one who was to be protected. 

“... Cross my heart and hope to die...”

She repeated her promise as she dragged her fingers along her own neck. The bear never said that they couldn’t resort to something like that, right? Resting her hand across the base of her throat, Miki closed her eyes tightly and bit her lip as tears slowly began to stream down her face.