#dramaaaaaaaa

Well, first of all (and I mean this very literally):

it gets me soaking fucking wet.

I've kinda stopped trying to understand why. I have vague ideas, but I don't know that I'm ever going to be able to explain my needs to someone in a way where their lightbulb clicks on and they get it, and... I could be using that time to look at yummy smut instead, tbh.

It cuts straight through my skull, grey matter, every real and imagined barrier i've put between the outside world and my deepest vulnerability. It hits me dead-center-bullseye in the heart and the mind at the same time. That's a favorite, for sure.

Like... I kind of love everything about it? Even the depictions I don't care for, or the interpretations that don't resonate for me. I don't know if I've just spent too long fermenting alone and maybe I've gone a little crazy, but... I don't think I have. I think I was always like this, but it's been hard to tell without anyone else to provide context. Now I've gotten to talk with some people, and feel a little seen, and see them (i think? a little?) for who they are, and we're so different while still being the same. I knew there were other people like me, but now I Know, y'know? It's a wild feeling.

It's pretty cool how it just haunts me like a shadow, too. I mean that.

Not often, but every once in a while, I'll catch myself in the mirror, avoiding eye contact for some reason. I'll just kinda like... watch myself: long two-tone hair, pronouns, frankly great boobs, muscles, tattoos, long legs... no lie, I'm lowkey a hottie irl. T4T candy, at the very least. It's taken a while to get there, but I can see what other people have seen, sometimes. I have a few really-good things going for me. Not the ones I would choose for myself (get me a rouge the bat bbl STAT), but good nonetheless.

But I digress (a lot).

Anyway, I'll just watch that reflection and think "You think you're supposed to be a blueberry, don't you?" and after a moment, it'll reply "So do you, beloved."

How can I hide from that?

I know this isn't what you wanted this answer to be, Anon, and I'm a little sorry about that. I just can't really answer your question in a fun or hot way at the moment.

I don't think I have favorite aspects of blueberry inflation, disappointing as I know that answer is. I don't know that it's accurate to say I like it, or want it. I'm somewhere else with it for the time being. Hate to say this, but-

Barry stared at Iris as she continued to talk. It was hard to focus. Something about Iris and Eddie getting into a huge argument and Eddie blurting what he’d done. The rest was all a blur. It had happened this morning apparently, just before they went their separate ways for work. Iris was afraid to go home, didn’t know how she could even continue the marriage or if she should call the police, call her dad at the very least.

She was babbling now, shaking a little. Barry wanted to comfort her. He knew he needed to, that it had taken a lot of guts for her to come to him after their last conversation and confide in him all these things. He didn’t know exactly what had been said between the married couple, but he highly doubted Eddie anticipated his wife running to her the victim of his assaults right after. Or a few hours later, rather.

But all he could think was how his gut had been right and how he should have said something instead of…well, instead of doing what Iris had asked of him. He needed time to process, and he couldn’t do that with her standing right there in front of him, looking heartbreakingly beautiful and in desperate need of his comfort.

He couldn’t comfort her because he’d end up trying to kiss her, and he didn’t even know if she wanted out of her marriage yet, not really. She was emotional right now. What she said she wanted now could be very different by the time she’d cooled down some.

Despite all that though, she was still his beating heart. He wanted more than anything to be with her. If she said she wanted him now, he wouldn’t reject her. He couldn’t.

“Barry?” she asked, and he realized then that she was sincerely trying to get his attention.

He blinked and focused in on her.

“Have you been listening?”

He licked his lips and nodded.

“Yes, yes, of course.”

Her shoulders relaxed in relief.

“I just…um, I think I need time to process.”

He turned for the kitchen to get himself some water, and like a puppy, she followed him.

“Do you want some?” he asked, after figuring out where the cups were.

“Yeah, thanks.”

She lifted herself up onto the counter and sat there, her legs swinging gently.

“How are you feeling?” she asked, taking the glassful of water from him moments later.

He took a sip of his own glass.

“Me? Oh, I’m dandy,” he barked out, trying not to be sarcastic.

She winced.

“I meant…with your injuries.”

“Oh.”

He looked down at his arm in a sling.

“It looks worse than it is,” he said. “I took some meds before Linda left. They should last me a couple more hours before I have to take some again.”

“Don’t take too many,” she urged. “You don’t want to get addicted.”

“I know.”

She looked away.

“Sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. It’s nice to see you caring about me…for once.”

Her heart fell, and he hated himself for the crestfallen look on her face. But he was still a little bitter.

“I wish you would have believed me, Iris.”

She swallowed. “I know.”

“I told you what he did that I could remember, and you really didn’t think…?”

“I guess I didn’t want to believe it.”

“He’s a jealous husband. Honestly, I might act the same in his place.”

She was horrified.

“No, you wouldn’t. Not ever. You’re not…violent. You’re quiet about your feelings. You don’t act out, not like this.”

“Mm…maybe I’m too quiet.”

She lifted her gaze to his curiously.

Then, without thinking, he grazed her face with his fingertips, and leaned in to kiss her. Iris managed to pull back just before his lips brushed hers.

“Linda!” she screeched.

He blinked.

“She told the doctor she was your girlfriend. And you went home with her. I mean…?”

“It’s a façade, Iris.” He tenderly stoked her cheek. “To make you and Scott jealous. Or…don’t you remember what I told you at the gala?”

She sighed and leaned her forehead against his.

“That feels like a lifetime ago.”

“What about Eddie?” he finally asked. “Are you leaving him?”

She managed to snort.

“That’s a little blunt, isn’t it?”

“I need to know, Iris,” he said softly. “Do I have a shot here?”

She swallowed. “I don’t know.”

His hand dropped from her face, and she reached for it with both hands, setting her glass on the counter.

“I do have feelings for you, Barry. Strong feelings. I’ve been in denial since my wedding, maybe before that. And Eddie beating you up? And lying about it? I’m scared to go home.”

“So, don’t. Stay with me.”

She choked up a laugh.

“At Linda’s place?”

“I’m only here because I was avoiding Joe and not telling him what I remembered about Eddie, because you asked me not to.”

She winced.

“I can go home now. You can stay with me. We can…figure this whole thing out. But only if you’re done with Eddie. Please tell me you’re done with him.”

Her eyes shut.

“How long does a wife stay faithful to her husband?” Her doe eyes met his. “Till death do she part? Or-”

“Has he ever hurt you?”

She looked taken aback, defensive.

“What, Eddie? Me? No way.”

Barry looked offended that she hadn’t even considered it. He waited grudgingly.

“But uh…he has threatened me,” she finally admitted.

His eyes widened.

“With violence?”

Reluctantly, she nodded.

“I told myself he didn’t really mean it. I mean, he never followed through on any of his threats…what he’d do if I went out of my way to see you, to make amends.”

“Oh, my God, Iris, I can’t believe…”

“I know, I know, I should’ve said something.” She bit her bottom lip. “But at the time I just-”

“No, no, it’s okay.” He stroked her hair to calm her. “God, you must’ve been terrified.”

She swallowed. “I tried not to be.”

“Bravest person that I know.”

He kissed her temple.

She sighed shakily, and his free hand fell to her bare arm, brushing it lightly, soothingly, comfortingly.

For several minutes they just stood there like that, embracing as much as they could. Barry soaked up as much as possible. He didn’t know what would come next, but he knew progress had been made and all his bitterness was gone.

Finally, Iris spoke up.

“I should go back to work. I mean, what if Eddie comes to check up on me and Linda tells him-?”

“She won’t tell him anything. She’s the only one I’ve confided in. And I told her I had a bad feeling about Eddie possibly hurting you.”

Her eyes went wide.

“You did?”

He nodded.

“But…he hasn’t hurt me.”

“Threats are no joke, Iris. Especially after what he did to me.”

She hesitated, nibbling on her bottom lip.

“I don’t know what to do, Barry. I’m scared.”

“Let’s call your dad. Tell him to come over. We’ll tell him together. It’ll be okay, Iris.”

She swallowed and reached for his hand, clasping it tightly.

“Okay.”

…

It didn’t take long to get a hold of Joe. He was on his lunch break, and he was happy to hear from Barry, though surprised to hear that his daughter was with him. As soon as Barry informed him it had to do with Eddie, and Joe remarked how Eddie had left for his own lunch break, he was quick to agree to go to Linda’s place – as soon as Barry gave him the address to go to.

Barry had intended on calling Linda after that, but Iris stopped him.

“What if he’s at CCPN looking for me and sees Linda on the phone and connects the dots?” Her bottom lip quivered.

She was terrified, so Barry set down his phone before searching out his fake girlfriend’s name in the contacts. He was confident Linda wouldn’t tell Eddie Iris’ whereabouts – or his own for that matter.

Still, when a knock came to Linda’s apartment door, Iris quietly gasped and actually hid behind Barry – an injured man.

“I’m sure it’s not-” he tried, but she was so sure.

“It’s me, Bear. Iris?”

Iris leaned her head on Barry’s shoulder, then released him a few moments later once she’d caught her breath.

She went up on her tip-toes at the door and looked through the peephole. Just her dad. She opened the door and let him in, then fell into his arms as soon as she had the chance.

“Are you- Are you two okay? What’s going on?” He looked back and forth between the two once Iris was brave enough to untangle herself.

Barry nodded to Iris, assuring he was there for her if she couldn’t get the words out.

She hesitated, but only for a moment.

“Eddie told me he did it,” she said.

Joe’s brows furrowed.

“Eddie told you he did what?”

“He beat up Barry, Dad. He’s the reason he was in the hospital.”

Joe’s hand went to cover his mouth.

“Oh, my God. You’re sure?”

“He admitted it to me. And…” She looked back at Barry. “Barry remembers some of it.”

Joe’s eyes bulged, and he moved past his daughter.

“Son, why didn’t you say something?”

“Because I asked him not to,” Iris said, ashamedly.

Joe spun around. “You what?”

“It sounded crazy! The Eddie I know would never never go through with anything like that. I couldn’t believe it when Barry told me he’d… I thought that maybe in his rage, maybe once…but enough to put him in the hospital? No way.”

“Tell him the rest, Iris,” Barry said softly.

Joe’s eyes bulged. “What, rest?”

Her bottom lip trembled. She fought to control it, and that seemed to calm Joe West down.

“He’s been threatening me, Dad. Vague threats, threats I didn’t take seriously…things like what he’d do to me if I tried to bridge a friendship between Barry again. Or…worse.”

“And has he ever followed through on any of these threats?” Joe growled, his fists clenching at his sides.

“No, never,” she insisted, coming to her dad’s side. “And I never believed he would. It was all talk. Or at least…that’s what I thought…before…Barry.”

She looked down, ashamedly.

“Joe, you have to arrest him,” Barry said darkly, alarming Iris, but she didn’t speak up to reject the idea. “Threats to his wife? Attacking me without cause? Iris never cheated. It’s all paranoia.”

Joe looked doubtful of that, but he didn’t press the matter in that particular moment.

“Okay, here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to take this information to Singh. I’ll record you both saying what happened from your own point of view, and then we’ll go from there.” He switched his gaze to Iris. “Baby girl, I don’t want you going home tonight. You come home with me, Cecile and I will protect you.”

He looked at Barry.

“And Barry, I don’t know what Eddie will do until we have guaranteed proof to arrest him.”

“Cameras!” Iris piped up. “There have to be cameras outside our loft.”

Joe nodded. “I’ll look into that.”

“Check CCPN too, Joe. I’m worried for Linda. I think Eddie know that she’s the only person whose been glued to me since the gala. I don’t want him to…” His gaze shifted to Iris’ before landing back on Joe. “Take her hostage.”

“Hostage,” Iris breathed, overwhelmed. “You think Eddie is capable of kidnapping?”

Barry hesitated, then said, “Right now, I think Eddie is capable of just about anything.”

Iris swallowed, then went into the living room where she sat down with her head in her hands.

Joe lowered his voice when he addressed Barry again.

“You alright here, son?”

Barry nodded. “Yeah, Linda has a good set-up for me here. As long as she’s okay, and you and Iris are okay, I think we’ll make it out of this.”

Joe nodded.

“But…”

“But?”

“I don’t know if we should let Iris go back to work. If Eddie left for lunch, he could’ve gone to CCPN looking for her, and when he didn’t find her-”

The sound of a key turning in the lock alerted all three of them, and they watched with horror as the doorknob turned and the door pushed open only for the new arrival to be even more surprised to see all of them.

“Oh. Hello, all of you. Please make yourself at home.”

The easy sarcasm was a relief cutting through the tension that surrounded the three of them beforehand.

“Linda!” Barry said, relieved. He walked around Joe to attempt a side hug on the welcome party. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“Thanks, Barry.” She eyed him suspiciously. “Why aren’t you in bed, resting?”

“I, well, I…”

Iris rose from the couch.

“That’s on me, Linda. I’m sorry. I just…I had to tell him.”

“Tell him what…exactly?”

“Well, I-”

A squeaking sound interrupted them and the door opened again, followed by a tsking sound clicking from the mouth of their newest arrival. This one was very, very unwelcome.

The clicking sound coming from a gun in the arrival’s hand increased the tension in the room once more tenfold.

“Eddie.”

He walked in, closed the door behind him and locked it.

“You know, you really need to learn to lock the door after you’ve entered your home, Linda.”

His smile was sinister, as he eyed them all, his gun pointed at them as a group and wavering, so none of them were sure who his true target was, but they had an idea.

“Barry Allen,” he finally said. “Something tells me you know more than what you’re supposed to.”

“Babe,” Iris tried, “Please don’t do this.”

“And I know exactly who told you.”

The gun swerved, clicked again, and went off.

Though it didn’t hit its intended target.

Shuffling and resisting cries followed, but Iris West-Thawne was pulled out of that apartment, and the door was slammed behind her.

Barry was on the floor immediately, his hands frantic on the wounded party, even as it hurt him to bend down with his pain pills wearing off.

“What… what happened?”

“Naga took you.” he replied, plainly and honestly. “Just before the seas opened up, and swallowed the Alliance and Horde fleets. Vindicator Argonas and Vindicator Avehi were sent down, and rescued you.”

Khanaros reached to take the vessel from Mierne when she had finished it, instead replacing it with a nutrient loaf - a small brown bread-like substance, unwrapped and ready for Mierne to eat at her own pace. It smelled… bland. Far less appealing than the liquid, but every bit as fortifying. 

“You are safe now… recovering well, physically,” he reported, smile clearly forced. “But… there can be no telling yet the extent of the psychological damage done to you. The Naga used some void creature known as a zoatroid to wrack your mind and alter your thoughts and behaviors. They… enslaved you, Mierne.”

The words almost seemed to hurt him as he spoke them, a hand reaching out to rest atop Mierne’s leg. Worry crossed his wrinkled face; worry and fear. He was eternally grateful Mierne was safe… but he knew this was only the beginning of her recovery.

Mierne nibbled on the bread given to her as she listened intently to Khanaros’ words. She frowned as she came to realize that not everything she’d dreamed about had been fabrication. She swallowed down a bite.

“I… vaguely remember some of it…” she admitted, “I thought it was a nightmare.”

She sighed, shoulders slumping. The thought of things she’d might have done under zoatroid control made her lose her appetite. She put the rest of the loaf down on the side table, before bringing a hand to her head. Trying to recollect things gave her a migraine. 

“Let us… let us speak of other things,” she requested, her eyes meeting his golden gaze once more, “I wasn’t aware that you had Lightforged. When did this happen?”

“--Hm? Ah… it was after our discussion at the Darkshore,” he replied, tone hiding well his concerns now - for her sake, he felt it best. “You don’t recall? It is fine if you do not… after all you have endured, it is easily excusable.”

Khanaros smiled, and gave Mierne’s leg another supportive, comforting squeeze. There was no question this was difficult for him. To see his beloved Mierne so scattered? To hear that she didn’t remember things? But for a hard as it was for him, he couldn’t begin to comprehend how hard it must’ve been for her. He did his best to keep that in mind.

“What do you recall? From before Nazjatar?” he asked. “We can start there, and I will do my best to fill in the rest. And separate truth from fiction. Alright?”

“Honestly? I am uncertain. I remember coming to visit you, as usual, after the Legion was defeated. I remember Argonas moving to the isle… Avehi coming to visit me… I -do- remember being in Darkshore, but as for why…”

She shook her head, “Naga and murloc populations increased on the isle… Are we at War again? Or was that a nightmare? And Teldrassil burning?”

She shrugged, but then could help but chuckle, “Fairly certain you and I getting engaged did not actually happen.” She laughed, “I mean… can you imagine?! That would be crazy!”

“Sadly, the war-related memories are all true. We--”

It struck him like a blade, as the words crossed Mierne’s lips. The laugh didn’t help, either. He suspected a while back she wasn’t fully on board with the engagement, but those concerns were softened when they made plans further to move in together. But… that, too, was probably not something she was interested in. Something else ‘crazy’, like getting engaged. His shoulders sank, though his smile remained - forced, of course.

“Heh, quite crazy!” he nodded along. “We haven’t made such plans, no.”

The lie tasted bitter in Khanaros’ mouth, however. Would it be better to tell her the truth? No, it was better for her to get her bearings, and recall her life as she wished it to be. Normal for Mierne didn’t include forecasting their nuptials, it seemed.

Mierne was visibly relieved. It wasn’t that she didn’t  have feelings towards her dearest and oldest friend. But marriage? Their lives were much too incompatible for things to go any further than their usual casual intimate encounters.

“--The war, though… it rages. Teldrassil did, in fact, burn by the Warchief’s order.” he frowned, now that the topic changed appropriately to do so. “This is why we went to Darkshore.”

It began to make sense to Mierne; why she had been in Darkshore. The enemy had been too close for comfort. She had to do what she could to protect the Exodar and the Isles!

“That explains the Lightforging, then,” she brought a hand up, fingers brushing his beard as she admired his changed features. “You look good. Really good,” she couldn’t help but smile, “This path suits you.”

The affections, of course, made Khanaros happy. But undertones behind it did little to stave off the great sense of loss he was feeling. This was more than just a setback in her memory… it was a setback in their relationship, as well. It hurt him deeply, in a way he couldn’t express.

He couldn’t let that show, of course. Instead, he plastered on a smiling expression, and nodded. 

“I’m pleased you still think so. We discussed it, before I underwent the trials. I worried you would not find me nearly as pleasing to the eye, so grossly incandescent.”

He let out a chuckle - a convincing one, considering. 

“But… yes, with the war continuing on as it has been, I felt Lightforging would be an appropriate means of coming out of retirement.”

“Indeed!” She chuckled, finally removing her hand to reach for the food she hadn’t yet finished. 

She was already looking stronger; her eyes more luminous and colour returning to her cheeks. Markings were left along the side of her face where the zoatroid had clung and been ripped off. The wounds would most likely leave scars, but, for now, Mierne seemed oblivious to them. Just as well. It was doubtful she would care. The hermit had never been one to fuss over her appearance. 

“And here I am keeping you from your duties… I hope I didn’t take too much of your time off the field.”

"Not at all. I am mostly a strategist these days, helping direct forces rather than fight on the front, directly." 

He shook his head, giving Mierne's leg one final squeeze before pulling his hand back. He stood.

"I would not burden you with details." He left it at that, planting a light kiss on her scarred cheek. "For now, rest. Recover. I will come by again later to see how you are feeling, yes?"

It grew too much for him - not just seeing her like this, but learning how much of her memory she had lost. Khanaros worried deeply for Mierne, of course. But he also worried about what this manner of regression could mean for their relationship. Suddenly, they weren’t engaged anymore. Suddenly, they weren’t living together anymore!