#dr:sh

I had never been a believer in the idea that men were strictly big spoon cuddlers. My time with Daesung was enough proof of that. But with the way Seunghyun acted like a bit of a guard dog at times, I would never have taken him for the little spoon type.

But his head was resting on me, squished somewhat between my bicep and chest. His arms had managed to keep themselves securely around my waist as we slept, and he had practically bundled himself against me.

I started to move, stretching slightly. It drew a groan from him.

"Don't move," he grumbled, nuzzling his head deeper into my arm.

"We have to get going."

"Why?"

I raised my hand not currently pinned by his head and pushed the hair off of his face.

He was being… cute? That sounded about right. Cute.

It felt like a foreign word when applied to Seunghyun. And not foreign in the way I had become accustomed to. It wasn't just a new word, or one which I didn't know the meaning of. It was foreign like those words that didn't have a translation. Those definitions that go on for a paragraph.

I blinked, remembering that he had asked a question.

"Because they need to get in here and clean the room for the next guest."

He groaned, rolling to press his face directly into the mattress. As if he could escape downwards.

"I'll just extend it another night."

"But we need to get back to Seoul."

"Why?"

"For… uh…"

He had a point. We were the show. The show staff was here with us, bare bones as it was.

"We need clean clothes."

"I'll buy some."

"The crew needs clean clothes."

"I just said I'd buy some."

"I want to go back."

He groaned again, sounding less annoyed this time.

Our skin stuck slightly as he pulled his arms away from me. Pushing himself upwards, he nodded.

"Okay. Just let me…"

He didn't finish his sentence. Scrambling to stand up, it was the first time I had ever seen him look even slightly off balance.

I blinked, quickly rolling away from him. I had forgotten that he had only been in his boxers and undershirt. They were not by any stretch of the imagination revealing, but it seemed only polite and, in some way, correct to lend him the privacy as he pulled his pants on.

I felt the bed dip behind me, followed by the sensation of the sheet being pulled over my thighs and side.

"Sorry," he mumbled, "your skirt…"

"Right," I stayed facing away from him, "thanks."

I reached down and tugged the sheets further up my body.

-----

That was how our morning shuffle continued. Avoiding looking too directly at each other. Being a little hyper aware of the rumpled appearance of our day-old clothing. Incomplete sentences.

It got real old, real fast. Literally nothing had happened. There was precisely zero reason for us to be acting like teens who got caught.

"Did he ever reply to your picture?" I finally asked between bites of a sandwich.

Despite my request that morning to go back to Seoul, I had looked up nearby restaurants and chosen a place for breakfast. I did want to get back eventually, but there was no harm in taking a bit of extra time before leaving. Just as long as I slept in "my" room tonight, I would be relatively happy.

Seunghyun shook his head, pulling his phone out of his pocket. He tapped the screen, then shook his head again.

"Nothing."

He held his phone out. I could only see the last bit of Jiyong's last message at the top of the chat, and I wasn’t about to scroll up to see more.

From: KJY get home.

To: KJY [Image]

To: KJY You know I'll take care of her. Relax.

The picture showed my head on his chest. His fingers were in my hair, and I looked for all the world like I was peacefully asleep.

Perhaps because I had been.

"When…?"

"You fell asleep pretty fast, and I didn't think I could move without waking you up."

That explained this morning, somewhat.

"So what does it mean when he doesn't respond?"

Seunghyun smirked, taking his phone back.

"Do you want to go to the beach before we head back?"

I narrowed my eyes at his piss-poor attempt at changing the subject.

"Hyun."

He rolled his eyes before answering.

"He's definitely overthinking," his smile widened to a full grin, "and he might be furious."

-----

"It's a bit out of the way," I said, swiping across the map on my phone. We were done with breakfast and had checked out of the hotel. Without having a set plan to spur us into motion, I was listening to Seunghyun make suggestions while sitting on the trunk of his car.

"Not by much. And I know that you want to go."

No point in asking why. No doubt Soo-ah's advice had given him enough information to build a whole itinerary.

"Sure," I conceded, "though the real dream would be one in, like, Bali or Australia."

"I'll save those for our honeymoon," Seunghyun teased.

"Hyun…"

"For now we'll just settle for Busan."

"A wedding is not goi-"

Seunghyun reached up and placed a single finger over my lips.

"Yeobo."

I made an annoyed groan and rolled my eyes.

"Just admit that you're going to marry me," he continued, ignoring my minor protest, "and when we do, I'll take you on a world tour of beaches. Okay?"

"On second thought, let's just go back to the city. I'm fucking sick of you."

He smiled, now taking my hand and tugging me down from his car. Once I was standing, he moved to wrap an arm around my shoulder.

"Is it because we didn't pack anything? We need swimsuits," he tugged his own phone out and pulled up Naver maps as well, "right? Let's see what stores are around."

-----

"This is cute," I mumbled to myself, looking over a swimming set.

"Get it then," Seunghyun automatically replied, not looking up from his own browsing.

"Eh," I waffled, "just because it's cute doesn't mean it would be cute on me."

That made him actually look up and walk over. Nudging up behind me, he reached around me to pick up the hanger and take a look.

"What do you think?" I prompted him.

He didn't immediately say anything. Instead, he placed his free hand on my waist and directed me towards one of the mirrors hanging between clothing racks.

Still behind me, he held the hanger up in front of me. His head tilted, and his eyes narrowed slightly as he ran them over my reflection. After some excruciating observation, he finally spoke.

"Not this one."

"It's not that bad," I started to protest, "maybe just a different color."

"No," he spoke with a surprising amount of finality. He shook his head and turned away, taking the swimsuit with him. He replaced it on the rack, and started flipping through the other options.

"Here," he held another set towards me, still focused on the rack, "how about this one?"

I took the hanger and mimicked Seunghyun’s action from before, holding the suit in front of myself.

"Not bad," I shrugged, "but you obviously have different taste than me."

"Try these too," he held several more hangers now. Looking around, he seemed to be trying to locate a clerk. "Do they have changing rooms?"

"Over there," I nodded my head towards a series of doors designed to look like surfboards.

"Perfect. Try these on," he pushed the hangers into my hands and ushered me towards the changing area. I was able to snag the one I had chosen before I swept away.

Seunghyun rolled his eyes, but didn't stop me.

-----

"Fuck me," I grumbled, turning around and looking in the mirror.

"What's that?" Seunghyun’s voice came from the other side of the door.

"It's… very…" I tried to think of an accurate description.

"Very?"

Sexy? Revealing?

"It's too small," I pulled the ties on the side. No amount of adjusting the knots would make more cloth magically appear.

"Do you want a bigger size?"

I grit my teeth, remembering a hundred shopping trips from my teens when I had heard that exact question, albeit in a different language.

"No," I sighed, "that's not… it's not small in that way," I explained, hoping he'd take the hint and shut up.

"What do you mean?"

Of course he didn't.

"I, uh…"

"Just let me see."

The door handle jiggled slightly. Not like he was actively trying to open it, but just as if he had laid his hand on the other side.

"Absolutely not. No way," I double checked that the door was locked, "especially not with the camera out there."

"Come on," he sounded a little annoyed, "it can't be that bad."

"I'm not trying to get this show rated as adult content, Hyun."

For a few precious moments, there was silence on the other side of the door.

"Try the blue one, it should have more…" he cleared his throat, "I mean, it has better, uh, coverage."

-----

An agonizingly awkward silence filled the next half an hour. And then we arrived at the beach. It was obvious that Chul had sent the other staff member ahead to set up. There was a small sun shade, two seats, and an assortment of towels and sunscreen.

"Here," Chul held a bottle out to me, "I figured this would work better than last time."

I smiled, a little touched by his remembering.

"You know," I teased, "if I didn't know it was your job to look after me, I might think you liked me."

Chul rolled his eyes, wiggling the bottle towards me.

"Just take it already."

-----

"Don't you want to go in the water?"

I hummed, eyes shut, trying to be as noncommittal as I could be. I was fully content with simply basking in the sun.

Seunghyun groaned.

"Come on," he whined, starting to poke my leg as he continued, "just for a little while?"

"Don't try to be cute," I scolded him, "it won't work on me."

I heard him make an annoyed noise, but his fingers no longer prodded my thigh.

I was nearly lulled asleep by the sound of the sea when he spoke up again.

"I could just pick you up and bring you out to the water."

I sighed, and finally opened my eyes. Turning my head, I gazed up at Seunghyun. He was sitting on a towel next to where I was laid out.

"You want me to kill you?"

He grinned down at me.

"I don't think you would."

"That depends," I pushed myself up slightly, propping myself up on my elbows. "Hey Chul," I called out.

"Yeah?" I heard the all-rounder reply.

"How much trouble will I get in if I fight Seunghyun?"

"Uh…" he sounded unsure, probably of how serious I was being, "let me just turn off the cameras first."

Seunghyun scoffed, rolling his eyes and shaking his head.

"No company loyalty," he grumbled.

"You aren’t the company," Chul called out, laughing.

"Fucking microphones…"

"Go in the water if you're tired of microphones," I let out a small groan as I turned over and settled myself onto my stomach. I nestled my face into my arms, hoping Seunghyun would just let me nap.

"I don't want to go alone," he said, once again reaching over to prod a finger into the flesh of my leg, "come with me."

Honestly, I should have seen that one coming.

"Fine," I groaned again, pushing myself up to sit on my knees, "if I go in with you for a while, will you then let me waste my time in the sun?"

Seunghyun grinned, scrambling to stand up, and held a hand out towards me.

"I make no promises," he shook his head, "but I'll think about it."

I blinked up at him a few times before I gave him my hand. He immediately tugged me to stand next to him.

"Fine," I brushed some sand off my arm, "that's better than nothing I guess."

-----

"Are you letting me win?" Seunghyun asked as his hands clasped around my waist. He rested his chin on my shoulder. Instinctively, I double checked that my top was securely in place.

"I'm just off my game," I protested, working my fingers under his own, "the ocean freaks me out sometimes."

"Orrrr…" he batted my hands away from his own, pulling me more tightly against his body, "you secretly want me to hold onto you."

Man, who would have thought I'd have to threaten a man twice today?

"I'll kill you," I tried my best to sound intimidating.

I must have failed, since he only laughed.

"There's worse ways to go."

Finally, I got a grip on his hand. Peeling it back, I slid out from his grasp.

I was a little surprised that he let me go so easily. Until he refused to let go of my hand.

"Wait wait wait…" he pulled himself closer again, but at least he didn't try to wrap himself around me again, "I actually wanted to talk to you away from the microphones."

I glanced at the shore, spotting the tell-tale glint of the sun bouncing off a camera.

"What about?" I warily asked.

"I have a plan to get us away from the cameras for a while."

I blinked, then narrowed my eyes.

"Why?"

"Just to take the pressure off," he shrugged, "I know you're not used to all of this."

I grimaced, trying to one-up my already suspicious expression.

"And," he stressed the word, expressing that he was about to reveal his true motive, "I wanted to spend some time with you without us having to perform, you know?"

I cocked my head. That wasn't really what I expected.

"We don't perform though? At least," I placed the fingertips of my free hand on my chest, "I don't."

"I'm not saying it like that," Seunghyun shook his head. "I just mean I'd like to spend some time comfortably. Without having to worry about an audience."

"Then why don't we just go home? There's no cameras in my room, we can just hang out in there."

"Sure, but there's most likely microphones."

My heart stopped.

Microphones in my room? How had that not even occurred to me?

I felt ill. Blinking rapidly, I looked out over the ocean, and struggled with what to say.

"W…" I lifted my free hand to my eyes, covering them, "ah…" I let my hand slide down to cup my own cheek, "what?"

"It's pretty standard…" Seunghyun spoke slowly, eyebrows dipping, "are you okay?"

My hand was pressed over my mouth now. I was decidedly not okay.

"I need…" I mumbled through my fingers, eyes still scanning the sea and sky, "Chul…" I could absolutely not meet Seunghyun’s eye right now, "I have to talk to Chul."

I tugged against Seunghyun's hold on my hand, trying to move back towards the beach.

"Wait," his hand only tightened on mine, "baby…"

It was the English, more than the name itself, that made me pause.

"Tell me what's wrong."

His voice was soft, and he slowly reeled me back towards him. This time he pulled my chest against his. After wrapping one arm around my waist, he used the other to push my hair away from my face.

I kept my eyes focused on some indiscernible spot behind him, still not willing to make eye contact.

"I can't," I shook my head.

"Luna," I felt his index finger crook under my chin, "look at me."

He was gentle as he guided me to look at him, running his thumb against my cheek.

I was back to blinking rapidly, as if his face was too bright to look at.

He, on the other hand, kept a steady eye on me.

"Tell me what happened."

I shook my head, a tiny motion for just how bad the situation was. I couldn't take his eyes on mine. Dropping my gaze to where his neoprene style swimming shirt clung to his collarbones, I bit my lip.

"Was it one of the boys?" He asked, thumb still working softly against my face, "whatever it was, I'll make sure you're protected."

"It's not like a Seungri thing," I blurted out. If nothing else, I didn't want him to suspect anyone of doing something like that.

"Then what is it?"

"Hyun…" I whined, letting my head drop onto his shoulder, "I really can't tell you."

His hand immediately landed on my hair, lightly stroking through the salt roughened strands.

"Why not? What's the worst thing that happens if you tell me?"

I couldn't help the chuckle that escaped me.

"The worst? I die of embarrassment, you get charged with drowning me, the audio gets released during the trial, and everyone hears what I sound like w…" I lost all steam, not willing to say aloud exactly what was probably on someone's hard drive.

Seunghyun shifted slightly, pushing my shoulder back so he could dip his head and try to look at me.

"Why would they think that I drowned you?"

I silently thanked god for making Seunghyun, just this once, not focus on the absolute worst part.

"Um… well…"

"Baby," the English derailed me again, "just say it."

"There could be a case made for," if I hadn’t been pressed against him, I would have been fidgeting, "like, a jealousy thing."

"Why? Did you hook up with one of the guys or something?"

I clamped my mouth shut, biting on the inside of my lips.

Seunghyun laughed.

"Is that all? You're this stressed because you hooked up with Daesung? Luna," he wrapped both arms around me now, laughing, "baby, you had me worried for a minute there."

Of all the reactions I had expected, this was not one of them.

"Wait, how did you know?" I pushed back from him enough to look up at him, "Daesung told you?"

"Of course not," he shook his head, "Daesung is a total gentleman. I just took a calculated guess, and you just confirmed it."

"You've got to be fucking kidding me."

He grinned, once again pulling me against himself.

"No, I'm not kidding. Yeobo," he quickly kissed my cheek, "you don't have to hide that sort of thing from me."

My mind was reeling. The last few minutes had presented far too much information to cram into my skull. I decided to focus on just the thing that was literally in front of me.

"So you're not upset or anything?"

"God no!" His hands slid up from my waist, both cupping my face instead, "I already told you that I don't care if you want to date other people."

He pressed his lips against mine. He held me there a bit longer than absolutely necessary, slowly working to a point where he could tug at my bottom lip with his teeth as he pulled back.

The information, the emotional rollercoaster of revealing what had happened, the kiss… it was all too much. I felt dazed, and more than a little overwhelmed.

"Hyun…"

He smiled, a hint of his cockiness showing at the corners of his eyes.

"How selfish would I have to be to keep you all to myself?"

"We're kind of in public, Hyun."

He didn't say anything, instead opting to kiss me again.

-----

"Chul I have a question," I fiddled with the knobs on my microphone pack.

Chul didn't respond vocally. He just pointed at the pack and raised an eyebrow.

I nodded.

"Let me check that for you."

He quickly shut it off, unplugging the cord and taking out the batteries as well.

"What's up?"

He seemed as unconcerned as ever, making a big show of trying to "fix" my mic-pack.

I crossed my arms, feeling nervous now.

"Are there microphones in my room?"

His hands went completely still. I could see his eyes jump around for a few seconds before he answered.

"No."

I was, of course, not convinced.

"Did there used to be microphones in my room?"

Chul sighed, letting his head fall back.

"Yes," he sighed again, "listen... the recording is gone."

I felt ill.

"How many people heard it?"

He gave up on trying to make it look like he was doing his job. Putting the pack on the roof of the car, he ran his hands through his hair and over his face.

"There was only one technician in the monitor room that night," he started, then paused, groaning with embarrassment.

"And…?"

"She called me, so I…" it felt kind of empowering to be on the other side of someone avoiding eye contact.

"So you listened to it."

"Yes."

I nodded.

"You said it was deleted?"

"Yes!" He was now able to meet my eye, "I promise you! I went through everything to make sure. I checked the tech's phone, email, cloud, and everything."

"Okay," I nodded again, "okay. So…"

What on earth was I supposed to do now? Chul and I weren't exactly friends, not in a way that mattered. But I still didn't want to ruin our little bit of camaraderie. I settled on trying to joke it off.

"Did it at least sound good?"

Chul stared at me, eyes and mouth both wide. After a second, he laughed.

"I mean…" he blushed slightly, "I don't want to make assumptions. But if that was you faking it, you should be an actress."

I snorted, then coughed.

We both broke down into laughter.

After a moment I was finally able to get myself under control, wiping the tears from my face.

"Why didn't you say anything?" I managed to ask through my remaining giggles.

"Honestly? I didn't want you to get freaked out," Chul explained. "Sorry."

"It's fine, just…" I shrugged, "it's weird, you know?"

"Hey, here," he dug through his camera bag for a second before pulling out an SD card. My eyes went wide.

"It's not that," he laughed, "it's the footage from last night."

I furrowed my brows, trying to think over last night's events.

"From what?" I asked, taking the card.

"The hotel. I haven't watched it yet," Chul shrugged, "call it an apology gift."

"Oh, there's nothing on here," I offered it back to him, "just Seunghyun and I being assholes."

Chul waved a hand, refusing the card.

"Still, take it. Just in case you forgot anything," he laughed, "I won't even need it for another week or so. You can delete anything you don't like."

"Okay," I shrugged, tucking the card into my bag. "I actually had a different favor to ask though."

"Of course you did," Chul teased, "what's up?"

"Just…" I paused, thinking how much I wanted to give away, "there's going to be a point today where something suspicious might happen. I just want you to…" I pursed my lips, "ignore it."

Chul squinted at me.

"You guys are going off-camera, aren't you?"

"I didn't say that."

------

I was becoming far too accustomed to being driven everywhere.

Not that I typically drove myself, of course, since I had never bothered to get myself a license here. I typically had to plan out trips using public transportation. Sitting in the front seat of a private car was… nice.

"Okay," Seunghyun pulled open the door and slid into the driver’s seat, "I think Chul bought the bathroom excuse. Hold on…"

He leaned across me, reaching for the little camera clipped onto my sun visor. He quickly turned it over in his hands, locating the power button.

He moved on to disable the other three cameras that were similarly attached to different parts of the car.

"Alright," he sighed, leaning back into the seat. His eyes were shut, and he looked, for maybe the first time, completely relaxed.

"I'm pretty sure we're free."

"Let me double check."

His eyes opened, and he looked at me. More than a little confusion crossed his face. He watched me tap at my phone.

"Okay…" I scanned through the assorted wireless connections listed on my scanning app, "your car, your phone, my watch… I'm pretty sure this one is the traffic camera… Do you have a laptop in your car?"

"It's in the trunk," Seunghyun shrugged, "why?"

I held my phone out to him so he could see the list.

"This one," I pointed to the only one I couldn't figure out, "is the brand correct?"

"Yeah, that's right. What about these two?"

"I'm about seventy-five percent sure that those are the menu boards from the restaurant across the street."

Seunghyun stared at me. I could see his brain working behind his eyes.

"Are you CIA or something?"

"Hell no, fuck the CIA," I laughed, "I'm just a woman who travels alone at times."

His brows dipped.

"How did you not know that there were microphones in your room then?"

I shrugged. He had a point. Somehow it just hadn't been on my radar.

"I guess I let my guard down," I shook my head, "it's not like I work security. I don't think about those things all the time."

-----

"Hyun…"

"I don't want to hear it," he cut me off, "I made sure to get two beds this time."

"That…"

"Ah, Choi-ssi," a bellman approached the two of us, "your room is ready for you. If you'd just follow me."

Despite us not having luggage, we were escorted all the way to the room that Seunghyun had picked for the night.

"If there's anything you need, please don't hesitate to ask. As for your request at booking, I believe the previous attendant arranged it in the living area."

The bellman, or rather, attendant, bowed and opened the door for us. As we entered, he quickly left two sets of keys on the table immediately inside the room, and disappeared.

I had stayed quiet for the trip up to the room, planning the argument I was going to have to start.

All of that planning was momentarily forgotten when I finally took in the room. It managed to seem both larger and smaller than the first room I had stayed in for filming. It had a semi-open floor plan with the living room, kitchenette, and… I didn't know what to call the third area. It wasn't a bathroom, per se. There was simply an oversized jetted tub that was clearly visible from the other two areas.

"Hyun…" I started.

"Looks like there's one bedroom there," he nodded towards a closed door, "and I think the second is…" he wound his way through the living area, momentarily disappearing around a corner.

"Yes," he called back, "it's here."

A creeping sense of dread started settling over my shoulders, making my skin feel tight.

"I don't really care which room I sleep in," he kept talking, circling back into the living area, "you can have your pick. Oh," he picked up a fairly nondescript bag that was set on the coffee table, "perfect. I'm pretty sure I got the right si…"

Finally, he noticed the tension that was overtaking me.

"...zes. Hey," he dropped the bag on the sofa and slowly approached me, "are you okay?"

"I, uh," I nodded, then shook my head, "I don't know."

"Yeobo," Seunghyun slid his hand into one of my own, pulling it up to press a kiss against my palm, "we can go back if you want."

"No," I sighed, "that… I am choosing to trust you. Right? That's the whole thing."

"Right," he nodded, "but if you're uncomfortable…"

I had somewhat expected him to try to wind his arms around me again. I was grateful that he didn't.

I cleared my throat.

"I'm going to, uh, choose a room."

He smiled and let go of my hand. Nodding, he took a seat on the sofa and waved a hand, encouraging me to look around.

I chose the room in the back of the suite. It had a better view, and the ensuite bathroom had a tub as opposed to the standing shower that the other bedroom had.

After letting Seunghyun know of my choice, I made an excuse for needing just a little while alone. He accepted it easily, placing the bag from before into my hand and laying a kiss on my forehead before retreating into the other room.

I immediately locked myself in the bathroom.

To: D-Lite I have some questions and I need direct answers and I will not be explaining myself

To: D-Lite Okay?

I settled into the tub while I waited for a response. Barely resisting the urge to sit and let the shower run over me, I went for the decidedly less depressing option of soaking.

After about ten minutes, I heard my phone's text alert.

From: D-Lite Of course pet. Ask me anything.

I took a quick breath, trying to settle my nerves and stop my hands from shaking.

To: D-Lite Did you know that there were microphones in my room?

I saw bubbles pop up and go away a few times. I couldn't blame him for writing and rewriting, but it did nothing to help calm my nerves. Finally, a message popped up, followed by several more as I read.

From: D-Lite I didn't know for sure. And I didn't think of it until afterwards.

From: D-Lite As soon as I thought of it, I talked to that production guy. The one that likes you.

From: D-Lite He got rid of anything, and I'm pretty sure he pulled everything out.

From: D-Lite Your room is the only place with no recording tech in it now, I think.

From: D-Lite Pet? Please say something.

I was chewing on my bottom lip, trying to work out how to phrase my next question.

I decided that since I wanted straight answers, I should ask straight questions.

To: D-Lite Am I safe with Seunghyun?

The world's most stressful three minutes passed while I watched those fucking bubbles again.

From: D-Lite The short answer is yes.

From: D-Lite He tests boundaries, but if you directly tell him to stop he will.

From: D-Lite Do you feel unsafe?

From: D-Lite He's just a little over the top. But I think he really likes you.

From: D-Lite If I had to guess I'd say that he really would marry you right now.

From: D-Lite He gets like that.

From: D-Lite But yes, you're safe.

From: D-Lite Right? Please talk to me.

I stared at the screen, letting my head lean back against the ceramic of the tub.

To: D-Lite I'm okay. I'm stressed, but okay.

To: D-Lite We aren't coming back tonight.

To: D-Lite I don't understand what's happening.

From: D-Lite Can you call me? Please pet.

From: D-Lite Just call and tell me that you're okay.

I sighed. In a way, he was coming across as a little pathetic. But I could understand why he might worry.

I tapped his contact information and selected the call option. Placing the phone on speaker, I put it on the tiles that surrounded the lip of the tub and laid back.

"Are you alright, pet?"

I hummed, not feeling very talkative.

"He's treating you well?"

"Yes."

An awkward silence fell. Daesung sighed, air crackling the speaker of my phone.

"You said you wouldn't explain."

"Yes."

"So I won't ask. I only want you to be safe."

"What are you worried about? You said Seunghyun’s safe, right?"

"That…" he groaned, "he is. He is safe. I know he is. He wouldn't do anything to hurt you. I know that. I…"

He fell silent for a minute. I refused to fill the conversational space.

"I'm not worried about him. I'm worried that you…"

Another silence that I refused to fill in settled over the phone.

"Don't make me say it."

I genuinely did not know what he meant by that.

"Say what?"

Another groan came through the speaker, followed by a swear.

"I… fuck…"

"Tell me Dae."

"Fuck. I, okay, listen…"

I waited, listening.

"I miss you. A lot. I haven't seen you since yesterday morning and I… I just… I miss you. Pet, please understand me."

I knew that he probably wanted me to say it back. And it wouldn't be untrue if I did. But I hated feeling pressured like this, even if he wasn't doing it on purpose.

"I'll be back tomorrow."

"I know. I'm just used to seeing you every day. You spoil me."

I laughed, not believing what I had heard.

"Spoil you? How on earth do I spoil you?"

"You just do," he sounded a little defensive, "just being around you."

I hummed again, finally feeling a little less stressed.

"You're very sweet Daesung," I said, internally admitting that I did miss him, "I…"

My turn to fall into silence. How could I explain what I meant when I wasn't sure myself?

"I'm used to seeing you too."

-----

Seunghyun’s hair was damp when I finally traipsed back into the living area. He had obviously arranged a change of clothing for himself as well as the one he had had waiting for me.

"Hey," he looked up from his phone and gave me a smile, "how are you feeling?"

I clicked my tongue against my teeth, trying to choose an accurate word. Luckily, Daesung had given me the perfect one.

"Spoiled."

His smile got softer, and he laid his phone on the table. Leaning back on the sofa, he waved for me to sit next to him.

I accepted the invitation. Tucking my legs under me, I leaned against his shoulder.

"I'll pay you back for the clothes," I said, letting my eyes close.

"Stop it."

"No."

His shoulder jerked as he laughed. Carefully, he slipped his arm up, over my head, and then down around my shoulders.

"What do you want to do while you don't have to preserve your image?"

My turn to laugh. I shifted in my seat, stretching my legs out onto the sofa and rolling onto my back. It was vaguely reminiscent of the previous night. Looking up at him now, even with the difference between day and night, I had that strange soft feeling again.

"Do I have an image worth preserving? You're the idol."

He laughed. Full on, mouth wide, bubbling up from his stomach, laughed.

"My image was ruined years ago!"

That softness in my chest hardened. I tightened my abs, sitting up a little abruptly. I turned so that I was facing Seunghyun, huddling myself against the armrest of the sofa. I may have been a little dramatic with it, but in that instant I needed the extra space.

We stared at each other for a few seconds. Then we spoke over each other.

"What ha…"

"Not like Seu…"

We both stopped, waiting for the other to continue.

"You go first," Seunghyun offered.

"What happened?" I repeated myself.

He frowned, the kind of look that showed shame and frustration.

"I…" he spoke slowly, "I went through a difficult time. And, well…"

I could see on his face that he hated this conversation. Clearly, this was something he had been made to talk about before. Probably multiple times. Maybe too many times.

"Did you hurt anyone?"

He shook his head. After a moment to run his hands through his hair, he nodded.

"I created a lot of problems for other people," he explained, settling his head back and staring at the ceiling, "but I… never…"

I watched him closely, ready to jump up and away it I had to. He cleared his throat and sat up again. Turning towards me, gripping the back of the sofa tightly, he, in turn, watched me as well.

"I’m nothing like Seungri," he said, watching me intently.

"Then what was it?"

"Baby, please," that shock effect hit me again. I didn't think I'd ever get used to it. A deadly one-two punch of English and petnames.

"Just believe me when I say I would never hurt you."

"Hyun," I shuffled backwards even further, now perching on the armrest, "just tell me what it was."

"Yeobo…"

"You know I could just look it up. Wouldn't it be better if you just told me yourself?"

He sighed, again ruffling his hands over his head.

"I…" he groaned, "fine. I got it. There was a time when I just felt like everything was too much. I didn't plan it, but I got involved with some people who gave me these drugs, an-"

"Oh my god, seriously?" I couldn't help but roll my eyes as a small laugh slipped through my lips.

"W-what?"

"I'm American Hyun! Jesus christ," I relaxed, settling back onto the normal seat, "drugs? You think I give a shit about drugs? God damn,” I allowed myself to fully laugh, “you’re acting like you murdered someone.”

I took some time to stop my laughter, trying to reign it in. Considering how silent Seunghyun was being, I figured this was not a reaction he was used to.

“Sorry,” I shook my head, biting the inside of my cheek to keep myself in check.

“You…” he paused, the faintest hint of a confused smile tugging at the corner of his lips, “you really don’t care?”

“Hey,” I leaned forward, letting my hand drop onto his that was still gripping the back of the sofa, “I’m sorry, I know it’s a big deal here. But,” I shrugged, “again, I’m an American. I’ve probably done way more drugs than you, and my friends back home?” I shook my head, “I grew up in a town nick-named for how bad the drug problem was there.”

Seunghyun’s mouth hung slightly open. His eyes darted around the room quickly before coming to settle on my face again.

“Wait, I… really? You? But you’re so…” his eyes swept over my body for a moment, “healthy.”

“Oh,” I smiled at him, tilting my head to amp up the condescension in my voice, “my Seunghyunnie. There are a lot of things about me that you wouldn’t expect.”

-----

In a way, we wasted our time away from constant surveillance. We ordered room service, we lounged by the hotel pool, we drank until we both couldn't stop giggling.

We ordered dessert, topped off our drinks, and watched movies.

"Baby," Seunghyun mumbled the word. He was laying on the sofa, face squished against my thigh, and one of his hands was absently stroking my calf.

"Yes?" I brushed his hair back from his face.

"Is it okay if I call you baby?" He turned onto his back, hand abandoning my calf to reach up and trace a finger against my ear.

"I know you hate when I call you yeobo, s-"

"You can call me whatever you want," I cut him off. "I already know I can't stop you when you get an idea in your head."

I was still absorbed in the zombie situation on the screen in front of us, but I could tell he was now watching me.

"So baby is okay?"

"Sure Hyun," I shrugged. "Why not?"

His hand dropped to his own face, rubbing over it for a second before settling in his own hair.

"I want to call you something that you like to hear."

I shrugged again, finally looking down at him. He had that familiar flush across his cheeks and nose, and his eyes were vaguely unfocused.

"I don't have one specific thing I like," I explained, "it depends on the person saying it."

He hummed, lines appearing on his forehead as he frowned in thought.

"Like Daesung calls you pet, but that wouldn't work if I said it?"

I fixed my attention back on the television, hoping to hide my own growing blush.

"It doesn't sound natural when you say it."

"Does baby sound natural when I say it?"

I laughed, once, before answering.

"It surprises me," I tilted my head, still not looking back down at him, "but it's better than hearing you call me pet."

Seunghyun hummed, then groaned as he shuffled himself to sit up next to me.

"Baby?"

I gave him a quick glance before zeroing back in on the movie.

"Yes, Hyun?"

"When we get married, do you want a big wedding?"

I finally relented, giving him my full attention. Ignoring the soft puffiness that alcohol and semi-dozing had lent to his face, I fixed him with a sarcastic look.

"Do you really think that we're going to get married?"

He nodded, a lazy smile stretching across his face.

"Even though you know that Daesung and I, uh…" I rifled through my brain, trying to remember any usable euphemism.

"Yah," he was frowning now, raising a hand to wave my words away, "how many times do I have to say I don't care? You can sleep with him as much as you want."

His hand waved again, even harder.

"No, no, that's not it. I don't want to marry you to put you in a cage," he huffed, finally dropping his hand back down. He used it to support himself as he leaned forward.

"I want you to keep me in line. I want you to point out when I'm being stupid. Baby…"

There was no way that I hadn't noticed how close he was. But I didn't want to interrupt his explanation by moving. That would have been rude.

Or something like that.

In a repeat of our conversation in the ocean, he lifted both of his hands to cup either of my cheeks. He didn't put his lips on mine though. He just held me as close as he could without actually kissing me.

"It's all you."

My lips tingled as his breath hit them.

"Hyun," I started, putting a hand on his chest, creating a minor barrier.

He dropped one of his hands from my face to grip my hand, holding it against his chest tightly.

"Yeobo, baby," he sounded desperate now, almost pathetic, nuzzling against my cheek before leaning in and speaking approximately into my neck, "please marry me.”

“You’re drunk,” I pointed out, pushing him away.

He protested neither my words nor actions. Letting me push him back, he ended up splayed along the sofa, staring up at me.

"Come here," he requested, lifting one arm to beckon me towards him, "lay with me."

"Hyun…"

"Just put your head here," he pat his hand against his chest, "and let me hold you for a while."

Despite everything, all of his strange behavior from week one to now, I believed Daesung. Seunghyun was safe.

Carefully, I settled myself against him.

It was nice. Laying against a warm body, feeling his hands smooth over my hair in an arrhythmic pattern.

“Are you always clingy when you drink?” I asked.

He hummed, chest vibrating under my head.

“Only when I’m comfortable.”

Well, that certainly made sense. It definitely wasn't a sentiment that needed to be unpacked immediately.

We lay there for a while. Silent and barely paying attention to the screen. Eventually one of Seunghyun's hands drifted down my body, creating a tingling trail of warmth and chills as he gently rubbed over my back. His other hand remained at my head, now tangled into my hair. I could feel that he was gripping my hair, but not tightly - not tugging, only anchoring.

I was thoroughly tranquilized. Physically, anyway.

"We're going to get in trouble tomorrow," I mumbled, eyes drooping.

"I'll take responsibility," Seunghyun said in a low tone, his hand on my back becoming a bit heavier. His fingers curled, lifting the hem of my shirt an inch or so before stretching down to meet with my bare skin.

His body heaved somewhat as he readjusted himself on the sofa. I felt the, now somehow familiar, sensation of his lips against my hair.

"Is this okay?" He mumbled the words against my scalp.

"Hmm?"

He wiggled his fingers, incidentally tickling at my back.

"This."

Was it okay? Not that long ago, this amount of skinship would have been unthinkable. Especially between the two of us. But he wasn't doing anything wrong. His hand was on my lower - or was it middle? - back. He didn't seem to be interested in straying too far either down or up. It was just… a touch. Another anchor point, like his fingers still wound into my hair.

I must have spent too long thinking, because his hand lifted. The change in temperature was more noticeable than the change in pressure.

"Sor-"

"It's fine. It… you can do that."

I felt his chest sink as his hand resumed its place, as if he had been holding his breath.

-----

“Mmhe’o?” I mumbled into my phone.

“Still asleep?” Seunghyun asked. “I’ve already made your tea, come out.”

I groaned and looked at the time. 9:44AM. Positively late compared to yesterday.

“Will you just bring it to me?” I whined.

A heavy sigh crackled through the phone.

“If you bring it to me, I’ll think about marrying you,” I teased him.

There was a beat of silence.

“I’ll be there in a minute.”

-----

I recognized Seunghyun’s knock on my door. Two distinct thuds.

I pulled the door open and was greeted with a cup that was not “my” mug, sitting on a matching plate. I pouted.

“I know,” Seunghyun held the plate and cup towards me. “I needed something to put the lemon on.”

“You still could have used my cup,” I took the tea from him, “but thank you.”

I sat on my bed, placing the little plate down and sipping the tea. Not perfect, but pretty good.

“Are you going to use that against me when you want your way?” he asked, leaning against the doorframe.

I looked up at him. It almost felt like talking to a friend. Almost.

“Don’t make jokes if you can’t take them.”

He nodded slowly, biting the inside of his lip as he thought.

“Okay. That’s fair,” he smiled, “should we go to the courthouse now, or after breakfast?”

“I said I would think about it,” I grumbled, returning to the tea. “Not that I would just do it.”

“Right, and now that you’ve thought about it, I’m sure you can see that there’s no reason not to.”

“Alright,” I set the cup onto it’s little platter, “I’m going back to bed.”

“Stop~”

I stopped, if only because I wasn’t used to hearing that whiny tone from him.

“Come on,” he stepped forward and took my hand. He tugged on it until I stood up.

“We have to do something.”

I groaned.

“Daesung said that we probably wouldn’t have much to do until the full inspection is finished.”

“Exactly,” Seunghyun nodded, now ushering me towards my closet, “so let’s do something that has nothing to do with the fire or your apartment.”

-----

If I could have chosen any date to have with Seunghyun, I would have chosen literally anything else but this.

I had taken art and design classes. I had taken classes solely for the appreciation of art. I painted. I was an artist.

I still did not understand art.

Seunghyun had his hands clasped behind him. He was gazing into a giant canvas of semi-random swirls of orange and green. He had been in that precise position for nearly ten minutes.

It didn't look like anything.

Maybe I just don't understand modern art.

I went ahead to the next exhibition. Unfortunately, this one was a portrait series. Coupled with minor interviews, the theme appeared to be hardship, perseverance, and the people that help along the way.

Already knowing my own weakness, I slowed down - pausing to read the small placards.

I had barely started reading the second description when I felt the telltale prickle behind my eyes.

I dug through my purse, searching for something to wipe my eyes.

"Better hurry if you don't want him to catch you," Chul held a packet of tissue out to me.

"Let him," I took one and started dabbing at my eyes. "I've gotten softer as I get older. There's nothing wrong with that. "

“Don’t worry,” Chul nodded, “it’s c-”

“I didn’t realize you’re so tender-hearted,” Seunghyun interrupted. He walked past Chul, casting him a sideways glance.

“I’m only mean to you,” I felt defensive.

“I know,” he placed a hand on my back, between my shoulders, and leaned in. “I like it.”

“Are you done with the color swatches?”

Seunghyun’s head tilted slightly.

“I thought you were an artist? Are you not having fun?”

I gestured at the exhibition I had been browsing.

“I’m interested in people. The stuff in there,” I used my chin to point at the room he had been in, “I don’t know anything about that.”

-----

As if following a drama script, he had suggested for us to go to a cafe after the museum.

Resisting the urge to explain myself, I picked out a small bar of extremely dark chocolate to go with my tea.

“I thought you didn’t like bitter things?”

I looked up from the 85% cacao bar that was slowly melting in my hands.

“What gave you that idea?”

Seunghyun tilted his head.

“You don’t like coffee.”

I nodded, and held out a piece of the bar to him.

He leaned forward and took it.

Rather, he took my hand and picked the piece from between my fingers with his teeth.

“Yah,” I shook his hand off of my wrist, frowning, “what was that?”

“Why?” he complained, leaning back in his seat, “I already asked you to marry me, I can’t do this?”

I blinked at him. He was pouting a little bit.

Was he trying to be cute?

“Don’t be weird,” I scolded him. “Anyway, I don’t like coffee because it’s bitter and sour. This,” I held up the bar, “is bitter and sweet.”

“Ah,” Seunghyun leaned forward again, “should I try to be sweet to you then?”

I wrinkled my brow, not bothering to hide my disdain for this version of him.

“I said don’t be weird.”

“Alright,” he dropped the eager look, “I’m not good at it like Daesung anyway.”

“Just be your normal self,” I explained, “I hate when you pretend to be different.”

“Oooh,” he nodded as if thinking that over, “so you like me when I’m serious?”

“No, I don’t like you,” I shook my head, “I just hate you less.”

“I’ll take it,” he laughed.

We fell into silence, both retreating into our phones. It probably didn’t make for good television, but I was glad to just have a break from our constant back and forth.

“Here, what do you think?”

Seunghyun slid his phone across the table.

There was an apartment listing on the screen. It was affordable enough, and looked pretty nice.

“What’s the downside?” I muttered, lifting his phone to look closer.

“It doesn’t look like there is one,” he answered, “plus, you’ll be pretty close to where I live.”

“Ah,” I nodded, swiping between photos of rooms, “so that’s the problem with it.”

He clicked his tongue, drawing my eyes from the phone to him. Leaned back in his chair, he looked exactly like a celebrity. Crossed legs, one arm resting on his knee while he sipped his coffee. He shook his head at me, placing his coffee down and clasping both of his hands against his knee.

“It’s also close to where Daesung lives,” his voice was airy, as if he wasn’t watching me closely for a reaction.

I lowered my eyes back to the phone, pretending to be interested in the amenities.

“You’re convinced that it’s not Jiyong then?”

“I know what he’s planning, but I don’t think it will work at this point.”

I lifted my eyes to look at him over my glasses.

“That’s the second time someone has mentioned his plan.” I tilted my head and handed his phone back to him. “Should I be worried?”

“Do you want to know what it is?”

He sounded coy, almost playful.

Leaning back, I tapped my fingers against my lips. G.I. Joe said that knowing was half the battle. It didn’t used to make sense to me, but now I realized that the battle was all the work that went into getting answers.

“Would you tell me if I asked?”

Seunghyun smiled, leaning forward and resting his chin on his palm.

“Do you want to get married?”

“Ah,” I checked out of the conversation, lifting my phone again, “so no.”

From: Chaeyoung Did you talk to sunbae? About possibly having some time to teach me?

"I asked if you wanted to get married," he pointed out, "not if you wanted to marry me."

"How am I supposed to know the difference?" I asked.

From: Chaeyoung I don’t want to pressure you. I’m just excited!!

I smiled at the messages. Her eagerness was cute. Endearing in a way.

“Trust me, you'll know," he decides to change the subject, "who’s messaging you?”

“Jealous?”

To: Chaeyoung Sorry Chaeyoung-ah, it seems that I will be really busy for the next little while.

“Depends who it is.”

“It’s Chaeyoung,” I finally glanced up at him, still typing as I spoke, “but who would make you jealous?”

To: Chaeyoung After your promotions are done, I should have more time.

Seunghyun gave the camera the world’s quickest glance before lifting his coffee.

“Let’s not talk about that here.”

I resisted the urge to check the camera as well. Instead, I shrugged and turned my attention back to the texts.

From: Chaeyoung Ah… that’s disappointing. Don’t forget about me unnie~

I smiled. She really was cute in a way.

To: Chaeyoung Of course I won’t

“Can you send me the link to that apartment?” I asked Seunghyun.

“Sure,” he tapped a few times at his phone. A moment later, my own chimed and the message popped up.

It really was a nice place, and I was pretty sure I could afford it.

I decided to double check my upcoming job’s salary, just in case.

Invalid login

It was the third time the message had shown on the HR website for the company that I was supposed to be starting with in September.

Did I really forget my password?

Giving in, I opened my contacts and pulled up the number for the hiring agent I had been working with earlier in the year. Standing up, I excused myself from Seunghyun.

“Just give me one second,” I said, “I just need to check on something.”

He looked up at me and nodded.

-----

I stepped out onto the sidewalk. I took up a position near the corner of the building, out of the way of the foot-traffic.

The phone rang twice before the agent answered.

“Hello?”

“Hello, Hyebin? This is Luna calling.”

“Ah, Luna, hello. I’m a bit surprised to be hearing from you.”

“I know it’s a bit early on,” I conceded, “but I was having some issues logging into the HR site.”

“Oh,” I heard her click her teeth, “well, that’s a bit awkward. Did the deputy manager not talk to you?”

I thought back. Had I missed a call from the manager? I didn’t think so. They would have left a voicemail, and I hadn’t had any that I hadn’t already taken care of.

“I haven’t heard from them,” I slowly said, “was there a problem?”

“Sorry, I hate to be the one to tell you this but…” she paused, “the managers decided not to go ahead with your contract.”

“Ah,” I stumbled over my words slightly. I cleared my throat before continuing, “is that right? Sorry for the awkward call then.”

I didn’t listen to what she said after that. What was the point? Tapping the icon to end the call, I crouched down, resting my face in my palms.

After a few seconds, I stood up. I knew that there was likely at least one camera on me. Probably one of the staff members that was better at melting into the background than Chul was.

I hadn’t cried. At the very least I had not cried. Still, I lifted my phone and opened the camera to double check my composure before going back in.

-----

Taking my seat, I noticed that Seunghyun seemed to be making the conscious decision to not look at me.

Or maybe I was just being paranoid.

“Everything okay?” He still didn’t look at me.

“No,” I answered curtly, “but I’ll figure it out.”

“Anything I can help with?”

“Not this time.”

I lifted my tea, noted that it was empty, and sighed.

“Thank you though.”

-----

After returning home, a term I was now feeling resentful towards, I had made a generic excuse and hidden myself away in my room.

While I wanted to simply lay on my bed and wallow, I knew that I needed to actually get my ass in gear.

Maybe just a mini-wallow first.

I curled up on my mattress.

In what seemed like ten minutes, but in reality was closer to two hours, I was woken up by the distinct double thud of Seunghyun demanding my attention.

“Can I come in?” he called through the door.

Groggily, I pushed myself up to sitting and nodded.

“Luna?”

Right. Line of vision.

“Come in,” I croaked.

He cracked the door open and poked his head inside.

“You okay?”

“No.”

He nodded and fully entered the room. He had a plate in one hand, spread with sliced apples, a sectioned orange, and chunks of bananas. Carefully placing the plate on my nightstand, he closed the door and took a seat on the side of my bed.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I don’t know…” I shrugged and stretched, hearing something in my shoulder pop.

“Wait,” Seunghyun stood up suddenly, “I forgot something. One second.”

He quickly exited the room, closing the door behind him. A little confused, I leaned over and picked up a section of orange.

I was considering going back to sleep when Seunghyun returned. Forgoing the knock, he simply opened the door and sat down again. He had a small bowl in his hand, which he passed to me.

It was full of peanut butter.

I laughed, then drew a shuddering sniff. My chest convulsed as I made the uncomfortable transition from laughter to crying.

“Yah,” Seunghyun took the bowl from me. Leaning across, in front of me, he placed it next to the plate.

“Sorry,” I rubbed my hands across my face, trying to get rid of the tears now streaming down my cheeks.

“No,” he turned, adjusting his position so he could face me. “Don’t apologize.”

That just made me cry harder.

“Come here,” he placed an arm over my shoulders, tapping on his chest with his other hand.

I slumped against him. Resigning myself to riding out the tears, I took full advantage of the comforting-ish gesture on his end.

“I feel like I’m cursed,” I mumbled into his shirt, “ever since this show started I’ve had nothing but problems.”

One of his hands was gently rubbing my back. The other had started combing my hair back from my face.

“Do you want to leave?”

“Yes,” I automatically answered. Then I thought about it for a moment, “no. Where would I even go? What would I do? I just found out that I was fired.”

“What?”

“Or I was un-hired. I hadn’t started yet,” I explained, “so I guess it doesn’t really count as being fired.”

“It’s oka-”

“No it’s not,” I cut him off, “I have no apartment, no job, no passport, and about four months to fix all of those before my status in this country becomes illegal.”

I pushed myself back, sitting up straight.

“So unless you’ve magically got a job for me, no,” I shook my head, running my hands through my hair, “it is not okay.”

“That’s all?” Seunghyun chuckled, “I bet I can find a job for you in no time."

"I don't want you to fix it all," I toppled back onto my bed, flopping my arms over my face. I was fully exasperated with his ideas and suggestions. "Well, maybe I'd like some help. Later."

I felt the mattress dip next to me.

"I'm sorry," his voice was low, even for him.

"It's fine," I groaned, "you were trying to help, I think."

"Do you want to talk more? Or do you want a distraction?"

For a second, my mind flashed back to that thoroughly distracting night with Daesung.

Uninvited, Seunghyun’s face made an appearance.

Well now I especially didn't want to talk about anything.

"Distraction, I guess."

-----

From: Hugeboy How is Seunghyun? Still asking to get married?

From: Hugeboy I miss you (*/_＼)

I dangled my feet in the water, sitting on the edge of the pool while I considered Mino’s messages. I knew, or at least felt, that he wouldn't mind if I unburdened myself to him. He might even appreciate it, in some way. But what good would it do? It would just be one more thing. One more example of me falling short.

“You’re not coming in?” Seunghyun asked, interrupting my detour into self-loathing. He was standing in the water next to me, resting his elbows on the wall of the pool to look up at me.

Better to keep at least one thing light.

To: Hugeboy I was going to say “ooh I’m going to tell on you” but who would I even tell? kkkkk

To: Hugeboy He says he’s going to keep the joke going all week.

With that I turned off the screen and put my phone on the towel that was sitting slightly behind me.

“What significance does the pool have for you?” I asked Seunghyun.

“What do you mean?” he shook his head, “and don’t avoid the question.”

“I’ll get in eventually,” I shrugged. “I mean that this is the second time you’ve asked me to go swimming, and you seem more relaxed in the pool.”

He nodded, then shot me his old smile. The annoying one.

“Maybe I just like seeing you in your swimsuit.”

“Maybe,” I conceded, “but if that was the case you wouldn’t mind me not getting in the water.”

“Fine.”

Seunghyun planted his palms on the edge of the pool and pressed down hard. Hauling himself from the water, he was somewhat awkward as he turned to sit next to me.

“I know that I seem stern and boring,” he pushed his wet hair back.

For a second, I got distracted by the way his hair just slightly curled with the added moisture, and how the slowly reddening light of the sky added depth to his skin.

“But I actually like playing. And there’s something about pools and beaches that make playing seem more natural.”

I pursed my lips and nodded. It wasn’t the most eloquent explanation, but it made a sort of sense.

“So the pool is an excuse to relax,” I summarized, “and be a little informal.”

“Yes.”

I nodded again, thinking that over.

After a moment, I decided to play into the idea.

Pushing myself forward, I slid into the water. I let myself dip below the water, shivering slightly as the coolness washed over my scalp.

Resurfacing, I pushed my hair back and looked up at him.

“So you’re saying I can be informal now,” I smiled, “right?”

Seunghyun laughed, shaking his head.

“Fine,” he dropped himself back into the water, “but only if you agree to play.”

He caught me a little faster this time. I had misjudged a turn and ended up in water much shallower than I had expected.

Forced into breaching, he had managed to back me into a corner.

It was in that corner that I now stood, penned in by his arms resting on the walls to either side of me.

“You’re pretty fast for an old man,” I teased him.

Seunghyun huffed slightly, looking annoyed despite having caught me.

“What?”

He gave me a slow once over. It was the sort of look that made me aware of how exposed I was in my swimsuit.

“I…” he started slowly, his tone measured and low, “would not stop you now.”

It was a vague sentence, but I knew exactly what he meant.

I chose to play dumb though.

“But you already caught me,” I squinted and tilted my head, trying to sell the faux confusion, “what?”

He lifted his right hand from the pool edge and crooked his index finger under my chin.

“Don’t be coy.”

“Fine,” I let my face drop to neutral and shrugged, “but what am I supposed to do with that?”

He smiled and leaned forward.

I wasn’t surprised. Not in the traditional sense. I just hadn’t expected it this soon, nor so publicly done.

After just a second I pulled back.

“Um,” I swallowed, trying to buy myself a second to think of what to say, “I, uh…”

“You’re right,” Seunghyun nodded, “we should get married first.”

“Yah,” I shook my head, then splashed him, “are you really going to keep that up?”

He laughed, wiping the water from his face.

“I told you I would.”

“I’m done with you,” I slid along the edge of the pool, out of the corner, “I’m going back to bed.”

“Ah, ah ah ah…” Seunghyun waded after me, “sorry, sorry. Come on.”

I sat on the steps of the pool, not fully committing to sticking around much longer.

“I kind of have a lot going on Hyun,” I shook my head, “Seunghyun, sorry.”

I saw the look on his face. He was about to be an asshole of some kind.

I lifted a hand to emphasize my next words.

“Stop. Please. Don’t.”

He closed his eyes and nodded, apparently deciding to let me off the hook.

He settled himself on the steps next to me.

“How are you holding up?”

I sighed, leaning back on my elbows.

“Depends what you’re asking about.”

“Dealer’s choice.”

I nodded, watching the ripples of our previous action dissipate slowly through the water. What did I want to get into? Anything? Everything?

“I thought you would taste like cigarettes,” I commented, deciding to put off the more serious topics for now.

“Oh, now that you mention it…”

Seunghyun stood up and gangled his way over to where his clothes were sitting on one of the chairs. He dug through the pile for a minute before pulling out a cigarette and his lighter.

I laughed.

“What?” he asked, pausing before lighting up.

“Nothing,” I shook my head, “I just remember being like that.”

“Ah,” he lit the thin roll and settled back into his previous watery seat, “when did you quit?”

“Five… or maybe six years ago,” I shrugged, “long enough. I feel like we've talked about this before.”

He nodded and hummed before returning to my original statement.

“Maybe we did," he shrugged, "what did I taste like instead?”

“Chlorine,” I laughed, “and whatever shot you took while I was changing.”

“I was nervous,” he admitted with a cough, avoiding looking at me.

“I wasn’t scolding you,” I laughed again. “But now I’m curious why you were nervous.”

Taking his time with his cigarette, he seemed to be thinking it over carefully before replying.

“I had to be ready to ask you to marry me again.”

“Fine,” I waved a small splash at him, “don’t tell me.”

“I’m being serious.”

Against my better judgement, I looked over at him directly.

He didn’t bother hiding that he had been watching me. The cigarette dangled between his lips, threatening to drop ashes into the water below. His eyes trailed over my face, pausing at my mouth.

I wasn’t sure how to read his face at that moment. Blinking, my own eyes jerked in a zig-zag, stopping briefly on the house behind him, the chair where my phone was, and finally settling back onto the water as I turned back to a neutral position.

“Why are you like this?” I asked the pool lights.

“Why shouldn’t I be?” Seunghyun answered.

“I just don’t understand your motives.”

"That's because you haven't been paying attention."

-----

From: D-Lite Are you busy? Come out with me.

I wasn’t busy. I was sitting on my bed, staring at a sketchbook, getting nothing done.

To: D-Lite Out where?

From: D-Lite [D-Lite shared his location]

It was relatively nearby. It looked like a café, but there were a few other things nearby.

To: D-Lite I was in the pool

To: D-Lite I should probably wash the chlorine out of my hair first

From: D-Lite Hurry (｡•́︿•̀｡)

-----

Clasping my phone against my ear, I tried to look through the windows of the cafe.

"Where are you?"

I couldn't make out the interior of the cafe very well, thanks to the reflected lights on the glass. I could have gone inside, but I wasn't completely certain that the cafe was the goal.

"You're here? Where?"

I laughed at the circular conversation.

"I'm outside the cafe."

"Ah, okay," I heard a door jingle through the phone, "I see you. Turn around."

I slowly spun on the spot, scanning the people and cars around me.

A flash of movement caught my eye.

Daesung was on the other side of the street, waving at me. His smile was wide, bright, and, most importantly, unobstructed.

I pocketed my phone and headed for the crosswalk.

Waiting to cross, I was surprised by how excited I felt. As if I hadn’t seen him just yesterday. If I had to guess, I’d assume it was because Seunghyun took so much energy out of me.

Daesung also looked excited. Or anxious. He was bouncing on his toes, looking somewhat impatient.

He was still smiling though.

Fuck me, could my math be that far off?

-----

The table was small and foldable. Wooden slats on a light metal frame. As far from ostentatious as you could get.

It was one of about a dozen that were littered on the deck of the bar. I hadn’t realized how close we were to the Han river, and I was glad to soak in the city lights reflecting off the water below us.

“Here,” Daesung filled my cup again, “You’re sure you don’t mind me sneaking a date in after my time is up?”

“It’s fine,” I reassured him for the third time. “Besides, weren’t you the one that said friends can go on dates?”

“Ah,” he seemed deflated somehow, “I guess I did say that.”

“Yah,” I nudged him with my knee under the little table, “don’t look like that.”

“I guess I got my hopes up,” he smiled over his cup before downing his own drink.

I raised an eyebrow at that.

“Not like that,” he quickly set his cup down and turned to face me a little more squarely, “I just mean that I was hoping this was a date. Not as friends.”

I made a show of looking around before replying.

“Ah, I guess you’re out of character.”

“I was never a good actor anyway,” he shrugged.

“You’re such a liar,” I teased him, “in the beginning you made all those jokes. Like in the bookstore!”

“When was I joking?” He defended himself, “I was just nervous and, I don’t know, I was trying too hard to be cool.”

I waved his words away before taking my turn pouring for him.

“I got it. I won’t talk about that awkard stuff then,” I nudged the cup towards him, “I already think you’re cool, so don’t worry about trying too hard, okay?”

-----

“Ah we should try to be extra quiet,” Daesung said in a loud whisper.

I snorted a laugh, immediately covering my face in embarrassment.

Daesung joined the laughter as well.

I quickly turn and shushed him, raising my hands as if I was going to cover his mouth.

“Stop, stop, shhh…”

“You stop,” Daesung retorted, batting my hands away.

Of course that only made the both of us laugh harder.

So hard that I nearly tripped over a slight bump on the walkway up to the house.

“Careful!”

Dae grabbed one of my hands, steadying me.

For a second, I realized that I was well and truly tipsy. It was a little surprising, but somehow also not, that I would feel comfortable enough to get like this.

Of course, this was Daesung.

"Are you okay?"

Despite still having my hand in his, he hadn't used it as an excuse to get closer.

I blinked at him. Were his eyes always that bright?

"I'm okay."

He didn't seem convinced.

"Come on," he looped his arm through mine, "you can lean on me if you need to."

Need and want are two very different things, but every once in a while they do overlap.

I didn't so much lean on him as I held onto his arm tighter than necessary. I also took the opportunity to slide my hand into his.

"I don't want to go in yet," I grumbled.

"Why?"

"Because I had fun," I explained towards my shoes, "which means Jiyong is probably going to pick a fight."

Daesung didn't reply. He just stopped walking.

I looked up at him, but he was busy scanning the front yard and house.

After a moment, he tugged me off to one side.

"Do you have your keys?"

"Yeah," I let him lead me through the gate in the yard wall, "why?"

Once through the gate, he paused and scanned again.

"Do you have a key to the glass door in your room?"

"Oh," I was slowly catching on, "yes."

Sobered by a rush of adrenaline, I checked the living room windows and door that led to the pool. I saw the unmistakable shapes of Jiyong and Seungri.

The gauzy curtains wouldn’t do much to hide us.

We stood still, both trying to work out how to get across the sideyard, around the corner, and under the deck unseen.

Luckily, a savior appeared.

Taeyang entered the living room. I had no clue what he might be saying, but I saw both heads turn towards him.

Tightening my grip on Daesung’s hand, I darted.

"Go!" I whispered loudly.

Daesung was not expecting the sudden movement, but caught on gracefully enough.

Our hands parted, and I easily pulled ahead of him.

I laughed aloud, delighted by the silly race. Reaching the gravel under the deck, I stopped and turned to watch Daesung catch up.

He ran directly into me, using his momentum to sweep me into a tight hug.

His laughter matched mine as he tottered us towards my door.

The cold glass of the door hit my back.

Immediately, I recoiled. Arching my back away from the chill, I found myself trapped by Daesung’s body.

His laughter strangled itself into a noise somewhere between a hiss and a groan.

"Permission granted," I said in what I hoped was a flirtatious voice.

It must have been good enough. His hands were immediately in my hair, directing my lips to his.

A few seconds later, he pulled back, dragging my lower lip with his teeth.

"Mm…" he released his hold and dipped his head to kiss my neck before truly speaking.

"What would your fiance think?"

"My fian… oh shut up," I laughed, "he already knows that you're in the lead."

He lifted his head from my neck, eyes just a little bit wider than usual.

"I didn't even know I was in the lead."

I leaned forward and planted a quick kiss against his chin, resisting the urge to say something sarcastic. Against almost every instinct I had, I decided to go for sincerity.

"It wasn't obvious?"

“Honestly? No,” Daesung laughed under his breath, “I thought you might just be rebounding after realizing how conceited Jiyong is.”

There was a somewhat awkward silence as I thought about that. Was that what I was doing?

I came to a slightly shameful realization.

“It may have been that,” I carefully, slowly, chose my words, “but, within the show, you’re the one I genuinely enjoy spending my time with.”

He nodded slowly, taking his time with my words.

“So…” he started, but paused again. Licking his lips, he seemed to be weighing his next words.

“So you might choose me for the show, but not in reality?”

“Out of character,” I prefaced my next bit of explanation, “I’m clueless. I never know how seriously I can take anything that any of you say.”

He opened his mouth to speak, but I forged ahead, cutting him off before he could derail me.

“Please, just…” I sighed, but he remained quiet, letting me gather my thoughts.

“I don’t trust any of my feelings,” I started blinking, feeling the uncomfortable warmth building in my eyes, “because they might all be built on something that will disappear as soon as the show is over.”

I was staring into Daesung’s shirt pocket, unable to make eye contact while describing the reality of my emotional state.

In a back corner of my mind, I thought of Mino. I realized that I had been applying that same logic to him as well. And why shouldn’t I? For all I knew, he was just competitive… even when he wasn’t officially part of the competition.

Daesung made a few noises, almost starting a couple of sentences.

“Ah… tha… d…” he sighed, giving up. Instead of saying anything, he simply wrapped his arms a little tighter around me, pulling me against him and swaying slightly.

“Sorry,” I mumbled against his shoulder.

“Shush,” he readjusted his head, nestling into my neck, “you’ve had to worry a lot, haven't you pet?”

“There’s a lot to worry about.”

He sighed heavily, then released his hold on me.

"Then I will not give you more to worry about," he nodded towards the lock on the sliding glass door, "go in."

I turned, digging my keys out of my bag. After unlocking, opening, and stepping through the door, I spoke up.

"Will you come in?" I asked the room as I took my shoes off.

"Isn't that just one more thing to worry about?"

Shoes securely tucked to the side, I turned back to face him.

"But I want you to."

He licked his lips, taking a deep breath as he weighed his options.

I leaned forward, reaching out and taking his hand in mine. Pulling him closer, my other hand took a hold on his shirt.

"Please, Dae," he was close enough now that I could lean in and say the next part quietly into his ear.

"Stay tonight."

He took a shaky breath, then stepped into my room with a sigh.

“Who is it?” I called out.

“Seunghyun. You decent?”

Technically, I was just as decent as yesterday morning. Still, the vibe was clearly different.

Grumbling, I wrapped my bedsheet around myself and shuffled to the door. I swung it open to find a surprisingly rumpled looking Seunghyun.

“Do you know what time it is?”

“Here,” he held up his phone.

“What?”

I heard the tinny voice of Bobby come from the speaker. Confused, I took the phone and lifted it to my ear.

“Hello?”

“Noona? Why is your phone off? Ah fuck man…”

I couldn’t really process much. I could barely make out the voice over what sounded like screaming robots in the background.

“Bobby?”

Seunghyun walked past me and face-planted onto my bed.

“Yeah, okay, so… uh…”

“Give me the phone! Luna?!”

“Soo-ah?” I groaned, getting even more confused.

“Okay everyone is fine, Ttungbo is fine, I’m fine, but your apartment is gone.”

“My…” I struggled, still not nearly awake enough to process all the noise being pumped into my ear, “my apartment?”

Seunghyun’s head turned towards me. It was too dark to see his expression though.

“Yeah, the fire started one floor below…” Soo-ah started explaining.

“Wait…” I was beginning to wake up now, “my apartment is on fire?”

Seunghyun pushed himself up to sit on the edge of my mattress. He leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees and looked up at me.

Still, I couldn’t clearly make out his expression. I thought I could see the dip of his brows.

“Yes, I’m so sorry Luna,” I could tell that Soo-ah was crying now, “we were able to get out but… everything inside is destroyed…”

I slowly sat down on the floor. One hundred and twenty two canvases.

“You said Ttungbo is okay,” I was having a problem breathing, “right?”

I was aware that I was panting slightly, trying to remember how breathing was supposed to work.

Seunghyun slid off my bed and knelt in front of me. He put a hand on my shoulder. Finally, my eyes had adjusted enough to note the worry etched across his face.

“Yes, but all your things…”

I had my alien registration card with me but my passport was now ashes.

One hundred and four finished paintings, eighteen unfinished.

I clamped my free hand onto Seunghyun’s bicep, trying to plant some solid sensation for myself.

“Your paintings,” Soo-ah was fully sobbing in my ear, “I’m so sorry Luna. I couldn’t go ba…”

I dropped Seunghyun’s phone.

There had easily been over eighty sketchbooks as well. Now I was left with only one of each.

One canvas. One sketchbook. One ID. One dog.

Seunghyun wrapped one arm around me, holding me against his body in what I only later realized was a comforting gesture. He had picked up his phone and was quietly talking to Soo-ah now.

I couldn't even really cry. I should have been crying, right? I tried to shake my head, but Seunghyun’s grip tightened on me at the first movement.

That brought me back into the moment, at least enough to hear him end the call.

"... andlord in the morning… I'll stay with her… alright. Talk soon."

I heard the dull tone of the call ending. Soon after, his second arm joined the one already around me.

"Are you okay?"

I couldn't speak for a minute. Seunghyun slowly started carding his fingers through my hair.

"It will be okay," he murmured.

"Everything is gone," I finally rasped into his shirt.

"Not everything," he protested.

"Everything that I've created," the tears had finally started, "my paintings, my books, my illustrations…"

"You'll make more," he assured me, "you can make more."

"No! You don't understand!" I started trying to push him away, annoyed by the way he was brushing this off. I managed to stand up, then lost some steam.

"Imagine…" I held back a sob, or maybe a scream, that tightened my chest enough to force me to lose my breath again. I bent over slightly, digging my nails into my own waist as an anchor point.

Seunghyun scrambled up, holding onto my forearms. Vaguely, I realized that he thought I might collapse.

"Imagine all your music was deleted. All of it," I let my forehead rest against his chest, "from the entire world."

"You will make more," he reiterated. He moved his hands up my arms, over my shoulders. Finally, he pulled my face up so he could look at me.

"Even if I have to get you your own studio, you will make more."

"How?"

He ran his thumbs over my cheeks, brushing away the wet streaks there.

"This loss is too big, right?"

I nodded.

"That's how you'll make more. You'll make more because you have too much inside you to not."

I shook my head, wanting to argue the point. As I opened my mouth though, Seunghyun placed two fingers against my lips.

"Stop. Arguing with me won't make any difference."

Maybe it was the way his fingers seemed to naturally find the side of my neck. Or maybe the way his other hand had found itself on my waist.

Maybe I had a few emotional wires crossed.

Maybe I just wanted a distraction.

I reached up, threaded my fingers through his hair, and pulled Seunghyun's lips against my own.

He didn't bother with hesitation.

His hands worked in tandem to deepen the kiss, pulling my body against his own.

After a moment however, he pulled away.

"Not that I don’t want to see where this goes," he brushed some stray hairs back from my face, "but I'm certain that you'd regret it."

"How's that?"

"It would have been okay last night," he closed his eyes, "but you're in pain right now," he reopened his eyes, staring me down, "and I am only a tool to help."

I stepped back, bumping into my wall.

"I'm sorry," I raised a hand to my mouth, "Seunghyun…"

"It's fine," he sighed. He gave me a grim smile, "I set myself up that way, didn’t I?"

“I’m sorry,” I repeated, one hand still over my mouth, “I was being selfish. I didn’t think.”

“It,” he tapped a finger on my forehead, “is”, another tap, “fine.”

I didn’t know what else to say besides apologizing again. Instead, I let my head drop onto his shoulder.

"Yah," he was quiet now, going back to slipping his fingers through my hair, "get dressed."

I felt the entirely foreign sensation of Choi Seunghyun's lips pressing against my hair.

I was still ashamed, and that brief kiss of his did nothing to help. I kept my face securely hidden in his shoulder when I replied.

"Why?"

"I'm going to take you somewhere."

-----

“You’re joking.”

“I just want to surprise you,” he gave me a look that seemed to be pleading.

“You have to realize why this would make me nervous,” I wound the silk strip of cloth between my fingers as I spoke, “right?”

“It’s nothing weird. And you know that I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you,” he started unwinding my hands, “don’t you?”

I let him take the tie back, thinking over the last month that I had known him. As outrageous as he had started, I realized that I did, to some extent, trust him.

“Does it have to start right now?” I tested his stubbornness.

“Yes,” he nodded, “you want a distraction, I want to surprise you,” he held the cloth up between us, “this will do both.”

“How is getting rid of one of my senses going to distract me?” I argued.

“Do you trust me or no?”

“Fine. Just,” I sighed, “don’t make me regret it.”

"I am tired, I just lost almost everything that actually matters to me, and now I’m taking a blind hike,” I complained, “I hope you realize exactly how much trust I'm putting in you."

Seunghyun laughed. I knew it was him. I could feel his arm shake with the ripple of it. It didn’t sound the same as it usually did. Typically his laugh made me feel dumb, or annoyed, a rumbling sheet metal sound that signaled scorn.

This one was clearer though. His mouth had to have been open for it.

"Hold on," I resisted his lead for a moment, pulling him to stop walking.

I patted my hands from his arms to his side, feeling the thick threads of the accent in the weave of his jacket. I slid my hands up his chest, registering an absolute stillness that told me that, at least for a second, he was holding his breath. Finally, my fingers found what they were truly looking for.

I started at the corners of his jaw, tracing forward. My nails caught on the slightest bit of stubble as they moved. Turning my hand over, I ran the backs of my fingers over his cheek.

A hand covered mine.

"What are you doing?"

"Ah, I just wanted to check if it was still you."

"Sorry to disappoint you."

My hand was pushed towards me, but I could still feel his skin.

"Just trust me," a warm breeze hit my ear as Seunghyun spoke, "okay?"

I nodded.

My hand was released, and the sensation of his skin faded. A second later, I felt his arms wrap around my thighs as he lifted me.

"Seunghyun!" I squealed, "careful!"

"Relax," he shushed me, "hand on my shoulders."

I followed his direction, steadying myself.

"Alright, now hold on."

The movement was disorienting, and lasted longer than I would have expected.

"I'm not too heavy?" I asked after a moment.

"No," his voice didn't even sound strained, "we're almost there."

-----

"Okay, steady," Seunghyun placed me on a seat of some sort.

It was narrow, and wooden under my hand. I guessed it was actually a railing.

"Wait," I tightened my grip on Seunghyun's arm, "how high am I?"

"From the ground? You aren't really."

I slid my hands over him again, trying to gauge the difference between our typical heights, and the change caused by my current seat. It felt approximately the same as the kitchen counter.

"Okay," I pushed him back a little bit. Slowly, hands gripping the wood beneath me tightly, I slid down until my feet met the ground.

"Now where have you kidnapped me to?"

"We're a little bit early," Seunghyun complained, "but it's okay. Come here."

He took my shoulders and spun me to face the railing. The chill of the wind fully registered as it blew against my face. I shivered slightly.

"Cold? Here," he stood behind me, pulling the front of his jacket around me. He placed the edges in my hands, and I nestled in just a bit closer.

"Ready?"

I nodded.

The soft cloth over my eyes was lifted away.

The city was spread out in front of me. On the horizon behind it, the slightest streaks of pale blue light were hinting at the coming sunrise.

“Worth it?”

I almost jumped. The view had flooded my brain so full that, for an instant, I had forgotten that he was right behind me.

"It's beautiful."

-----

"You should give a copy of your lease to Daesung," Seunghyun stated over his coffee.

"Why's that?"

It felt surreal, having a normal conversation over a normal breakfast as if having your apartment burn was normal. But life will keep living, so I supposed I might as well join in.

In this particular case, joining in took the form of having our breakfast on the patio outside of the living room.

"He's done some business in real estate," he explained, "he'll know all the technical terms. And if you need a lawyer I'm sure that an-"

"Why would I need a lawyer? It's not like I was the one that burned it down."

“I’m just saying, you, uh,” he hesitated, “you lost a lot.”

“Ah!” I made an annoyed noise, throwing myself backwards, deeper into my chair in frustration. “I have to get a new fucking passport.”

“Language,” Seunghyun scolded.

“Yeah,” I sarcastically agreed, “god forbid I express my annoyance at my apartment burning down.”

He laughed, shaking his head.

“Sorry, I… I don’t know why I said that.”

“Because you think you’re better than me,” I sulked.

“No I don’t,” he protested, “if anything I just think you’re better than that.”

“Oh please,” I grimaced, “you think I’m basically white trash .” I sipped my tea and shrugged, “I mean you’re not exactly wrong.”

“That has to mean something different than it sounds like.”

“ White trash ? It’s like…” I paused, trying to think of how to explain myself. “Like, poor and uh…low class.”

“What does that have to do with being white?”

I leaned forward, resting my chin on my hand and thought about how deep I would have to get into racial biases, stereotypes, and classism in America to properly explain the term to him.

“I don’t know if there’s really a good comparison here. And I’m pretty sure to explain it all the way I would have to give a whole lesson on, like…” I shrugged, “the American civil war and, I don’t know, redlining probably.”

"Is it a bad thing?"

"Well, it's not… good. It's…" I regretted saying anything to start this conversation, "it was an insult, but then some people started taking pride in it. But then taking pride in it got this reputation and…"

I rubbed a hand over my face.

"I can almost guarantee you'll never have to use the phrase, so it doesn't really matter."

Seunghyun seemed to mull this over for a minute. Raising his eyebrows, he shook his head.

"You think that I think you're poor, low class, and trash?"

"I mean," I shrugged, "I definitely get the feeling that you think I am not as good as you."

He hummed, shaking his head again as he lifted his coffee to his lips.

He did not expand on the hum.

He hadn't confirmed my assessment, but he didn't deny it either.

-----

"What are you two doing up so early?" Taeyang shuffled out of the house and started to sit down on one of the enameled wire seats.

"We watched the sunrise from Achasan."

"My apartment burned down."

Taeyang paused, approximately a quarter of the way into his seat. He looked between Seunghyun and I a few times before slowly lowering himself into the seat fully.

"Sorry," he started, "your… you… what?"

"Which part?" Seunghyun asked.

"I mean, I know what a sunrise is," Taeyang turned to face me, "your apartment burned down?"

"Yep," I nodded, "clean gutted, near as I can tell."

“How?”

“With flames,” I frowned.

“Okay, I get that,” Taeyang rolled his eyes, “but it was a modern building. It should be mostly concrete and metal, right?”

I felt my face cycle through frowning and wide eyes a few times. I hadn’t even considered that.

“That’s a really good point.”

“But Soo-ah said that everything was gone,” Seunghyun pointed out. “She said that your apartment basically fell into the one below it, where the fire was.”

“That sounds like the building wasn’t up to code then,” Taeyang shook his head, “you could probably sue the landlord or management company.”

“Told you,” Seunghyun muttered.

“What?” I asked.

“That you’d need a lawyer.”

-----

From: Hugeboy Bobby just told me what happened

From: Hugeboy What the hell

To: Hugeboy I know

To: Hugeboy I’m still processing

From: Hugeboy Do you need anything?

To: Hugeboy No, thanks though

To: Hugeboy Seunghyun is kind of taking care of a lot of it

From: Hugeboy Oh man how is this impacting filming?

To: Hugeboy I don’t think it is

From: Hugeboy What?! They’re not even giving you a break to deal with this?

To: Hugeboy I mean, what good would it do? I can handle all this from here. Seunghyun already called his lawyer about it too.

To: Hugeboy All things considered, I’m kind of lucky it happened now instead of two months ago, you know?

From: Hugeboy His lawyer?

From: Hugeboy Damn

From: Hugeboy Yeah I guess that is lucky

From: Hugeboy Still… if you need anything else, let me know

-----

I sprawled across one of the armchairs while Seunghyun and Daesung perused their phone and laptop, respectively.

Being the only, younger, girl in the group certainly had its benefits. I hadn’t had to do much besides answer some basic questions, email the lease to both of them, and wait.

I had just managed to get myself nearly upside down in the seat when Seunghyun spoke up.

He locked his phone and carefully placed it on the table. Leaning forward, he gave me a serious look.

“Should we get married?”

Daesung slowly lifted his head, obviously just as confused as I was.

“What?” I started un-tumbling myself to be upright, “what are you saying?”

“You lost your passport and everything, right?”

“Yeah,” I momentarily sank elbow deep down the side of the seat cushion, “that’s not… what?”

“If we get married, you could just become a citizen.”

“After two years,” I pointed out, finally sitting like a normal, human, adult.

“True,” Seunghyun nodded slowly, “but since you have to be doing all this paperwork anyway, we should just get the documents together at the same time.”

I squinted at him. This had to be one of his a-little-too-deadpan jokes.

“Dae,” I turned to Daesung, “I can’t tell if he’s being serious or not.”

Daesung was staring at Seunghyun, arms crossed, one hand on his face. He looked, for lack of a better word, amazed.

“Neither can I,” he mumbled through his hand.

“I’m serious,” Seunghyun dryly noted.

I clicked my teeth, still working out what was happening.

“Ah,” I leaned back, “this is payback for the conversation at lunch yesterday.”

“That’s it,” Daesung snapped his fingers and pointed between Seunghyun and I, “the whole trouble-maker thing.”

Seunghyun rolled his eyes and sighed heavily.

“I’m being serious. We should get married,” he leaned back in his seat, spreading his hands, “it would make things a lot easier for you.”

“You’re talking about committing fraud,” I pointed out, “on camera.”

“How is that fraud?” He asked, the faintest of smiles tugging at his face.

“Because we…” I looked at Daesung, wether for help or to beg him for silence, I wasn’t sure. “You and I… we…”

I pressed my tongue through my teeth, into my cheek as I tried to figure out how diplomatic I wanted to be.

“Twenty percent,” one of his eyebrows jerked upwards slightly, “right? Maybe even thirty, but I’m trying to be realistic.”

I leaned against the armrest, temple to finger and buttoned my lips shut tightly.

“The fourth option was to do nothing, right?”

Daesung, looking even more confused, watched the staring contest that Seunghyun and I had entered into.

“What’s twenty percent?”

“The likelihood th-”

“Shut up.”

The smile won its battle on Seunghyun’s face. He shook his head, but didn’t finish his sentence.

“Well this has been fun,” I pushed myself up and out of the chair, “I’m going to go paint.”

-----

I was sketching rough lines on a blank sheet of watercolor paper when a soft knock sounded against my door.

“What do you want?” I called out.

“It’s me,” Daesung’s voice came through the door, “Dae.”

I sighed, scratching at my face before I decided to put down the stick of charcoal. Both hands on my hips, I hung my head, refusing to look towards the door.

“Come in,” I called out.

The door was pushed open quietly. Daesung slipped into my room and quickly shut the door behind him.

I didn’t look up, but I could hear the stillness behind me.

“What?”

“Are you okay?”

I finally turned to face Daesung. He was standing with his hands behind him, leaning against my door. His head was tilted to the side and slightly downwards, watching me through his bangs.

I sighed, brushing both hands over my face.

I wasn’t really sure why I was so annoyed.

“Did you know that in Jewish mysticism, there’s an angel for everything?”

Daesung lifted his head to look at me more squarely. His brows dipped, but he didn’t question my tangent.

“Every gust of wind has an angel telling it to blow, every blade of grass has an angel telling it to grow,” I turned back towards the easel that I had so recently set up, “every cloud, every star, every insect…”

I picked up the soft charcoal again, expanding on the mess of lines in front of me.

“What are we doing here?”

I heard him take a breath, then pause before responding.

“Can I…” he stopped again.

“Permission denied,” I droned.

“It’s not that,” Daesung chuckled, “but good to know.”

I heard him move a little bit, then the slight noise of him sitting down on my bed.

“Actually, I wanted to apologize for yesterday.”

“What for?” I asked, smudging the lines on the paper with my fingers.

“I might have been over the top,” he laughed, but it sounded nervous. “It’s been a while since I’ve… had someone that I was seriously flirting with.”

“To be fair, neither have I. Not before filming anyway.”

“So it’s okay? Or at least, you’re not mad?”

“It’s fine,” I nodded, “but I still don’t want all that right now.”

“I know. But back to your angels.”

I sighed, pushing my hair out of my face.

“I just don’t know what to do with myself.”

“So you wish you had an angel telling you how to grow or move?”

“Why?” I asked, “are you going to pretend? Start telling me what to do?”

“If I can't flirt, neither can you," Daesung joked.

"Fair enough," I turned to face him, "but I wasn't."

"I know," he shrugged, “but back to the point.”

“I don’t know,” I sulked.

“Come on Luna,” Daesung prompted me, “I know you’re smart enough to deal with this.”

“I don’t know!” I insisted, “I don’t! I’m stuck! I…” I took a deep breath, knowing full well that Daesung did not deserve to have me yelling at him right now. I gripped at my hair, using the tension of my scalp to keep me grounded for the moment.

“Thanks to the show, I don’t need to immediately find an apartment.”

“Okay, so then what would be next?”

“My dog. I need to find a place to keep Ttungbo.”

“Isn’t Soo-ah taking care of him?”

“Her apartment doesn’t allow dogs,” I explained, “that’s why she’s been staying at my place with him.”

“Okay,” Daesung pulled out his phone and started dialing.

“Keep going.”

“You were already looking at the lease,” I mumbled, finally dropping my hands from my head.

“Oh, yeah, we’ll talk about that in a minute… ah,” his attention turned to the call he was making. “Noona? Yes… I’m good… I just have a question… yes… where’s that kennel where you put your dogs when you go abroad?... no… My friend needs a place for her dog… I see… perfect, thanks… okay… yes, talk later.”

He ended the call and stood up.

“That was Bom. She’s sending me the information. Next is the lease, right?”

“I guess,” I shrugged.

“Well,” he walked towards the door, pausing to wave for me to follow him, “come on.”

-----

He continued talking as we walked back towards the living room.

“We’ll need to wait until the fire department does a full inspection. But from what I can tell so far, the management company is going to have to pay for everything.”

“How do you figure?”

“There’s no way that a fire should have been able to break out like that,” Daesung took a detour into the kitchen.

“What fire?” Jiyong looked up from his phone.

“My apartment,” I slumped over the breakfast bar.

“Your apartment had a fire?” Jiyong’s eyebrows were two perfect, shocked, arches.

“My apartment is gone, actually,” I groaned.

“Wait, you lived at that place that collapsed last night?”

"Well, I know that my apartment fell. So," I pushed myself back to standing, "yeah, I imagine the ones above probably had issues too."

"This one?"

Jiyong held out his phone.

The screen showed a news site. The picture was from high up, a mess of gray and brown concrete with charred marks running up and down like tiger stripes.

"Oh my god," I took his phone, scrolling through the article. "Oh my god!"

"Let me see," Daesung took the phone from me.

I was done with standing. I sat down on the kitchen floor.

"Woah," Daesung squatted next to me, "you okay?"

"That building is a shell," I murmured, "it's a fucking miracle that anyone got out."

"Yeah, Soo-ah is really lucky," Daesung agreed.

"No, well yeah," I shook my head, "I am being so fucking selfish."

"Actually," Jiyong interrupted my self loathing. He dropped to sit next to me, opposite Daesung.

"The article said that most people got out fine. It started slowly, so the alarms got people out before it got really bad."

“But…”

“But nothing,” he cut me off again. “You’re dealing with your shit. You’re allowed to be upset.”

-----

I was curled up, sandwiched between Ttungbo and Soo-ah on the ratty sofa in the art shop.

Seunghyun was perched on a stool behind the counter. He was scrolling through his phone, trying to make himself into part of the background.

“... thought it was a false alarm,” she explained, “but you never know so I just went outside anyway.”

“I don’t know what I would do if anything had happened to either one of you,” my voice sounded hollow, even to myself.

“I’d probably just kill myself,” I half-joked.

“Stop it,” Soo-ah slapped the back of my head, “you would not. If I die, you have to take over the store.”

“Isn’t this technically your parents’ store?” I asked.

“Yes, and if I died at your house, it would be your responsibility to make sure the store stayed open for them.”

“I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t want me around if that happened,” I pointed out.

“Shut up,” she gave me a lighter hit this time, “my parents love you.”

“Alright, fine,” I grumbled, “but if Ttungbo died I definitely would kill myself.”

“Stop it,” she reiterated, more seriously this time, “don’t joke about that.”

“Sorry,” I ruffled my hand through my hair, “I know. I’m just having a weird day.”

“You and me both.”

-----

“It was already paid,” the clerk smiled at me, “when the reservation was made.”

“Oh,” I paused, “right. Thank you.”

I exited the kennel and headed towards Seunghyun’s car.

He wasn’t in it.

I raised a hand to keep the sun out of my eyes as I slowly spun on the sidewalk, trying to see where he might have gone.

No sign of him. I leaned against the hood of the car and pulled out my phone.

To: Seunghyun Where’d you go?

I stretched my head back, closing my eyes. I took a deep breath, appreciating the choices made by whoever was in charge of the landscaping on this street. Lilacs were a good choice.

“Here,” Seunghyun’s voice pulled me back to reality a moment later.

I lowered my head and opened my eyes. He was holding a takeaway cup towards me.

“Cheers,” I took the cup.

“I figured you might need some caffeine. Though I was hoping to be back before you were done.”

I sipped the drink rather than reply. He was not wrong.

The tea was good. Better than I had expected.

“Who did you have to ask for what to order? Jiyong?”

“No one,” Seunghyun shook his head, “this was the closest to your instagram posts.”

“When did you check that?” I asked.

He just shrugged and beeped his car open.

-----

“Come on,” Seunghyun looped my arm over his shoulder and looped his arms under my legs and around my back. “We’re home.”

“I can walk,” I mumbled, groggily pushing him.

I didn’t try that hard.

He laughed and lifted me anyway.

I let my eyes close again.

I fought my way to consciousness with the assistance of some voices.

“... a group lawsuit,” Daesung finished his sentence.

I could feel fingers on my shoulder. I was pretty sure my head was on someone’s lap.

“That makes sense. But I still think I’ll arrange a meeting with my lawyer,” Seunghyun replied.

It was Seunghyun’s lap. I could feel the slight movement of his words.

“Could try mediating,” I muttered.

“Ah, you’re awake?” Seunghyun’s voice softened a bit.

“Yeah,” I pushed myself to sitting, “where are my glasses?”

“Here,” Seunghyun leaned forward and retrieved them from the coffee table.

“Thanks,” I put them on, blinking sleep out of my eyes. “Now why is it all lawsuits?”

Seunghyun and Daesung gave each other a meaningful look.

“What?”

“Your lease is bullshit,” Daesung grimaced. “Next time you go sign one, I’m coming with you.”

I nodded slowly, then groaned.

“I really don’t want to deal with all this,” I complained, dropping my head into my hands.

I felt Seunghyun rub my back lightly.

“That’s what the lawyer is for,” Daesung pointed out.

“Are you hungry?” Seunghyun asked.

“Yes,” I effectively was answering them both, but I knew which line of conversation interested me more.

“But I don’t want to go out.”

“Okay,” Seunghyun pulled his phone from his pocket, “we’ll order. Do you have a preference? Or do you want me to decide?”

“I’ll leave you two to it,” Daesung excused himself.

“You don’t have to leave,” I protested.

“See you later,” Seunghyun raised a hand in a half wave goodbye.

Daesung chuckled, tilting his head at me before heading down the hall.

“What do you want to eat?”

I thought about it for a second.

“This isn’t really a dinner thing,” I started, “but I really want some kind of…” I couldn’t think of how to verbalize my craving, “like a lemon… cream… thing.”

“So you want dessert?” Seunghyun asked.

“Yes.”

“Without dinner?”

“Yes.”

“That’s not good for you,” his voice was vaguely condescending, but not in his typical manner. Condescending, sure, but also somehow friendly.

“My apartment burned down today,” I whined, “I think I can do it this once.”

“That’s true,” he handed me his phone, “order whatever you want.”

“What do you want?” I asked him, tapping through my options.

“I’ll eat whatever you order me.”

“I don’t know what you like,” I objected.

“Sure you do,” I felt him ruffle my hair a bit. He stood up before speaking again, “if I have a drink, will you drink with me?”

“The only things I know you like are cigarettes and wine,” I complained. I paused for a second, considering size options before answering his question.

“Yeah, I could drink.”

-----

“Let’s go eat on the deck,” I was already heading towards the sliding glass doors, bag of delivered food in hand.

“Okay,” Seunghyun agreed easily enough.

I set the food on the wire and glass table, and drew a chair up for myself. Seunghyun followed soon after; bottle, opener, and two glasses in hand.

I looked up at the sky, watching orangey stripes of clouds slide overhead.

“You know, back home, the sun wouldn’t be setting for at least another hour.”

“Really?” Seunghyun busied himself opening the bottle of wine.

“Yeah,” I shrugged, then shivered, “maybe that’s why I feel cold more often here.”

Seunghyun placed a glass in front of me. I nodded my thanks and took a sip.

“Is that a gewürztraminer?” I asked.

“I didn’t see any chardonnay,” he shrugged.

I nodded, watching him take a seat.

It was a fair enough pairing. The spicy German flavor was good, just unexpected.

“I’ve actually been waiting for a reason to try this one,” Seunghyun explained.

“I wouldn’t take you for a white wine type.”

“What type would you take me for then?”

I took a second, digging through all the bits and pieces of wine knowledge I had on hand, trying to come up with something that made sense.

“I think of you as more of a Spanish red type,” I tilted my head back and forth, “like a Tempranillo.”

“Do you assign wines to everyone?” Seunghyun asked.

I took another sip before answering.

“No,” I shook my head, “but you’re a wine guy, so, you know,” I shrugged, “it makes sense.”

“What about Jiyong?”

“Ji? Hmm,” I thought it over while letting some of the lemon meringue melt in my mouth.

“Sweet, red, probably Italian…” I tried to dig up a variety, “ah, what’s it called? A brach… brech…”

“Brachetto?” Seunghyun offered.

“Yes! Brachetto D’acqui! But also,” I reconsidered, “not that? A blackberry wine would suit him too.”

“Interesting,” Seunghyun leaned back in his seat, giving me an intense look.

“What?”

He gave a downturned smile and shook his head.

We fell into silence, companionable enough. After a little while, I finally decided to broach the subject that had been nagging at me since about noon.

“That thing you said,” I started, “earlier.”

“I’ve said a lot of things before now.”

I clenched my jaw and rolled my eyes.

“When you said we should get married,” I clarified.

“Yes,” he nodded, “I could have the documents here by 10pm.”

“Okay, first of all,” I closed my eyes, resting my forehead against two fingers, “I’m not staying up that late. I’m exhausted.”

“Tomorrow morning then.”

I opened my eyes to glare at Seunghyun. He smiled at me over his glass.

I interlaced my fingers, resting my chin on them.

“What is the point of this joke?”

“Well,” he carefully placed his glass down and leaned forward slightly, “it’s fun.”

Fun for whom?

“Okay...” I started hesitantly. “But you do that thing where you’re serious, but joking," I pointed a finger, moving it back and forth, "but secretly still serious. So what’s the secret seriousness?”

“There are a few things,” he started, resting his own chin on one palm, “first is that I think you and I would actually make a good couple.”

He paused, clearly waiting for a response.

Please hold all questions until the end of the presentation.

“And the second thing?” I prompted.

“The rest all ties into that first one. But,” he stretched back into his seat, “I’m just trying to be realistic. I’m getting too old to not be married. We may not get along all the time, but I think we understand each other well enough to make it work.”

I squinted at him. He appeared to be done.

“We don’t even know each other,” I shook my head and corrected myself, “or, we’ve only known each other for a month.”

“True, and in that month we’ve developed a pretty good way of communicating.”

I was going to get wrinkles from how hard and how often I squinted at this man.

“Have we really, though?”

“Look at it this way, a month ago you and I could barely speak to each other. Now,” he waved a hand, seemingly signalling the passage of time, “you take the lead on things when you need to, but also give me the time to explain things. Like right now.”

I shook my head again, trying to work out what the fuck was going on.

“I hate how much that makes sense.”

“You said that we were both stubborn,” Seunghyun leaned forward, staring at me intently, “right?”

“Yes,” I remembered that conversation well enough, “you’re bossy, and I hate being bossed around.”

“See, that’s where you were wrong though. I am particular,” he pressed his fingertips to his own chest, “I do like things a certain way, but I am capable of compromise. In fact," he shrugged, "I enjoy not having to make every decision on my own.”

“Okay, you could get that from a roommate as well as a wife.”

“Yes, but just imagine the scandal that would cause.”

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve heard in…” I thought back, then laughed, “actually probably just since yesterday if I’m honest.”

“What happened yesterday?”

I stood up and started packing away the now empty dishes.

“We did talk to each other yesterday, right?”

Seunghyun gave me a flat look. I shrugged, giving him my best ‘am I wrong?’ expression.

After a moment his face relaxed.

“That kind of proves my point.”

“How?”

“There’s no way you would have made that joke a month ago.”

“That just means I’m not scared of you anymore.”

With that, I took the containers inside. I knew I didn’t really need to wash them, but I placed them next to the sink anyway.

“Just a heads up.”

I jumped.

“Sorry,” Seunghyun laughed.

“You need to be louder,” I complained.

“I’m sorry,” he shook his head, “seriously.”

“It’s fine, what was the heads up?”

“Right,” he reached past me to place the wine glasses into the sink, “I’m going to keep suggesting it.”

“What? Like you’re trying to…” I stumbled over my words, not knowing how to say what I wanted.

Seunghyun looked at me, expectantly.

“Like… is there a word for this? Manifesting? Like saying something to make it come true?”

"Something like that."

He did not answer my vocabulary question.

-----

To: Hugeboy Are you available?

From: Hugeboy I can be, what’s up?

To: Hugeboy Can I call you?

Almost immediately, my phone started ringing.

“It’s like you were waiting,” I answered the call.

“No,” Mino protested, “but I know you’ve had a crazy day so I… just a minute hyung… you know, prioritized.”

“Are you with people?” I frowned, “I don’t really need anything. It’s not important.”

I heard the sound of a sliding door opening and closing in the background. There was the slight sound of traffic, but far off.

“It’s important if I say it is.”

I couldn’t help but smile at that.

“What’s up?” he asked.

“Nothing, I just…" I sat up, looking at how obviously tired I looked in the mirror, "I’m exhausted but I can’t sleep.”

“You must have had a crazy day," he commiserated with me.

“Oh my god," I flopped back onto the mattress, "you have no idea. Seunghyun asked me to marry him.”

“What?!”

“It was a joke," I quickly backtracked, "obviously, but still.”

“Why would he joke like that?”

“I don’t know, he said that it would make getting citizenship easier," I huffed, trying to blow my bangs out of my face, "and that he’s too old to be single.”

“Hmm… are you going to do it?”

“Be serious," I groaned.

“I’m just saying," Mino teased, "he’s rich.”

“Like I give a shit.”

“You could marry him, get citizenship, and then take half his money in the divorce.”

It wasn't the worst idea. Except that it obviously was out of the question.

“Like he’d be stupid enough to not have me sign a pre-nup.”

“I guess that depends on whether he actually likes you or not,” he yielded.

“That’s the other reason not to do it. If I were to get married, I’d want to at least like the person.”

“Ah, you should marry me then.”

I couldn’t help but to tease him a little.

“I don’t know… how rich are you?”

“Yah~" he whined, "that doesn’t matter when you’re in love.”

“In love?" I choked on air, "who said we’re in love?”

“Maybe not yet, but I bet we could get there.”

“Oh, suddenly I’m tired enough to sleep," I half joked, "oh gosh, I can barely keep my eyes open.”

"Ah, wait," Mino protested, "while I've got you…"

I heard the sound of the sliding door again, and the faint traffic noise completely disappeared.

"Hyung? Here, it's Luna."

"Hello?" Zico’s voice came through the phone.

"Hey, what's up?" I was unsure why I had been handed over.

"Did you think about the job at all?"

"I thought you rescinded the offer," I sarcastically dodged the question.

"Don't be stupid," Zico sounded impatient, "just think it over. Circus, tumbling, music video. Just think about it, okay?"

"I'll consider it."

"Good."

There was a scratchy kind of shuffling sound, then Mino’s voice again.

"Are you still there?"

"You know," I put on a falsely whining voice, "I don't know if things between us would really work."

"Ay," he sounded genuinely hurt, "don't say that."

"Ah, no," I immediately broke, "I was just going to make a joke about how you're always with Zico."

"I'm just filling my time. I can get there in half an hour," he offered, "all you have to do is ask~"

"We're not done here!" I heard a yell in the background, "hang up the phone! I have to kick your ass on Mario Kart!"

I burst into giggles at the commotion.

"Hyung," Mino complained, "just five minutes. We'll play soon."

“I hope you two never date!” Thankfully, even I could tell that Kyung was joking. “Can’t even hang out for five minutes without you texting, or calling, or talking about her.”

“What are you talking about? I’ve been here for two hours!”

“Yah, Mino,” I tried to interject as well as I could through the phone.

“Yes?”

I could still hear Kyung, now joined by Zico, making fun of him in the background, but ignored them.

“I’ll let you go.”

“No, that’s n-” he started protesting.

“Hyung, did you know that Luna can…” I could hear Zico mocking him in the background.

“At the dance recording she…” Kyung mimicked.

“Shut up you guys,” Mino whined.

“We get it man, you’re in love. Stop rubbing it in.”

“Tell your boyfriends that I apologize for taking so much of your time,” I teased him, “but I really should try to sleep a bit.”

“Alright, alright,” Mino agreed, “seriously though, call me if you need me.”

“Fine, now go.”

From: Hugeboy Kyung is just being selfish because he’s only home for a little while.

From: Hugeboy And once he and Zico get going together (；￣Д￣)

To: Hugeboy I don’t mind

It started, as a fair number of my mornings had, with my phone ringer going off at a god awful hour.

"Unless this is Chul, fuck off."

"And since it is me?"

I groaned, heavily working myself into a somewhat upright position. Switching over to the speakerphone, I laid my phone on the bed and started patting around for my glasses.

"I guess I'll listen. What's up?"

"You know how we interviewed you about two times and then never did again?"

I nearly poked myself in the eye with the arm of my glasses. "They want an interview?"

"They want an interview," he confirmed.

=====

"What sort of relationship were you seeking to build when you first came here?"

I sat somewhat cross-legged on the sofa. Resting an arm against the armrest, I leaned my head into my palm as I thought over the question.

The fact that it was phrased in a leading manner could not be denied. But I could perhaps play with word meanings.

"Just a brief fan meeting type, I suppose. I had no idea what to expect."

They had chosen a female staff member to ask the questions. I wondered briefly what sort of market research had led to that decision. Perhaps they simply felt that there was too much testosterone in general on the show. Or was she supposed to put me at ease? Fulfilling some notion about women gossiping together.

"Right," she seemed hesitant. The fact that I had come in blind should have been common knowledge by now, but she still seemed surprised by my answer. "After you were made aware though, did you start holding any expectations for the members?"

I took a deep breath, trying not to squint at her. She wasn't the one that came up with these questions. Probably.

Actually she might have been. How was I to know? I pursed my lips and clicked my teeth before answering.

"Not really? I just had this thought of 'let's put on a good show and then move on', you know?"

"You didn't think that they would develop feelings?" She pressed, "or that you would?"

I sighed, straightening up and letting my hand drop. Trying to let out some of my building anxiety, I started tapping my fingers against the armrest.

"Yes and no. If you push people together, something will develop. It could be bad or good, and it can change."

She looked like she was going to ask another question, but I forged ahead.

"But having cameras, there's an urge to perform. There's no way of knowing if anything is real, even when it's happening to you in real time."

"You've had some time without cameras with the members, right?"

"Yes," I nodded. There was no point in denying it.

"Do they act differently? With no audience?"

"Yes and no," I chuckled to myself, knowing that the producers were probably tired of answers like that. "It depends on the person."

"Who acts the most the same?"

I tilted my head, pursing my lips as I considered this.

"Should I rank them?" I asked. I lifted a hand, holding it flat at my eye level. "From the same," I lowered my hand to mid-chest height, "to the most different?"

I nodded. Furrowing my brow, I worked through how much I could say without it getting cut.

"Seunghyun is the same. Maybe a little kinder off camera, but we joke the same, and he's probably the person I have the least concern about acting."

"You feel that he's genuine," the producer offered.

I thought about it for a second, then laughed again.

"I guess I do. Which is strange considering that at first I thought he…" I paused, raising a hand to my mouth. "Can I swear?"

She shook her head slightly.

Lowering my hand, I sighed. Cooking my head, I clicked my teeth.

"I may have misjudged him at first."

She nodded, a small smile briefly gracing her features.

"Who is next?"

"Daesung," I said simply, "without a doubt. Actually maybe he should be first?" I made a show of thinking it over, filling time. "Him and Seunghyun are tied for first I think. Both of them are…" I trailed off.

What were they? Honest? I didn't exactly have any reason to doubt that. Genuine? Maybe.

"There's not a lot of acting there," I finished. It felt inadequate, but somehow the most honest description.

"And next?"

"Jiyong and Taeyang are similar as well. Or," I checked myself, "at a similar level anyway. They each have the same amount of change on and off camera, but in different ways."

"How so?"

"Taeyang is kinder than I first thought. After we discussed our differences, it was easier for us to get along."

"And Jiyong?"

"Jiyong is…"

I glanced around the room, and across into the kitchen. None of the boys were in sight. Leaning forward slightly, I lowered my voice.

"He won't see this, right? Before airing?"

The woman looked a little surprised.

"I don't…" she looked around, checking with the other staff members.

Chul interceded.

"No, he won't."

"Ah," I nodded, settling back into my seat, "in that case: Jiyong is very intense. He's very charming on camera, but at times he's a bit…"

Could I say what I wanted to say? Would it just be cut? I glanced at Chul. He gave me one of his perky little nods that always seemed like encouragement. I tried to school my expressions, muting myself as much as I could manage without going completely blank.

"Jiyong is very possessive off camera. I don't think he considered that there would be any real competition from the others."

My interviewer stared at me. Her mouth opened and closed a few times. I decided to keep talking, to cover time and give her a chance to catch up.

"Of course I spoke to him about it. He agreed to back off for a while, which has turned into him not speaking to me at all unless I start the conversation."

She appeared even further behind.

"Saying it out loud like that, I've only just realized how childish it sounds."

Chul was hiding a grin behind a coffee cup that I highly suspected was empty.

Someone cleared their throat. It seemed to spur the woman into gear.

"Seungri is the most different, then?"

I felt my eyelids flutter as I tried not to think about the night I had ended up sleeping in Zico's studio. Then, I was barely conscious of my body at all.

"Of course," I paused, trying to remember how my hands and arms worked. I managed to cross them in front of my body, wrapping myself in a sort of empty hug.

"He seemed playful and fun at first. On camera." My voice sounded dull, even to my own ears. "We don't acknowledge each other off camera."

"Why is that?"

I glanced at the woman, only to see the curiosity on her face. For a second, I hated her for asking about this. I wanted to lash out, to physically remove her, and the rest of the staff, from my presence.

Instead I lifted my eye to stare down the camera.

"Because I'll never forgive him."

I could hear her begin to ask another question, but my body was moving. I didn't have a clear idea of where I was going. I just needed to be anywhere but here. Anywhere that I wouldn't be surrounded by people just doing their jobs and picking at a barely scabbed over wound. Because that's all she was doing. Her job. Ask questions, dig into the real dynamics of what could loosely be called my relationships with the boys. She didn't know what she was digging at.

Unless she did. Unless they all did. Which, really, wasn't too much of a stretch. Chul knew. Maybe not precise details, but he knew something. Why wouldn't the others?

"Luna! Hey!"

A hand landed on my arm. I jerked away roughly.

"Wait, I… sorry. Are you okay?"

I turned to face the person who had caught up with me.

"I can't do this oppa."

He looked surprised, clearly caught off guard by the title.

"You," he took a deep breath, "you don't have to."

He held a hand out towards me. Instead of taking it, I wrapped my arms around him. It was unfortunate for him, but he'd have to deal with it.

"It" being me. My tears. My makeup, running and ruining his shirt. My body, shaking and shuddering as I mumbled through my hands and the cloth of his shirt. My body, sagging against him as I lost the energy and will to hold myself upright.

"Jagi…" he settled his arms around my body, "my jagi. You're okay."

I cried. I sobbed. I was by no means a screamer, so instead I wailed. I caused a damn scene. I was vaguely aware that he had lowered the both of us to the ground. Him, kneeling and rocking me slowly. Me, for once not even pretending to have my shit together.

Jiyong's hands soothed over my back and hair. I could feel his lips on my forehead, moving as he kept talking.

"I know jagi. It's been so hard. I know. You'll be okay. I've got you."

He really did. Despite our lack of communication over the last little while, he was really showing up in the moment. He wasn't trying to shush me. He wasn't trying to whisk me away from cameras, staff, or even just the odd passer-by.

Not that I was aware of that at the moment. I wasn't even aware that we were on the front lawn of the house. The only things I really knew at that point were tears and arms and a soft voice.

"I've got you. It's going to be okay Jagi. You'll be alright. Let it out. My jagi."

I couldn't even remember how I had gotten here, or why I had started crying. My brain was nothing but fog, hurt, and that strange urge to make everyone near me know. The need to be heard. I was upset and I needed to make it someone else's problem for a while.

My chest hurt. I became aware of a strangling noise.

"Jagi? Jagi I need you to breathe. Take a breath with me, okay?"

Oh. The noise is me.

Jiyong repositioned his hold on me. He gripped my arms, making me meet his eyes.

"Come on now," he nodded, "take a breath in with me Jagi."

He exaggerated his inhale, raising his head and expanding his chest. I mimicked him.

"Good, good jagi. Okay now out."

He exaggerated that as well, collapsing inwards slightly. Again, I followed his example.

"Okay. You're doing so well, jagi. Can you stand up for me?"

I shook my head, vision blurring with a fresh wave of tears.

"That's okay jagi. We can just stay here and breathe for a while."

My shoulders heaved forward, another wail forcing itself out of me.

=====

I didn't know how much time had passed. I didn't know how many people had come and gone. I wasn't even really aware of moving. Standing up, walking back inside with Jiyong's arm clasped tightly around my waist to guide me… that had happened to someone else. I hadn't witnessed that.

"Baby sips, baby sips…"

Jiyong held a cup to my lips. An herbal-ish scent rose from the green/brown tinted water inside it. I grimaced, but did as he said.

It tasted bitter and faintly spicy. Medicinal.

"What is it?"

My throat felt sore. Raw. Ragged from crying for who knows how long.

"It's just to help you relax," he set the cup next to me, "I know it doesn't taste great."

My eyes hurt as well. Similar to having a migraine, and there was a sort of green haze settling behind anything that moved.

I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Tired," I mumbled.

"I know jagi," Jiyong's hand rubbed over my arm softly, "but you need to rehydrate."

There was a faint electric humming next to me.

The fridge.

I leaned against it, realizing that I had been brought to the kitchen. For a moment, I vaguely wondered if it had been Seunghyun who had placed me to sit on the counter.

No, I thought, he wouldn't leave me like this.

Was that true? I didn't know. It seemed true. Especially given the back and forth between him and Jiyong.

"Just take another sip for me jagi."

I groaned, but let the weight of the cup part my lips. I was so tired, and my head hurt so much. I felt vaguely nauseous as well.

Dehydration, my mind supplied as explanation.

The tea might have tasted bad, but Jiyong was right. I needed to drink.

"You're doing so well jagi," I felt him brush my hair out of my face, "I'm sorry."

I tried peeking my eyes open, but quickly shut them again at the strain my eyes immediately felt.

"Why?"

"I didn't do a good job taking care of you, did I?"

I frowned.

"Not a baby."

"I know jagi," he conceded, "I know you can take care of yourself."

He was speaking softly, but it was still too loud.

Maybe I really did have a migraine coming on.

"Ji…" I frowned, but quickly stopped as even that felt bad.

"Yes jagi?"

"Can you get me ibuprofen?"

"Hmm," he sounded like he was truly thinking it over, "I think I only have paracetamol."

I would have sighed, but knew that even that might send another round of pain between my eyes.

"Don't care. Anything. My head…"

I felt his fingers press to my forehead, causing me to flinch. The reaction was partially from the pain, but mostly from surprise.

"Okay. I'll be right back. Will you be alright on your own jagi?"

I hummed an agreement, focusing now on just pressing my head against the cool metal of the fridge.

An idea forced itself through the headache.

"Wait!" I grit my teeth and wrenched my eyes open, "where are the others?"

Jiyong frowned, taking a few steps backward to return to his spot in front of me.

"They went ahead to the group outing. Though," he reached up and again gently brushed my hair back from my face, "I think we ought to cancel for today jagi."

I slowly nodded, letting my eyes shut again.

"Sorry."

"Don't apologize. You've done nothing wrong."

=====

My headache still hadn't dissipated by the time the rest of the boys returned to the house.

It was surprising, the way that Jiyong kept an eye on me. Maybe it shouldn’t have been though.

He set his laptop up on my vanity table, quietly working while I laid in the darkened space trying to will myself into getting better.

Any time I moved he'd move to kneel on the floor next to my bed, petting my hair back. Or he would sit next to me, offering me assistance in sitting up and drinking either water or more of that herbal tea.

After two cups, I refused the tea.

"It's so gross," I complained.

"I know jagi," he agreed, "but it really will make everything better."

"I don't care," I rolled away from him, curling up facing away, "I just want water right now."

I heard him sigh, followed by the quiet clatter of the teacup being placed back onto its saucer. A moment later, his fingers softly looped my hair away from my face. I could feel the bed shift as he leaned closer.

"My jagi… so stubborn…"

Silence.

And then.

"I'll be right back."

The bed flexed back into position as he stood. I could tell that I had been left alone. The pain in my head, and the ache in my eyes, made it impossible for me to check my phone for the time. I had no idea how long I was alone, but it couldn't have been much more than fifteen minutes.

My solitude was interrupted by quiet arguing outside my door.

"She's not feeling well…"

"What's the difference between you checking in on her, and me doing it?"

"She's probably asleep."

"So I'll just poke my head in. In and out, silent. Just let me by, Jiyong."

I could recognize the voice now, working it out slowly through the miasma of pain.

"Dae?" I called out.

The voices went silent.

I rolled towards the door and called again.

"Daesung?"

The door slowly opened, letting a small sliver of light into the room.

"Yes, pet?"

"Come here."

I blinked a few times, clearing my sight as he approached.

He sat on the bed next to me, hand slipping into mine.

"Do you need anything, pet?"

Jiyong stood behind him, placing a glass of water on the bedside table.

"Lay with me."

Daesung carefully took a place next to me, laying on top of the covers that currently encased me.

I wriggled until I was able to loop my arm across his body. Settling my head into the crook of his shoulder, I sighed, letting my eyes close again.

"You should drink some water jagi."

I opened my eyes again. Jiyong stood next to the bed still. His face was impassive. The neutral expression of someone hiding their emotions.

"Later," I closed my eyes again, "just want to sleep for a bit."

"Of course jagi," even his voice sounded blank now, "I'll leave you to it."

=====

"Please stop squirming like that, pet."

Daesung's voice was low in my ear, more of a mumbling whine than anything else.

I blinked, waking up for what seemed like the hundredth time that day. Thankfully, my headache had finally faded. But I still felt tired, like I had just gotten over a particularly nasty flu.

I found myself on my side, still using Daesung's arm as a pillow. Daesung himself was settled behind me, his other arm draped protectively over my side and around my body.

"Hot," I whined.

"Okay," he was still mumbling, "I got it."

His arm that was holding me against his body started working the blanket off of me. Given our position, it mostly ended up wedged between us.

"Is that better?"

"Mm."

Against his request of a moment ago, I started squirming in earnest. Slowly, groggily, I worked myself to face him. Catching him by some amount of surprise, I managed to push him onto his back and situate myself atop him. Burying my face in his neck, I promptly went still.

He wasn't soft. Not exactly. But his body felt comfortable enough under mine.

"Permission to flirt?" His hands ran up and down my back, sometimes moving in soothing circles, sometimes gingerly sweeping along my spine.

"Hm?" I was comfortable. Perhaps for the first time today.

"Just to say one thing my pet, then I'll let you get back to sleep," he paused, fingers tracing over my skin where my shirt had ridden up, "or whatever it is you're doing."

I could live with that.

"Permission granted."

"My pet is so lenient to me," he sighed.

"One thing," I prompted him.

"It's a bit…" he trailed off.

I knew what he was getting at. Nuzzling into his neck even further I encouraged him to keep going.

"Tell pet."

"I feel bad," he started, "but having you like this…"

He paused, taking a moment to run his hands back under my shirt.

"Having you put me where you want me, talking in my ear…"

His fingers pressed into my back, slowly working at my muscles.

"Pet, you turn me on so badly."

I groaned, perhaps exaggerating how nice his hands felt, before responding.

"Are you hard for me Dae?"

I felt his hips buck slightly, but I was positioned too high on his body for it to do much of anything for either of us.

"How could I not be? With my pretty kitty crawling on top of me like this?"

I stayed quiet for a moment. The kitty part was new, but I wasn't exactly opposed to it. Daesung had already proven, twice now, how compatible we could be.

But where was the fun in just going along so easily?

"Dae~!" I whined, rubbing my face against his neck, "I'm si~ck."

He heaved another sigh, twisting his head to try to look at me.

"I know, pet. I'm awful, aren't I? Here you're having such a bad day and all I can think of is how good I want to make you feel."

I pulled away slightly, allowing our eyes to meet.

He really was so pretty. How hadn't I noticed in the beginning?

"Will you forgive me?" He pouted around the words.

Nodding slightly, I pressed my lips against his.

"I want you Dae," I whispered the words against his mouth, not quite wanting to break away yet. "Can I have you?"

He let out something between a sigh and a groan. His body seemed to deflate slightly under me.

"Are you sure? I know you're not feeling well."

I took his bottom lip between my teeth for a moment before kissing him again. Digging my hands into his hair, I prolonged the kiss a bit longer than absolutely necessary. Finally pulling away, I tried to sound as pathetic and needy as I could. It wasn't a difficult feat, considering how my day had gone so far.

"Please Dae," I nuzzled myself back against his neck so that the next words were whined directly into his ear.

"Won't you make your pet feel better?"

=====

I grinned down at Daesung. His brow was tense, and I could see the faintest sliver of teeth that had been whitened to within an inch of their life gripping at his lower lip.

"Kitty, huh?"

Daesung groaned, though that may have been just as much due to my refusal to move as it had to do with the question.

"Yes," he breathed the word out. His hands rubbed up and down my thighs, as if he were using the feeling to stop himself from moving.

I tightened a specific muscle group.

"Please," he managed to choke out through another groan.

"Please what?" I teased.

He lifted his hands, reaching towards my face. Intercepting his hands, I placed them on my chest, over my shirt.

This drew another pout from him.

"Be nice to me, won't you, pet?”

I grinned down at him, still not moving.

“I think I’m being very nice to you.” I leaned down, drawing a hissing sound from him as he drew a sharp breath between his teeth. “I’m letting you feel me,” I pecked his lips, “and I’m barely making any jokes about the kitty thing.” I nuzzled back into place, tucking my face away in his neck.

Slowly, I could feel him relax under me. His resistance morphing into passivity over a few moments. Eventually, hands once again drawing patterns on my back under my shirt, he spoke up again.

“Do you not like it?”

“Hmm?”

“Pretty kitty,” he murmured, “should I not call you that?”

“I don’t mind Dae.”

He was so warm. Not an overbearing heat, like the blankets had been before. A comforting warmth that only truly comes from human contact.

“But do you like it? I won’t say it if you don’t like it.”

My eyes were shut. Despite the somewhat compromising position we were in - him with his pants and underwear simply undone and moved out of the way, me with my own clothing simply pushed aside - I was so comfortable that I was having a hard time keeping myself awake.

“I like you Daesung. I don’t care what you call me, as long as it’s not mean.”

=====

When I next woke up, it was from Daesung untangling our bodies.

I groaned, but didn't stop him. Rolling onto my back, I frowned at the faintly returning headache that was threatening to take up residence behind my eyes once again.

"Where're you going?"

Daesung leaned over me, softly running his nose against my cheek.

"I have to go get myself decent, pet. The others are making dinner."

He shifted, slowly moving further and further away.

There was something I was forgetting. I was sure of it. Mentally running down what happened so far today, I grabbed Daesung's wrist.

"Is production mad?"

He paused, then returned to the bed. Pressing his lips against my temple, he answered my question with a question.

"Why would they be mad?"

"It's group day," I mumbled, "I assume there was some event planned."

Daesung relaxed his weight onto the mattress a bit more, giving in completely to what seemed to be his inherent need to cuddle.

"Your health comes first."

=====

Approximately half an hour later, I was sat on one of the kitchen stools. Resting my head against the counter, I watched as Seunghyun carefully plated some food.

"Here," he placed the painstakingly prepared plate next to me, "you need to eat."

Not moving from my spot, I frowned. I didn't want to remove my face from the cool granite, but he was probably right.

"Baby," Seunghyun spoke softly, "I won't let you starve yourself over this."

Groaning, I hauled myself up until I was sitting at least close to straight. "I'm not starving myself," I grumbled, "I just still feel sick."

"Here," Jiyong approached from where he had been quietly shuffling around the kitchen behind Seunghyun, "try to at least drink some tea, jagi."

I accepted the cup from him, noting that he had used the mug that was unofficially mine. "Thanks Ji."

I sipped the tea. It had the spicy bitter tang from earlier, but it was obvious he had mixed whatever herbal medicine it was with my regular tea. Still, I grimaced.

Seunghyun frowned. "What kind of tea is that?"

Jiyong said a name in what sounded like Chinese, explaining that it was supposed to be good for stress.

I forced myself to take another sip before starting on the asparagus that sat on the plate Seunghyun had served me.

The boys kept up a quiet conversation, carefully avoiding talking about what had happened that morning.

I was vaguely aware of the others moving in and out of the kitchen as I did my best impression of eating. Daesung paused as he passed me, passing a quick skim of his hand along my arm in what seemed like a soothing gesture. I hummed at him and pushed the food around my plate.

It wasn't that the food was bad, and I was hungry - there was just that slowly building headache that made moving my jaw feel like torture in slow motion.

=====

"Baby."

I looked up, managing to meet Seunghyun's eye for about half a second before letting my eyes shut again. Somehow the countertop was simultaneously the single most, and least, comfortable thing to sleep on.

I groaned out a questioning tone, hoping that would pass for a good enough response.

"Do you want to see a doctor?"

I pushed myself upwards. Halting once I reached something that could generously be called "sitting up", I blinked and slowly shook my head.

"I jus' needa sleep," I slurred, feeling too tired to live.

He squinted slightly, but nodded. Circling around the breakfast bar, he held an arm out. Waving his hand, he gestured me towards him.

"Come on," he said quietly, "let's get you back to bed."

I let him pull me off of my chair, and under his arm. As gently as I think he knew how, he directed me down the hall and towards my room.

“This is so dramatic,” I complained, watching him open my door, “I just had a bad day.”

“I know baby,” he nodded as he directed me to sit down, “but it was pretty bad. Here,” he knelt in front of me, drawing one of my feet into his hands. First one, then the other, he removed my slippers. He took the extra time to carefully arrange them next to my bed before looking back up at me.

“Let me take care of you.”

I held his gaze for a moment that stretched out too long. The world tilted slightly, and he stood as it did. Bent at the waist, his hands guided me down to the pillow as I let exhaustion take over once again.

“Hyunnie.”

“I’ve got you.”

Sitting up, I immediately reached under my shirt to fix my bra. I was glad that Seunghyun seemed to maintain respect for certain boundaries, but the metal digging into my side momentarily made me wish he hadn't.

After settling my clothing to be at least bearable, I got up and started sneaking around. If my own headache was anything to judge by, I felt that I could safely assume that Seunghyun was also hungover.

As silently as I could, I slipped into the common area. I was on a hunt, a stealthy predator, slinking unseen so…

"Finally awake?"

I jumped so hard that I fell.

"You are like a fucking cat," I complained, slowly clawing my way up from between the loveseat and sofa, "if you're trying to kill me, just say so."

Seunghyun smiled, obviously amused by my misfortune. He walked towards me, pausing to place a mug down on the table, and held a hand out to help me up.

As if I'd give him the satisfaction of accepting his help first thing in the morning.

Ignoring his hand, I pushed myself up using the armrests of the furniture instead.

"Your tea is in the kitchen," he blithely informed me. He took a seat on the sofa, pulling out his phone.

It rankled me, his completely on brand composure. Unbothered, hydrated, reading emails or whatever on his phone.

"Hyun?"

His eyes lifted to me. He hummed in a questioning tone, lifting his mug to his lips.

I flopped onto the loveseat, letting my legs dangle over the armrest. I hooked my neck over the opposite armrest, looking at him at an angle. I tried my best to look cute.

"Can you go get it for me?"

His eyebrow twitched, hinting at his impulse to quip, but he reigned it in. He breathed a small laugh then, shaking his head as he placed his mug onto the coffee table. Standing, he pocketed his phone and let a hand brush over my hair as he stepped past me.

"Of course, baby."

-----

After finishing my tea, I took a quick shower. It was less of a shower and more of a rinsing off the thin layer of sweat that had accumulated in my sleep. I was planning on taking a full, longer than absolutely necessary, bath when we got back to Seoul.

A chill slid down my spine when I thought of that. Despite being an entire adult, an old sense of apprehensive guilt settled over me. It was the sort of feeling I hadn't felt since I had gotten in trouble for finishing fights in high school.

We had disappeared. We had responsibilities, of a sort, that we had severely neglected. Even Taeyang and I had stayed on camera for the full week, and we had literally planned out how to fake enough roll for the show. Seunghyun and I had simply left.

Then again, what was the worst that could happen? They kick me off the show? That actually sounded like a relief.

Still, old habits die hard, and I was the all time champion of beating myself up.

—---

"Did I do something wrong?"

We were about an hour out from Seoul when Seunghyun broke the sleepy silence of the car.

"Hmm?" I blinked slowly, trying to pull myself out of the semi-sleep I had fallen into.

I had reclined my seat and tugged his spare jacket over myself in place of a blanket. The air in the car was warm enough that my head was firmly planted in the clouds of sleep.

Seunghyun hummed, and I could hear the leathery squeak of his hands gripping the steering wheel tighter.

"Earlier," he started, "when I wanted to touch you…"

His words petered out, but he didn't have to finish the sentence.

About five minutes into the drive home, he had casually tried to loop his hand through my arm. It wasn't a bad thing, and was actually endearing in a way. But I had shrugged him off and asked him to please not touch me.

"Ah," I slowly returned the seat to an upright position, "sorry. I should have explained."

"You don't have to," he rushed to reassure me, "I just want to make sure I didn't do something without realizing."

I allowed myself a moment to sweep my eyes over him before answering. Once again, I found myself caught off guard by this little show of kindness. Twisting in my seat, I faced him a little more directly, letting my head tilt to rest against the headrest.

"I'm sorry," I sighed.

He gave me a brief glance. Somehow even that was endearing. It was such a short look. Clearly he didn't want to take his eyes off the road for too long, but he still wanted to keep the conversational connection. It was sweet.

What the hell am I thinking?

"You don't need to apologize," he mumbled to me, but towards his steering wheel.

"I should have explained though," I protested, "sometimes, for no reason, I just don't want to be touched."

I could see him relax.

"Oh," the faintest hint of a blush settled across what I could see of his cheeks, "I get it. I do the same thing sometimes."

-----

"I'll be back soon," Seunghyun squeezed my hand.

"How much trouble are we in?" I asked, holding on tightly.

"Not we," he lifted my hand and pressed his lips to it, "I said I'd take responsibility. Don't worry about it."

"Hyun…"

"No," he shook his head. He released my hand and nodded towards the house, "just wait for me. Everything's going to be fine."

I sighed, but could see that there wasn't much point in arguing. Steeling myself, I pushed the door of the car open and headed up the front walk.

—---

I had expected to be set upon by Daesung as soon as I entered the house, but I was instead greeted by silence. Straining my ears, I was fairly certain the house was empty. There was no electric screech of televisions or monitors. There was no hum of fans, computers, or ventilation. There was… nothing.

It creeped me out a little bit. The house felt abandoned.

"I'm home," I called out.

I was greeted by silence. It was exactly what I wanted, and dreaded.

Despite knowing that I was alone, I tried to be as quiet as possible as I moved through the house. The tension of feeling like I had done something wrong still clung onto my shoulders, tugging the muscles tight.

As soon as I was safely in my room, I dropped my backpack onto my bed and started shedding clothing. As I had planned this morning, I was now on a mission to sink into the oversized bathtub and try to turn off my brain.

I paused, designer shorts - a new gift from Seunghyun - halfway down my legs. How was I going to turn off my brain?

If the house had been a bit closer to where the crater formerly known as my apartment was, I would simply put off the bath until I could go to Minsheng's studio and force some student or other to spar until I was exhausted. But we weren't, and the train and bus ride would sorely cut into my time. I slowly stood up, resecuring the shorts around my waist. It appeared I would have to take a less healthy route.

I looked at the shirt I had unceremoniously dropped onto the ground. Sure, it was a little wrinkled now, as linen was so inclined to do, but the economical part of my brain demanded I put them back on. There was no point in putting on a clean shirt before the bath. That would just be me creating more laundry for myself, and I would only be wearing it for another half hour or so.

Shirt on, wallet dug out of the backpack, and a Pokémon covered bucket hat later, I was back outside. The sun was bright, but not glaring, shining high above a few puffy white clouds. It lent the day a feeling of being inside a child's drawing.

As if conjured by the very thought, an orange cat poked its head out from an alleyway.

"Hi baby," I called out. I slowly bent my knees, crouching to get closer to the cat's level. Digging deep, I tried to summon every ounce of Disney Princess vibes that I could manage.

Apparently it was an adequate amount.

"Hello hello," I babbled as the cat approached me, "aren't you just a sweet baby?"

The cat chirped at me, slinking under my shins and winding between my feet. In an attempt to get the cat used to me, I let one hand hang loosely near my ankles.

Within five minutes, I had the cat crouching on my shoulder as I continued my way towards the corner store. I had no idea what my plan was once I got to the store, but for now I had a cat and that was all that really mattered.

The cat made a curious mrrp in my ear as we walked.

"Just a bit further," I explained, "do you want anything from the store?"

I was rewarded for my conversation with a half purring snuffling directly into my ear.

"Of course," I continued, "chicken or fish?"

-----

Even though I didn't hold onto too much hope that the ginger tabby would actually wait for me outside the store, I picked out two little bags of treats. Chicken and fish. Only the best to fuel my Disney Princess animal companion daydreams.

Treats tucked safely into a little plastic shopping basket, I stared at the variety of drinks that were available.

I thought about trying to be picky, but the very idea made me feel even more drained than I already was. Spotting chamisul fresh, I grabbed two bottles and headed to the cashier. We barely exchanged looks as I was rung up. For a second, I could pretend the last month hadn't happened.

The cat was gone when I stepped back outside.

-----

Back in the house, back in my room, back in the too-big tub, I sprawled out in water that was maybe just a little bit too hot. Steam floated across the surface of the water, whirling and sliding as I disturbed it by bringing the rim of one of the bottles to my lips. It was a potent combination, alcohol and hot water, but that's why I had chosen it.

Now glad for the silence of the house, I hooked the back of my head against the lip of the tub. Humming out a relaxed groan, I tried to let my shoulders loosen. Once they felt like nothing, I worked my way down my body - mentally checking my muscles for tension and trying to release them. The words of an ex, a massage therapist, came to me.

"You hold a lot of your anxiety in your ass and thighs."

There was probably a joke in there somewhere, since he had been an ass that was obsessed with my thighs, but it had been true as well. Kneading the heel of my palms into the sides of my legs, I struggled to relax.

-----

Done with the bath, head still swimming from the heat and alcohol, I pulled out my phone. Opening my messages, I hesitated. The fuzz in my brain put me in a wanting sort of mood, but I wasn't feeling quite bold enough. Settling onto the seat by the vanity, I decided to take the scenic route instead.

To: Zico I want to message Mino.

From: Zico Then why are you messaging me? ㅋㅋㅋ

To: Zico Because I'm unsure of my feelings. And if I message Mino I might be leading him on.

Just like messaging Daesung the night before, I watched typing bubbles pop up and disappear for a moment. I sighed, traipsing into the kitchen to grab one glass full of ice, and another full of water. My phone finally dinged with a new message while I was walking back to my room.

From: Zico I'm in a tough spot now. Should I tell him that you're not sure?

From: Zico I think he already knows the reality of your position.

I may be a lot of things, but I'm not a bubbler. Carefully setting aside the water glass, I filled the ice glass with the rest of the soju. I considered the message, mentally processing my response before letting my fingers touch the screen again.

To: Zico I care about him enough to not want to hurt him.

To: Zico But the reality is that, right now anyway, I may end up dating one of the BigBang members.

To: Zico Of course, it could be that everything happening on the show is even more fake than I know.

A message popped up from Zico, but I was on a roll and kept typing anyway. I may not be a bubbler, but I was definitely a multi-texter.

From: Zico Who do you think you would date?

To: Zico Maybe the show will end and I'll never hear from any of the members again.

To: Zico Maybe I'll never hear from you and Mino again too.

To: Zico Maybe my life will reset to factory settings.

To: Zico I'm scared of being forgotten.

Having finished my ramble, I answered his interrupting question.

To: Zico It's not Jiyong, if that makes you feel any better ㅋㅋㅋ

From: Zico I don't think you'll be forgotten. Not by Mino.

From: Zico And I like having you distract me sometimes too ㅋㅋㅋ

From: Zico Ah, your taste has gotten better then.

From: Zico Seriously, who is it?

Sipping the iced alcohol, I thought about being honest. No. That wouldn't help anything.

To: Zico Wouldn't that be a spoiler? What if you sell our messages to Dispatch?

From: Zico If I wanted Dispatch's money, I'd sell Mino's texts about you ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

From: Zico If you message him, he'll send me one like "Ah! Hyung! She messaged me~~~"

From: Zico Does that answer your question? He'd be happy to hear from you.

From: Zico Just be honest with him.

To: Zico Okay okay.

To: Zico Thank you Zico-yah~♡

From: Zico 🤢🤢🤢

From: Zico Save it for Mino

I snorted to myself and switched to my chat with Mino.

To: Hugeboy Mino

To: Hugeboy Mino mino miiiiii~

Perhaps predictably, his answer was fairly quick.

From: Hugeboy Noonang~♡

From: Hugeboy What have I done to deserve such a cute greeting? \(★ω★)/

To: Hugeboy I was just talking to Zico about you

From: Hugeboy (｡ㅜ ω ㅜ｡)

From: Hugeboy You should just message me

From: Hugeboy Hyung is weird

To: Hugeboy Are you jealous~~? I just wanted his advice

From: Hugeboy I can give you advice too ʕ •̀ ω •́ ʔ

Briefly, I thought back to high school flirtations. Me and my partner-to-be saying things like "so, there's this person I like… kind of reminds me of you…"

Since I had already opened with something cute and a little childish, why not continue?

To: Hugeboy Okay okay

To: Hugeboy I'll ask you too

To: Hugeboy I want to message this guy that I've been flirting with but I'm having a difficult time figuring out my exact feelings

To: Hugeboy I'm in this situation where I'm supposed to be dating these other guys, and the one I want to message is kind of forbidden

From: Hugeboy I don't know if I can be impartial

I snorted at that. At least he was honest.

To: Hugeboy I trust you to do your best for me ♡

To: Hugeboy Sometimes I don't know what I feel about any of them

To: Hugeboy I think I like more than one person and that feels like I'm cheating even though I'm not exclusively seeing any of them

From: Hugeboy |･ω･ʔ

From: Hugeboy Well…….. if I were one of those guys……

I breathed a sigh of relief that he was at the very least indulging my technique of addressing by avoiding.

From: Hugeboy I'd be a little hurt that you have feelings for someone else at the same time

From: Hugeboy But I also know that you can't control that

From: Hugeboy I think it just means that I have to try harder to prove myself

From: Hugeboy …… if I was one of those guys……

How pragmatic. I wondered what hidden stores of maturity were hidden under Mino's emoticon covered exterior.

To: Hugeboy But wouldn't you get mad? Or feel like I was playing with you?

From: Hugeboy Noona

From: Hugeboy No jokes okay?

From: Hugeboy I know about the show

From: Hugeboy I know the whole point of the show

From: Hugeboy It would be more surprising if you didn't feel anything for any of them

From: Hugeboy Do I like it? No

From: Hugeboy But without the show I would never have met you

From: Hugeboy So I'll take the bad because the good is worth it

From: Hugeboy And if you do end up marrying Seunghyun

I snorted again. I had been planning on letting him finish his entire monologue but I couldn't leave that alone.

To: Hugeboy Omg

From: Hugeboy I'll go to the wedding and be happy for you

To: Hugeboy I'm not going to marry Seunghyun

From: Hugeboy Okay but my point is the same

I bit my lip, considering what he was saying.

To: Hugeboy Are you alone? Can I video-call you?

Rather than a typed response, I got an incoming video request. Accepting it, I discarded pleasantries.

"Are you being serious or are you just saying what you think I want to hear?"

Mino's laughter crackled through my phone speakers as his smile swayed in and out of frame.

"Ah, noonaaa…"

"I'm being serious," I exaggerated a pout towards the camera. "Tell me the selfish thing that you think I shouldn't hear."

"Okay, okay," he let out a small grunt as he flopped onto what I vaguely recognized as his sofa.

"The most selfish thing I think about the situation? Hmm…"

He ran his fingers through his hair, then shook his head to fix his bangs.

"Just tell me," I whined.

"I want you to quit the show," Mino chuckled, "is that selfish enough?"

-----

An indeterminate amount of time after Mino had to leave the call for some appointment or other, I was lazily lounging about in the stolen hotel robe. The unmistakable sounds of three to five adult men arriving at once started creeping through the house. Groaning, I rolled onto my stomach, stretching and mentally preparing myself for whatever was about to come.

I heard the familiar shuffle of Taeyang pass by my bedroom door, followed by the creak and click of his own door.

My eyes were drooping dangerously near to napping when a soft knock landed on my door. Three knocks.

Not Seunghyun then.

"Come in," I called out.

As expected, Daesung poked his head into my room.

"Can I come in?"

Rolling onto my side, I couldn't help but laugh at his asking a question I had essentially already answered.

"I just said come in," I smiled up at him.

"Yeah," he took a hesitant step into the room, "but you could have just meant the doorway."

I squinted at him for a second. He looked… shy? Nervous? It was hard to place the exact emotion.

He cleared his throat, dropping his eyes after meeting mine very briefly.

Ah, pitiful and guilty.

"I'm not mad at you," I sat up, tucking the robe a little tighter around myself, "if that's what you're worried about."

"I didn't think you were," he muttered. He stepped into the room properly, closing the door behind him. He sagged against the door, still obviously feeling a bit… something.

"But I've been wrong before," he clarified, "I just…"

I shuffled to the edge of the bed, leaning forward slightly to look up at him.

"You just…?"

His shoulders fell, relaxing slightly before he lifted his arms towards me.

"I missed you."

I grinned, allowing my mouth to fully indulge in a smile from a time before self-consciousness. Resting my elbows on my knees, I tilted my head as I looked up at him.

"You really are spoiled," I said in a hum.

"I'm sorry," he sighed heavily, "about everything."

"It's okay," I shrugged. "You promise you didn't know?"

He licked his lips, a nervous tic.

"It's not so much that I didn't know as it is that I didn't think of it."

I considered his words, leaning back on my palms now.

"I think that's sort of the same thing," I was basically just thinking out loud, "at least neither one is done with malice."

"Pet," Daesung finally, firmly, met my eye, "I would never. I swear. I… hmm…"

I watched him curiously, waiting for an explanation of why he had cut himself off. He wasn't being terribly forthcoming though.

"Go on," I prodded.

"I was just going to say," I could see a blush creeping up his face, "I would never record anything like that…"

He blinked a few times, then shook his head. His hair was loose, not particularly styled. The motion of his head made his bangs fall into his eyes, offering him a sort of barrier while he finished his sentiment.

"Unless it was something that we both agreed to."

"Dae!"

"I'm just saying!" He was trying to sound exasperated, but a self-effacing sort of smile was creeping across his face.

"There's a time and a place," he explained, "and a conversation, for things like that."

"I bet you wanted to listen to it," I bounced my eyebrows at him in a mockery of suggestiveness. "Chul said it sounded pretty good."

"I was there," he shrugged, cheeks deepening in hue, "you definitely sounded good."

I laughed, flattening myself down onto the mattress. After a few seconds, I let out a big sigh.

"I admit that I kind of freaked out."

"Mm," he hummed, "Seunghyun told me."

I popped my head upwards, shooting him a skeptical look.

"He did?"

"Yeah," Daesung grimaced, "he told me I was stupid for not thinking of it, and that I could have caused a major scandal."

"If Chul wasn't so very," I shrugged, letting my head drop back down, "Chul, then yeah."

I shut my eyes, tired of seeing, "that could have been a massive issue."

"So we're okay?"

Lifting one hand, I blindly waved for him to come closer.

A slow shuffling sound later, I felt the slight thump of his legs hitting the side of the mattress.

I waved my hand more insistently.

I heard him let out an amused puff of air, then felt the mattress dip next to me. Keeping my eyes closed, I wormed my hand around until I found his. Looping my fingers through his, I tugged on it slightly.

My reward was feeling him lay next to me. I reached across my body to pull him closer.

He laughed again as he arranged himself. Head on my shoulder, arm around my waist, one leg resting slightly on my own.

I bent the arm he was resting on to run my fingers through his hair.

"I think we're okay."

"Good," Daesung mumbled into my neck. There was a pause, and then…

"Permission to flirt?"

I laughed.

"Granted."

My allowance was rewarded by his hand slipping under my robe and just… laying there. It wasn't so much a flirtation as it seemed to be a self-soothing cuddle move.

"That was somewhat more tame than I expected," I pointed out.

"I'm tired," I felt his arm shift, most likely from a shrug, "I was worried about you for the last few nights."

I didn't laugh so much as I let out a brief puff of air.

"You said Seunghyun is safe though."

"Yeah but what if something had happened?" He squirmed next to me, eventually propping his elbow against the mattress. Resting his head on his hand, he looked down at me with a look that made me soften, but feel incredibly nervous at the same time.

I resisted the urge to push him away, knowing that it was a trauma response and that I wasn't actually in danger.

He explained his anxiety.

"What if you got in a car crash?"

Another puff escaped me.

"A car crash involving any of you boys would be national news immediately."

"Okay," he nodded, "what if some crazy fan tricked you or took you?"

"Tricked me?" I questioned.

"Yeah," Daesung's eyebrows curled down his face, "are you telling me that if," he shrugged again, "I don't know. If someone told you that they needed help, would you not go with them?"

Looking up at his worried face, I felt my impulse to flee lessen. Craning my neck upwards, I missed his lips but still managed to kiss his chin.

"The only people who would ask a foreigner for help would be another foreigner or a cult member trying to recruit. I would probably reach out to the police or something."

He leaned down to press his lips against mine, before leaning away and frowning deeper.

"Don't try to distract me."

I grinned. Distracting him seemed like a fine idea. Rolling onto my side slightly, I tried to weave my way to lay my lips against his neck.

He forged ahead regardless.

"What if they said 'oh my child is in danger, come quick'? You…" he faltered when my teeth scraped against his skin.

"Yo… you try to seem cool a-and tough but I know you wouldn't be ah… ah fuck… able to walk away."

I hummed, deciding to push against him with my hand.

His body resisted for a second before he laid back flat.

Shuffling onto my knees, I followed his motion. I was able to keep my mouth approximately on his neck, as I swung one leg over his body.

"P-ehh…" His use of the nickname morphed into a stifled moan as I bit down a little harder on his shoulder.

I sat up and just took him in.

A few twisted strands of hair splayed across his forehead. His lips were parted as he scrunched his eyes shut, and I was hit by a fleeting moment of jealousy. In a similar position, my own somewhat bucked teeth would be showing, but his mouth revealed nothing but a flash of sweet salmon pink when his tongue flicked forward to wet his lips.

"Pet," he half-hummed the word out, "I just told you not to distract me."

"Mm-hmm," I bent down and briefly tapped my lips against his, "and before that you asked for permission to flirt."

I laid another quick kiss, this time against his cheek.

"I'm kind of getting mixed signals, Dae."

He drew a deep breath and let it out through his nose before opening his eyes and responding.

"Did you miss me?"

He raised a hand as he spoke, pushing back the hair in my face. As if it was the most natural conclusion in the world for the motion, his fingers swooped down and brushed against my cheekbone, eventually landing on my lower lip.

I parted my lips, teasing by biting the tip of my tongue between my teeth without truly interacting with his hand.

"Was I supposed to miss you?"

Daesung groaned, dropping his hand to the mattress and pouting up at me.

"Now who's sending mixed signals, pet?"

I smiled at him, gripping the belt of my robe and making a point to be obvious while playing with it.

"Dae," I started.

"Hmm?"

"Now, be honest with me, okay?"

His hands slid, half flirtatious, half reassuring, up my thighs.

"Of course, pet."

"And I won't be mad if you say no…"

He smiled up at me, squeezing my legs slightly.

"Just ask me, pet. You can ask me anything."

I nodded, putting on what I hoped was a playful pout.

"How would you feel about having your hands tied to the bedpost while I rode you?"

There was a beat of silence. Then his hands tightened on my legs and he used his legs to push his body somewhat diagonal across the mattress. Once he was satisfied with his position, he dropped his hands from my legs and slid them above his head, gripping one of the corner posts.

"How could I ever deny you, my pet?"

I shot him a bright smile.

"Good to know."

I climbed off of him, undoing the knot that kept the robe secured around my body. Turning away, I spoke again.

"Now I should probably get dressed," I walked into the giant closet, "I'm really being pretty lazy today."

I heard a strained groan behind me, but Daesung didn't complain.

I was in a skirt and bra by the time he joined me in the closet. Internally, a battle raged between my desire to continue teasing him and the urge to simply bend over the accessory case in the middle of the closet.

"Pet?"

I glanced at him. His eyes seemed to be tracing over the lines of ink that littered my body. The urge to bend over got the upper hand for a moment.

"Yes?" I smiled at him, but turned my attention back to my shirt selection. My heart wasn't in the search though.

"I know I have permission to flirt," he stepped closer, slowly crowding into my space, "but permission to touch?"

He was close enough that I was able to lean back against him. Doing so, I reached up and slid my fingers into his hair.

"Granted."

While Daesung cleaned himself up in the oversized bathroom, I finally finished getting dressed. Or re-dressed. Technically.

The skirt was abandoned, having already played its part for the…

I checked my phone. 16:42. The skirt had played its part for the late afternoon.

Sitting on the stool by the vanity, I checked my phone.

There was one message from Zico. A screenshot of his chat with Mino, accompanied with the caption "I told you".

The image showed a series of excited emoticons from Mino, followed by two screenshots of my own messages to him.

From: ♡(.◜ω◝.)♡ Mino Mino miiiiii~

and

From: ♡(.◜ω◝.)♡  I trust you to do your best for me ♡

were visible, followed by Mino saying "im so fucked" and several more, now heart filled, emoticons.

I couldn't help but laugh at Zico's response to him at the bottom of the image.

"A little respect for your very single hyung please"

Moving on from that, I opened a message from Seunghyun.

From: Seunghyun Dinner?

I heard the bathroom door open behind me. Typing out a reply, I listened as Daesung approached me from behind.

To: Seunghyun What time?

I felt his hand ruffle my hair.

From: Seunghyun I can be ready in ten. Do you need more time?

"Hmm," Daesung's hand fell to my shoulder, squeezing slightly, "leaving me for your fiance so soon?"

"Shut up," I tried to imbue my words with the power of my eye roll.

To: Seunghyun I'm all set, as long as it's casual. Half an hour?

"Ah, pet," Daesung whined, "and here I was convinced I was special."

From: Seunghyun Okay.

"Dae," I laid my phone on the vanity and turned in my seat, "you know I'm not g-"

I was cut off by his lips descending onto mine.

Again.

"I'm teasing you," he mumbled against my mouth, "I don't mind, pet."

I hummed, just letting myself enjoy the feel of his kiss. After a moment, I couldn’t help but poke a little fun at him. Pulling back, resisting the slight pull of his hand at the back of my neck, I smiled up at him.

“You only don’t mind because of your fantasy of being the other man.”

Daesung laughed, standing up straight and raising his hand to his face in an embarrassed gesture.

“Aha, you know me too well, pet.”

“You two are like a coin,” I stood from my seat, reaching up to ruffle my fingers through his hair lightly.

His eyebrows flicked together for a moment, and he tilted his head.

“What do you mean?”

I shrugged, somewhat distracted by the smooth feeling of his hair against my fingers.

“You like being the other man, and he claims he doesn’t mind sharing.” I frowned, still focusing on the silky sensation in my hand, “though, I have no idea if he exactly likes it, you know? The same way you do.”

Daesung was quiet for a moment. Then a moment longer than that. I dropped my eyes from his hair to meet his gaze.

His eyelids were fluttering softly, and there was a blush spreading across his cheeks.

"Does it feel good?" I didn't bother holding back my smile.

A small hum and a nod were the only answers I received. After a moment he shook his head and pulled away from my hands.

"Wait…" he shook his head again, "what did Seunghyun say?"

"How about katsu?" Seunghyun suggested.

We had decided to go for a walk and figure out dinner along the way.

"Honestly, and I don't even know if this is a thing here," I started, turning to walk backwards as I spoke, "but for some reason all I can think of is a salad bar."

He reached out to take my arm, directing me around another pedestrian.

"A salad bar?"

It was a little hard to tell if his tone was one of confusion at the concept or at my having a salad craving.

"Yeah," I nodded, "you go and there's bowls of different salad mixes," I made circles with my hands as I spoke, "and then all the different toppings," I made a sprinkling motion with my left hand over my right's flat palm, "and you make your own salad."

Seunghyun’s entire head rocked back as he laughed.

"I know what a salad bar is," he said, "I just figured you haven't really eaten all day. I thought you'd want something more substantial."

I nodded, spinning again to face forward.

"You might have a point. But I haven't had a chance to work out lately, so I'm trying to be mindful."

He made a sound of understanding from behind me.

I felt his hand slip into mine.

"Also I just like salad," I shrugged, "as long as it's interesting."

"Okay," he agreed. He tugged on my hand to get me to stop for a moment.

Turning to face him again, I saw his phone in his other hand.

"Let me search for salads nearby."

After dinner and walking back to the house, Seunghyun sat on the floor of my room. He leaned back against the side of the bed while I tried to remember why I had even bought charcoal in the first place.

"You okay?"

I wasn't sure if Seunghyun was asking about me, the singular entity, or about me as pertaining to… literally everything about my life at that moment.

"I'm okay," it was true enough regardless of the unspoken details of his question.

He nodded slowly, careful not to disturb his pose too much.

My sketchbook wasn't supposed to be full of anything that meant anything. Poses weren't really the point. Still, I appreciated the gesture.

"How much trouble did you get into?" I asked, half out of curiosity and half just to fill the silence of the room.

"Not much," he shrugged, "I just told a version of the truth."

"Which version?"

"I told them that I had wanted to come clean with you about my past scandals," he smiled softly.

"I see…" the smile was small - self contained enough that it didn't deform the rest of his face. I could have easily capture it with some brief strokes, if the inconsistent black stick in my hand didn't tend to smudge so much.

"And of course I didn't want to do that on camera," he explained, "that would pressure you into accepting me. I wanted you to be able to be honest in your reaction."

"Ah," I nodded, working on copying the crease of his shirt now, "so you lied."

Seunghyun adopted a humorously offended expression.

"Where's the lie? I told you about my scandal," he dropped his pose and started moving. "I wanted you to be comfortable without cameras," on his knees now, he shuffled towards me. Once close enough, he took the sketchpad out of my hand. Path clear, he rested his head against my knee, sideways, staring at nothing, "and I always want your honest reaction."

"Hyun," my fingers fell naturally into his hair, "how can you talk about honesty when you know it didn't happen that way?"

He hummed, closing his eyes as my fingers worked over his scalp.

"Mmm… that's why it's a version of the truth."

We stayed there for a while, just soaking up the soft skinship.

"Baby…"

"Yes, Hyun?"

He shook his head from my hand, turning his head to look up at me.

"Will you kiss me?"

His tone was… off, somehow. Like he wasn't making a request, he was asking a question.

"What?" I probed for more information.

"I mean," he made a grumbling hum sound before continuing.

"I think I'm always the one kissing you. I always start it."

He shifted his head, turning so that his chin rested on my knee now. Looking up at me, he huffed.

"That's fine, if that's what you prefer. But I feel like maybe I've been pressuring you too much."

"I mean," I shrugged, brushing his bangs from his face, "you do propose to me at least once a day."

He pouted. Honest to god pouted. Like a scolded child.

"Baby, that's because I want to marry you."

I let my hand sweep down to cradle his face. Tucking a fingertip or two under his jawline, I gently pulled. He followed my unspoken command willingly, fumbling slightly as he rose to securely kneel before my seat.

I wanted to say something quippy. Something playful, and maybe a little bit mean. Nothing came to mind though.

Instead, I leaned forward and down. Holding his chin in my palm, I pressed my lips to his.

A sighing moan escaped his throat. He sagged slightly in my grip, seeming to melt into the kiss.

Pulling back, I swiped my thumb over his lips. His eyes stayed closed as his mouth fell open at the sensation.

"Are you satisfied now, Hyun?"

His eyebrows drew together in a frown, but he nodded.

I kept my hand on his chin and lifted the other to trace a finger over his brows.

"You don't seem satisfied."

His eyes slowly flicked open, a small pout forming on his lips.

"Marry me."

"Hyun…" I knew I didn't need to finish the thought.

"I know, I know."

That pout still rested on his face, luring me in.

I pulled his chin towards me again. This time, I pressed a bit harder against his mouth. The sound he made was somewhat strangled, stuck in his throat with surprise.

It did something to me. I tugged at his lower lip with my teeth.

That managed to pull a surprisingly high pitched noise from his throat. Less of a moan and more of a whimper.

I felt him tug back, and against my instinct I let him go.

"Baby, I-"

Nope. I recognized the tone of his voice. That overthinking tone. The self-denial tone. The tone he used the night of the fire.

"Shush, Hyun," I pressed my lips to his again, just briefly this time, "I thought you wanted me to kiss you."

"I do," he whined, "but y-"

I quieted him again, using another kiss to derail his train of thought.

My own train of thought was a heated argument. Thoughts of what Daesung and I had done in the closet earlier served as fodder for both the argument for continuing, and the argument for stopping. My… situationship with Mino also flit through my mind.

But again I reminded myself that I was not truly bound to anyone. I am single. I haven't said anything to anyone that might make them believe otherwise. I have been explicitly honest with ev…

Seunghyun whimpered again, breaking me out of my mini crisis.

I pulled back slightly, looking down at him.

"You okay?"

He nodded before tilting backwards, out of my reach. Landing somewhat in a sitting position on the floor, his chest heaved dramatically.

"I'm fine," he reassured me. He swallowed hard before continuing.

"I should go."

He didn't move.

"Why's that?" I leaned forward as I asked.

"Because…" he faltered as I kept moving closer to him, "well…"

I slid off the chair, knees landing on either side of his tangled legs.

"Do you want me to stop?" I asked as I crawled closer to him.

He shook his head, eyes trained on mine as I invaded his space.

Finally near enough, I sat myself in his lap and again placed two fingers under his chin. Dipping forward, I paused before kissing him again.

"I think you might like me."

I didn't give him a chance to respond, pressing my lips to his and listening to him whine again.

For a second, I thought he was going to pull away again. But his hands anchored themselves against me, one on the back of my neck, the other on my back, as he moved. Tugging slightly, he pulled me down along with him as he laid flat on the floor.

Probably about twenty minutes later, there was enough of a break for me to sit up again.

"Hyun…"

I resisted the urge to slip my fingers under his shirt.

His hands ran up and down my forearms, nails lightly scratching my skin.

"Yes baby?"

"You should probably get going."

His hands paused, then resumed their action.

"You'll have to get up first," he smiled as he said it. A joke of some kind.

I nodded and stood up. Leaning forward, I offered him my hand to help him up.

He gripped it easily enough, and was soon standing next to me. He turned and looked at me, mouth parted as if he was going to speak.

He didn't say anything.

Somehow, despite all of our talks and touches and everything else lately, the air grew rigid with awkwardness between us.

"Was that…" I started, faltering under the pressure of the building tension, "was that okay?"

"Ah," Seunghyun nodded, slipping into one of his many personal, "I guess that's why you won't marry me."

I tilted my head, waiting for him to continue.

"That's okay," he smiled at me, teasing, "the awkwardness will fade."

He leaned forward, our roles well and truly reversed now.

"I think you should kiss me more often," he grinned, "baby."

"Oh my god," I groaned, pushing his shoulder, "go away."

He caught my hand, wrapping his other arm around my waist.

"Yes," he softly nodded, "that was fine, baby."

Seunghyun pressed his lips against my cheek before speaking again.

"I'm sorry for joking."

"It's okay," I mumbled, wishing I wasn't blushing.

"I still want you to marry me," he tilted his head, trying to meet my downturned gaze, "no jokes."

“Shut up.”

Which shouldn't have mattered, really.

But it did.

"What the fuck?" I grumbled, tossing the box into the trash.

I turned back to the cupboard, thinking I might find a substitute there. I was wrong. Any other day I would have settled for just whatever I happened to come across first. But today, I wanted to start off correctly. If I could just have this one cup of tea go smoothly, then everything else would go smoothly.

But smooth, it seemed, was not an option today.

And so it was that I was found, sitting on the floor, snuffling like a scolded child, by Seunghyun and Jiyong.

"Woah, hey," Seunghyun kneeled next to me, placing a hand on my shoulder, "what happened? Did you get hurt?"

"No," I tried not to blubber, quickly wiping my eyes with my already wet hands.

"What's wrong jagi?" Jiyong squatted, speaking softly.

"It's so stupid," I protested their concern, now using the hem of my shirt to dry my cheeks, "I'm being an idiot."

I gave a shaky laugh, fighting the urge to cry harder.

"Who gives a shit about tea, right?"

"What?" Jiyong asked.

"So fucking stupid," I muttered, "this is embarrassing."

"That's fine," Seunghyun offered me his arm, "we don't have to talk about it."

"But…" Jiyong started to press, but was silenced by a stern look from Seunghyun. He stood up, looking cowed, and retreated to the other side of the breakfast bar.

"Come on."

I clasped onto Seunghyun’s arm and let him assist me in standing.

"Do you want to cancel the meeting with the lawyer?"

"No," I shook my head, "it has to happen. Might as well get it done, right?"

“Yes,” he agreed, “but if the tea is enough to upset you, I can’t imagine what a lawyer might do.”

“Yah,” Jiyong admonished Seunghyun for his joke.

But I laughed. He wasn’t trying to be cruel. I knew his voice when he wanted to be mean, and this wasn’t it. In fact, joking away the minor break-down was exactly what I needed.

“I’m choosing to trust you to intervene if it gets too bad.”

-----

“Don’t be nervous.”

“I’m not nervous,” I defended myself without thinking.

Seunghyun gave a politely muffled laugh and reached out to place a hand on my knee.

Until that exact moment, I had not been even slightly aware that it had been bouncing, powered by a combination of caffeine and anxiety.

“Fine,” I firmly planted both of my feet on the ground, “I’m a little nervous.”

“It will be fine, as long as you stop shaking all your luck off,” Seunghyun… well I couldn’t say he reassured me. He said it flatly, like an inattentive parent might remind a child that tripping wasn’t the end of the world.

“Last time I talked to a lawyer was after I was hit by a bus,” I blurted out.

It was true, but the basic statement always made it sound more dramatic than it had really been.

Seunghyun, who had been scrolling through his phone as we waited, now pocketed the device. He shifted in his seat, his hand on my knee tightening slightly.

"I'm sorry," he shook his head slowly, "what happened?"

"I just got clipped by it," I shrugged, "look, one of my arms is longer because of it."

I held my hands up in front of me.

"I'll line up my wrists, and you can see my right elbow…"

I trailed off, letting my odd anatomy finish the sentence for me.

Seunghyun lifted his hand from my knee and tapped one of my pinkies.

"Is that what happened here?"

"No," I let my left hand drop to my lap and wiggled the fingers of my right, "that got broken the first time I broke a cement block."

I made my hand a fist, shaking my head.

"Stupid mistake. I just didn't tighten it quite enough."

"What about here?" He traced a line on the back of my hand.

"Where?" I flattened my hand, looking it over.

"There," he ran his finger along a strip of slightly darker skin.

"That's a burn. I've worked in kitchens before," I shrugged, lifting my left hand to mimic the right, "I've got plenty of miscellaneous marks from that."

Seunghyun nodded, taking my hand in his and looking it over.

"Hyun…"

"This one looks like you got cut," he highlighted a line on my palm.

"Oh yeah," I nodded, "I actually had to get a lot of antibiotics for that one. I was washing the dishes at a deli, and I didn't know that the blade from the… uh…" I was stumped for words. "The round knife thing, for cutting meat? It was in the sink."

"It's like you're followed by bad luck," Seunghyun shook his head.

He was apparently finished with his exploration of my past wounds, though he didn't let go of my hand. Instead, he threaded his fingers between mine. As if it were the most natural thing in the world, he kept my hand in his, resting against his thigh as he pulled his phone back out of his pocket.

"Hyun, this is a bit…"

"Hmm?" His eyes met mine.

I wiggled my and, via the transitive property, his hand.

"Oh," he looked surprised for a second, retracting his hand from mine, "sorry. I…"

"Choi-ssi? The lawyer will see you two now."

-----

It was just so much legalese, which I was not nearly as fluent in as I'd like to be. I allowed Seunghyun to speak for me, silently fuming because I knew that the only thing holding me back was linguistics.

The lawyer was professional enough. Their words were kept primarily directed towards me, despite the difficulties presented. However, by the end of the meeting they had completed a slow turn about to where I was left by the wayside in favor of talking with Seunghyun directly.

As for Seunghyun, who's proficiency with English I had not yet found the extent of, he acted less as a translator and more as an interpreter. After a few sentences would pass, he would look to me, eyebrows raised in a question. If I shook my head, he'd do his best to break things down into plain language.

-----

It was not until we were gone, picking up some drinks, that an issue occurred to me.

"Isn't the whole point of lawyers to be the middle-man between the law and their client?"

"Hmm?" Seunghyun’s eyes stayed on the menu as he prompted me to continue.

"You shouldn't have been the one making things simpler," I explained. "If they were professional, and really knew their stuff, they would be able to explain it even to a child."

"You're not a child though."

My brain short-circuited for a moment. So many conversational branches were extended before me. Should I point out that he himself had called me a child before? Should I keep arguing the professionalism point?

"Do you want yuja or pomegranate?"

I looked up, seeing we were now second in line. Pursing my lips, I scanned the menu board as quickly as I could.

"The…"

"If you don't choose, I will."

I shot Seunghyun a dirty look before returning my attention to the menu.

"Five… four…" he started counting down, an annoying teasing tone to his voice.

"Oh! Saem! Luna!"

Immediately, Seunghyun stopped his countdown. His hand flew up to his face, double checking that his mask was firmly in place.

I blinked, looking around for where the voice had come from.

A surprisingly tall young man behind the counter was leaning forward, smiling brightly. The espresso tamper in his hand was apparently forgotten.

"Oh," I tried to read the name embroidered on his work uniform using only my peripheral vision, "hi there…"

His grin widened as he reached up and covered the name.

"You still do that," the boy teased me. We must have had a pretty good rapport.

He continued, this time in English.

"Just take a minute, and try to remember."

This was definitely one of my students. He mimicked my tone and inflection almost perfectly, parroting one of my go-to encouragement phrases to me.

"Ah," I sighed, trying to remember, "sorry, I have so many st-"

"Try one more time," he clipped the pronunciation of one, lending me a clue, "in English for me, please."

"Okay," I squinted, "you were in one of my older classes, right? Around high school age?"

"Luna…" Seunghyun tried to pull my attention back to the ordering process.

"Yuja with black tea," I quickly gave him my order before turning back to the boy in front of me.

"You used to yell at Wootaek for teasing me," he offered.

"Oh my god!" I raised a hand to my mouth, trying to cover my complete surprise, "Han Do-yun! You're so big now!"

His grin somehow got even bigger, his eyes disappearing into his cheeks. He had also changed his hairstyle, but the deep dimples on his cheeks were still recognizable.

"It's been a long time, right?" Do-yun took his hat off and ran a hand through his hair. "I guess last time you saw me I was maybe…" he floated a hand just below my eye level, "this tall?"

"Luna?"

Seunghyun's hand landed gently on my arm.

"Ah," I did a double take sort of look between the two of them, "yes?"

"We should move out of the way." He nodded towards the end of the counter where our drinks would be presented to us.

"Yes, right," I turned back to Do-yun, "sorry, good to see you but I should…"

"Of course, I'm at work too," Do-yun nodded, replacing his hat.

-----

"Who was that?"

"Hmm?" I was concentrating on taking the lid off my cup without spilling it all over the interior of the car I would never be able to afford.

"Han Do-yun!" Seunghyun mimicked not only my tone from earlier, but what I could only assume was an exaggerated version of my expression. "How do you know so many people?"

I temporarily abandoned my quest for citrusy tea goodness. Keeping my eyes on the cup in my hands, I decided that being serious and straight forward was best.

"Hyun," I started. I was a little surprised by how easily I had taken to shortening his name.

"Yes?" He dryly answered. If he was surprised by the nickname, his tone did nothing to show it.

"Jealousy is not a good look for a potential husband."

I gave up on the idea of getting the lid off the cup. Lifting it to sip through the small hole in the plastic, I cast a sideways glance at Seunghyun.

Smiling, cocky, unbothered. What would I give to make him slip up even once?

"In what world would I be jealous of that kid?"

"Probably this one,” I cocked my head, pretending to think over the question, “where he's a good ten centimeters taller than you."

"Believe it or not, that is not what happened."

"Then what is happening?"

His smile changed. Less cocky now. He reached across the center console and gripped my hand for a second, just enough time for a squeeze before returning his hand back to the shifter.

"We have a schedule to keep."

-----

"Why are we here?"

Ostentatious was a word that I did somewhat associate with the United States. However, in the case of the consulate, they seemed to have learned some subtlety. It just looked like a generic office building that happened to have an American flag out front.

"Might as well get started on your passport situation," Seunghyun explained, double checking the job he had done on parking.

"I don't have my documents," I protested.

"Yeah," he smiled, an indulgent one this time, "that's kind of the point. You have your alien registration card, right?"

I huffed, pulling my wallet from my bag. Obviously, he wasn't going to let me off the hook any time soon.

"Well sure, I'm not a criminal."

-----

"Care to explain how I had an appointment that I didn't know about?"

Seunghyun didn't look up from the screen of his phone.

"I made you one," he answered, entirely unconcerned.

"So you basically planned for today to be the day to get stuff done?"

He pocketed his phone, stretching his legs out in front of him. A single popping noise came from his knee.

"Oof," he groaned at the sound. "I just thought you might need a push."

If he saw the frown that crossed my face, he didn't directly acknowledge it. Instead, he lifted a hand and ran a finger along my arm.

"Tell me about this one," Seunghyun traced a scar along the outer edge of my forearm.

"Why?" I was beginning to get annoyed. Defensive, even.

"I want to know what to keep you away from. So far it's buses, washing dishes, and hot stoves."

"What a bad wife I would make," I joked, trying to redirect the conversation away from my assorted blemishes.

"Not for two weeks at least."

He was idly looking over my hands again, running his fingers delicately over the various nicks.

"Two weeks?" I asked, "you’re trying to get married as soon as the show ends?"

"That too," he shrugged, finger now tracing a semicircular mark on my forearm, "but I was talking about how long it will take for your replacement passport to arrive."

"I'm pretty sure it takes six weeks," I pointed out.

He didn't bother to look up from his inspection to answer me.

"You're assuming I won't pay to expedite it."

"I can pa…"

"Number 417?"

I stood, approaching the desk.

"Yes, hello, hello…" I wasn't sure which language I should be speaking.

"English is fine, honey."

Honey? Truly, this is an American.

Her eyes flicked behind me, and her face twitched slightly.

"But Korean is also okay."

I turned my head slightly, just enough to register that Seunghyun had followed me.

"Ah, Hyun, you don't have to…"

"I said I'd pay for it."

"Don't be ridiculous," I protested. Turning back to the clerk, I started rummaging through my bag, "so… I'm not completely sure what all you need."

-----

"Now that's done, what should we do?" I asked as we settled back into Seunghyun's car.

"I thought we might go for a drive," Seunghyun suggested.

"What sort of drive?"

"A very long one."

I smirked, a very American feeling coming over me.

"A long drive? What does that even mean here? Four hours? Maybe five? That's not that bad."

"That's a long drive," he bristled.

"Maybe to you," I shrugged, "but I've driven from LA to Amarillo. Which probably doesn't mean much to you but it's like a nineteen hour drive with the stops."

"How long is it without the stops?"

"Probably about sixteen hours."

"America is so big," he shook his head, "for no reason."

"I know. We've got states the size of countries, and politicians wonder why they can't please everyone."

"I thought you didn’t like talking about politics?" Seunghyun asked, finally pulling onto the street.

"I love talking about politics," I sighed, "but with all the cameras around, I’ve been avoiding it."

“I guess we should change the subject then.”

“Right,” I nodded, “so where are we going on a long drive to?”

“Have you been to Busan?”

“A couple of times,” I answered truthfully enough, “but not for a while.”

“If you’re not opposed, we can be there by…” he paused, checking the clock and doing some mental calculations, “between four and five o’clock.”

I glanced at the small cameras attached to the interior of his car.

“What about the filming staff?”

He shook his head, looking arrogant again.

“Chul is already on his way there.”

“I guess that makes the decision then,” I shrugged, “let’s go.”

“Yah,” he repeated the motion from earlier, reaching over and gently squeezing my hand, “we don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

“It’s fine Hyun,” I smiled, squeezing back before pulling my hand away, “what else would I have had planned?”

-----

About forty-five minutes into the drive, my phone pinged. I pulled it out, grateful for something to distract from the silence.

From: Hugeboy I know we're not dating but I think we need to have a dating type of conversation

I stared at the message, ignoring the countryside passing me by.

All good things, etc.

I hadn’t really expected us to be together in the end. Not seriously, anyway. How could we? The scandal of it all…

From: Hugeboy Something was different when you left the other day

Here it comes. He's tired of playing with a toy that isn't even full service.

From: Hugeboy I want to double check if I did something wrong

Oh.

I hadn’t considered that as an option.

From: Hugeboy If I made you uncomfortable in any way, please tell me

I blinked at the messages for a little while before typing back.

To: Hugeboy Sometimes I get nervous and it's nobody's fault

To: Hugeboy You didn't do anything wrong

From: Hugeboy Thank god

From: Hugeboy Also I would like to point out that I just came out and said it this time instead of pestering Zico

I suppressed a laugh. I couldn’t stop myself from smiling though.

To: Hugeboy My brave boy

To: Hugeboy Would you like an award?🎖

From: Hugeboy … I can't tell if you're teasing me or not but if you're offering, I'm free this afternoon

"Who is that?" Seunghyun asked.

I held my breath for a second, trying to work out a good way of answering. His tone of voice sent me back several weeks. Disapproval and annoyance.

He hadn’t liked me talking to Mino way before anyone else.

Still, I couldn't just let this pass.

"Didn't we just talk about jealousy?"

He stiffened in his seat slightly. Or perhaps it just looked like he had when he shifted gears.

"I'm still not jealous," he grunted out, "your alert tone is annoying."

"Ah, I'll just switch my phone to silent then," I decided not to press the issue.

To: Hugeboy I am currently on my way out of town

To: Hugeboy Maybe next time

-----

"Seunghyun."

Seunghyun paused, closing the car door he had just pushed open. Settling back into his seat, he turned confused eyes to look at me.

"Wh… I thought I was Hyun now," his eyebrows were slowly knitting together.

I resisted the urge to reassure him.

"I just was thinking," I took a second, carefully choosing my next words. I shook my head, starting over again.

"You could really fuck me over if you wanted to."

Seunghyun appeared to be thinking this over. His lips pursed slightly, and he stared down the cement barrier of the parking lot we had pulled into.

My chest felt constricted, the weight of the situation pressing into my lungs as I waited for some sort of response.

Finally, lowering his gaze to the brand insignia on his steering wheel, he spoke again.

"Why did you go along with it if you think that?"

He was quiet. Not only in volume but in tone as well.

"I don't really think you're going to," I shrugged, pushing back the anxiety that had been building as we drove, "I don't think it would be worth it to you."

Seunghyun’s head tilted slightly, and I was made specifically aware of just how much eye contact he was not making at the moment.

"Then why bring it up?"

"Hyun…"

The man that looked over at me was someone I hadn't met. This was not the arrogant viper, the bullheaded spy, or even the warm rain jacket that I had so recently been made aware of.

This man was tired. Faint lines etched themselves into the corners of his face.

My heart ached on behalf of the man in front of me. How could I have wanted to break through his confidence just a few hours before?

"I didn't mean it like that," I explained. "It's a bad habit of mine. If I say it out loud, it might guard against it."

He nodded a few times before cocking his head to one side slightly. The motion seemed to get him back to normal, because a smile crept across his face.

"I like that you call me Hyun now," he blindly reached out and tugged the handle of his door, letting it swing open slowly, "just so you know."

-----

The day was sunny, but a cool breeze was helping to dampen the heat. I stood and stretched, taking in the rest stop that we were currently parked at.

“How much further do we have to go?”

“Only about another hour,” Seunghyun answered. He was tugging one arm across his chest, one of those generic stretches that everyone learns in their gym class. He gave me a self-deprecating smile.

“I warned you it was going to be a long drive.”

I shrugged, digging through the small backpack I was now thankful that he had urged me to bring.

“It’s about the same time as the drive from my hometown to New York City,” I pulled out a face mask and secured it over my nose and mouth, “it’s not that bad.”

“It helps that you can apparently sleep through anything.”

Shaking my head, I didn’t bother with any return banter. I had located the bathroom and was now on a mission.

-----

I stared at the world’s smallest trickle of hot water coming out of the sink.

Okay, forget proper washing I guess.

I twisted the cold tap. Not hard. Just the typical amount of twisting.

Still, it came off in my hand.

A small geyser erupted, soaking the entire front of my body. Shouting indiscernible noises, I scrambled forward and tried to twist the handle back into place.

A woman, accompanied by a small child, exited one of the stalls and stopped. Her mouth fell open in surprise.

Understandable.

The child, somehow keeping their cool better than the two adults in the room, simply looked me up and down.

“Mom,” they tugged at their mother’s shirt, “we need the cleaning person.”

-----

An embarrassingly wet conversation with maintenance staff later, I stood in the parking lot, dripping onto the concrete beside Seunghyun’s car.

"What happened to you?" Seunghyun laughed.

I grimaced, flapping my shirt front in a vain effort to dry it.

"The faucet was broken," I complained, "I'd be glad for the cooling if it wasn’t a white shirt."

"Ah," he held out a bag and a coffee holder to me, "take these, I'll be right back."

I poked through the bag as he returned to the small assortment of shops that made up the rest stop. Pre-cut fruit, simple kimbap, and bottles of water.

After a few minutes, Seunghyun returned with a wad of mustard yellow cloth in his hands.

“It’s not a good shirt,” he started, handing over the piece of clothing, “but it’s a dry one.”

“Cheers,” I accepted the shirt, handing drinks and bag of food back to him, “uh, just one problem.”

“What’s that?”

“The women’s bathroom is currently closed off,” I nodded towards the building. A yellow sign was posted up outside of the bathroom now. Water was running under the door and across the concrete now.

“So where should I change?”

We both slowly swung around in silence, looking for anything helpful.

“Just change in the car,” Seunghyun suggested, “my windows are tinted, and I’ll stand guard.”

“Your car also has cameras in it,” I pointed out.

He nodded, pursing his lips. Then, he shrugged.

“Come on,” he set the food on top of his car. Reaching down, he grabbed my hand and tugged me towards the bathrooms.

“It’s closed,” I protested.

“The mens isn’t,” he pulled me along, “I’ll make sure nobody is in there, and I’ll stop anyone from going in while you change. Easy.”

It wasn’t a perfect solution, but it would work.

Seunghyun left me outside while he swept through the bathroom.

“It’s empty,” he announced upon his return, “go ahead.”

-----

I recognized the park from many photos I had seen. Instagram, tourism ads, etc.

"You know," I dug my hands into my pockets, rocking back on my feet slightly, "I've always wanted to come here, but I never got around to it."

"I know. Come on," Seunghyun pointed to the shady side of one of the closer sculptures, "come stand in front of it."

I followed his direction, trying to process the first sentence.

"What?"

"Reach up, like this…" he held his arms up, as if hoisting an unseen burden.

Slightly confused, I mimicked the pose he made.

“Like this?”

"Just stay like that for a second," Seunghyun took several steps back. He squatted down, raising his phone.

The fact that he was about to take a photo finally fully registered. I quickly corrected my extremely lax pose. My sudden earnestness drew a chuckle out of Seunghyun.

"Relax," he murmured from behind his phone, "you look perfect."

-----

"How did you know?"

We had settled into a booth in a small restaurant. We had both ordered our drinks and were now scanning the menu, talking quietly.

"Hmm?"

"How did you know about the places I wanted to go?"

"Oh," Seunghyun shrugged, "I asked Soo-ah for tips. She told me to check out some of the Instagram accounts you follow on your private account."

I placed my menu down. I had decided on what I was going to eat, and I was prepared to be made fun of for not eating seafood in a seaside town.

Leaning forward slightly, I squinted at Seunghyun.

His tactic made sense. Soo-ah was the person that knew me best in the country. The perfect person to ask for information. But…

"Why?"

He glanced up at me over the top of the menu.

“Why what?”

"Why did you ask Soo-ah for tips?"

He laughed slightly, eyes falling back down to the menu.

"No matter what I say, you'll only hear the worst part."

"Damn, okay,” I leaned back in my seat, “thanks for the free therapy. But seriously."

"Fine, but try not to take this the wrong way," he paused, waiting for confirmation.

"Just say it."

A smile ever so gently tugged at his face before he set down his own menu. He leaned forward, resting his cheek against a loose fist.

"That night that you were painting, you said that you thought you were unlovable…" he stopped again, eyebrows furrowed as he thought through his words for once. He straightened up before continuing, "honestly, it explains so much about why you act the way you do. Why would you value yourself if you thought no one else does?"

"Ah,” I nodded, crossing one arm in front of myself and using the other hand to add a sarcastic wave, “so you're trying to teach me a lesson."

"I told you that you'd only hear the worst part. But no.”

He leaned forward, extending his hand now. He held it, palm up, expectant.

I hesitated, but let my hand meet his with a sigh.

“Then what is it?”

“I think you are lovable."

His thumb brushed over my fingers. A lazy sort of smile took over his features as his gaze lingered on my hand.

Somehow, for some reason, I was much more affected than when we had kissed. The day, the moment, the words, the gentleness of his touch at this exact second… I had to take an extra second to even myself out before I could say anything.

"Are you saying that you love me?" I had meant to sound sarcastic. To try to laugh off whatever it was that was filling the space previously occupied by air between us.

I think it may have fallen flat.

He raised his eyes to meet mine.

My own immediately fell to where his hand was still toying with mine. Eye contact was not something I could handle at the moment.

"I asked you to marry me, didn't I?"

"Yeah,” I blinked a few times, feeling like I was somehow three steps behind the conversation, “because you think we're compatible, and you don't mind having me around."

I shook my head, working up the courage to meet his gaze.

“That’s not love.”

"Maybe,” he tugged on my hand slightly, pulling it closer to him, “but it’s pretty close, right?”

I could see what was coming next, but was unable to stop it. I felt like an observer of my own body rather than being the operator.

He leaned forward a bit more, raising my hand. His grip adjusted, fingers sliding downwards to catch around my wrist. He pressed his lips against the fleshy mound on my palm, under my thumb, before resting his face against it.

“I asked Soo-Ah because I wanted to,” he explained, “I set up the appointments because I wanted to. I brought you here because I wanted to.”

“Hyun…”

He nodded, sighing and letting go of my hand.

“A bit much, right?”

I hummed an agreement, still not knowing what to say. My hands felt uneven somehow. I dropped them into my lap. Running the tip of the thumb from my untouched hand around the lingering outline of sensation that I could still feel from Seunghyun’s lips, I desperately tried to think of any sort of topic change that wouldn’t be completely unnatural.

“Finish your drink,” Seunghyun nodded towards my glass of fizzy lemonade and raised a hand to get a server’s attention, “I’ll pour you another.”

Two things were obvious; the topic change had somehow happened, and the type of drink Seunghyun was offering.

"I don't think they have a wine list for you."

Enough tension had broken. I was able to sound suitably sarcastic that time.

He laughed, shaking his head and leaning back. Seemingly sheepish, he rested his hands under his legs.

"You think that's all I drink? What kind of Korean doesn't drink soju?"

I raised my hands, palms placatingly facing him, and gave a sarcastic smile.

"I didn't say that. I've only ever seen you drink wine and European style spirits is all."

-----

"You should probably stop drinking," I placed my fingers over the top of Seunghyun’s glass as he went to lift it.

When he had returned from a trip to the bathroom, he had slid into the seat next to me. It hadn't been the smoothest move I'd ever seen, but the way he had just shrugged off my pointing out that his seat was across from me had been funny enough for me to laugh it off.

He leaned on his hand, his elbow nearly knocking over an empty bottle in the process. His face was relaxed as he looked at me.

Mentally, I cursed at both him and myself for not having noticed the amount of alcohol we had drank until now.

"Why's that?"

"We still need to get back to Seoul."

He thought this over for a second, licking his lips. As he came to a conclusion, he lifted his free hand and gently patted my head.

"I trust you to drive my car."

I swatted his hand away, more annoyed with myself now than him.

"I can't," I shook my head, "I don't have a license here."

"Ah," he groaned, sitting up straight now. His eyebrows dipped in annoyance.

"Okay, okay, let me think."

Casually, smoothly enough that I didn't notice until it was too late, he tossed back the shot.

"Okay," he grimaced from the alcohol and then shrugged, "we can just get a hotel room."

I felt my expression go flat.

"Choi Seunghyun…"

"Two hotel rooms," he corrected himself, holding up two fingers now.

I tilted my head, eyebrows raised, considering it now.

"After all," he nudged my shoulder with his own, "the staff will need one."

"Okay," I started to stand, "I'm just going to get myself a room somewhere. You can figure your own thing out."

I was half joking.

"Yah," Seunghyun tugged on my bag strap, "sit down. I was kidding. Come on."

I slowly, warily, returned to my seat.

"Seu-"

He raised a hand, pacing a finger over my lips to cut me off.

"Hyun," he corrected me, "just Hyun, okay?"

I glared at him for a second before rolling my eyes. I grabbed his hand, pulling it away from me.

"Choi-ssi," I started.

He grimaced.

"I'm being serious. We need to make a plan."

-----

"It's not ideal," I started.

I glanced at the camera, and Chul. Rooming with staff was out of the question, no doubt. That would be even more suspect.

Chul gave a small shrug, but jerked his chin towards the counter.

"Fine," I shook my head, turning back towards the clerk, "you said two beds, right?"

"Well, one. But the sofa pulls out to another bed."

"It's fine. I'll take the sofa," I waved my hand, giving up.

-----

"All clear?" I called through the bathroom door.

"Are you expecting me to be naked or something?" Seunghyun called back, "yes, all clear."

He had a point. I supposed both of us would be sleeping in our normal clothes.

Walking back into the room, I was greeted by Seunghyun leaning against the makeshift headboard of the pull-out sofa-bed.

"I thought I was sleeping on the sofa."

He shot me a withering look.

"How would that look? Me making you sleep on the sofa?"

"I offered to though," I pointed out.

"Just go," he nodded towards the bed, "before I change my mind."

As I crossed the crowded space, I spotted his pants slung over the half-wall between the bed and the sofa.

Lucky. Men's boxers were basically pajama shorts anyway. I'd have to sleep in my stupid skirt if I wanted to pretend to have any kind of decency.

-----

"Seunghyun?" I whispered.

"Just Hyun," he mumbled from the other side of the room.

"Hyun," I started again.

"Hmm?"

"Did you plan this?"

I heard a shuffling noise, and the creak of the metal struts on the sofa. I figured he had rolled over.

"What do you mean?"

"Did you plan to come out here, get drunk, and get a hotel room?"

Another, smaller, shuffle and creak.

"If I planned it, don't you think I would have gotten a better room?"

"I don't know."

The room fell silent again. I heard the small sound of an insect bumping against the window.

"Maybe you're trying to trick me into trusting you more."

Seunghyun let out a small laugh, then sighed.

"Go to sleep."

"No," I protested, "I'm worried."

"You're not tired from worrying all the time?"

"It's exhausting," I admitted, "but what if you're an awful person? What if you try to touch me while I'm asleep? I can't sleep now."

"You fall asleep around me all the time. Plus there's the camera."

"But it's dark in here. And you could just pay off the staff to delete footage."

"Do you want me to switch with one of the staff?"

"No."

"Then what do you want?"

"I don't know."

I wriggled my legs, tangling them into my sheet with annoyance.

"I want to trust you," I finally decided.

"So do that then."

"How?"

I heard him groan, followed by more sounds of him shifting about.

"You just have to choose it. Like how I choose to trust you."

His voice sounded different now. Not in tone, but off. Like it was moving differently.

"What? Why wouldn't you trust me?"

"What if you're a sasaeng? What if you kill me in my sleep?" He laughed, "what if you touch me when I'm sleeping?"

"I would never!" I sat up, staring into the blackness, towards his voice.

"How can I know for sure? I can't. So I choose to trust you instead."

I stayed sitting for a while, considering this.

My thoughts were interrupted by Seunghyun’s phone going off. The small illumination provided by the screen showed that he was also sitting up.

That's why his voice changed.

A smirk played over his face as he read the message on his phone.

"Jiyong's worried."

"He said that?" I asked.

"No," Seunghyun shrugged, "he just asked if we were still out. Told me to let him know when we get back. But I know him."

I laughed at that, flopping back down against the pillows.

"It's been a little nice having him not message me all week," I mused.

"Yeah, why did he decide on that exactly?"

Seunghyun’s phone was now resting, screen up, on the blanket next to him. I idly wondered just how well he could see me with the small light.

"We, uh," I sat back up. Shuffling backwards, I supported myself against the headboard and tucked my knees under my chin.

"We had an argument, I guess."

Seunghyun sat, facing towards me, legs crossed in front of him.

"What about?"

"Same thing as always," I chuckled, "he was jealous."

"Jealous of what?"

"That was the night I fell asleep on the sofa with Daesung," I reminded him, "and then we hung out for a while. So of course Jiyong got all upset."

"You make it sound like that happens a lot."

"Are you kidding me? He's been getting jealous since week one!" I slid my legs out in front of me, expressing how tired of it I was.

"It's like having all the bad parts of dating someone and basically none of the good parts," I complained. "If I text someone, if I hang out with someone, if someone greets me…" I shook my head.

Seunghyun remained silent. After a second, I continued.

"Do you know how jealous he would have been at the tea place this morning? He'd probably be all pouting and crabby for the whole day."

"Hmm," Seunghyun picked up his phone, "I have an idea, but it may be cruel."

This seemed like a complete non-sequitur.

"What?"

"We could really drive him crazy."

"What do you mean?"

"Don't freak out, but I'm going to come over there for a second," he shuffled to the edge of the bed, "okay?"

"Okay…"

He stood up and circled around the small divider wall. He paused by the camera on the dresser, but didn’t touch it.

Standing next to my bed, he clicked on the bedside lamp before lifting the sheet and sliding in to sit next to me.

"Hyun…" I started.

"I said don’t freak out."

"Okay… but what are you doing?"

"Just," he readjusted himself, leaning against the headboard, "come here."

He held his arm up, beckoning me to lean against him.

"Like this?" I hesitantly laid my head against his chest.

"Hmm…" he opened the front-facing camera on his phone, holding it up and examining the shot.

"Can you pretend to be asleep already? I think that'd really get to him."

"Isn't that a bit mean?" I asked. It was a false concern, which was made obvious by the way I shuffled further down the mattress and laid my head on the blankets in Seunghyun’s lap.

Looking up at him, I saw the faint black speckles of a 5 o'clock shadow. I reached up and gently ran my fingertips across the dots, nails slightly catching against them. There was a soft feeling building, somewhere between my heart and my stomach.

"We're being cruel."

The shutter on his phone punctuated my sentence.

"What do you think?"

He handed me his phone, showing me the picture.

In the foreground, Seunghyun was facing the camera, the smallest sliver of his tongue peeking out from between his teeth. Below him, I was reaching up and seemingly caressing his face. The entire thing was slightly out of focus, making it look entirely too intimate.

"Unrealistic," I said, handing the phone back, "it looks like we're in love."

He frowned at the phone.

"Now who's being cruel?"

I laughed, reaching up again. This time, I cupped my hand across his chin, gripping his cheeks lightly. I wiggled his head back and forth as I teased him.

"Ah, our Hyunie is so sensitive today."

"That's right," he gave me an exaggerated pout. "Are you always mean after someone confesses to you?"

"Who confessed? You were just trying to teach me a lesson about self-worth today."

He rolled his eyes, letting them fall back to his phone.

"Anyway, are you going to pretend to sleep, or no?"

"Why?"

"If you're asleep he'll think two things. First," he flicked one finger out from his free hand, "that you must feel comfortable with me," he flicked a second finger up, "and then he'll start worrying about if anything happened between us."

"Here you are," I pulled at the blankets, tucking some under my chin, "torturing your friend for fun."

He dropped his hand, starting to run his fingers through my hair.

They weren't as heavy as Daesung's.

I shook my head, squeezing my eyes shut. Now was not the time to be thinking about that.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I lied, "it just won't look real unless my hair is a little messed up, right?"

He laughed, a shake going through his body.

"This is another reason why we'd make a good couple."

I knew he'd finish the thought without any prompting, so I kept my eyes shut and waited. I heard the shutter sound of his phone go off a few times.

"We're the same kind of mean."

I hummed, letting his fingers lull me into a dangerously realistic pseudo-sleep. After a few minutes I finally spoke up.

Holding the phone against my ear, I rolled away from the nightstand.

Daesung wiped a hand across his face. He looked like he was about to speak, so I quickly reached out and pressed a hand against his lips.

"I'll just come down and get you up," Seunghyun bluffed.

Good lord I hoped he was bluffing.

"My door is locked," I countered.

Daesung was awake enough to somewhat process the situation. He nodded, pushing my hand away.

"I can pick a lock."

"If you can pick the lock, I'll go get coffee with you."

Seunghyun laughed again, then hung up.

"Was that Seunghyun?" Daesung asked, pulling me against his body.

"Yes," I laid my head against his chest, "why are you still here?"

"You invited me in," he sighed, loosening his hold on me. "But I should go. Seunghyun really does know how to pick locks."

I groaned, rolling onto my back to let Daesung sit up.

There was muted moonlight shining through the curtains. It was just barely enough to illuminate the outline of his body.

I let myself enjoy the shadow puppetry of him pulling his shirt on.

"I want you to stay," I admitted.

He paused, then turned and laid on his side, facing me.

"You know," his hand slid under the covers and started gently exploring the skin of my abdomen, "if you keep saying things like that I'm going to think you like me, my pet."

I reached over and pulled him down so I could kiss him. His hand gripped my side tightly.

After a few seconds of questionable leg and hip movements, he pulled back.

"He’s going to come down here," Daesung whispered, "I really should leave."

I let out a whiny groan and reached up towards him again.

Kneeling, one of my legs between his, he caught my wrists.

"Use your words," he pushed my hands back down, into the mattress, "not your hands, my pet."

"When you call me that, it kind of makes it hard to think," I complained.

He let go of my hands to support himself on his elbows. Leaning close, his lips traced along my shoulder and neck.

"Good hard," he just barely nipped at my skin before finishing, "or bad hard, my pet?"

My hips reacted, and I felt embarrassed.

"Dae…"

Two firm knocks reverberated through my door.

"Are you decent?" Seunghyun called through the wood.

Daesung started to scramble, as silently as he could manage.

"Jesus christ," I called back, also scrambling to make sure Daesung had everything that was his, "give me a minute."

"I told you I was coming," Seunghyun pointed out, "so are you going to let me in, or did you want me to actually pick the lock?"

"Don't you fucking dare," I called over my shoulder.

Daesung slid through the glass door, then paused. Reaching back into the room, he gripped the front of my pajama shirt and pulled me in for a last kiss.

I pushed him out and slid the door shut. I couldn’t hear it, but I saw him laughing.

"Yeobo~" Seunghyun called out in a sing-songy way.

"Don't call me that," I whined towards the door, "just let me get dressed."

A few extremely rushed minutes later, I opened the door.

Seunghyun had his hands on the upper edge of the doorframe, managing to look a few inches taller than he really was.

"Why can't I call you that?"

"Because we're not married."

He opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off.

"And we're not getting married!"

"Yet," he smiled, "we're not getting married yet."

-----

"I thought you said we were going to get coffee?"

"It's just a slight change of plan," Seunghyun explained while inspecting the offering of fruit.

"I'm going to go look in the fridge then," I said.

I tried to tug my hand out of his, but he tightened his grip and pulled me closer. Through his face mask, he kissed my hair. Or, rather, he kissed the hat I had put on to cover up the extremely recognizable dye job.

"Can you grab me a carton of milk while you’re over there?”

“Sure…”

I was suspicious. Though that was nothing new.

I stared at the fridge full of drinks. I had already chosen an energy drink for myself. I knew it would give me a stomach ache, but I wanted to be sure I was prepared for a group day.

I couldn’t recall what sort of milk was usually in the house. I looked around the small store, trying to locate Seunghyun.

He was at the front counter, pointing out a pack of cigarettes to the clerk.

I wanted to get his attention, but I didn’t want to call his name. If we hadn’t been recognized yet, I certainly didn’t want to be the one to ruin it.

“Hyun-ah!” I called a little quietly.

His head perked up slightly. I watched him turn curiously to look at me.

I beckoned him over.

He said something to the clerk and then came to join me.

“Are we doing nicknames now?”

“Shush,” I nodded towards the milk, “which one do you use?”

“It doesn’t matter,” he shook his head.

However, he did step forward and carefully inspect the containers. After a moment, he opened the case and picked up a little carton.

-----

Tendrils of yellowish light streaked across clouds as we walked back to the house.

“Why didn’t you just choose one?” Seunghyun asked.

“Aungh?” I was focusing on opening the can I had picked up. My nails were short, so I had the can in my mouth, teeth hooked under the tab.

“Don’t do that,” he took the can from me, cracking it open easily enough, “you’ll chip your teeth.”

‘Thanks,” I accepted it back from him, “why didn’t I choose one what?”

“The milk.”

“I didn’t want to pick the wrong one,” I shrugged.

It was quiet for a moment. Too quiet.

Turning towards him, I saw that he had stopped walking. He stood in the street behind me, head tilted.

“What?”

He shook his head, then started walking again.

“What?” I asked again as he caught up to me.

“You don’t have to worry about it,” he took the plastic bag from me, switching hands so he could take mine again. “Come on.”

The word choice seemed significant somehow, though I couldn’t put my finger on exactly how so.

-----

“Stop that,” Seunghyun wrapped his arm around my thighs and, as was his style, lifted me to sit down on the counter.

“I was literally just putting the stuff away,” I pointed out.

“Yeah,” he plucked the items from my hands, “just let me do it.”

I couldn’t exactly be annoyed. And I wasn’t. I just felt uncomfortable doing nothing.

“I’ll start the coffee,” I offered, hopping down from the counter.

“Stop,” Seunghyun repeated. Once again, he lifted me up and sat me down.

Resigning myself to watching, I leaned back against the cupboard. Yawning, I closed my eyes and listened to him move around the kitchen.

“Don’t fall asleep on me,” Seunghyun nudged my leg.

“Why did I even have to be here?” I grumbled, keeping my eyes shut in miniature show of defiance.

“Because I like having you around.”

I opened my eyes the tiniest bit, watching him move around through the blur of my eyelashes.

“Also, I wanted to ask if you thought about getting married at all.”

I groaned, rubbing my hands over my face.

I heard him laugh before speaking again.

“Listen, I’m not asking you to be in love with me.”

“Then why ask to get married?” I asked him, dropping my hands and opening my eyes fully.

“Because everyone expects me to be married by now," he shrugged, "honestly…”

He paused, pulling the milk out of the fridge and stirring some into his coffee.

“Honestly…?” I prompted him, truly curious for the first time about what he was going to say next.

“I’m tired of being asked about it.”

He leaned against the stretch of counter that acted as a breakfast bar, sipping his coffee.

“Then ask literally anyone else?”

“But this goes back to what I said before,” he set the cup down on the counter and crossed his arms. Lifting one hand, he flicked fingers upwards as he listed his points.

“We get along…”

Flick.

“We communicate well…”

Flick.

“We have a convenient story of how we met…”

Flick.

"I don't really care if you want to keep dating other people…"

Flick.

“And this last one might only apply to me, but if we decided we wanted kids," the last finger flicked upwards, "I wouldn't mind if they were yours."

I had been about to sip the can of chemically flavored caffeine, but ended up choking instead.

“Careful!” Seunghyun stepped across the kitchen, grabbing the towel that hung on the handle of the oven. He held it out to me with one hand, and took the can away from me again with the other.

“I’m…” I coughed again for good measure, “I’m fine, I’m fine. You need to pay more attention when you’re about to drop some bullshit like that.”

“It’s not bullshit,” he returned to his position across the kitchen from me. "Of course that takes a lot more out of the woman than the man, so that's entirely to you."

Mouth open, I stared at him.

He waited.

Finally, I figured out some sort of response. Clasping my hands together, I rested my chin on my fingertips.

"I understand the words that you're saying," I pointed at him, "but I still don't understand what you're trying to say."

"Hmm," he nodded, "now, I don't mean to sound condescending, but would it be easier if I wrote it down?"

"Maybe," I shrugged, shaking my head in disbelief, "maybe. I just can’t believe you’re talking about committing fraud on camera again.”

“It’s not fraud,” he defended himself, “I think you’d make a good partner, and I’m comfortable with an open relationship.”

“Okay,” I hopped down from the counter, “I’m going back to bed. This is a lot of information and honestly? I’m tired of information.”

-----

I didn’t truly go back to bed. Instead I dropped into the oversized tub and took some time to soak. I imagined a miasma of stress and critters loosening up from my skin. I imagined it a little too intensely and shook my head, trying to get the increasingly gross images out of my head. Once that was cleared from my psyche, I considered the state of things.

I was a little surprised that Seunghyun actually let me go without complaint. Then again, I supposed that he had finally said everything he felt like he needed to say.

In America, and probably other places, he might fall under the label of poly. Or was this a lavender wedding situation? I was rusty on my terms, especially since so many of them didn’t appear to have translations to Korean. Or, if they did, I hadn’t made the right friends to teach me them. Either way, it wasn’t a completely foreign concept to me. An open marriage done more for convenience than love? That described most marriages that, in my opinion, were the most successful. Granted, health insurance was a much hotter commodity back home.

I slid down in the tub, letting my head tilt back until my nose and mouth were the only thing above water.

I still had to get a replacement passport.

I was waiting for some inspection to be done before I figured out what I needed to do next about the apartment.

I needed to find a new apartment.

I needed to find a new job.

Maybe I should just take Seunghyun up on the offer. He seemed to like being a problem solver. Why not let him solve some of mine? It was a practical enough solution to some long term problems.

-----

Post shower, I returned to the kitchen to find Daesung had joined Seunghyun. Just past them, in the living room, I could see Taeyang scrolling through his phone and drinking coffee in the living room.

“Did you sleep well?” Daesung asked me over his cup.

I hesitated, considering just continuing on into the living room. Instead, I settled into the seat next to him.

“It was a little warm,” I decided to go for an accurate and incomplete answer, “but not uncomfortable.”

“Is that right?” Seunghyun mumbled.

“It was the same for me,” Daesung nodded.

"Here," Seunghyun handed me a bowl full of faintly orange colored porridge.

"What's this?"

"Breakfast," he answered simply, "you shouldn't drink those sorts of things on an empty stomach."

The bowl smelled good. Fruity, but invigorating somehow.

"Hyung is so good at looking after us," Daesung nudged me.

"I guess," I shrugged, accepting the spoon that Seunghyun held out to me now.

-----

The van ride was quick. Probably the fastest one yet. We probably could have walked to the building we parked in front of without much trouble.

It was a floral shop. Bright blooms flooded the front window. As we entered, I took a deep breath of a nearly choking mixture of the different scents of the assorted flowers.

"Luna," Chul appeared by my side, "can you come this way?"

I offered a silent wave to the boys as I let myself get pulled aside.

"What's up?" I asked Chul.

"Today is going to be focused mostly on you, so…" he trailed off as a woman with an oversized cosmetic bag approached.

"Ah, I see," I nodded.

"Please take a seat," the woman said in lieu of introductions.

"You have the most work to do," Chul explained as I was being done up.

"How's that?"

"Please don't move," the makeup artist reprimanded me.

I let my face relax. Chul's mouth twitched, hiding a laugh.

"It's just flower arrangements," he explained. "The first assignment is doing an arrangement that you think suits you."

I hummed my understanding.

The makeup artist's eyebrows dipped, but she didn't say anything.

"Then you'll do couples' arrangements. You'll each choose what you think suits the other," he slid a finger on his phone screen. "Ah, for the first one, you're supposed to not let the others see your arrangement. We don't want you to influence each others' for the second segment."

That made enough sense.

Of course, that meant…

“You’ll be doing six arrangements,” Chul looked up, “and the guys will have two each.”

I hummed again, not wanting to test the makeup artist’s patience by replying aloud.

Chul waited while my face was finished up. Once done, he tactfully waved the makeup artist away and approached me.

“Here,” he made a show of double checking my microphone. I heard him switch it off.

“What’s up?” I asked him.

“I don’t know if you happen to be as petty as I am,” Chul started.

“Are you petty? I wouldn’t think you were.”

He gave me a sarcastic look.

“I just wanted to remind you that sometimes fans will cling to the hidden meanings in even the smallest thing."

My eyebrows knit together, trying to figure out what he was saying.

“Okay…?”

“It will make more sense once the filming starts,” he gave me a once over look before nodding, “the glasses were a good choice today. Kind of fits the theme. Just be mindful of what sorts of flowers you choose.”

"So, you're saying that I should be diplomatic?"

"God no," he shook his head, "I think this is the perfect opportunity to vent."

With that, he twiddled the knob on my microphone pack, placing me back under a microscope.

-----

“One of the things that we like to do here is use the language of flowers.”

One of the florists stood in front of our sectioned and separated desks. If I leaned back, I could see the backs of the boys on either side of me, but little dividers kept our work secret from each other.

“If you go and look at the flower displays, you’ll see cards with the meanings written on them. There are plenty of cards, so feel free to take some while you work.”

I looked up and saw that Chul was giving me an intense stare.

“You can say almost anything with flowers,” the florist pushed on, “from ‘I love only you’ to ‘we should remain friends’, you can even warn someone to leave you alone if you need to.”

Chul nodded slightly.

I tilted my head, pretending to pay close attention to the florist.

“This first arrangement should show the essence of yourself. The part of you that you can’t easily show. Ready?”

We called out our agreements.

“Alright, then go ahead.”

-----

“How are we supposed to keep this a secret if we’re all walking back and forth?” Taeyang asked no one in particular.

“If it makes you feel better, I’ve been too busy reading the cards to notice what anyone else has taken,” I pointed out, leaning over one of the said cards.

“That’s true.”

I picked up a few stems of columbine, trying to decide if the white or the red would suit me better.

I was aiming for something sort of humble but honest with my own arrangement. I stayed away from flowers that listed “beauty” on their cards, as well as anything that said “purity” or “love”. Chul’s point was not lost on me, and I was already aware of how vicious fans could get.

In the end, my arrangement was a mottled looking mess.

One of the cameras was brought over to my little cubby of a desk. The florist approached as well.

“I see you don’t think too highly of yourself,” she stated.

I shrugged, not wanting too much to get pulled into the conversation.

“Violets and ferns? Perhaps a green carnation would fit?”

I looked up at her, noticing for the first time how pretty she was.

I felt myself blush. I hoped that the foundation that had been patted into my skin had good coverage.

“You’re not wrong,” I mumbled, suddenly feeling a little flustered by how close she was standing to me.

She pulled a chair over and sat next to me, watching me try to get the lengths of the stems right.

“My name is Areum,” she said.

“Beautiful,” I would have given anything for her to back away slightly, “your name, I mean…”

She smiled and stood back up.

“Hold on, I think I know the right flower for you.”

After a moment she returned with a few white flowers that looked almost like roses.

“Gardenia?” I asked, “I didn’t read the card for that one.”

“Trust me,” she said, “I think it suits you. Though you might want some borage as well.”

-----

“Should we make this one the way that they are?” I asked, “or the way that we feel about them?”

The florist, Areum, gave me that smile again.

“I think that should be up to you, besides, it will probably be obvious, right?”

I glanced at my first partner, Seungri, before looking past the cameras.

Chul caught my eye, giving me that almost imperceptible nod again. Continuing my brief sweep of the room I landed on Jiyong and Seunghyun. They stood side by side, Jiyong with his arms crossed, and Seunghyun blithely drinking what seemed to be an iced coffee.

I saw Seunghyun say something to Jiyong, shooting me a quick wink as he spoke.

Jiyong tilted his head to listen and panic briefly passed over his face. He gave me a pleading look, and shook his head.

I took a look at the empty vase in front of me. It wouldn’t hold much, but I didn’t think I really needed it to.

Areum started with Seungri. She started with her hands clasped behind her back, nodding and offering quiet suggestions.

I made a conscious effort to ignore the faces of anyone and everyone around while I wandered between displays and picked flowers out.

As I walked back to my desk I noted that Areum's body language had changed somewhat. She had one of her arms slightly in front of her now, and was leaning slightly away from him while he worked.

"When I look at these two arrangements together, there definitely seems to be a story being told," Areum noted.

Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw Seungri look at me. I kept my own gaze steadily on Areum as she presented the two arrangements to the cameras.

"It's clear that you two may not be on the best terms right now," she continued.

One of the staff members cleared their throat, and Areum changed her topic.

Seeing both of them on the table, my own arrangement struck me as being a little simple. Yellow carnations, orange lilies, and some butterfly weed and tansies to fill in gaps. I had selected a few darker belladonnas to add darker spots in the splash of sunset hues.

"Seeing them together, I can tell that Luna has some basic training in some kind of visual arts. Is that right?"

"Oh," I exaggerated my reaction a bit, "amazing! Yes, I paint and draw pretty regularly."

Areum gave me a brief smile, and I felt again that my makeup might melt from the heat of my cheeks.

"And Seungri," she turned towards him, "your arrangement seems very blunt. Very direct."

A large amaryllis stood in the middle, with some small purple hyacinth forming a sort of secondary tier. A single yellow chrysanthemum lent an odd weight to the bottom, while marigolds and anemones filled in empty spaces.

"That's right," Seungri nodded, “we had a bit of a misunderstanding. I wanted to show my regret.”

It took an outrageous amount of self-control to not lose my shit. My jaw was clenched as tightly as it could be, and I felt like my shoulders were up by my ears. Taking a deep breath, I tried to relax.

A misunderstanding. Was that legitimately what he saw the situation as? I let myself have a little fantasy about letting the story slip to the media. Since it was my own fantasy, it actually went well for me.

“... right Luna?”

I blinked a few times, being drawn back into reality.

“Sorry?”

“I was just saying that hopefully you two can talk about things and come to better terms,” Areum reiterated.

“Ah…” I stalled, glancing towards where I had seen the others earlier.

Jiyong had a hand over his mouth. Same as before, his expression - at least what I could see of it, was still that pleading look.

Seunghyun stood with his hands in his pocket and was staring down Areum. For her sake, I hoped that she hadn’t seen his look yet.

Daesung had joined them by now as well. Arms crossed, he was chewing on his lip, obviously waiting to see how this would play out.

Taeyang was busy downing a bottle of water. To be completely honest, it seemed like he hadn’t been paying attention to what was happening.

Again, slightly behind them, Chul gave me that encouraging nod.

“I don’t think that’s necessary,” I finished. “My time with them is nearly done anyway,” I offered as an afterthought, and excuse.

I felt a little bad for putting Areum into an uncomfortable situation. On the other hand, the company was lucky I hadn’t gotten the police involved. I felt justified in having this minor outburst.

I looked back at the boys.

Jiyong was facing away from me, hand dramatically raised to his brow.

Seunghyun seemed to be fighting a smile, and was saying something to Jiyong again.

Daesung, who was probably the only one whose reaction I cared about at the moment, gave me a small thumbs up.

Chul was nowhere to be seen.

-----

“Are you kidding me? On camera? In front of the florist? That’s when you decide to say something?”

I was sipping an iced tea that someone had handed me. I ignored Jiyong’s words as I leaned against the sink of the small back room he had pulled me into, checking my phone for the time.

Jiyong paced back and forth. I wasn’t sure if I had ever seen him so worked up.

“It will just be edited out,” I pointed out, still not looking up from my screen. By now I had opened up that color matching game that Daesung and I had played a few weeks ago.

“That’s not the point!”

I didn’t think that he had meant to yell at me. Not exactly. But the confined space amplified his voice.

I slowly looked up from my phone, giving him a stony look. Tucking the phone into my back pocket, I moved to walk past him.

He reached for my arm as I passed, but I shook him off.

“We can talk in a few days,” I purposefully tried to sound dismissive, “besides, don’t you think that this is better than if I got a lawyer or something?”

-----

“Maybe I should pick out some abatina for you,” Daesung joked next to me as we worked on our arrangements.

“Abatina? What for?” I moved closer to where he was so that I could read the card.

“Fickleness?” I nudged his shoulder with mine, “rude, but probably accurate."

"What are you choosing for me?" He asked, trailing a few steps behind me as I considered the options.

"Maybe some sorrel? I have to see what looks good together," I shrugged.

-----

Daesung seemed to favor plants with smaller flowers. Tarragon and savory lent a comforting scent to the arrangement. Blue salvia and heliotrope reminded me of the wildflowers that I knew encroached on my mother's yard. Acanthus would have seemed a bit out of place somehow, but chamomile brought it back into the fold. At the center, a single gardenia seemed almost like a firework.

"These are telling a very different story than the first pair," Areum smiled widely as she spoke now. "Daesung, do you want to explain your choices at all?"

"I think it speaks for itself," Daesung tilted his head, turning towards me slightly, "but I've got the cards here if you're interested."

He held the little pieces of card-stock up like a hand of poker.

I stepped closer to him, taking the cards from him.

"I also thought the gardenia suited her," Areum said while I read. "What about you Luna? Any comments on yours?"

Mine was simple, even more so than the one for Seungri. Daffodils and daisies, yellow tulips and ferns. Simple, bright, and even without the meanings behind the flowers it seemed exactly right for Daesung.

"Now that I'm thinking of it," I started, "maybe I could have added something more."

I glanced outwards, catching sight of Chul rolling his eyes.

"But I think this shows the core of Daesung, and how easy spending time with him has been."

"If I could suggest an addition?" Areum asked.

"Of course," I nodded, "you're the expert."

She smiled, and I would have abandoned every new person I had met in the last month if she had asked me to.

"I think some larkspur would fit that sentiment."

-----

"That looked like more than forty percent," Seunghyun teased me between shooting.

"I can, and will, fight you," I quipped back.

"Promise?"

He was obviously having a blast. For someone who had tried to appear above everything at the start, he really did seem to live for the drama.

"Is there literally anything I could say that you would not take as flirtation right now?"

"Okay, okay," he lifted his hands in supplication, "just don't give me a Seungri arrangement."

I grimaced, "was it too much?"

"If anything, it wasn't enough."

-----

Yellow jasmine, hydrangea, arborvitae, borage, hyacinth, and gladiolus. Luckily, flowers seem to go well with almost any other flowers. The arrangement for Taeyang appeared larger than it really was, but I was happy with it.

Seeing his arrangement, I spotted some similarities. He had also selected arborvitae, borage, and gladiolus. Unexpected additions were oak and valerian.

"Oh these are lovely," Areum complimented us. "You two seem to be proof that men and women can simply be friends."

"Of course," Taeyang agreed, "we're not in high school anymore."

I laughed at that.

"Honestly, we didn't like each other at all at first," I pointed out, "but once we actually spent time together we were able to understand each other better."

"Really? What caused the problem at first?" Areum pried.

Taeyang and I looked at each other. He shrugged and I just laughed.

"It just happened that way," I lamely explained.

"There must have been some reason," Areum prodded.

"I was against the whole concept of the show," Taeyang explained, "it seemed cheap."

I grimaced, puffing my cheeks up at the awkward aura of Taeyang’s words.

"I see," Areum nodded, "and what about you Luna?"

"I've said it before, so I'll say it again: I didn't really know what I was signing up for."

-----

"Well that was uneventful," Seunghyun griped.

I hummed once, as I was being touched up by the stern makeup artist from earlier.

"Uneventful is good though," Taeyang pointed out, "right? Also what did I miss earlier? Jiyong is all stressed."

It was a struggle not to laugh at that.

"She made a bouquet that said 'I hate you, don't talk to me' for Seungri," Seunghyun explained.

"Actually I think it called him a degenerate lowlife," Daesung piped up.

"Ah," Taeyang nodded, "so that's why he left."

Accustomed as I was to ignoring his presence, I had honestly not noticed that Seungri was gone.

The makeup artist finished up, moving on to Seunghyun.

"Should I feel bad? Like," I shrugged, "I don't feel bad, but maybe I should. You know?"

"No," Taeyang gave a curt answer.

"He's the worst," Daesung expanded, "you absolutely do not have to feel bad."

I squinted at them, including Seunghyun who was now silent under the brush.

"You guys are such snakes," I laughed, "you all talk to him in person, and it's all fine. But as soon as he's gone you're like 'fuck him'."

"We're just civil with our coworker," Taeyang shrugged. "Keeping the office peaceful."

"Still," I gave him a suspicious look, "now I'm wondering what you say about me behind my back."

"We don't," Seunghyun stood up, now ready for the cameras. "At least I don't. It's too complicated for us to talk to each other about you, unless it's about the fire or something."

"That's true," Daesung nodded, "but it's mostly because of Jiyong."

"Yeah, he's…" Taeyang trailed off, shaking his head.

-----

I had no idea what to expect from Seunghyun's flowers.

Actually, that was a lie. Thanks to his stupid joke, I was expecting a full wedding bouquet.

Myrtle, valerian, angelica, white camellia, edelweiss, and geranium. Save for the colorful spots lent by the geranium, it was exactly what I expected.

"Before you say anything," I spoke up before Areum could get started, "I just want you to know that this is a joke he's been doing for three days now."

"I see," she started.

"It's not a joke," Seunghyun interrupted.

"You… I… nevermind," I shook my head, "okay I'm going to be quiet so we can get a clean break and cut that out."

I heard a spattering of laughter from staff members.

"Alright," Areum held her own laugh back, "Mr. Choi, would you like to say anything about your flower choices?"

"Yes," he stepped forward, much too bold for my liking.

"The card for the myrtle said that it was for marriage, and the rest is based on the type of person she is."

"There are a lot of compliments in this arrangement. Do you have that sort of feeling for Luna?" Areum prompted.

"Well, not exactly," his smile now was one I recognized from his few jokes, "I did include the geranium, because at times… sorry, Luna, it looks like you want to say something?"

"No," I sarcastically waved my hand for him to continue, "I am very interested in what's being revealed here."

"You two seem to have a push-pull type of relationship," Areum observed. "Let's take a look at what Luna put together for you."

"I was trying to be nice, but now I think I should get some striped carnations," I half-joked.

"You have a lot of herbs this time," Areum observed.

She wasn't wrong. Dill, chamomile, and basil acted as the base, with hydrangea and hyacinth filling it out.

"It's an interesting combination," she continued, "any comments?"

"Seunghyun and I are another pair that didn't like each other at first," I started.

"It wasn't that I didn't like you," Seunghyun interjected, "you were just so clueless. It was annoying."

"And as you can see," I continued, "we still don't."

I finished with a laugh, backing away from Seunghyun who stepped towards me.

"Yah, stop being like this," he complained, "she's such a liar," he said to Areum before turning back to me.

"Look at my flowers," he grabbed my sleeve and pulled me forward. "Look, valerian, right? For strength because you came in here not knowing anything but you refused to back down from anything."

I hadn't actually paid much attention to the flowers. But as he ranted on, explaining the thoughts behind each one I found myself feeling touched.

"And here, edelweiss is the same thing, courage."

I grabbed his arm, tugging it close so he'd stop gesturing wildly.

In a strange way, I was proud of myself. Or proud of our friendship? A month ago, I would have maybe stood back in shock. I would have thought that he was genuinely upset. But now I knew that he was overacting in an attempt at humor.

"Yah, yah yah yah yah, relax," I half pleaded, half laughed, "you're taking this too seriously."

He tried to shake me off, but I had broken his stride enough that he laughed.

"The, aish," he laughed, trying to get back into character, "the angeli… damn it you distracted me! Why are you so strong?"

I snorted in laughter, falling forward at the waist. I felt Seunghyun’s hands try to steady me, but they were shaking as well.

It was not, objectively, as funny as it felt. But somehow we had entered into a two person feedback loop.

"I'm sorry," I gasped, "sorry, sorry." I managed to stand up and wiped my eyes. "Oh my god."

"Here," Seunghyun offered me his sleeve. He patted at the corners of my eyes, carefully avoiding smudging my makeup.

"You two have a complicated relationship," Areum commented.

"We just, we always have to argue, even when we agr-" I tried to avoid looking at Seunghyun, knowing I would break if we made eye contact. "Stop! You're going to make me laugh again!"

-----

"What was that?" Daesung asked. He was grinning, obviously amused by the outbursts that had just taken place.

"I don't know," I saw the makeup artist approaching, "I just hate him so much."

"I think your flowers actually prove you don't," Seunghyun pointed out. He had just arrived, and held several cards in his hands.

"Protection from evil?" He read out, "Jiyong's going to be jealous."

I silently prayed for Daesung to say something, since I was now under the stern brush of the makeup artist.

"Where is he anyway?" Daesung asked. "He’s up next."

"He ran to get another coffee I think," Seunghyun muttered, still flipping through cards. "He'll be here in a minute, I'm sure."

The makeup artist snapped her case shut, nodded, and walked away.

"Wow, she's a bit cold, isn't she?" I observed.

"Hyung, tell us about the rest of your flowers," Daesung steered the conversation in possibly the worst direction. "I'm curious since you got cut off."

"Right, where was I?" Seunghyun shuffled the cards in his hands, "here, angelica, because even when everything burned you immediately started painting again. The camellia and myrtle were only a small part. And of course you made it negative," he nudged me.

"I made it negative? You're the one that put geranium in!" I defended myself.

"Of course," Seunghyun nodded, "because you’re an idiot sometimes."

"What about yours, Luna?"

Seeing Jiyong and Taeyang walk back in, I momentarily drew a blank at Daesung’s question.

"He's got the cards," I nodded at Seunghyun, "I was trying to be diplomatic."

-----

Red was out in force in the form of salvia, roses, and carnations. Forget-me-nots and lady's slippers seemed out of place somehow.

Where Jiyong had chosen red as his primary color, I had put together a flood of yellow. He wasn't the only one who chose roses, though mine were an attempt at calling him out. I continued the yellow theme with hyacinth and chrysanthemum. I had finished off with basil and a few strands of aloe.

"Another interesting story," Areum started.

"Sorry," I changed my mind about an omission, "sorry, I'm going to grab something real quick. Sorry."

I bustled back to the flowers, and picked out a few stems of goldenrod. Rushing back to the table, I tucked them into place.

"Sorry, uh…" I felt embarrassed suddenly, "you were saying?"

"Well…" she paused, raking her eyes over my additions, "I'm guessing that you two were maybe closer in the beginning than you are now?"

I nodded, staying quiet.

"Yes," Jiyong quietly confirmed.

"You two haven't had your assigned time together yet, have you?"

She seemed to have directed the question at Jiyong, so I let him answer.

"That's right."

I nodded, glancing past the cameras again.

I saw Daesung watching us intently. It looked like he was literally biting his tongue, pressing it against the inside of his cheek as he looked back and forth between Jiyong and I.

Our eyes met, and he quickly replaced that dour look with a smile.

Seunghyun, slightly behind him, had his best poker face on. Completely unreadable expression. His body language was nearly as unreadable, but the way he was standing just a little too straight exposed his mood. Head held high, hands clasped behind his back, shoulders square. When our eyes met, his expression barely changed, though he did shoot me a single wink.

I tried not to cringe.

"... shouldn't dig too deep in that case," Areum was saying, "we wouldn't want to spoil what may come. Luna…"

I snapped my attention to her, hoping that my smile seemed natural.

"Yes?"

"Did you want to add anything?"

I looked between her and Jiyong, hesitating for a moment before letting out a shaky laugh.

"Ah, well…" I tilted my head and gestured towards the flowers, "I said what I said. That's just," I shrugged, "that's how he is."

"Oh, so it's not a representation of your feelings?" Areum prodded.

"Ah, I…" I huffed half a laugh through my nose, "the goldenrod is maybe me. I didn't really see any flowers that were accurate to my feelings."

"We're able to speak very openly with each other," Jiyong interjected, "so I don't think there's really anything we would need to say in this way."

-----

Unclipping the microphone pack from my waistband, I scanned the shop for Chul.

I spotted him holding a trash bag open for another staff member, who was helping clean up the shop. I started in his direction.

"Luna."

I resisted grimacing.

"No jagi this time?" I dully teased Jiyong.

"I…" he shook his head, "is that really how you see me?"

"Jealous? Yeah," I shrugged, "not really a surprise there, Ji."

He opened his mouth, paused, then shut it.

"Listen," I started, "we have all of next week to talk or whatever."

"Yeah," he nodded, "I know. And it wasn't a surprise, I-"

"Yeobo~" Seunghyun interrupted him.

I didn't bother hiding the annoyance on my face.

Neither did Jiyong.

"Hold on, I need to turn off my mic before I threaten to hurt you."

I heard a laugh from the direction of the sound technicians.

I unplugged the cord, and removed the batteries from the pack for good measure.

"Come on," Seunghyun started.

"No," I cut him off, "I actually have to go talk to Chul real quick. So…"

I didn't bother coming up with a parting insult. Pushing between the two of them, I made a beeline for Chul.

"Oh hey, give me one sec."

Chul tied the garbage bag shut. He nodded for me to follow him, dropping the bag into a container that we passed.

"I'm not going to lie," he smiled, "I wasn't sure you had it in you."

"I guess I'm getting pretty good at hiding how much of an asshole I am," I shrugged, "but I actually wanted to ask, are we done for today?"

"Uh, yeah," he pulled out his phone, double checking, "unless you and Seunghyun are going out to dinner or something." He tucked the phone back into his pocket, "you know. Normal rules."

"I would rather die, actually," I said with a sarcastically perky smile. I handed over the microphone pack. "I do not want to talk to any of them right now. I'm going to disappear for a few hours."

"Sounds good," he smiled, nodding, "text me if you need a ride and still don't want to talk to them."

"Oh my god, can I just choose you instead?"

Chul laughed, loudly.

"I…" he glanced around quickly, lowering his voice, "I don't think the company would like that."

-----

My feet dangled, swinging back and forth as I sat at the window seat of a convenience store. An opened, but so far untouched, bottle of water sat in front me. It was really just a cheap excuse to have a place to text.

To: Hugeboy Please tell me that you're not busy

I considered adding a message saying that that included hanging out with Zico, but honestly, what were the fucking chances?

From: Hugeboy I can make myself not busy.

My heart jolted slightly.

From: Hugeboy Unless you want to hang out with the guys.

To: Hugeboy Depends on which guys you're talking about

My phone rang then.

"Hello?"

"I'm in a tough spot here," Mino started.

"Why?"

"Well," he sighed, "I would like for you to get along with my friends, but Soo-ah keeps telling Bobby that Jinu is your type."

I stifled a laugh.

"I mean, we are closer in age," I drew out the words, teasing Mino a little bit.

"I know," he said flatly, "she said that too."

"I thought you had decided not to worry about that kind of stuff?"

He sighed again, heavier this time, causing a crackle on the line.

"I know," I could hear the pout in his voice, "but Bobby keeps rubbing it in, and now Jinu and Yoonie have started."

"In that case," I decided to make a play for a bit of his time, "we should hang out alone."

"Why's that?"

There was something in his voice when he asked. A bit more flirtatious than usual.

"Because I want to see you," I tried to match his tone. I glanced around the small shop, assessing the customers and clerk before continuing.

Too many people. Time to pull back a bit on the flirting. No specific words.

"And I don't want the rest of them around."

"So you want to be alone with me?"

Wherever Mino was, he was either out of earshot of the others, or simply did not care if they overheard. That lilt was only increasing on his end.

"Yes," I answered simply, all too aware of two strangers who had taken a couple seats nearby.

"I'll come get you, where are you?"

"I, uh, don't think that'd be a good idea," I used the reflection in the window to keep an eye on the couple next to me. "Just send me the address."

-----

In the elevator, going up to Mino’s apartment, I was struck by the razor's edge I was walking between excusable and inexcusable behavior. Far behind me was the line of decency, and I just had to accept that.

I started mentally tallying the excuses.

I was, in all the ways that mattered, still single. Sure, I had fucked Daesung the once, and he had slept in my bed last night… but we were not dating.

I had not made any promises of fidelity. Even Mino’s assumption that he and I were just waiting for the show to end was just that: an assumption.

It was no good. In the end, just the fact that I was busy rationalizing my actions was probably a bad sign.

On the other hand, I was already here.

-----

Mino didn’t exactly grin when he opened his door. He didn’t even really smile. The look on his face was clearly one of happiness, but all the expressive action was based around his eyes rather than his mouth. He quickly stepped aside, ushering me into his apartment for the second time. He leaned against the now closed door and watched me kick my shoes off.

“You’re quiet,” I observed, standing up and straightening my shorts.

“I’m glad you came,” he smiled, truly smiled, now, “and I’m thinking about giving you a key.”

I frowned, “that’s a bit much.”

“Not right now,” he quickly clarified. “I mean in the future. Like a fantasy.”

His ears started tinting red as he explained.

It was cute.

“That’s a very domestic fantasy,” I teased him.

“Mm,” he nodded. After a beat, he took my hand and pulled me into the kitchen, “come on. I’ll make you some ramyun to eat.”

-----

Johnny poked her head into the kitchen, no doubt drawn by the sounds and smells of cooking.

Fortunately, I was able to coax her onto my lap. Nevermind what I, or anyone else might, think about me - as long as animals still liked me, I probably wasn't doing too bad.

Johnny purred under my fingers while I watched Mino cook. I completely understood what he meant about fantasizing about the future. I imagined a month from now, maybe a year from now, what it might be like if everything went the way Mino hoped.

Would he still make sure that I ate? He seemed like he was the type that didn't make breakfast for himself, but would make breakfast for me.

I let that idea play out in my mind. Pajama pants, maybe a tank top, ruffled hair…

"Is that okay?" Mino’s voice brought me back to reality.

"What?" I blinked, forcing myself back into the current moment.

"You okay? You seem out of it."

"I was thinking about the future," I smiled up at him, "like a fantasy."

He looked pleased to hear that, but shied away to face his stove again.

"Do you want green onions?"

"Yes," I leaned forward, hunching slightly thanks to Johnny still being on my lap, "you're not going to ask what it was?"

His ears had already been red, but it was spreading to his neck now.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

If not for the cat, I would have stood up and wrapped my arms around his waist while he worked. As it was, I settled for the verbal tease instead.

"I was thinking about you making me breakfast."

Mino went still for a second. He cleared his throat and started working again.

"You're busy in the mornings though."

“Sure, I am now,” I shrugged, “but I won’t be forever.”

-----

We sat in a kind of comfortable silence in his living room. Two sets of dishes sat in front of us, each with differing levels of food in them.

“You know,” I carefully laid my utensils across the little bowl in front of me, “when I first came here, I was warned not to eat ramyun with men.”

Mino choked slightly. Grabbing his cup, he took a second to recover before speaking up.

“That’s not it,” he shook his head, “this is just easy to make. I’ll make pajeon next time.”

“Ah,” I gave an exaggerated pout, running my fingertip over the rim of my own glass of water, “so you weren’t flirting with me.”

My timing was either terrible or perfect.

Mino choked again.

I laughed, reaching over to pat him on the back.

“Sorry, sorry,” I rubbed his back as he downed more water, “I’m being mean.”

“Yes,” he agreed, “you are.”

We fell into silence, the television providing some much needed background noise.

I hadn’t expected to feel awkward with Mino, but here we were. I supposed it was the tension of being in his apartment.

But I had been here just a few days ago. I racked my brain, trying to work out what was different this time.

“Oh fuck,” I inadvertently muttered aloud when it struck me. I rubbed my hand over my face as I worked out that the last time I had been here was before Daesung and I had…

“What’s wrong?” Mino asked.

“Nothing!” I said it too fast, and too high pitched.

“What is it?” He laughed at my nerves.

I shook my head, desperately trying to think of a believable cover story.

“I just remembered that I’m supposed to go out with Seunghyun tonight.”

“Ah,” he sighed, looking more than a little disappointed, “I guess you should probably go then.”

“Yeah,” I mentally cursed myself out for once again self-sabotaging, “I’m really sorry Mino.”

“It’s fine,” he waved dismissively, “it’s your job.”

“Maybe I can get out of it…” I said, lamely.

“No,” he shook his head, “you should go.”

He walked with me into his entryway.

“I really did want to spend some time with you,” I tried to ease the tension as I pulled my shoes on, “I’m really sorry about this.”

“How many times do I have to say that it’s okay?” Mino offered me a tight smile.

I pouted as I stood up.

“Are you mad at me?”

His smile softened, “no.”

“Are you going to kiss me goodbye?”

His eyes immediately dropped to my lips.

“D…” he blinked, clearing his throat, “do you want me to?”

I nodded, still exaggeratedly sulking.

He lifted a hand to my chin, hooking his index finger under my chin and running his thumb over my bottom lip.

“Mi-”

Half his name was all the invitation he needed.

-----

I sat in a small park, just far enough from Mino’s apartment that I figured it wouldn’t raise too many red flags. Sitting on a swing, I pulled my phone out. Trying to ignore the residual adrenaline pulsing through my body, I dialed.

“Yes, my pet?” Daesung answered my call after two rings.

“I’m assuming you’re alone then?”

“Not at all,” I could practically hear his smile, “but that doesn’t matter. Why is my pet calling me? Do you need me?”

I hated him for his confidence. And his timing. And his intuition. And that it was almost always right.

I glanced around, again making sure I was relatively alone before speaking.

“Yes,” I felt my cheeks flush, “I need you Dae.”

The phone was silent for a second, save for some indistinguishable background sounds.

“Okay, I’m alone now,” he finally replied, “I need you to be very clear about what you mean by that, pet.”

“Well,” I stalled, “you mentioned that you also have a car, and that I didn’t need to call Seunghyun.”

“Mmm,” he was clearly being exaggerated in thinking this over, “and how do you think that would make your fiance feel? To have you calling for me?”

“Dae~” I whined.

“Yes, pet?”

“I need a ride,” I paused for a second, weighing the tone that the next words would lend to my sentence, “from you.”

“Where are you?”

I gave him the name of the park I was in.

“That’s a bit out of the way,” he observed.

“I can call Seunghyun if you don’t want to come out,” I offered. It was a genuine offer too. Flirting and teasing was all well and good, but I genuinely didn’t want to be a nuisance. Nor did I want to take a taxi or train.

“Ah,” Daesung laughed, sounding a little self-deprecating, “are you trying to make me jealous?”

“No,” I said, “I just meant th-”

“I’m going to say something,” he interrupted me, “and you need to tell me if it’s okay or not, okay pet?”

“Okay?”

Well color me curious.

“If you call him, I’ll have to punish you,” he paused before emphasizing his last word, “pet.”

I raised a hand, pressing it over my mouth.

What was I supposed to say to that? My heart was beating in double time.

“Luna?” Daesung sounded normal now, “are you okay? Ah… that was too much…”

“No,” I blurted out.

I wasn’t sure whose turn it was to talk, but neither of us did.

“I just…” I thought it over, “are you drunk?”

I felt it was a fair question. His words so far hadn't exactly been slurred, but they had been slower than usual. And he had said that he wasn't alone when he answered the phone. Sure, I didn't know him extremely well, but I didn't think he'd typically call me pet out loud in front of others without some sort of liquid courage.

Daesung laughed, and I could almost see his smile.

“I did have a few drinks,” he admitted, “ah, how could you tell?”

“You didn’t ask permission,” I pointed out, “and you usually hold back a lot.”

“Eh, that is true I guess,” he hummed, “but each drink just made me think of you.”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he assured me, stressing the last vowel in a playfully whining voice. He cleared his throat before continuing, “I just keep remembering your tattoos.”

“Okay,” I dropped any remaining flirtation from my voice, “I am going to call Seunghyun. You shouldn’t be driving right now.”

He clicked his teeth and sighed, “ah, you’re right. I definitely don’t want to take any risks with you in the car.”

“Or in general,” I scolded him, “promise me you won’t drive.”

“Ah, listen to my pet worry over me,” he laughed, “I’ll be fine.”

“Where are you? I’ll come get you myself.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“Kang Daesung!”

There was a beat of silence. I didn't think I had ever raised my voice around Daesung. Not in a serious way at least.

“I’ll send you my location, if it makes you feel better.”

-----

“How do you end up in the most random places?” Seunghyun asked as he walked towards me.

I stood up from the swing and shrugged.

“I get restless. Come on,” I started towards his car, “we have to go get Daesung.”

“Wait,” Seunghyun grasped my hand, stopping me. “Why are we picking up Daesung?”

“Because he’s drunk,” I twisted my hand in his to pull him towards the car, “let’s go.”

“Did he call you or something?” Seunghyun asked as he followed behind me.

“No,” I explained. Now at the car, I pulled the passenger side door open, “I called him for a ride first.”

I sat down and pulled the car door shut behind me.

Through the window, Seunghyun looked confused. He hesitated before circling around the car and getting in.

“Sorry,” he started as he got into the driver’s seat, “why did you call Daesung?”

“I called him for a ride home,” I explained slowly, tapping at my phone to pull up Daesung’s location, “but he was drunk. So,” I settled my phone into the holder on Seunghyun’s dashboard, navigation now up and running, “we have to go get him so he doesn’t drive.”

“This is why I want to marry you,” Seunghyun mumbled, leaning over to pull my seatbelt on, “as annoying as it is.”

“Can you not?” I complained.

“I’m just saying that I admire how much you care about other people.”

"I was talking about that seatbelt move," I muttered, "acting like a Lee Minho character or something."

-----

“Ah, here comes my…” Daesung trailed off slightly, eyes sliding past me. No doubt he was seeing Seunghyun walk behind me.

“... pet,” he finished, a bit over emphatically.

I gave polite nods to the small group that he was with, vaguely recognizing a few of them, but not wanting to get caught up in introductions or anything like that.

“Daesung, we should go,” I tried to sound politely insistent.

“I am really not as drunk as you think,” he protested.

“Even so,” I argued, “I’m not leaving without you.”

A relaxed smile spread across his face when I said that.

“Ah,” he raised a hand, pushing my hair away from my face, “my pet…”

“That’s enough Daesung,” Seunghyun stepped forward.

He didn’t touch either me or Daesung, but somehow his presence was large enough to make Daesung’s hand drop.

The vibes were immediately absolutely atrocious.

Turning slightly, I resisted the sudden urge to put a hand on Seunghyun’s chest.

“Why don’t you wait in the car?”

His jaw tensed, and his cheek contorted as he bit it. His annoyance was obvious as he looked down at me, considering my request.

“I’ll bring him out,” I reassured him, “it will just be a minute.”

“You’re too nice to make it quick,” Seunghyun said, as quietly as he could.

I smiled up at him, trying to put on a cocky face.

“Trust me,” I nodded encouragingly, “I’ve surprised you before.”

His eyes lifted to where I assumed Daesung was behind me.

“Just hurry up.”

With that he turned and left.

“Woah,” Daesung voiced his approval, “that was impressive.”

I turned and fixed him with an unamused look.

“We’re leaving,” I turned to face the others, “I don’t mean to be rude, but I need to make sure he gets back.”

“That’s perfectly alright,” one of his friends waved off my pseudo-apology, “better safe than sorry.”

“Exactly,” I agreed, turning back to Daesung. I held my hand out, “now let’s leave.”

“This is totally unnecessary,” Daesung protested. He took my hand anyway.

I didn’t bother arguing, instead clasping my fingers around his and starting towards the exit.

“Yah, wait, wait,” he argued, “just slow down a second.”

Recognizing his tone, I stopped, turning to face him.

“Permission denied.”

“I…” he looked entirely taken aback. He shook his head, clearly in disbelief, “okay. Um… are you angry with me?”

“We can talk later.”

With that, I gripped his hand tighter and pulled him out to Seunghyun’s car.

-----

The drive back was silent. Still, somehow, despite the tension, I managed to fall asleep.

"Luna?"

A hand on my leg was gently shaking me awake.

I rubbed my face where it had been pressed against the glass of the window.

"Hmm?"

"We're here," Seunghyun said, "do you want a hand?"

"No," I brushed him off, "I'm fine."

I could hear Seunghyun saying something else while I got out of the car, but I didn't pay attention or process it. I was, once again, not interested in spending much more time with any of my assigned suitors.

Not waiting for either of the men in the car, I entered the house as quickly as I could. I still tried to not be obvious that I was upset though. If anyone picked up that scent, I knew I'd be forced into at least one conversation.

No such luck.

"You're back," Taeyang greeted me as I walked through the living room.

"Mm," I noncommittally hummed in response, still trying to get to my room without much interaction.

"Where…" his eyebrows dipped, "what's wrong?"

"It's nothing," I kept walking, "don't worry about it."

He did not not worry about it. Instead, he stood up and trailed after me.

"Come on Luna," he pressed me, "if I can tell something is wrong, then something is definitely wrong."

I couldn't help but laugh as I unlocked my door.

"You're not wrong," I admitted. Entering my room, I turned to face one of the two men I felt one hundred percent sure did not want anything from me.

"It's been a long day, and…" I paused, listening to the sounds of someone in the kitchen.

"Listen, if you want to hear about it, come in," I stepped back slightly, making space for him to enter if he wanted to. "Otherwise, I'm pretty sure I'm done for today."

"I'm curious," Taeyang admitted, shrugging, "but I think you might benefit from some time alone."

"Cheers."

-----

I stared at my sketchbook, doing absolutely nothing with it.

So I'm not angry.

What was I then? Tired, probably. Annoyed, definitely.

Groaning, I stood up and walked towards the closet. I abandoned my sketchbook on the vanity as I passed by.

Why did it even bother me so much? Besides the obvious driving issue, that is.

Elbow deep in the blue box that held my non-clothing items, I heard a faint knock on my door. Dropping my head, I sighed heavily.

Let him wait.

I finished digging out my laptop before going to my door.

"I'm sorry," Daesung didn't bother with pleasantries, "I wasn't thinking clearly."

"Obviously," I confirmed.

He looked uncomfortable, fidgeting slightly. I caught his eyes flick to the end of the hall, towards the common areas.

I followed his line of sight, but didn't see anything out of place there.

"This is going to sound like bullshit," he started, "but I really could have driven fine."

I bristled at that.

"Daesung, th-"

"I know how that sounds," he interrupted me, "but that's not the point. I should have listened to you anyway."

My shoulders relaxed. I hadn't noticed them rising, but it made sense.

"Yes," I nodded.

"I…" he paused, licking his lips and again checking the hallway, "can I come in?"

He had been a little over the top, but it was a reasonable enough request. My room was probably the most private place in the house.

I huffed, my shoulders dropping all the way to neutral.

"Fine."

Daesung’s face slowly started fading from concern to relief as I stepped back to let him in.

"But behave yourself."

"Of course," he agreed, "I'm still operating under permission denied."

He entered and took a seat on the small chair. I settled onto my mattress, legs crossed.

"I'm going to just explain how I see things," Daesung said, "and you can correct me after, okay?"

"Go ahead," I nodded.

"You called me and," he lowered his head a bit, embarrassed, "I was a little too much. I thought you were receptive to it but," he shook his head, "it's hard to tell sometimes."

"You-" I started.

"I'd prefer to just finish mine first," he cut me off, "if that's okay."

I waved for him to continue, fully understanding wanting to say everything in one go.

"I don't even think that's the important part. I shouldn't have made you worry about me."

I nodded.

"Then you showed up and I was being an asshole."

He took a second to rub a hand over his face.

"I don't even know why!" He shook his head, clearly exasperated with himself.

"I was just so deep in my own bullshit. Then Seunghyun was there and I wanted to bait him a little bit."

"Is that how you usually are when you drink?" I asked, disregarding his request to wait.

"I can't really say no, can I? I was drinking, and I did act like that, right?" He shook his head, finally settling himself enough to meet my eyes, "but not typically."

I nodded again, considering this. It was a good answer, all things considered. Acknowledgement of his behavior tonight, admission of it being out of the norm.

"The main thing that's bothering me is the driving thing," I explained, "one of my earliest relationships ended when he was killed by a drunk driver. So it's a difficult thing for me."

"Luna, I-"

"Stop," I cut him off, "I'm just explaining. We don't need to get into it."

He nodded, waiting for me to continue.

"The flirting, the 'my pet' thing, all of that was relatively fine."

"Except…" he prompted me.

"Except the part about Seunghyun."

Daesung's eyes dropped. His lips parted slightly, and I could see him run his tongue over his teeth.

"Because it's Seunghyun?"

"No. It could have been anyone. The things you say when you're…" I stumbled over the words, trying to find a way to be diplomatic.

"When you’re calling me 'pet', that needs to be private. Because you're not only revealing something about you, you're revealing something about me" I waved my hands, vaguely illustrating my point, "so saying that sort of thing in front of your friends, or in front of Seunghyun," my hand landed on my own chest, "that's disrespectful of my privacy."

He nodded, eyes still down.

"I'm not like that with everyone, and not everyone needs to know about it. I can understand wanting to show off a little bit, but not at my expense."

"I'm sorry. I d-"

"Now," I cut him off again, just slightly raising my voice, "I have to deal with Seunghyun knowing that. Those people you were with? If I ever meet them again, that's the only thing they know about me. At least Seunghyun already knows me. He takes… well he doesn't exactly take me seriously, but he knows that there is more to me than that."

Daesung nodded, redness showing around his ears, nose, and eyes.

"Sorry," I deflated slightly, "I didn't mean to yell."

"You weren't yelling," he sounded hollow.

"Still."

-----

"Why can Daesung call you pet," Seunghyun didn't wait for me to move out of his way, brushing past me to take up his place leaning against my vanity, "but I can't call you yeobo?"

"Seriously?" I shut my door, turning to lean against it before muttering half under my breath, "at least you're doing this in the privacy of my room instead of in front of the others."

"I'm not joking."

Once again, he started fiddling with whatever was within reach. In this case, a tube of Napthol Red.

"Is that the key? If the others are around, you're joking," I flip-flopped my hand as I spoke, "and if they're not, you're not?"

"Sometimes," he placed the paint down and pushed himself off the edge of the furniture, "listen; I admire that you like to be helpful, and that you try to look after people you care about."

He paused, thinking for a moment before gesturing between himself and me.

"I get annoyed by it, because I can never predict what you're going to do next," he shrugged, "but I do admire it."

"What's your point?"

He smiled, mostly to himself, shrugging again before digging his hands into his pockets.

"You are almost everything I want in a partner."

He used the anglicized version of the word partner, lending it a dual meaning that I quickly grasped onto.

"Then let's start a business instead of getting married," I jut my chin out, aiming for defiance, "you can still sponsor my visa that way."

"No," he lifted a hand out of his pocket just to wave it, dismissing my suggestion, "that won't work. You're not cold enough for business."

A familiar feeling started building a strange tension that I felt only in my teeth. I couldn't explain why, but just him saying I couldn't do it made me want to prove him wrong.

Not that I had any way of doing so.

I rubbed the tip of my tongue against my molars, trying to reign myself in before I said something mean.

"Oh," he smiled, one of his shitty ones, perfectly designed to irritate me, "what's with that scary look all the sudden?"

Clicking my tongue against my teeth, I shook my head and changed the subject.

"I'm assuming you have other questions," I shrugged, "or you're here to make some kind of point."

"Alright," he nodded, "I'll try to get to the point without bothering you too much."

"Why change your brand now?" I muttered.

"I'm sorry, but I've done nothing for you to be mad at me tonight," Seunghyun pointed out. "I came and got you, I went and got Daesung," he shook his head, "I might have poked some fun at you, but that's mostly how we communicate anyway. I understand that you're upset for some fucking reason, but I know it's not on me this time."

"I am really fucking tired of you making good points," I groaned. "Fine. I'm sorry."

"Hmm?" he leaned forward, turning his head so one ear was closer to me, "I didn't catch that."

"Don't."

"I just didn't hear what you said," he smiled, pleased with himself.

"Shut up."

"Make me."

Bold words for a man within lunging range.

"If I knew how to make you stop talking, don't you think I would have done it already?"

Seunghyun shook his head, still clearly pleased with himself.

"Back on topic, the point is this: marry me."

I rolled my eyes and shifted from my position. I sat on my bed, legs outstretched in front of me, ankles crossed. Exuding, hopefully, an air of dismissal.

"You know, I'm beginning to think that if I ever did say yes that you wouldn't know what to do next."

"Only one way to find out," he goaded me.

We stared at each other for a moment.

"Anyway," I half shrugged, "if there's nothing else…"

"My lawyer wants to meet with you tomorrow morning."

A switch got flipped. Everything I had been feeling was gone. A heavy sigh escaped me as I pulled out my phone and opened my alarm clock.

"What time?"

Seunghyun said nothing.

I looked up at him, thinking that maybe I hadn't actually said it aloud.

"What time should I se-"

"We should leave by seven am."

The words seemed to burst out of him.

I nodded, turning back to my phone and setting one alarm for 5:30 and another for 6:00.

"Okay," I leaned over and plugged my phone's charger in, "anything else?"

"Are you okay?"

I looked back up at Seunghyun. His brow was furrowed, eyes narrowed, a slight pout tugged at his lips.

I put on a placid smile.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I dropped the smile, "but I should get to sleep."

He still looked concerned, but nodded anyway.

"Alright," he strode to the glass door, "do you mind if I go this way?"

"That's fine. Sleep well."

Seunghyun paused, then shook his head. Sliding the door open, he spoke up.

"Sleep well."