Cui bono?

If I ever got famous (to whatever degree), I would actually be more offended if people didn't write rpf about me than if they did. I'd be searching my name on ao3 and then tweeting like "I'm in 506 works. I'm one of the main characters in only 254 of them. Only 87 are rated E. Can't believe I'm pulling such rookie numbers." I'd be on Instagram posting pictures with like... obvious kink gear in the background trying to get my numbers up. I'd be in interviews like "Yes, obviously I'm in love with (random person I got shipped with), we actually have four dogs together. No, I haven't met them face to face ever, and honestly, I don't even see why that's relevant." I would make an ao3 sockpuppet account and comment on fics. I would drop lines from fics into livestreams.

Desperately trying to pinpoint which computer/laptop/tablet/phone/external harddrive/thumbdrive/sd card/punchcard/knotted cord i stored my fic on so I can work on it while the spirit is still with me

Another main character mental breakdown moment? In my fic? It's more likely than you think.

Desperately trying to pinpoint which computer/laptop/tablet/phone/external harddrive/thumbdrive/sd card/punchcard/knotted cord i stored my fic on so I can work on it while the spirit is still with me

Out here looking like a celestial servant or something

Sayonara you zionist shit

You think you know someone but then you watch them call customer service over an issue and see the light of humanity leave their eyes as they tell the ai agent "customer service or I will kill myself"

Someone remind me to dig into these once my research paper is a little more done