#dr:ds

When had I opened my blinds? Why was the sun shining so entirely directly onto my bed? What sort of evil madmind had designed this room? Madmind? Sure, that sounds like a thing.

I was annoyed, and felt the need to share my annoyance. Lifting my phone I snapped a quick picture of the window.

To: Hugeboy [image]

To: Hugeboy Who the fuck set the dorms up like this?

I knew that I wasn’t going to be able to get back to sleep. After taking a moment to brace myself against the long day ahead, I forced myself to get up, get showered, and get dressed.

I trekked through the debris of the night before, scratching my head. When had Daesung even left last night?

Unfortunately, due to the move, I had no coffee immediately available. I tucked my damp hair back under a baseball cap and covered my face with the black mask I had never gotten around to returning to Jiyong. After making sure I had the new keyfob for the dorms as well as my phone, I headed out and looked up the nearest coffee shop.

I slumped over a table and sucked down iced americano through a straw. It was disgustingly bitter and awful, but somehow felt like exactly the right thing to be drinking.

From: Hugeboy Haha! Gotta get the trainees to wake up somehow I guess.

To: Hugeboy I figured that guilt trips and desperation would do that?

From: Hugeboy Point taken.

From: Hugeboy Are you mad at Zico?

From: Hugeboy Not that I care or anything |x･`)

To: Hugeboy Mad? More like… tired. That whole Woo introduction thing seemed more like some kind of weird flex than a genuine attempt at helping.

From: Hugeboy RIGHT!? He could have just asked his questions and moved on. There was no point in introducing you two and interrupting your time with… your friend?

To: Hugeboy Jihyun?

From: Hugeboy Yes!

From: Hugeboy I mean I would have liked to dance with you, but you two seemed to be catching up and I didn’t want to be a pain ⁄(⁄ ⁄•⁄-⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄

I laughed out loud at his choice of emoticons. I typed up half a reply when my phone started ringing.

“Chul?”

“We’re meeting in the entry in half an hour. Dress comfortably.”

“Hmm…” I was already dressed pretty comfortably, so no issues there. “We wouldn’t happen to be going to an amusement park today, would we?”

“I can neither confirm nor deny that,” Chul laughed, and I could practically see him shaking his head.

“Hey, if you pushed me into bowling yesterday for nothing…”

“Alright, alright… just make sure you bring sunscreen this time.”

“Okay,” I nodded, “I’ll be back in no time.”

“Back?”

“Mhm, I went for some coffee. I’m like a three minute walk away.”

“Okay, see you soon.”

“I thought you didn’t like coffee.”

I shot a finger gun at Jiyong without taking the straw on what turned out to be my third iced coffee of the morning out of my mouth. Finishing my sip I answered, “Sometimes you just gotta do stuff you don’t like. You know. For your health or something.”

“Long night?”

I resisted the urge to delve into his tone of voice.

“Not really, just woke up super early.”

“Ayyyy,” I looked over to see Daesung walking up with a coffee in hand. He shook it, showing off the swirl of milk and coffee in the cup, “I should have called you.”

“Next time.”

“Yeah,” he hefted himself to sit on the retaining wall of the garden outside the dorm entry, “Just us so far?”

“We’ve got a little bit still,” Jiyong replied after checking his watch. “Ah, should I go grab a coffee too?”

“This one’s just around the corner,” I waved my cup towards the shop I had gone to. “You could be there and back in less than ten minutes.”

Jiyong checked his watch again. After some quick mental calculations he nodded and headed off. “I’ll be back.”

By the time he returned, Daesung and I had been joined by Seungri and Seunghyun. I was standing between Daesung’s legs, facing the street as he tried to work out how to braid the top section of my hair.

“Okay, I think I got it. Hair tie?”

I handed him the little rubber circle I had kept looped over my thumb, “How dumb do I look?”

“First of all, you always look fine.”

I spotted Seunghyun roll his eyes at that.

“Secondly,” Daesung continued, “I think this works. It shows off the colors better to have the white out of the way.”

“I thought the white was part of the effect,” Jiyong settled to lean against the wall next to Daesung and I.

I shrugged, pulling up my messages on my phone. I had just realized that I had never actually sent my response to Mino earlier.

To: Hugeboy It wouldn’t have been a pain. But it was nice to be normal for a little while.

I spotted a notification on Facebook messenger. I had missed a call.

The boys were talking about something or other, but I didn’t pay attention as I quickly looked up the time difference.

“Give me a second,” I excused myself from the immediate area around the boys.

I gave myself a good ten feet before calling back.

“Hey, you called me?”

“Yeah, but I hung up because I realized it was like 4am there.”

“Fair. What’s up?”

“Just checking up on you. I was surprised by your call the other day.”

“Eh, things have been kind of weird.”

“You said that, but you didn’t explain anything.”

“You’re doing interesting stuff. I just wanted to hear about how things were back home.”

“You’ve been to Philadelphia once.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Luna! The van!”

I looked over to the boys, noting that we were still missing one.

“I’ll be there in just a second.”

“Hurry up,” Daesung whined.

“We’re still waiting for Taeyang anyway,” I pointed out. “Just give me a minute.”

“Are you busy?”

“We’re about to go do something, but we’re waiting for one more so it’s fine.”

“Who’s we? That sounded like a guy. I thought you broke up with that mama’s boy.”

“Oof, don’t remind me. It’s for… my job I guess? It’s hard to explain.”

“Mysterious. What are you doing over there now anyway?”

“I guess I’m…” I looked at the guys milling about the van, “...working in entertainment.”

“Huh… well that’s new.”

“Yeah. Hey, you said you’re still doing brochures right?”

I spotted Taeyang come out of the building. Time was up. I headed back towards the van.

“I’m trying to focus on web design right now, but the print jobs pay the bills.”

“Then why are you still in Philly? You could do that anywhere.”

“I was visiting Josh and just kind of stayed.”

“Alright,” I paused outside of the van, “well I gotta go. You should come visit sometime though.”

“What if I end up staying?”

“Somehow I don’t think that would happen. See you.”

“We took bets on what we’re doing today,” Seunghyun said as I settled into my seat. I turned sideways to look back at him, Seungri, and Jiyong crammed into the back seat.

“What did everyone say so far?”

“Bungee jumping,” Seungri raised his hand.

“Botanical gardens,” Jiyong replied.

“Something in the woods,” Daesung said, “It seems to be the trend, right?”

“Which is why I said interviews or another show,” Taeyang piped up.

I nodded, not wanting to tip my hand. “What about you Seunghyun?”

“Namsan Tower,” Seunghyun stretched his shoulders a bit and sat back with a satisfied look on his face, “What do you think?”

I took a second to pretend to think it over.

“I think it will be an amusement park,” I shrugged, “What are we betting?”

“We were going to bet ₩100,000 each,” Seunghyun cocked an eyebrow as he said it, “You want me to cover yours?”

“I think I’ll be fine.”

A chuckle came from the front of the car. I made a mental note to split my winnings with Chul.

“So,” I turned in my seat to smile at Seunghyun, “Do you want to pay me now, or later?”

Seunghyun clicked his teeth, a satisfying sign of annoyance.

“I’ll text it to you.”

“Here,” Taeyang pressed a couple of bills into my hand before turning and exiting the other side of the van.

Daesung shot me a look, but I just shrugged. Taeyang and I being on less than friendly terms was normal by now.

However, Daesung made a point to pull me aside as the other three scrambled out from the back seat.

“You know it’s his week starting tomorrow.”

“I know,” I watched Seunghyun possibly accidentally trip Seungri, “But what am I supposed to do about that?”

“You should plan it. Not having plans worked for us, but with him I think it will be better to have it set up in advance.”

I nodded, trying to not watch Jiyong as he stretched. His shirt rode up just slightly, and for a second I thought I could smell his soap.

I turned to smile at Daesung. I looped my arm through his, “What should we do first?”

“Phones!” Chul called out. He was holding a little plastic basket.

I sighed, but actually welcomed the disconnection from the little message slab for a while. After shutting off my phone and dropping it into the basket with a nod to Chul, I allowed myself a moment to space out and consider the general state of my life regarding the show at the moment.

Clearly, Seungri was out of the question. Daesung was fun and comfortable, but I wasn’t necessarily romantically interested in him. If anything, he was the perfect kind of friend with benefits type.

I chuckled at the thought.

“What’s so funny?”

I looked up to meet Seunghyun’s eyes.

Now there was an idea. I could just imagine the surprise if I chose him at the end. It’d definitely be a joke decision. The ratings and responses though...

He lifted his eyebrows, getting impatient with my lack of an answer.

“Don’t worry about it,” I shifted my bag to be higher on my shoulder, “Nothing to do with you.”

We got our day passes and headed in. Daesung was back on my arm, making suggestions for rides. The rest of the boys followed along, protesting or agreeing to rides.

Through some back and forth we decided to start on the Magic Island and then work our way from 1F to 4F.

Several rounds of spinning, dropping, swinging, and speeding later I excused myself from another go around on the giant loop. I waved off the boys to the best of my ability, saying I would just go find a bathroom and meet them at the exit of the ride.

I instead flagged down Chul.

“Do you think they sell painkillers around here?”

“Are you hurt?” Chul lowered his camera a bit so he could take a clear look at me.

“I’m not injured. I just,” I gestured vaguely at the rides, “It’s a headache.”

Chul quickly led me to a bench and left me with his camera while he went off in search of something to help.

I leaned forward, propping my elbows on my knees and my face on one of my hands. Conscientiously, I kept my free hand resting on the camera I had been left in charge of. I felt sure that I could feel my pulse in my eyelids.

I realized that for the first time in a while, I was well and truly alone. I didn’t even have my phone on me. I was just by myself, on a bench, with a now pounding headache, with no way of contacting anyone. I was, at this precise moment, completely dependent on Chul coming back or being found by one of the boys.

I could feel myself beginning to panic. The idea of subdural hematomas popped into my mind. What if the jerking of the rides had popped a blood vessel? Was my brain bleeding right now?

I leaned back, keeping my eyes shut and started counting my breaths. I hadn’t had a panic attack in years, I was definitely not going to have one now.

My body had a different opinion. I felt the waves of heat and cooling that I knew was my body revving up into an attack. With it came the first wave of nausea.

I quickly opened my eyes and frantically looked around for anyone familiar. I would have settled for any of the film staff, even the ones I didn’t know the names of. Of course we had only had three with us today, and the other two were probably over by the ride still.

I blinked furiously, trying to focus. I didn’t see anyone that I knew, but I did spot the sign for a bathroom.

Good enough.

I stood, took a step, but turned back. I couldn’t just leave the camera here. I also couldn’t go into the bathroom with it.

Given my options, I did what seemed like the most sensible thing.

Grabbing the camera, I got the attention of what was probably some poor teen dressed as a white bear.

“I’m very sorry, but would you hold this for a moment?”

The bear just looked at me.

“I can’t bring it in there,” I gestured to the bathrooms. I was desperate, but somehow having this to focus seemed to be helping a little bit.

The bear lifted a paw and moved it’s head a bit, probably adjusting so that they could see better.

“Please.”

I was either urgent or pitiful enough that the bear nodded and held their hands out.

“Thank you!” I called out as I darted.

After what might have been the most embarrassing three minutes I’d spent in a public bathroom in the last six months, I was still not feeling great. At least I was free of coffee and the little snacks that Jiyong had insisted we get back at Barcelona Square. I was also incredibly thankful to myself for keeping mints in my bag. I wasn’t sure how long they had been in there, but at least they were there.

I allowed myself an extra second to try to make my body stop thinking that I was either dying or dead.

“Luna?” Chul’s voice echoed slightly through the entry.

“Just a minute,” I called back.

“Are you okay?”

I didn’t answer, as I was currently rinsing my mouth out again with tap water.

When I exited the bathroom I was greeted by a very concerned looking Chul, and a white bear holding the camera.

I waved the bear closer and bowed, “Thank you.”

The bear nodded, then gestured to Chul.

“What? Oh,” I nodded, “Yeah, we’re together. It’s fine.”

The bear handed the camera to Chul with a bow before giving me a sort of muffled “you okay?” gesture.

“Yes, thank you. I’m sorry.”

The bear did a gesture that seemed to indicate that it was okay.

“Why did you run off?” Chul sat next to me on the bench now, “The bear wouldn’t give me my camera back.”

“Sorry,” I took a second to swallow the pills and water he had brought for me. “I just felt very sick all the sudden.”

Chul leaned forward. He placed one hand on my forehead, and the other against my neck. After a second he sat back and frowned.

“How do you feel? I think you may be sick.”

“I’ll be fine. It was just a headache from the rides,” I waved off his concerns and sipped the water again.

Chul chewed his lip and watched me closely.

“You don’t seem okay. We could go if you want.”

“No,” I protested, “It’s just… I started panicking.”

“Oh!” Chul’s entire demeanour changed in an instant. “That,” he started digging in his gear bag, “I can handle that. Here.”

He held out a small capsule. It was half white and half a blue-ish color.

“Is that…”

“It’s for panic attacks. Take it.” He dropped the capsule into my hand.

It looked fairly similar to the pills I had taken back home. I looked up at Chul, considering the circumstances. I took a deep breath, but paused before asking the obvious question.

“Why do you have this?”

He gave me a look as if it was obvious why he would have anti-anxiety medication in his bag.

After a brief confused staring match he shook his head, “Plenty of people get anxious on camera.”

“Yeah, that’s not really an answer.”

“You would be surprised how many famous people have anxiety disorders. Most production staff have these on hand.”

I shook my head slightly, doing a double take between Chul and the capsule sitting in my palm.

“Okay…” I quickly swallowed it with the rest of the water in the bottle, “The guys can’t know about this.”

“Absolutely. Now, just come here a bit.”

I obediently sat forward, letting Chul check my pulse every now and then.

After a couple of minutes he took my face in his hands and gave me a serious look over.

“Okay,” he nodded, “Alright. I think you’re okay. Do you feel okay?”

I nodded, feeling silly with his hands slightly scrunching my face.

“Good,” he finally let go and sat back, “Now what should we tell the boys?”

“Uh… we’ll just tell them that the rides made me sick and I needed to sit and relax for a while.”

Chul nodded, “Sounds good. Let’s go.”

“There you are!” Daesung broke into a slight jog to meet me when one of the camera operators pointed out Chul and my approach.

“I was just a little sick from some of the rides,” I explained lamely.

Seunghyun brushed Daesung aside and took my chin in his hand. He inspected my face.

“Can you not?” I pushed his hand away.

“You look pale,” he stated simply.

“I’m always pale,” I pointed out.

That drew a smirk from Taeyang and Jiyong. Seunghyun just looked unamused and moved off to stand aside.

“Okay, well, Seungri wanted to go on the French Revolution coaster, but we could go on the monorail or something a bit slower if you want,” Daesung suggested.

“You guys can go on whatever you want,” I protested, “I can just wait with the staff.”

“Why aren’t you going on with them?”

“I’m too old for these kinds of rides,” Seunghyun said impassively. He stood with his hands clasped behind his back, calmly watching the boys wait in line for another roller coaster.

We stood side by side in silence for a moment.

“Let’s go on the balloon ride.”

“Sounds good,” Seunghyun offered me his hand, eyes still forward.

I instead tucked my arm through his, “Lead the way.”

“Rides like this are actually my favorite,” I said, just barely leaning over to watch the park below us.

“Why’s that?”

“I like being tall or high up, and I like watching people without being watched.”

I heard a chuckle behind me and turned to see Chul shaking his head.

“Well,” I gave the camera a small bow, “to an extent anyway.”

“Ah,” Seunghyun sighed, shaking his head, “You were doing so well with not acknowledging the cameras too.”

“I don’t want to be rude. It’s not like Chul is a ghost.”

“You just have to be friends with everyone, don’t you?”

“It’s better than being rude,” I shrugged and turned back to watch the park below us.

“What if someone doesn’t want to be friends with you?”

“You can just say Taeyang,” I laughed, not looking up.

I heard Seunghyun laugh once before going silent.

For once, I wasn’t the one that had to fill the silence.

I heard some soft talking behind me, but since he clearly wasn’t addressing me I ignored it until I felt a hand on my shoulder.

I turned to look up at Seunghyun. He nodded slightly towards Chul. I saw that the camera operator had put down his now off camera and put some headphones into his ears.

“Wha-”

Seunghyun shook his head, and quickly lifted the side of my shirt to turn off my mic, “Okay.”

“What’s up?”

“Are you okay?”

I tilted my head, not sure what he was actually asking.

“Earlier. You were gone for a while.”

“Ah, well, you see the thing is…” I fumbled over my words, trying to work out the pros and cons of telling Seunghyun what had really happened.

“You just seemed a little shaken up when you got back.”

I rubbed my neck, trying to work out how to explain what had happened.

“Well… it started from the rides. I just had a really bad headache at first.”

Seunghyun just waited quietly.

“And you know how something might get stuck in your mind, and you know it’s stupid,” I found myself gesturing more and more as I spoke, “But you can’t not think about it, and you get convinced that something is really seriously wrong, even though if you take two seconds to really think about it you know that everything is fine.”

“But you’re not truly convinced.”

I nodded, turning back to face the edge of the basket.

“Yeah. I just…” I clicked my teeth.

“You panicked.”

“Yeah.”

I felt his arm loop over my shoulders, giving me a slight squeeze before settling to rub between my shoulders lightly.

“I know exactly what you mean.”

I let out a half-laugh, “You? Mr. Composure?”

“Yes.”

“I wouldn’t expect that,” I tilted my head, “But I guess it kind of makes sense in a way.”

“What makes you say that?”

“You’re a little robotic sometimes,” I shrugged, “I could see that being a coping mechanism.”

Seunghyun dropped his hand from it’s comforting position and turned to lean back against the railing on the basket. He crossed his arms and gave me another one of his serious inspections.

“What?”

He blinked slowly a few times before smiling.

“You’ve got an interesting brain. Come on,” he stepped forward and tapped Chul on the shoulder, “We should get back to the show.”

We had essentially made two full loops of the park, and the sun was beginning to tinge the sky slightly orange when we finally packed it in for the day.

“No competition or anything today,” I commented as we piled into the van, “I expected, I don’t know, something.”

“Shhhh,” Jiyong hushed me, patting my knee as he leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes, “Don’t remind them.”

“Should we get dinner?” Daesung asked nobody in particular.

“Should we go out? Or order in?” Taeyang seemed on board.

“The dorms aren’t really big enough,” Jiyong pointed out.

“Actually,” Chul called from the front of the van, “We’re not going back to the dorms.”

Six previously lazy heads jerked up in attention.

“We moved your stuff while we were out. We found another place for you to stay.”

I glanced at Jiyong, surprised more that he was surprised than by the move itself.

“Where?”

We all sort of just… took it in. I crossed my arms and just tried to wrap my head around the situation in front of me. I gestured with one hand, thinking that I was ready to say something, but the words evaporated in my throat before I could get them out. Defeated, I rested my hand on my face.

Daesung and Seungri kept flexing and relaxing their hands, apparently both struck with the same inability to articulate themselves that I was suffering. Taeyang was just resting his face in both of his hands, shaking his head slightly. Seunghyun had one hand on his forehead, his eyes wide but not quite looking at anything in particular. Jiyong stood with one hand on his hip and the other resting against his lips.

If this shot didn’t make it into the show, I would personally try to get every single editor fired.

“Should we go inside?” Chul asked cheerfully.

I reached a hand out and took a hold of Chul’s wrist, “I honestly don’t know.”

That seemed to shake the life back into the boys, who started sputtering vague responses and heading towards the house in front of us.

The house itself was giant. Chul explained that the actor who owned it was trying to sell it, but had agreed to rent it to the studio at a pretty reasonable price.

“I feel like I’ve seen a drama filmed here or something,” I muttered, staring at the living room.

“Right?” Taeyang, being the next to get his shoes off, took a place next to me.

“This is ridiculous,” I turned to face him, “Right?”

“Yes,” he agreed emphatically, “Definitely.”

“Same page club,” I held up a hand for a fist bump, turning back to just take in the massive space.

I was caught nearly completely off guard when Taeyang actually completed the gesture.

“House meeting!” Jiyong called out, making me jump slightly.

“We’re right here,” I pointed out.

Jiyong gestured towards the sliding door. I looked and saw that Seungri was outside, inspecting the patio.

“Okay, but…”

This time he nodded towards the stairs, where Daesung was now walking down.

“Fine.”

“So I think it’s only fair we give Luna the first choice of rooms,” Jiyong started the meeting.

“I haven’t even seen anything other than the living room and kitchen yet.”

“Then go take a look,” Daesung gestured towards the rest of the house, “We can wait for five minutes.”

I stared at the boys for a moment before just shaking my head and going off to get a better idea of what we were dealing with.

It only took me about two minutes to come back.

“Okay, not to be greedy but I want the main bedroom in the back of the house.”

“That’s the master bedroom?” Seunghyun asked.

“Yes,” I nodded, “It has a connected bathroom and uh,” I shot finger guns around the group, “I’m not super into the idea of sharing bathrooms with all of you.” I ended with a shrug.

That got a few nods out of the boys.

“That makes sense,” Taeyang agreed, “We’ve all lived with each other before, so it’s not really a big deal, right?”

Everyone seemed fine with that arrangement, so we moved on.

“Okay,” Jiyong took over again, “There’s one more bedroom on this floor. I think we should discuss this so we can work out something that everyone is comfortable with. Does anyone volunteer to stay on the second floor?”

Taeyang and Seungri raised their hands instantly, followed a little slower by Daesung.

“Great,” Jiyong turned to face me, “Luna, do you have a preference between Seunghyun and I taking the second downstairs bedroom?”

I froze for a second, eyes darting between the two of them.

“Uh… I…” I rubbed my fingertips together, carefully choosing my next words.

“I would actually prefer Taeyang I think.”

Taeyang furrowed his brows, looking at me like he wasn’t sure he had heard me correctly.

“Well we’re not very close,” I quickly explained, gesturing a little wildly between the two of us, “And he and I, obviously… I mean…”

Seunghyun looked like he was barely holding back laughter. He was delighted, leaning back on the sofa and staring at me intently.

Jiyong’s lips were pursed, eyebrows knit together as he waited for me to piece together what I was trying to say.

Seungri just shrugged, tossing his hands in the air. He stood and headed towards the stairs.

“I’m gonna go check out the upstairs rooms.”

Daesung just sat, one hand on his cheek, looking like he was watching an intense drama.

I looked at the four remaining men, mouth still open from not finishing my sentence. I finally sighed, shook my head, and clicked my tongue against my teeth.

“I mean we’re obviously not going to fall for each other. Like, we all know that. I don’t see why I shouldn’t just say it.”

“Actually, yeah,” Taeyang nodded, pointing to me with a thumb as he addressed the other three, “She’s right. I’m the safest option.”

I clapped my hands and held my arms to point to Taeyang and nodded.

“Precisely. Great,” I realized I was gesturing with my arms more than usual, but couldn’t stop myself. It was like I was trying to sweep away the awkwardness with my hands, “Good meeting. Let’s all get settled in and we can order dinner in…” I checked my watch, slowly backing out of the room, “Does forty minutes sound good? Good. Great.”

With a final snap and finger guns, I darted down the hallway to the master bedroom.

A couple minutes later there was a knock at my door. I cringed before opening it slightly.

Luckily, I was confronted only with blue boxes and Chul.

“Oh, sorry,” I backed up, letting him through, “Let me help. Where are the rest of them?”

“They didn’t label them, so it might be easier to let us move them.”

“I guess I’ll just start unpacking.”

I did exactly that while Chul kept coming in and out with boxes. There weren’t that many of them, so it wasn’t a difficult task.

Chul had set up his camera on the dresser, recording me just moving around and putting things away.

“You all set?” Chul stood in the doorway.

“Almost, I just have the one box left,” I gestured to the last box, “I didn’t much think I should put my underwear away on camera.”

Chul laughed and quickly gathered up his camera, turning it off.

“Have you seen that closet by the way?” I gestured towards the space next to the bathroom, “I’ve got about two thirds of my entire wardrobe in there and it’s not even a quarter full.”

Chul poked his head into the closet.

“Who needs this much space?” He shook his head in disbelief.

“I mean,” I was quickly tucking my underwear away while he was distracted by the closet, “I’ll take it. I’d rather have too much space than not enough I guess. The bathroom is ridiculous too.”

I heard Chul swear as he looked into the bathroom.

“Right?”

While there was technically a dining room, the boys and I ended up sprawling across the living room to eat.

“Should we set up some house rules?” Jiyong asked.

I shot him a disgusted look, “Excuse me? Are we children?”

“I just meant things like no noise aft-”

“I think everyone here owns at least one pair of headphones,” Seunghyun interrupted him.

“Okay, but what if two or more are hanging out together?”

“I think, personally, if I’m going to hang out with someone who isn’t one of you all I’m not going to be doing it here,” I pointed out. “If I want to meet up with Soo-Ah or something I’ll just go to them.”

“Okay,” Jiyong seemed annoyed that all of his suggestions were being shot down, “Dishes?”

“Do your own,” Daesung said, “Obviously.”

“Visitors?”

“I like Luna’s idea,” Taeyang shrugged, “Go to them. There’s already too many people in this house.”

Jiyong sighed and leaned against the armrest of the sofa, looking over the five of us like a weary mother.

“Okay, I… yeah you guys are adults.”

“Right,” I nodded, “And if something comes up I’m pretty sure we can work it out like adults.”

I sprawled out as much as humanly possible on the giant bed. This, and the private exit to the yard, were the real draws of this room. I basically had a private entry, since I could lock my bedroom door from the inside, and the sliding glass door from either side.

Letting my head hang slightly off the edge of the bed I did the one thing I had been avoiding since leaving the amusement park.

As soon as the start-up process was done, I was inundated by alerts on my phone.

From: Sooooo AH! He sent flowers to my shop!!!

From: Sooooo AH! Look at this!!!

From: Sooooo AH! [image]

The picture showed a fairly modest flower arrangement. Somehow, probably due to Soo-Ah’s use of exclamation points, I had expected something much more. But the arrangement was nice. It showcased a nice combination of orange and blue blossoms.

From: Sooooo AH! He sent a note too.

From: Sooooo AH! I don’t want to show it to you though. It’s so greasy.

I smiled. I knew that Soo-Ah was probably loving this. She acted cynical, but she was actually very soft-hearted.

I switched conversations.

From: Hugeboy Maybe I should have then.

From: Hugeboy But it was also nice to just watch you.

From: Hugeboy NOT IN A CREEPY WAYヽ(ﾟДﾟ)ﾉ

From: Hugeboy I just mean you looked like you were having fun for once and it was nice to see you smiling and dancing with your friend

From: Hugeboy And I didn’t want to ruin the moment because I haven’t seen you look that relaxed before so I just… watched you instead…

From: Hugeboy Fuck that sounds really creepy, doesn’t it?

From: Hugeboy I was just trying to be nice  ( ˃̣̣̥Д˂̣̣̥ )

From: Hugeboy I really hope you’re just busy right now and haven’t decided that I’m some kind of weirdo

I couldn’t help but giggle at Mino’s overreaction to his own words.

To: Hugeboy You worry too much. I just had filming literally all day.

To: Hugeboy I don’t think you’re a creep.

To: Hugeboy That was actually really sweet.

To: Hugeboy By the way, I’m not at the dorms anymore. We got moved today.

Waiting for some sort of response I flipped back to my inbox. And there it was, of course.

From: Zico It’s not really my place to say anything about Jiyong

From: Zico What the fuck can you please text Mino? I just got a text from P.O asking who you are why Mino is complaining

From: Zico I’m used to having him whine but if he’s texting P.O he is seriously worried

From: Zico What did you do to him?

I stared at the messages, somewhat tickled by the complete turn-about in attitude between the first and second.

To: Zico I didn’t do anything to him. I just had to give up my phone again today.

To: Zico Also, Daesung kind of explained, but not really.

To: Zico He explained enough to make me lose interest, if I’m honest.

My phone chimed, and I switched back to a more important conversation.

From: Hugeboy I wasn’t that worried

From: Hugeboy Where are you staying now?

To: Hugeboy We moved to a house… I think we’re technically in Itaewon.

From: Hugeboy Fancy!

I waited a second to let him process what I had said. He did not disappoint.

From: Hugeboy WAIT

From: Hugeboy You’re all in one house?!

From: Hugeboy Why would they do that? That’s ridiculous. You’re just living with five men? What?

To: Hugeboy Relax. It’s Taeyang and I on the first floor, and the rest upstairs.

To: Hugeboy Plus my room is really fucking nice.

To: Hugeboy Look at this

I stood up and took a quick video of the room, complete with narration of how I could lock everyone out, the closet being too big, and the private entry. I sent the video to Mino and simply waited.

Surprisingly, the next message wasn’t from Mino.

From: Zico Well could you text Mino and let him know that you haven’t decided to hate him before you have to give up your phone next time or something?

To: Zico Why? It’s kind of fun to watch him freak out in my texts.

From: Zico You are evil. I can appreciate that.

From: Zico But he is driving me, and probably everyone else, insane.

My phone had chimed, and Mino’s nickname had popped up at the top of my screen. I tapped on it, ignoring Zico’s complaining.

From: Hugeboy Okay I guess that’s not too bad.

From: Hugeboy Is Seungri staying there? That’s…

From: Hugeboy How do you feel about the arrangement?

To: Hugeboy Trying not to think about that part. But the door locks, so that’s all I really need, right?

From: Hugeboy I guess…

From: Hugeboy By the way…

From: Hugeboy I like your pajamas.

To: Hugeboy ??????

From: Hugeboy [image]

The picture was obviously a screenshot from the video I had sent him. I hadn’t thought anything of the tour video, but there I was in the mirror. Patterned shorts and matching button up, bottom three buttons undone.

To: Hugeboy Ah. Not too matchy-matchy? It makes me think of the kind of stuff Anderson Paak wears at his concerts.

From: Hugeboy No. It’s pretty.

From: Hugeboy You’re pretty.

I blinked. My stomach fluttered slightly. I looked up from where I had sat on my bed and was greeted by my reflection in the vanity mirror.

I considered my reflection for a moment. I raised my left hand to rest my face on my palm and snapped a quick picture.

To: Hugeboy [image]

To: Hugeboy You really think so?

There was a pause in the conversation, then…

From: Hugeboy You should probably go to bed, right?

From: Hugeboy You had a long day.

I chuckled and quickly took another picture in the mirror, this time pouting into the lense.

To: Hugeboy [image]

To: Hugeboy You didn’t answer my question

The typing bubble popped up, then down. It repeated the cycle. Finally…

From: Hugeboy You’re pretty and it’s annoying

From: Hugeboy Any other situation and I would set one of those as my home-screen

From: Hugeboy But you’re in this show and we can’t date or anything and honestly I’m just really... 

From: Hugeboy Annoyed

Zico might have a point. Maybe I could try to be a little kinder to the poor boy.

To: Hugeboy I’m sorry.

To: Hugeboy I didn’t think of that. I should be mindful of your feelings.

From: Hugeboy No, you shouldn’t.

From: Hugeboy You should never think of my feelings if it will stop you from sending me pictures

From: Hugeboy You should send me whatever you feel like

To: Hugeboy Go to bed, you’re getting silly.

From: Hugeboy You’re probably right…

From: Hugeboy But where in Itaewon did you say you were?

To: Hugeboy Why?

From: Hugeboy Well you have that private door, right?

To: Hugeboy What are you suggesting?

From: Hugeboy We could hang out

From: Hugeboy Not right now, obviously. That would be extremely inappropriate

From: Hugeboy But some other time

To: Hugeboy Go to bed

To: Hugeboy Goodnight Mino

From: Hugeboy Goodnight ＿ﾉ乙(､ﾝ､)_

I laid back on my new bed and thought over the conversation with Mino. Why had I sent those pictures? I was playing with fire right now.

On the other hand…

To: Lyong Boho So I have to ask… were you disappointed that I wanted Taeyang down here?

I rested my phone on my stomach, waiting for a reply. It wasn’t long coming.

From: Lyong Boho Honestly? I’m just glad you didn’t ask for anyone else.

From: Lyong Boho But I would have thought that Seunghyun would be a good option, same as Youngbae.

To: Lyong Boho Really? You know how he is.

To: Lyong Boho Or how he was.

To: Lyong Boho He’s gotten nicer, strangely enough.

From: Lyong Boho Really? I guess you made the best choice then.

From: Lyong Boho Though I would have liked if I could stay down there.

I saw my chance. And still being a little hyped up from texting Mino, I took it. I quickly sent him the first picture I had sent Mino.

To: Lyong Boho Why’s that?

From: Lyong Boho Are you trying to give me a heart attack?

From: Lyong Boho I miss visiting you.

Like the worst version of myself I sent off the pouting picture.

To: Lyong Boho Yeah… I guess that will be more difficult here.

From: Lyong Boho Are you trying to get us in trouble?

To: Lyong Boho No.

From: Lyong Boho Damn.

From: Lyong Boho I guess we should just go to sleep then.

From: Lyong Boho On separate floors.

From: Lyong Boho Like sensible adults who know how to control themselves.

To: Lyong Boho Yeah, you’re right.

To: Lyong Boho Goodnight Ji.

There was no response for a few moments. I figured he was disappointed that I hadn’t taken his bait.

“I’m glad you messaged me last night.” He stretched, his back flexing just barely visible under his loose shirt, before turning and kneeling to look at me.

He was quiet for a moment before continuing.

“You’re not the only one having difficulties with this. I don’t want to put my troubles on you but,” he sighed heavily, “I am working to protect you.”

I didn’t know what to say. He had said similar things before, but each time felt wrong somehow.

“Ji-yah… I don’t know what’s going to happen.”

“Yeah,” he nodded, moving to stand up, “I guess we’re both in the dark here.”

I couldn’t get back to sleep after he left. I felt weak and ashamed. The previous night’s calls weighed on me, like most calls made after midnight tend to do, even before considering international charges.

Not that I really had time to be dwelling on things past. I had received a voicemail from Chul. They needed some confessional style roll, so I had to be ready for an impromptu series of interviews. Coffee made, clothes simple, face clean, I was as prepared as I could be when Chul arrived.

“Change of plan,” Chul greeted me. He quickly moved into the suite, followed by a team of six people carrying large stacks of blue plastic. They quickly set about unfolding the plastic to reveal that they actually carried boxes.

“What’s going on?”

In lieu of an answer, Chul simply took my arm and directed me towards the bedroom.

“Do you have a face mask? Sunglasses? You should cover up as much as possible.”

“Chul!” I shook him off my arm, watching as the people with him efficiently pack up my belongings. “What’s going on?”

“There’s a security issue. We’ll explain later. Right now we just have to move you. All of you.”

It was alarming, to be sure. But Chul was easily the most trustworthy person I had met so far, so I didn’t question it. I quickly grabbed a mask, a hat, and sunglasses, and threw a few essentials into a tote.

“Is everyone okay?”

“Everything is fine. We just need to go.”

Once ushered into the hallway, I was met with a team of three security officers. Two women and a man, all three looking overly serious.

“This way,” the man gestured towards the emergency stairs. This probably wasn’t quite in line with what the designers had imagined as being an emergency, but I didn’t stop to think about it too hard.

I tried to question Chul again on the way down the stairs, but a combination of worry and keeping his breath stalled conversation. Once we reached the bottom I was hurried to a slightly dingy looking older model Renault. I was positioned between the two female security officers in the back seat while Chul took the front passenger seat and the male officer took the driver’s seat.

An overlong drive later, we pulled into YG’s headquarters. I was quickly ushered through hallways, brushing by a few familiar and unknown faces as we moved along. Eventually, I found myself in a meeting room, alone save for Chul and one of the female officers.

“Chul-ah?”

“Just wait, Luna. We’ll wait for the others.”

Feeling chastened, I took a seat on one side of the table.

Chul ran a hand over his face.

“Sorry. Somebody got into one of the men’s rooms last night.”

I felt my face blanch.

“Are they okay?”

“Yes, from my understanding he wasn’t in his room when it happened.”

I fought to keep my expression under control. Jiyong had been with me. Had that been the only reason he was alright?

Chul cleared his throat, causing me to look up in time to see his eyes flicker towards the security officer.

“Of course, when Seunghyun returned he found the culprit in his bathroom.”

I felt relief wash over me momentarily, then new worries surface. In an effort to keep covered, I leaned forward, resting my head on the table and letting my hair cover my face.

The next person to show up was Taeyang. He seemed annoyed but unworried. We exchanged nods before he settled into a seat and took out his phone. A few minutes passed before Seungri and Daesung entered as well. We exchanged brief greetings before settling down into our respective styles of silence.

I was nearly asleep by the time Seunghyun and Jiyong arrived. I was slightly alarmed by how calm everyone seemed, not least of all at my own sleepy reaction.  Is this just how it is now? Big problems and security issues and all of us just wanting a break?  I shook my head, trying to catch up to the conversation. Particularly since Chul seemed to be addressing me.

“Sorry?”

“Your friend,” Chul reiterated, “you don’t think she’d have told anyone about where you were staying?”

I leaned my head back, thinking about Soo-Ah. But something else came to mind.

“Staff…”

“Staff?” Daesung cocked his head.

“Yeah, staff. I mean, I know, codes of professionalism and all that at the hotel, but that place has to employ… I mean between the front desk, kitchen, housekeeping, engineering…”

“It’s being looked into,” Chul interrupted. “We’re just supposed to be thinking of anyone else.”

“Right,” of course they’d be looking at that already. “Sorry, uh, Soo-Ah? I don’t imagine she’d bother with something like that. She’s not shortsighted enough.”

“Shortsighted?” Jiyong this time.

“Yeah,” I shrugged, “she’s too smart to mess up the one thing that lets her meet her idols. What would she gain from telling anyone? Besides, she only knew where my room was. Even if she was stupid enough to say anything she wouldn’t know anyone else’s room numbers.”

“So not Soo-Ah then,” Jiyong muttered.

“What about the delivery guy?”

I frowned at Daesung,

“What delivery guy?” Chul asked.

“Well, Luna and I ordered some food the other day. And we, uh, well we took a picture with the delivery guy.”

I jumped at the thunk of Taeyang’s head hitting the table. Jiyong had thrown his back and groaned.

“That’s not it,” Seunghyun murmured. “Your room is in a different hallway from mine. Besides, it was a woman.”

Chul sighed and shook his head.

“Okay, we’ll keep looking at it. But for now we’re moving you into the company dorms.”

There had been quite a bit of grumbling about the change in accommodations, but at least the company had moved quickly to retrieve our things from the hotel. There was, of course, a bit of a hold up while they carefully went through everything just to make sure that some endeavouring fan hadn’t managed to somehow place a tracker on anyone.

While we waited for everything to get the all-clear, Daesung showed me around the building we were temporarily staying in.

“I hadn’t used it yet, but I was looking forward to the pool at the hotel. At least there’s a sort of gym here.”

Daesung ruffled my hair, “I’ll take you swimming.”

I shook my head and laughed. “What do you want to do? We seem to only do what I want.”

“Hey,” Daesung put on a fake pout, “the spa was my idea, wasn’t it?”

“Sure, but it seemed like the kind of thing designed to please me.”

“I’ll tell you a secret.” Daesung leaned in close before whispering in my ear, “I really needed to get my hair done anyway.”

I laughed, pushing him playfully.

“Hey,” Daesung pretended to fall. “You’ll regret that!”

“Why?”

He just smiled and sprung up.

I shrieked, suddenly delighted, and ran off.

After quite a bit of running and hiding I eventually let him catch me in what looked like a miniature version of the dance space I had originally met iKon outside of.

The impact of being caught had sprawled us out on the floor again, this time with Daesung clasping his arms around my body. I laughed, careful not to throw my head back for fear of cracking into his chin.

“What’s so funny?”

“You are. Or, you’re fun anyway.”

He loosened his grip on me, letting me get to a sitting position on the floor. I stretched my legs out in front of me, facing the mirror. I tilted my head back and forth, watching my hair shift. I grimaced at my reflection then pouted.

“What’s up?”

“It’s stupid,” I pulled another face in the mirror.

Daesung shuffled over to sit next to me. “Tell me anyway.”

“Nobody said anything about my hair,” I laughed sheepishly.

“Ah,” Daesung draped his arm over my shoulders, “that was very rude of them.”

He shook me back and forth a little bit before standing up. “Come on, we still have a date today.”

Due to the break-in, there was a noticeable increase in security measures. While until now I hadn’t been able to notice security guards unless I was paying close attention, they were just… around now. It made me feel equal parts safe and self-conscious.

But I was easily distracted. I of course found the jellyfish tank as soon as I could. For a moment I was able to completely forget about everything in the last few weeks. Something in the way they moved all around the giant cylinder in front of me made my brain go completely blank.

Of course, nothing that peaceful can last very long. Daesung nudged me slightly. I blinked several times before registering that he held a stuffed jellyfish in his hands. He held it out to me and I took it, somewhat bashful that I hadn’t even noticed him leaving to get it.

“You must really like them.”

I nodded slowly before replying. “They are fascinating. Extremely simple and complex at the same time. And of course they’re incredibly beautiful once they hit their medusa stage.”

“What did you even go to school for?”

“Accounting,” I laughed, “but I’ve always been a heavy reader. You should ask me about the different ways to mummify a body sometime.”

Daesung grimaced slightly at that. “I think I’m all set with that.”

We trailed around, making small talk between rounds of Daesung letting me point out different aquatic life facts that I had picked up between late night internet holes, documentaries, and the seemingly endless books I had been bought when I was younger.

“We should go to a trivia night sometime.”

“Oh no,” I protested, “I don’t know anything near practical enough to be useful in that sort of thing.”

“Come on,” Daesung pressed on, “they never ask about anything useful. I’m sure you would do great.”

“I would rather go to another norraebang. At least I can choose things to suit my strengths there.”

I made the mistake of checking my phone when we stopped for some lunch. I had put it on silent mode for the planned interviews in the morning and had never turned my ringer back on.

From: Hugeboy What are you up to today?

From: Hugeboy I heard there was some trouble at the hotel. Is everything okay?

From: Zico You okay?

From: Sooooo AH! I’m going on a date next week with Bobby.

Obviously, one of these was much more important than the others.

To: Sooooo AH! I fucking told you.

To: Sooooo AH! What are you going to do?

From: Sooooo AH! I don’t know. It’s not very planned.

From: Sooooo AH! He’s so young!

From: Sooooo AH! I should cancel.

To: Sooooo AH! No. You should go on at least one date and see how it goes.

From: Sooooo AH! Right. It’s one date. It’s not like I have to marry him next week.

To: Sooooo AH! Exactly.

“Who are you texting so much?”

I smiled at Daesung, “Soo-Ah. She has a date coming up and is kind of nervous.”

“You two are really close, huh?”

“She has made leaving my life behind in America much easier than it would have been without her.”

All of my luggage had passed muster, as I expected it would. I noticed that someone had taken the liberty of cleaning my brushes for me in the inspection process. I supposed that was one of the perks of hanging out with superstars.

The dorm was small, but I actually liked it. Small kitchen that was open to a small living room type area, a closed off bedroom with a bed that was a bit smaller than I’d prefer, but perfectly manageable. The bathroom was pretty small, and I was stuck without a tub. But it was all very clean and everything matched. It was cozy in its smallness.

The sofa was also small, but I was still able to flop onto it fairly comfortably.

To: Hugeboy Yeah. Everything’s fine. Just a fan that got into TOP’s room somehow.

To: Hugeboy I hate to badmouth staff, but I think it may have been someone who worked at the hotel or a friend of one.

To: Zico I was not the target. So I’m fine.

To: Zico But we did have to move. For a little while I’m living the dorm life.

From: Hugeboy You’re staying in the dorms?

I couldn’t even summon the will to be surprised.

To: Hugeboy Are you two ever not together?

From: Hugeboy Sometimes. But you know we’re working on something.

From: Zico We’re playing Forza. You should come out.

To: Zico Are you reading my texts aloud or something???

From: Zico Not really. He mentioned that there was a fan in a room and I mentioned the dorms.

From: Zico For example, he doesn’t know I just invited you over.

I mulled over the invitation. It wasn’t late, it had just been a long day and Daesung had been called away for some… thing.

To: Zico What’s the address?

From: Zico Actually. Get dressed. I’m bored here.

To: Zico Dress code?

From: Zico Music video. Flashy. What part of the city are you in?

I felt silly standing outside a convenience store all dressed up. But if I had been drawing any judging looks, they were probably changed to surprise when Zico pulled up. It wasn’t the white car I had ridden in before. This was black, a little less flashy except for how meticulously clean and shiny it was.

“Again,” I said as the doors opened, “almost no subtlety.”

Zico laughed behind his mask and hat.

Mino shrugged, “You’re one to talk. Nice hair.”

“It’s not nearly as loud as the car,” I protested. “At least it’s better than that white tiger you usually ride around.”

Zico tilted his head at that, silent now.

Mino just ushered me towards the car, taking my elbow at the curb. “Come on. We’re going to show you something.”

The facade of the building looked like a museum. It was all Roman columns and gray stone. It actually seemed almost boring until I was distracted by the flashy vehicles parked in front. Maserati, Benz, Lamborghini, Benz, Porsche, Porsche, a row of obviously well kept motorcycles, and a Jaguar were easily picked out.

“Guys…”

“It’s fine,” Zico held a hand out towards me, gesturing up the steps with his other one. “Let’s go.”

Inside was both smaller and quieter than I had expected. It didn’t seem to make sense until I noticed that the walls around the main area were actually fogged glass separating areas for private parties from the dance floor and bar.

I looked up at the stage.

“Is that Hash Swan?”

Mino nodded. Both he and Zico were now scanning the crowd. I took a closer look at the people surrounding me. It seemed that the place was not quite at capacity.

A woman with thick eyeliner and dark lips seemed to have spotted us and pushed her way towards us. I quickly tried to hide behind my hair. It was probably not the best idea to be seen with these two by someone paying such close attention.

Mino must have noticed, because he laughed and pushed my hair behind my ears.

“It’s fine here. I mean look around.”

“Hwasa! Have you seen Youngwoo around?”

I did a double take.

Indeed, the woman that had walked up to us and was now being hugged by Zico and Mino was Hwasa. I gave her a small bow before taking Mino’s advice and looking around while they talked.

There were plenty of vaguely familiar looking faces, but a few jumped out at me. Geegooin talking to someone who’s name I couldn’t recall from an earlier season of Show Me The Money. Giriboy laughing at something said by a woman with her back turned to me. Cheetah and Jessi were dancing, and about four feet away from them…

“I’ll be right back.” I wasn’t sure that either of the boys had heard me, but neither of them stopped me as I made my way out to the floor.

“Jihyun?”

The woman turned, a look of surprise quickly turning to something like happiness.

“Luna! Oh my god! What are you doing here?”

I gestured vaguely behind me, “some friends brought me. How are you? I haven’t seen you since you got a dancing contract.”

She grabbed my hand and pulled me off towards the bar.

“It’s been crazy,” she flagged down the bartender and ordered before turning back to me. “I mean I have time off but like… not enough.”

She offered me one of the shots that had been placed in front of us, and quickly downed hers before continuing.

“But it’s also pretty standard. Loads of practicing and revising and even some travelling. But,” she propped her chin in her hand, “what about you? I love the hair by the way.”

She reached up and tousled her fingers through my hair. Seeing a flash of colour under the icy white she grabbed my shoulders and spun me to get a better look.

“I got it done, wow,” time didn’t feel real when I realised what the next word was, “yesterday.”

“Really? It feels so soft.” She finally had completed her inspection so I could face her properly. “You’ve got to send me the information for the salon.”

“Uh, sure,” I nodded, pulling out my phone, “I’ll ask the guy I was with for it.”

To: D-Lite What was the name of the spa place yesterday?

To: D-Lite I ran into a friend who wants me to recommend it.

A thought hit me as I put my phone away.

“Wait, Jihyun… are you even old enough to be here?”

She laughed wildly, shaking her head and pawing at me as if she might fall over.

“You’re so sweet. I’m 23.”

I felt my face stretch out with disbelief. “I’m too old. I thought you were…” I ran my hand through my hair, trying to pick a believable number, “17?”

Jihyun pouted slightly, “It’s because I’m so short.” She leaned in and spoke earnestly now, “There are some dancers at the company that are too young to come out with us but they keep treating me like I’m the baby.”

We chatted a bit more, just catching up. Eventually Daesung texted me back with the name of the spa.

“Really? They’re pretty expensive there. I didn’t think you were the type to go to places like that.”

I opened and shut my mouth a few times before eventually deciding to address what I figured was the elephant in the room.

“You… don’t happen to know what’s been going on with me, huh?”

“Should I?” Jihyun tilted her head, which only served to make her look even younger.

“I, uh, well…” I couldn’t think of where to start explaining. “Wait, here…”

I pulled up an article about the show and handed her my phone.

Jihyun skimmed it, did a double take, and put her new drink firmly on the bar to hold my phone in both of her hands as she read closer.

“Holy shit,” she finally looked up at me, “no wonder you got in. Here,” she once again got the bartender’s attention, “you could probably use a drink more than me.”

I opened my mouth, ready to protest, but then thought better of it. She might have a point.

Thankfully, she didn’t press me for details. In fact all she said was…

“That must be quite a change for you. Explains the hair.”

I could only nod into my drink at that.

“Hey,” Mino inserted himself into my and Jihyun’s dance, “Zico wants to introduce you for some reason.”

Jihyun glanced between us and shot me a “well, well, well…” sort of look.

I rolled my eyes, “You have my number, right? Text me sometime.”

Jihyun nodded as I let Mino direct me elsewhere.

“Who was that?” Mino asked.

“Ok Jihyun. She used to go to the dance studio where I take Kung-Fu.”

Mino nodded. We had reached the door to one of the private rooms. Mino knocked on it softly.

The man who opened the door seemed to fill the entire doorway. Not only was he tall, but also bulky. His hands were covered with tattoos, but I tried not to stare.

He gave me a curious look as he stepped back to let us in. I offered him a slight bow as I passed him.

“Hey,” Zico was sitting on an upholstered bench. He leaned forward and filled a fourth glass from a bottle on a small table in front of him. “Did you have fun?”

Not the question I had expected. I held up the half finished drink that I had in my hand.

“Yes, actually. I ran into someone I know.”

Zico looked up, quizzically knitting his brows together. “Really? Who?”

“Just a dancer from the studio I go to.” I glanced at the man who had now sat down in one of the chairs in the room. “Um, Mino said you wanted me for something?”

“Right,” Zico gestured at one of the chairs. This one was facing the man. Mino settled into the seat next to Zico.

“Are you familiar with Monster Woo.”

“Of course,” I nodded. “I don’t live in a cave you know. I could probably name about half of Monster Fam off the top of my head.”

Youngwoo laughed slightly at that. Zico smiled and nodded.

“Of course,” Zico mimicked me. “I never know who you will or won’t know.”

“This is Luna,” Zico addressed Youngwoo now. “She’s-”

“I know who she is,” Youngwoo flashed a quick smile at me, “I don’t live in a cave you know.”

I rolled my eyes, which caused me to notice Mino. His demeanour wasn’t extremely closed off, but he was slightly shaking one of his heels. I narrowed my eyes slightly before turning my attention back to Zico.

“Not that I don’t appreciate the introduction.” I nodded to Youngwoo, “I am a fan, but I don’t get it?”

“Well I heard about Ilsung an-”

“How the hell did you hear about that?” I hadn’t even mentioned it to Jiyong. The only person I had told had been…

“Daesung told me,” Zico shrugged, “sort of. He had Taeyang email me.”

“Okay, but w-”

“As I was about to say,” Zico interrupted, “Woo-hyung has done some dancing at YG.”

“That’s a stretch,” Mino pointed out.

“I was in maybe...” Youngwoo shook his head, “four music videos.”

An idea struck me. I stood up and gestured to the door.

“Can I talk to you for a second Zico?”

“I just thought he might be a useful contact,” Zico shrugged up at me after Mino and Youngwoo had let us have the room.

“No,” I was still standing, making sure I had the metaphorical high-ground. “You said you wanted me to trust you, right?”

Zico just nodded.

“This is about Jiyong, isn’t it?”

He leaned back, reaching up to toss his hat onto the table. Resting an ankle on his knee he smiled ruefully.

“Yes and no.”

I motioned for him to continue.

“Indirectly, it’s about Jiyong. Directly, I thought you might benefit from meeting some…” he trailed off, clearly choosing his words carefully. “Trustworthy people.”

“You’re not really making a case for trust by pretending this was about my ex,” I pointed out.

At that, Zico leaned forward, quickly dropping his leg to rest both of his elbows on his knees. He threaded his fingers together before pointing at me with the combined weight.

“Do you really think your ex is a good enough dancer to choreograph for YG? Do you honestly think he got the job on his merit? I checked out his Instagram. He’s… fine, at the most.”

“I… well he…”

Fuck. He had a point.

I sat back down. Leaning against the armrest of the chair, I tapped at my lips with my nails.

“Well,” I leaned back, bracing my hands on either armrest, “why do you think he was hired then?”

“I have no idea,” Zico launched himself from the sofa and headed to the door. “But dancers talk to dancers.”

After exchanging contact info with Youngwoo, and Mino briefly explaining that I didn’t have to worry about pictures or anything while inside the club, I headed back to the main area to see if I could find Jihyun. I just wanted a minute of talking about anything that had nothing to do with Big Bang or Ilsung or anything like that.

Luckily I was able to do just that since I found her on the dancefloor again. She quickly disengaged from the man she was dancing with and grabbed my hands to pull me into the throng of people.

I had lost track of how many songs passed when a hand grabbed my wrist. I was pulled around and off the dancefloor by an irritatingly familiar figure.

“What are you doing here?” Seunghyun demanded as soon as we were free of the crowd.

“How did you even know I was here?”

“Chaerin saw you, and you’re fucking lucky she texted me instead of Jiyong.”

I grimaced, “Am I though?”

I spotted Seunghyun’s hands gripping into fists momentarily.

“Yes, you are. For one, I’m not going to make you leave if you explain how you got here.”

“And?” I prodded.

“And what? Tell me why you’re here.”

“You said ‘for one’, so I assume there’s a follow up?”

Seunghyun was supremely unamused, that much was obvious.

“Just start with one. How did you get here?”

I gave him a basic run-down of my night, with a few important exceptions from the story.

“So let me… let me just understand this.” Seunghyun took a deep breath. “Zico and Mino took out to the only club in this city that specifically markets itself as safe for celebrities, and just…” he gestured towards the dancefloor, “let you run free?”

“Basically,” I nodded, “I ran into someone I knew so I just hung out with her while they did whatever.” I cocked my head, “I think Zico had to meet someone anyway, so they just let me tag along.”

It wasn’t the worst lie I had ever told.

“Okay,” Seunghyun nodded, “so here’s number two: I will not tell anyone that you were here and I will make sure that Chaerin doesn’t either.”

“How are you going to do that?” I remembered how cold Chaerin had been to me at the baseball game.

“You know people for long enough, you can talk them into almost anything. Now, number three.”

I grit my teeth, letting my eyes vacantly stare at the light racks above us. This was sure to be some real bullshit.

“I’m leaving. If you need a ride later, text me.”

My head jerked slightly from the emotional whiplash of that last bit.

“So you’re not making me leave?”

“No,” Seunghyun shook his head, “they chose a good spot this time. Everyone here is under some sort of contract. Besides,” he scoffed, “I’m pretty sure everyone here knows that their destruction would be pretty quick if they fuck with us.”

Apparently he was done talking. He turned and walked quickly to the exit.

I found a seat and tried to wrap my head around what had just happened. A few moments passed when I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket.

From: Seunghyun Remember to text me if you need a ride.

From: Seunghyun You don’t want Jiyong to know about tonight.

Well that only raised more questions. He was right. I didn’t want Jiyong to know, but having him say it seemed strange. It made me uncomfortable.

Jihyun must have spotted that I was alone, because I was quickly brought back into the crowd.

“So it’s mutually assured destruction?”

Mino nodded against the headrest of the car, “Yeah. If any one thing gets out, it all gets out.”

“It seemed pretty tame though.”

“Our careers are based entirely on our image,” Zico pointed out, “Some of the rappers might be okay but imagine the backlash from fans if someone like Mino or,” he shrugged, “I don’t know… Wendy was photographed drinking or dancing with someone.”

Luckily, since I was being dropped off in front of a 24 hour convenience store, Mino didn’t try anything like he had at the parking garage in the hotel. He simply got out, pulled his seat forward, and lent me a hand to get out.

“I’d offer to help you sneak in but I never stayed in this dorm.”

I stared as the tub filled up. If only I had my lavender bath salts from home…

My phone chimed.

From: D-Lite I’m sure it’s not that bad.

From: D-Lite But if it is I’ll take responsibility.

Tub full, I slid into the water, then carefully dried my hands to keep texting.

To: D-Lite Why would you have to take responsibility?

From: D-Lite Because I did a bad job of putting sunscreen on you.

From: D-Lite So I’m going to take you out for a spa day.

To: D-Lite You were going to do that anyway!

From: D-Lite Yes! But now I have an excuse to do something nice.

From: D-Lite So get ready, I’m coming up in 10 minutes.

To: D-Lite Ten minutes?! I’m in the tub!

From: D-Lite I’ll be there in 3 minutes then ε=┏(*`＞ω<)┛

To: D-Lite What?!

From: D-Lite Don’t worry. I’m joking.

From: D-Lite … mostly

I dropped my phone onto the bath mat and slid under the water.

Maybe I ought to hurry up.

Twenty minutes later my door buzzed, heralding Daesung’s arrival. My hair was still wet, but at least I was dressed.

A small pout and a tilted head greeted me at the door.

“Looks like I missed the show.”

“I honestly can’t tell when you’re joking around or not,” I stepped aside to let him in.

Daesung switched to a smile that did not fall short of dazzling.

“I’m just flirting,” he shrugged, “isn’t that what the show is all about?”

I peeked into the hallway, then fixed him with a judgmental look. He ignored it as he kicked off his shoes.

“There’s no cameras,” I pointed out.

He stood up, flicking his head to whip his bangs out of his face.

It was a distraction, and a super effective one at that. I didn’t consciously register him stepping closer until I was already caught against the now closed door.

“Looks like you caught me then.”

This position felt a little too familiar. Though, for once, I wasn’t feeling anxious about it.

“How so?”

I was already used to his smile. Bigger than expected, bright, and always with just a hint of mischief.

“I’m out of character.”

Oh, there was the anxiety.

He lifted his hand and I braced myself for a whole new complication.

“Your hair is pretty like this.”

With that, he simply brushed his fingertips over my just barely dripping hair and stepped away.

I watched him turn and move into the living room area, retrieving his phone from his pocket as he moved.

Something about his easy going transition from flirting to waiting made me want the complication.

Daesung arranged appointments with a spa he liked as I finished drying my hair and getting ready to be seen in public.

“Okay.”

I jumped, not having noticed Daesung approach the open bathroom door. He chuckled slightly, but continued.

“We’re set for 1pm, and it’s about twenty minutes from here.”

I nodded, toothbrush sticking out of my mouth. I furrowed my brow and tapped my wrist.

“It’s…” Daesung double checked his phone, “11:09 right now.”

I nodded, already performing mental mathematics about travel times and breakfast.

“Also,” Daesung held my own phone out to me, “you have a message.”

A bolt of panic surged through my chest. Then I remembered that I had changed my settings to not show message previews on the lock screen. At most, he had seen who had messaged me, but definitely not about what.

I rinsed the foam from my mouth and took my phone.

“Thanks.”

Daesung simply nodded and vacated the doorway.

From: Bobby Allowed? Yeah we’ve been with the company long enough now.

From: Bobby I mean the fans might not like it, but that’s why we don’t tell them everything.

I frowned at the screen. I supposed he had point. Of course, when he phrased it like that, it made me a little curious.

To: Bobby Then who’s got a girlfriend?

From: Bobby I didn’t say that anyone had a girlfriend.

I could practically hear his annoyed voice in the text. I decided to push him a little further.

To: Bobby Then who’s got a boyfriend?

The chat bubbles popped up and down a few times. Finally…

From: Bobby That’s not important. What’s important is Soo-Ah, and you helping me ask her out.

Well that was one way to deflect. I briefly thought over the boys in iKon before shrugging it off. None of my business, to be sure.

To: Bobby Just text her and ask. Not that hard.

“What do you want to do for breakfast?”

I looked up at Daesung, who I had entirely forgotten was still in my apartment. Caught off guard, I mumbled the first thing that came to mind.

“Egg toast.”

“Egg toast?” Daesung cocked his head.

“Yes,” I nodded emphatically. I had never been more sure of anything in my life than I was about this. “Egg toast. With the hole cut out.”

Daesung blinked. He seemed thrown off by my complete confirmation. I could see him mulling over the idea.

“I have eggs and bread in my suite,” he offered.

“Lead on then.”

I let the warm feeling of being taken care of wash over me. Daesung had set me into a seat at the little kitchen table, and set to making egg toast.

Even though Daesung’s suite was nearly identical to my own, I had made mine into my personal space much more than he had. Where my suite had sketchbooks and paint pans, his had spotless tabletops and empty shelves.

I desperately wanted to explore the entire suite and see if it was just as empty everywhere. Of course, basic consideration stopped me from snooping around. Instead, I simply sat, and waited, and let myself enjoy not doing anything.

Eventually my short attention span kicked in though.

To: Zico Did you get any sleep?

To: Hugeboy You alive?

To: Sooooo AH! So… Bobby.

The clink of a plate being placed before me made me look up.

“Egg toast, as commanded.”

Daesung slid into the seat opposite me, carelessly lifting his own egg toast to his mouth.

The toast itself was unremarkable. It wasn’t bad, but not outstanding either. It was simply... egg toast, exactly as expected.

The two of us ate in a comfortable silence. Daesung idly flipped through what looked like news articles on his phone. I did some email inbox clean up, before switching back to my texts.

From: Hugeboy Yes. Sorry. Long day and early night yesterday.

I frowned at that.

To: Hugeboy No worries. Take care of yourself.

From: Hugeboy Are you worrying about me? (￣ω￣)

I mentally rolled my eyes at that. Though he had a point, I wasn’t going to let him know that.

To: Hugeboy I worry about all of my friends.

I thought over the next message for a second before impulse made me hit send.

To: Hugeboy That’s why I texted Zico asking if he slept.

I quickly clicked my phone off and set all of my attention to the food. Perhaps the message was a little cruel, but I felt like it might serve me well to set some distance between Mino and I.

“You’re popular this morning.”

“It’s almost like I have friends or something,” I deflected.

“Not the texts,” Daesung handed his phone over to me, “here.”

I took it, curious. I had avoided searching anything about myself or the show, but it made sense that something would have come up.

The first thing I saw was a headline — Big Bang Bullet Shooting Off Course?

Well that didn’t look promising. Briefly skimming the article I saw some names pop up. Zico and Mino were obvious ones, a brief mention of Bobby also seemed about right, but I was thrown off to see the names Jay Park and Amber Liu show up at the end. I decided to read that part a little more closely.

“... the same martial arts and dance studio as several dancers… when she was brought up in a live stream Jay said ‘it’s not like I know all the dancers’ friends. She seems cool enough I guess.’...” I shook my head at the coincidental connection. I went on to the section where Amber was quoted “... join the foreigner’s club… fun to know two Lunas…” I looked up Daesung, squinting. “This is weird.”

Daesung shrugged, unbothered.

“Well, we’re a big deal, so you’re a big deal.”

I passed his phone back to him, shaking my head.

“Maybe I should start keeping up with the news.”

Daesung simply laughed.

Leaning back in my chair, I thought about the article.

The spa that Daesung had chosen was the definition of the phrase “all inclusive”. It was probably on the list for “professional” and “thorough” as well.

A dermatologist scolded me for my sunburn while she inspected my back. Ten minutes later, the same doctor was directing a massage therapist on which treatments and techniques to use.

The massage therapist was a professional looking man. He looked like he had come directly from central casting. At first I was self conscious, but his complete normality and weak personality soon set me at ease. The human body was probably completely disconnected from humanity to someone like him. Skin and fat and muscle were simply different configurations of a base flesh machine.

Once I got into the mindset that everyone who worked there were simply performing a tune-up, it was much easier to let go of the fear of judgment.

It also helped that Daesung and I were split up for the massages, and the little table made to hold your phone underneath the massage table didn’t hurt either.

“Your shoulders are like rocks. You must be very stressed.”

I had to laugh at the therapist’s observation.

“Yes. I think I probably am.”

“Well trust me, I’ll soon get it out.”

I trusted him, and my trust was well placed. Where I had originally expected to simply lay and play some mobile games, I instead was transported to a plane of somewhat painful relief. The only thing keeping me grounded in reality was the faint chiming of my text alert sound. By the end of the session, even that was unheard, as I had, by that point, fallen asleep.

I woke up to a very apologetic woman who explained that she was a hair stylist.

I hadn’t expected a hair stylist, but I wasn’t surprised. Anyone with eyes could see my roots coming in by now.

She led me to the salon area, where I saw Daesung already sitting in a swivelling chair. His hair was lined with foil. What little bit I could see was coated with a reddish cream.

“What shade are you doing?” I asked as I took a seat in the chair next to him.

“Black red,” he smiled. “What are you doing?”

I took myself in via the mirrors lining both walls. I had grown accustomed to bleached hair. I hadn’t changed it much beyond the switch from silver to strawberry to platinum and back again. Different variations on the same theme.

“I’m not sure. I have to cover those roots no matter what, I’ll think about details while that’s done.”

The woman that had led me in nodded her head and disappeared behind a door. I assumed she was mixing some lightener.

Daesung nodded, stretching his neck slightly.

“I think a straight white would look good on you.”

I shook my head briefly.

“Trust me, not a good idea.” I grimaced. “Last time I tried that I ended up looking like a ghost.”

Daesung laughed, that deep baritone laugh that belied honest amusement.

“You know who you should ask? But Jiyong would kill me for saying it?”

Now if that wasn’t an interesting start, I didn’t know what was.

“Who’s that?”

Daesung shot me a wicked smile. It unnerved me a little. He must have read it in my face because he quickly dropped it, looking now entirely neutral and nonchalant.

“Zico and Mino always have pretty good hair.”

My cheeks warmed slightly and I quickly tried to hide it by lifting my phone and looking down. I hoped my hair might create enough of a barrier to prevent questions about the still rising blush.

“I think I’ll just do my own thing,” I mumbled. Then, remembering the cameras, I fell back on a white lie to cover my ass.

“You don’t believe those tabloids, right?”

Daesung appeared to give the question real consideration.

“Well,” he started slowly, obviously trying to be careful with his words. “They do seem to be seen with you more than people might expect. And I may have overheard Seungyoon talking to someone about Mino…” he spun his chair to look me over, “... and you.”

I frowned. I doubted Mino was careless enough to tell just anyone about what had happened. If he had, I doubted Seungyoon was careless enough to gossip. If he had, I doubted Daesung was careless enough to bring it up like this.

Conclusion: this was not about that.

“About Mino and I?”

Daesung smirked, looking a little proud.

“To hear Seungyoon talk, Mino is…” he made a wide sweep of the room with his eyes, making a show of thinking over his words now, “preoccupied with you.”

This was manageable. I relaxed, even going so far as to actually check my messages as I replied.

“I sincerely doubt that Mino has any interest in me. Though I have heard some people tease him like that.”

From: Hugeboy Really?

From: Hugeboy Why are checking up on him? He’s a grown adult.

From: Hugeboy He can take care of himself.

From: Hugeboy ☆(＃××)

“So he doesn’t message you every single day?”

I glanced up sheepishly, feeling a little caught due to the messages currently on my screen.

“Lots of people message me everyday.”

The woman returned, now burdened with a bowl of bluish cream and an apron with pockets full of specialised utensils.

She expertly draped a protective cape around my body. I noted that this one had a clear plastic window so that customers could stay glued to their phones while being taken care of.

Did every section in this place accommodate cell phones? I knew there was a sauna, and a tub area. How did they make it work there?

“Starting with just your roots, right? Have you thought about toners or colours?”

The stylist and I ran some ideas back and forth, both ignoring Daesung’s joking suggestion of brown and white stripes.

When Daesung was taken away for a while to get his hair rinsed and conditioned, I opened up my messages again.

From: Zico A little, yeah.

From: Zico Did you sleep well?

I considered my relationship with Zico, and Mino, before replying. Out of everyone whose number I had collected so far, Zico held the majority of my playlist. I momentarily lost track of my body when I was struck, once again, by how strange my life had become.

To: Zico I slept very well. Are you still overworking?

“Tilt to the left please.”

I obliged the stylist’s request.

From: Bobby You are not being helpful.

That was fair. I guess. I did think that…

To: Bobby Soo-ah appreciates the straight forward approach. She likes the manly type.

To: Bobby If you try to be cute about it, she’ll just see it as immature.

I hoped that Bobby would take my advice. The more I thought about it, the more clear it was that his interest was reciprocated.

“Forward please. Have you thought about colour?”

I craned my neck downwards, and chose a colour without thinking. After some back and forth with the stylist, I was talked into what sounded quite elaborate but worth it.

From: Sooooo AH! What about Bobby?

To: Sooooo AH! Don’t play. You know what.

From: Sooooo AH! OKAY FINE BUT HE’S A BABY

To: Sooooo AH! You’ve had bigger age gaps.

From: Sooooo AH! Yes, but only when I’m the younger one.

To: Sooooo AH! Just think about it. I think you’ve got a shot.

I quickly switched conversations. She would either blow up my phone wanting to know what I meant, or she’d actually take my advice and have a good think.

To: Hugeboy Of course he’s a grown man.

To: Hugeboy I still like to check on my friends.

To: Hugeboy Not enough people check on their adult friends.

An alert popped up, effectively cutting off what could have turned into a diatribe about how people should treat their friends.

From: Zico I like working.

It started with a short giggle. Then another. Then an apology to the stylist as I leaned forward, overcome by laughter.

I didn’t doubt his message. It wasn’t particularly funny. He hadn’t made a joke or reference. But still the laughter hit me, as if my best friend from middle school was next to me whispering “we have to be super serious” again.

The hair stylist handed me a small towel, making me realise I had tears dribbling down my face. I quickly wiped them away and took a deep breath.

“Thanks, I… sorry…”

She smiled, about to speak, but Daesung returned.

“What’s so funny?”

“Your hair,” I responded automatically, still trying to recover.

Daesung rolled his eyes.

“Fine, keep your secrets. Have you decided what you want to do for dye?”

“Yes,” I grinned up at him, still fighting off my laughing fit.

“What colour?”

“You’ll have to wait and see.”

“I’ll see her applying it though,” he pointed out.

“It might be misleading,” the stylist piped up. “We just have to wait for twenty minutes for this to settle in.” She patted my shoulder. “Then we’ll rinse and start the colour.”

I nodded and thanked her, getting a smile in return before she disappeared behind a discrete door.

Daesung shrugged, settling back into an empty chair next to mine.

“So what was really so funny?”

“Everything,” I sighed. “That article earlier, the people I talk to now.” I leaned back a little, trying not to disturb the bleach.

“She missed a spot there,” Daesung stood, probably intending to go get the stylist.

I put a hand on his arm to stop him.

“No, it’s okay. That’s going to be dyed.”

He shot me a quizzical look, but sat back down.

“Do you want to meet Jay? I could set it up.”

I closed my eyes to think about it. I knew some dancers from the studio had lucked into big gigs, but I couldn’t remember exactly who had started working with AOMG.

“If I know one of his dancers, he has a way of contacting me if he wanted to meet. It was probably just a comment from a fan or something. Speaking of dancers though…” I opened my eyes and sat up straight.

“My ex just got hired by YG.”

Daesung leaned over the arm of his chair, absently ruffling a hand through his hair.

“Okay… how bad was the breakup?”

The warmth of the water rinsing dye out of my hair was almost as relaxing as the massage. It was followed by a warmed and ridiculously soft towel.

“That actually came out better than I expected. Your hair looks like a crystal ball or something.”

I smiled, a little embarrassed by Daesung’s praise, but digging my reflection at the same time.

“I feel like it would actually work better if my hair was just a little shorter.” I placed the towel down and leaned forward, closely inspecting my new look. “But I also want to grow it out.”

“Isn’t that what wigs are for?”

“You’re not wrong.” I stopped preening with a shrug. Turning to face Daesung, I tilted my head. “Now what?”

“Now lunch,” he grinned, holding a hand out towards me.

“It’s,” I glanced at my phone, “past four.”

“I guess we’re having a late day then.”

“V-line.”

I framed my chin with my thumb and forefinger, puckering my lips around the carrot still held in my teeth.

Daesung laughed as he snapped a picture.

“I should send this to the guys.”

“No no no!” I protested, the carrot dropping onto my plate as I swatted at his arm. “I want to see their reactions when they first see it!”

“See what?”

I rolled my eyes dramatically, dropping my shoulders to fully express my exasperation with his oblivious question.

“My hair.”

“Fine.”

He rolled his eyes as he said it, but he didn’t seem to be actually offended. If anything, it was as if he was humouring a child.

I watched him return to his own food. This week felt short. Rushed. Whizzing by, a blurred landscape of laughter and conversation seen through the window of the cameras. I couldn’t help but wonder how accurate the episodes would be once they made their way through editing.

“I like spending time with you,” I blurted out, catching even myself by surprise.

Daesung looked up, eyes wide.

I quickly looked down at my plate, unsure of myself.

“I just mea-“

“I like spending time with you too.”

I smiled at my food, trusting the tone of his voice enough to not have to double check his expression.

After eating Daesung had a filming for a CF. Having been granted the chance of free time, I chose to relax and paint instead of tagging along.

From: Hugeboy So you two are friends now?

From: Hugeboy Do you text often?

Mino’s messages had annoyed me, so I had left them unanswered until now. Not only that, but I had thought it might be prudent to wait until I was alone to respond. It wasn’t any business of his who I was friends with. Nor did it concern him who I texted, or how often.

I took a deep breath to chill out before replying.

To: Hugeboy I guess we are friends.

To: Hugeboy I think I talk to him about as much as I talk to you.

To: Hugeboy A little less, probably.

The little bubbles danced on and off of the screen for a moment.

From: Hugeboy What do you talk about?

To: Hugeboy Sleep. Work. Stress.

To: Hugeboy You.

From: Hugeboy Me?

From: Hugeboy Why do you talk about me?

I thought about how to answer that question. I wouldn’t want to create any awkwardness between the two of them by saying that Zico had as good as told me about Mino’s interest before he had, but I didn’t want to lie either.

To: Hugeboy We have you in common.

That seemed inadequate somehow, so I quickly expanded.

To: Hugeboy He offered himself as a confidant but I don’t know if I trust him enough for that. So we make small talk.

Actually, that might be a bit too much information. But I had already sent the message, so I supposed I had to live with it.

It appeared to appease Mino though. My phone was silent as I started pulling my painting station together.

I wiped my hands clean. Well, clean enough. I didn’t mind getting paint on my phone case, but I had learned (a few times) how hard it was to get off the screen without fucking it up.

From: Zico You don’t trust me?

To: Zico I never said that.

From: Zico “I don’t know if I trust him enough for that”

Best friends... you can always count on best friends to tell each other everything and fuck things up.

From: Zico I’m not mad or anything. I’m just curious why.

To: Zico Do you and Mino compare notes or something??

From: Zico He wanted to know why I was being so friendly. He’s a little paranoid.

From: Zico You didn’t answer my question.

To: Zico I do trust you. For conversations like this.

There was a minute or two of no response.

From: Zico In the interest of being honest, I want you to trust me.

From: Zico But I’m not sure why I care.

I chuckled at that.

To: Zico It’s called having friends Jiho.

From: Zico Fascinating concept.

A new alert popped up on top of the conversation. I tapped it open. I was greeted with a picture of Mino, pouting, holding an orange cat.

From: Hugeboy Pay attention to me.

I laughed out loud, noticing that I could see Zico in the background, lounging with his phone out on the armrest of a sofa. Somewhat out of frame I spotted someone else’s legs stretching out on the floor.

To: Hugeboy Who’s cat is that?

From: Hugeboy Mine.

The bubbles popped up and down. I switched to Zico.

To: Zico Does he know you’re texting me right now?

From: Zico No. Why?

I quickly forwarded him the image I had received.

To: Zico Nice boots, by the way.

From: Zico He’d be jealous if he knew you were complimenting me.

A notification popped up. I switched back to Mino’s chat.

From: Hugeboy Are you busy? Want to meet?

To: Hugeboy Hell yeah I want to meet your cat!

From: Hugeboy I meant with me. But I guess the cat lives here too.

I thought it over. The… something between Mino and I was undeniable by now. We were well past the point of denial. Meeting could be… hazardous.

But with Zico and whoever owned those legs there… some unintended chaperone might be just the thing.

Glancing up, I noted that the sky had clouded over. I checked the weather app. Downpour imminent. Maybe it was just an excuse.

To: Hugeboy I don’t think I can tonight. But I do want to meet the cat!

To: Hugeboy Next time.

From: Hugeboy Promise? I’ll hold you to it!

I laughed at his childish words.

To: Hugeboy Next time that I can make it, I will.

From: Hugeboy Fine ㅠㅇㅠ

I left it at that, tucking my phone into my pocket, and returned to painting. If anything, the distractions hardened my resolve to finish this. I knew it would probably take until the end of filming, so that had become my unofficial deadline. The hours necessary seemed almost impossible to find, but I wanted it as a sort of closing on the show. Not in any official sense, of course, rather just as a personal endcap.

Maybe I’d end up painting the guy I should choose.

I laughed at myself. It was a ridiculous thought, and a prime example of some sort of magical thinking. It made me want to light some incense.

Idly working on adding more detail to the background, I wondered if perhaps I had prematurely put that side of my spiritual wanderings aside. Sure, maybe it did nothing but increase my sense of control over my life, but that must be worth something.

And control was definitely something I felt a distinct lack of these days.

On a whim, as these things so often are, I cleaned up my paints and got ready to leave.

From: D-Lite I’m done! Want some dinner?

A sprig of lavender in one hand, I quickly shared my location and sent an affirmative reply.

I was done with most of my supply run by the time Daesung showed up.

He must have had a good shoot. The energy coming off him was tangible. As soon as he arrived I felt warmer and more excited.

“Hey,” he naturally slipped his arm over my shoulder. “What are you looking for here?”

“Candles,” I answered simply.

Daesung didn’t push the question. Instead he simply picked up a candle and smelled it. He immediately blanched.

“Oof, too strong.”

“Yeah, I usually stay away from scented candles for exactly that reason.”

Daesung nodded before a confused expression dipped over his brows.

“Then why are you buying them?”

I considered it for a second before coming up with a not-lie.

“They’re comforting to me.”

It seemed that Daesung tilted his head for a second, but he didn’t press the question.

Not that I gave him much of a chance.

“What did you want to do for dinner?”

Daesung smiled in that bright and charming way.

“Shouldn’t I be asking what you want?”

At my suggestion, we ended up at a Western style restaurant. Specifically, it was a place that specialised in pasta. Staring at the menu, all I could think of was carbs and cardio. I attempted to quell those worries and we ordered.

“So,” Daesung started, “what did you do today? Besides shopping for candles?”

I shrugged. I hadn’t really done much since I had seen him.

“I did some painting. Nothing really interesting.”

“Your emperor and shaman?”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “I guess that’s as good as anything I've been thinking of calling it. Better, even.” I laughed a little. “I’ve just been thinking of it as ‘the painting’ so far.”

“I know it’s not done,” Daesung smiled, “but from what I’ve seen I liked it. It gave me this feeling like,” he paused, “the power behind the throne. You know?”

“You said something like that before. I don’t really see it. I thought it was something more like a royal pet.”

“Isn’t it sort of the same thing?”

I didn’t answer right away. I took a second to consider what he might mean. A pet having power over their owner?

“How do you mean?”

“Well,” Daesung leaned back, allowing the waiter to place our food down. “We can’t really control pets, can we? We can train them but at the end of the day, they do what they want. But we have to do what they want us to. If your cat wants to play, they won’t leave you alone. If your dog needs to go outside, you’d better let them out before they make a mess.”

I laughed, nodding. Ttungbo had indeed been quite a hassle when I was housetraining him.

“You might have a point.”

“I know what I’m talking about,” Daesung only half-smiled this time. “We can only ask our pets to do things, but we have to follow their commands. Otherwise they’re unhappy. They might even run away.”

There was a change in his demeanor. It was small, but still perceptible. Like someone had bumped into his dimmer switch.

“Did you have a pe-”

Daesung laughed, cutting off the conversation.

“Come on, we should eat before we offend the chef.”

“Can I ask you a favour?”

Streaks of city lights glanced off the river in front of Daesung and I. I watched a few people, teens by the sound of their yelling, running down the path at the bottom of the grassy slope where Daesung laid and I sat with to-go cups of coffee and tea.

“What’s up?”

“Well,” Daesung pushed himself up to sitting, crossing his legs, “I guess it’s two favours.”

“Then I should be able to accommodate at least one.”

Daesung laughed, shaking his hair out of his eyes.

“One is definitely more important than the other.”

“Yah,” I tipped slightly, bumping my shoulder against his. “Are you going to ask me or are you just going to keep talking about it?”

“Fine,” he sighed. He took a short breath before continuing, “at the end, when you have to choose… can you promise me that you’ll choose who you truly want? Don’t worry about what anyone else wants. Just choose the person you like the best.”

That was easy enough. It was what I had been planning on doing anyway.

“Of course,” I shrugged. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“I’m not saying you wouldn’t. But I get the feeling you consider other people. Maybe too much sometimes.” Daesung paused, emptying his coffee.

“Well, I mean I wouldn’t want to choose someone who wouldn’t agree.”

“That’s not what I mean. I already know you won’t choose Youngbae.”

We both laughed. It was obvious. Taeyang and I hardly got along, of course that wouldn’t be an option.

“I just meant that you should choose freely. Without worrying about hurting anyone’s feelings.”

“Hmm.” I just nodded to that. He wasn’t wrong, but I felt a little called out.

But the silence felt heavy.

“What was the second favour?”

Daesung was quiet now. I glanced at him, for the first time since he had actually stated his first favour.

He lifted his hand, looking at his palm for a moment.

“Here,” he held his hand towards me, palm up. “Would it be alright for you to hold this for a while?”

“That’s it? He held your hand?”

I examined my hands, noting that they were beginning to prune up a little bit.

“Yeah. He’s really kind of…”

I trailed off, unsure how to describe Daesung. I noticed that my hair dye was leaking into the bath water, tinting it slightly.

“Soft?”

“I think I was going to say innocent. But yeah, soft works.”

Soo-ah sighed, crackling through my phone’s speaker.

“I still can’t believe how lucky you are,” she lamented.

“It’s strange. I know that I’m lucky to have been chosen, but at the same time i-”

“It’s stressful. I know. Peizhi asked when you were coming back to class again.”

“Probably not for another month at this rate. Ugh.” I slid down, dunking my head under the water for a second.

“-ose all your skill. You can’t go doing that. Minseo will challenge your ranking in class. She’ll be eyeing top five after she takes your slot.”

“Let her. We all need motivation, right?”

“Sure, but she’ll get even worse if she gets past you. She’s already acting like an instructor.”

It had been a long day. By any account, I should have been exhausted.

Instead, I was lying in bed, wide awake, watching the minutes trickle past 1am.

Pushed by that call to action that only insomnia brings, I made a call.

It rang once.

I felt guilty calling this late.

It rang a second time.

This was actually quite inconsiderate of me.

It rang a half time more.

“Hello?”

He sounded just as awake as I was. I hadn’t actually expected an answer, so I hesitated.

“What’s up?” He prodded.

I sighed, deciding to be honest.