#doxblogsstuff

There were a few more text RPs between sessions, leading with Gabriel spending the night at Balthazar’s ( @the-grey-hunt) and Rhodey ( @rebaobsessions) winding up at his door in the morning like...a puppy? (He’s the opposite of a puppy, but is very cuddly.)

Following some very good conversations, Balthazar joins Tony and Rhodey on the route back to the inn to see them off to their S.H.I.E.L.D.-assigned quest.

Balthazar finally meets the party under non-stressful situations.

DJ (doxblogsstuff): Hi, Rhodey. Hi, Tony. Hi, random stranger.

Balthazar: We've already met.

Zira ( @heliocentricgeometric): Why are you here.

DJ is apparently masterfully restraining the urge to call Balthazar “Uncle Balthazar.”

Balthazar joins us for breakfast.

DM: Balthazar accepts coffee. 

Tony: Since when do you drink coffee?

Balthazar isn’t the only one to partake in caffeine.

Lynn ( @lynnnnnnnnnnmnnnnnnnnnnnnnmnnnn [again what the fuck]): [Bob] is going to take a cup of coffee, and probably chug it, and burn himself in the process but also keep chugging.

Formal introductions are made, since Balthazar was in too much distress last time to remember anyone’s names. Also Zira was Zee at the time.

Rhodey: Balthazar, this is Zira. Also sometimes Zee and Ezra, depending.

Balthazar, skeptically: Okay.

The cats make a reappearance, doubtlessly crawling all over Bob and Luna.

Balthazar: Why do you have cats?

Luna ( @imagine1117) and Bob at the same time: Why not?

Breakfast is eventually over, and Balthazar takes his leave of us.

Rhodey: It was great to get to know you a bit better this morning. 

Balthazar: It generally is with me.

(The CONFIDENCE)

Balthazar has opinions on Gabriel’s friends.

Balthazar to Gabriel: You have weird friends.

Gabriel really doesn’t have anything to say on that in his friends’ defense.

Luna has another particular comment to make on Balthazar, who is shorter than Gabriel regardless of what he would like to tell you.

Luna to Bob, re: Balthazar: He's shorter than I was expecting.

Bob: I'll tell you next time if he's a giant or not-a-giant.

We wind up on the road, and Zira is...unusually and shiftily quiet. She seems guilty about something. Rhodey rolls insight.

reba: I beat ZIRA on insight??? What is this?

(Zira has passive 18 insight.)

Rhodey goes to ask Zira what’s up and if everything’s okay.

Zira: There's no need to worry. 

Gabriel, under his breath: There's definitely a need to worry.

Rhodey: Is there something you'd like to tell us?

Zira: I'd like to not tell anyone. Ever. Forever.

Zira: What's there not to be worried about? There's always the chance that you'll hate me for something I do, and you'll leave me alone to die.

Absolutely no one is convinced.

reba: Rhodey is giving Zira...I don't know how to describe it except as a patented mom face.

Helio: On reflex, Zira makes a face back.

DJ: I'm gonna tell mom about this! Not Rhodey-mom. My mom. OUR mom!

Zira reluctantly tells the party that she’s joined S.H.I.E.L.D. without letting anyone know and is expecting punishment for it now. 

Zira: We're a unit, and I did something without the unit, so I should be punished right now.

Tony does actually say something at this point, something about how Zira can make her own decisions and it’s her choice, etc. Rhodey is also supportive because they did know what Zira was going to do since she wanted to join.

We end up in the town we need to be in! And Zira wants to put the ring of disguise on so she’s not so blatantly an aasimar.

DM: Natasha definitely took back her ring. Well, I say took it back; it's more like the next time you went to use it, you didn't have it any more.

Suggestions are bandied about with what to do about the book! We were told we can buy it, but not for more than 700 gold pieces. Stealing was suggested as an option - an option Tony did not and does not approve of.

Luna: We split into two groups. One group goes in disguise so we can frame them, the other group steals the book.

Bob & Luna: S t e a l.

Rhodey, Tony, & Zira: :/

DJ: Steal.

Tony: >:|

Rhodey is thankfully very much also against stealing.

DM: Her title is the Lawbearer and her symbol is scales on an axe, and the axe is there to remind you of what happens if you don’t obey the scales.

Around this time I did need to leave, so we’re down to highlights, and I have zero context for any of these quotes, sorry.

Alatar shows her usual tendency to over-prepare in some cases and under-prepare in others (ala accents).

DM: I didn't do this ahead of time, which I'm now realizing was a mistake.

Luna says a thing?

imagine: (clears throat)

Lynn: Hear ye, hear ye.

The Vesper Timberlands are brought up, largely because the person holding the book is interested in them and wants information on it.

DJ: How much do you know about [the Vesper Timberlands]?

Luna: A lot.

The party is apparently discussing ways of getting the book by trading knowledge.

Zira: Does xe want to hear about murder?

reba: This party and knowledge, I swear. 

DM: And yet so many secrets.

They eventually decide on Luna giving Zimmer information on the Timberlands. The entire group goes.

Zimmer: Some chairs have been put out for...the 3 of you that were expected.

imagine: Luna glances at Rhodey. He looks responsible. Rhodey seems like a normal person. Is this normal?

Luna begins her tale of the Timberlands? Which I missed.

Luna: There's also the Old City, which is an...old...city.

(And the New City, which is new! There’s also the Ancient City, which is as old as balls.)

The info given is enough for Zimmer to hand the book over, so...mission accomplished!

DJ to Zira: Well, you didn't get to talk about murder after all.

The party is curious about why S.H.I.E.L.D. is so interested in the book. They try investigating. (At this point I am no longer in an airport and can listen in but not participate.)

Rhodey: Now, you smart people, do your thing.

Reba: And Rhodey continues sharpening his axe.

The book is difficult to parse out, largely because there’s a spell on it. Zira is observant enough that she notices it. There’s a brief argument where Bob really, really wants to rip the front cover off, but most of us disagree. So we wait until the next morning to take the spell off. In the meantime, Tony and DJ have read through it because it’s entirely written in Celestial and taken notes (and continue to take notes on the way back) on the contents.

It’s a book entirely on warlocks and their pacts. There’s also information on a web of dreams that can protect people’s dreams.

By the next morning, Dispel Magic reveals that there’s something hidden in the cover! Zira insists on prying the cover open herself.

Helio, after rolling: Fuck. Wait, no, I have a great modifier, so not fuck.

There’s an actual web of dreams in the book itself! We head back to Ankh and to S.H.I.E.L.D.

DM: Do you hand over the book and the web?

Everyone: (resounding silence)

Rhodey: I certainly hope so!

S.H.I.E.L.D. is very pleased with us.

DM: You each get 320 gold pieces.

Everyone: (various noises of disbelief and amazement)

And that’s a wrap for Session 18! Which saw the party do an entire side quest in one session. Alas, I missed most of it but I think this is still a pretty concise summary.

We’re inside the house, and we’re figuring out where to sit as Clint and Natasha have gone off with Theodora to speak to her.

@thechaoticwave: Can I perch on the beams?

DM ( @the-grey-hunt:) No, there's not enough space for someone your size.

inu: Be a bat!

thechaoticwave: Can I be a bat?

Bob proceeds to fail his throw with a Nat 1 and lands on the floor.

DJ (doxblogsstuff) and Zira ( @heliocentricgeometric) are concerned about a possible concussion.

DJ: How many fingers am I holding up?

Bob: 43.

Zira strongly suspects a concussion.

Bob: I'll live.

Zira: You have a concussion.

Bob: I have zero concussions.

Bob holds up a zero with his hand to indicate this.

Zira: That's something someone with a concussion would say.

Someone comes into the room with snacks and honey in bowls.

Helio: Zira is a heathen who would absolutely eat straight honey. 

There is a very pretty tapestry in the room Tony’s looking at. It’s written in Elven.

DM: Do you speak Elven? 

inu: Nope. 

Dox: DJ does! 

DM: Good for you. You didn't make the check.

The tapestry is nice and Tony has no idea what’s written on it. 

Theodora Coulson comes in later, rather upset by the fact that there’s a cult in Neverwinter. She starts sending letters out, and is then even more upset by the fact that her son is going to be out past curfew and that’s dangerous.

Why is there a curfew? Because the jarl’s daughter was kidnapped way back when and a priest executed for the crime and others imprisoned. They’re still imprisoned. They’re all of the Temple of Erathis.

Sooo...we volunteer to go find the guy.

Tony: But what does he look like?

DM: Clint described him to you elaborately.

Tony: But what is the description 

DM: You have it.

(The description is super vague, guys.)

DM: This is a young man vaguely resembling Phil Coulson, who you haven't met yet.

We go out into Neverwinter in search of her son, eventually finding him trying to pin down a doctor.

The son: Who are you?

Zira: I don't really matter.

The son: That's an odd thing to say. I don't really believe you.

Zira: I'm a Doctor. Technically.

We convince the son we can help his friend. Rhodey ends up being able to do so with Lay on Hands and we then return to Theodora’s house to sleep.

Tony picks an uncomfortable sleeping position propped up against a wall with no cushions because certain people (DJ and Zira) stole them for a pillow fortress.

Tony: Well, I’m not seeing any cushions around...

Dox: DJ takes a cushion and throws it at Tony's head. Hard.

Thanks to a timely warning from JARVIS, Tony catches it easily.

There’s a brief moment where we’re teasing @rebaobsessions to please describe what exactly Rhodey is doing as he’s lying down by Tony. Is his head on Tony’s lap? What’s going on?? No, he’s just lying down right next to Tony, perpendicular to him, and his head is by Tony’s hip. He uses a bedroll for cushioning.

Tony doesn’t suggest anything here.

inu: Tony's leaning up against the wall. How comfortable is the wall, Alatar?

DM: ...It's a wall.

Tony wakes up in the middle of the night to find out the response to some of Theodora’s letters. The Horned Crown contact in Neverwinter has been captured, so that’s good. He goes back to sleep.

The next morning...

DJ: Name? 

DM: You sound like a bureaucrat. 

Bob/Zach: DJ? 

DJ: Your name? 

@imagine1117: DJ has paperwork to fill out

Clint and Natasha leave the next morning to head to the prison for more information.

thechaoticwave (about Clint & Natasha): Before they leave...

Everyone: gasps

thechaoticwave: I give Clint one bolt and one arrow.

They return later, but when they wish to go back to the prison it’s clear that we’re not really wanting to let them go by themselves since it was our intel that got them the contact (de Morea) in the first place.

Natasha is reluctant (but if she had issues about our interrogation techniques she could have stepped in any time).

Natasha gives Tony and Bob a very pointed look.

Zira persuades them otherwise with the threat/promise that we’ll do mischief.

DM: The idea of you unsupervised is somehow worse.

Someone: Imagine us just doing things with no one to stop us.

Someone: The last time we did that, someone ended with their forearm being cut off.

Once we’re at the prison, we’re informed we need to disarm ourselves. We’ve already left most of our weapons behind, so it just remains to take off what remains.

Clint: They’re not gonna let any weapons inside, so you might wanna leave some behind.

DM: He gives Rhodey a pointed look.

inu: Oh my god, he doesn’t know about the bag of holding.

JARVIS is also left downstairs because the guards don’t trust the look of him. We meet up with the guard captain and inform her about the scorpions. She’s surprised.

Zira: You're saying the roads haven't always been terrible and dangerous and murderous?

Natasha is first up to interrogate de Morea, pretending to be an accomplice of his. She works it marvelously, and he reveals they have more in the city and the abandoned temple of Erathis is a meeting point.

After some discussion, Tony is sent in as Cavlan while wearing the Ring of Disguise to trick de Morea into believing the jig is up and they have incriminating evidence on him and his involvement in the Horned Crown. Rhodey goes with him to pretend to be a guard.

It works. It...works a little too well. De Morea gets a surprise attack with Finger of Death and because our DM neglects to tell us what the damage type is, we spend a few minutes thinking Tony is dead until I look it up and realize that no, he’s just badly injured and unconscious.

Tony ends up revived by Rhodey, who evaded Feeblemind. JARVIS is still downstairs.

DM: You’ve gotten to one plot point of many; you’re not getting out of this that soon.

Zira sprints into the cell to join the fight!

DM: What does spiritual weapon look like? 

Helio: ...fuck.

Everyone else’s interference leads to de Morea plane shifting right out of the cell. He’s seen Zira.

DM: And he vanishes.

Helio: FUCK 

Dox: SHIT 

We don’t know what spell he used until Luna realizes.

DM: Luna, you know he cast plane shift.

imagine: Hold on; I'm looking up what that is.

Luna: Oh, fuck.

The guards are upset, but it’s clear we’re not to blame for what happened and we’re led to a different room. Tony is fully healed up by Bob and JARVIS is not budging from his side now that they’re reunited.

While we’re in this room and discussing what to do, Zira realizes the portrait on the wall is very familiar. Familiar enough that she realizes the kidnapped daughter is her friend from the Horned Crown.

Natasha asks her questions about the Horned Crown and Zira’s relation.

Zira: They needed more recruits, and I was there, and no one cared if the freak of the village went missing.

Everyone else is overwhelmed at the magnitude of the mess.

DJ: How are we gonna do this? 

Zira: Oh, you know, by getting murdered. For funsies

DJ: They laid Tony out in a single hit. 

Tony, underneath his breath: It wasn't a single hit. 

DM: Jarvis understands you.

After the revelation of the friend and more info from Zira, Natasha slips out with Clint. She returns some time later with a missing poster in her hand.

On the poster is...Zira’s birth name, and the revelation that her mother has been looking for her from the moment she was kidnapped.

Our DM ( @the-grey-hunt​) starts us off with a lovely recap about the ghost we encountered and the immediate aftermath of Gabriel’s identity reveal:

DM: The fight was short-lived and they were beaten into the afterlife by the rest of the party.

DM: Gabriel tried to avoid the party, who promptly told him to fuck right off with that attitude.

There was a comment on Luna’s ( @imagine1117​) passive perception for some reason? (Oh, right, because Rhodey ( @rebaobsessions​) proposed to Gabriel. Meaning Gabriel is now sporting a ring.)

DM: Very quick, imagine. What's Luna's passive perception? 

Imagine: High.

Luna isn’t the only one with high passive perception. The only one who doesn’t have one is poor DJ (doxblogsstuff) with a solid 9.

Zira ( @heliocentricgeometric​): How was last night?

Rhodey: It went great.

Zira: Do you want to share with the group?

Rhodey: Uuuuuhhhh.

Rhodey immediately looks to Tony/Gabriel for help.

Zira already knew Rhodey wanted to propose, and now it’s out that he actually did propose.

DJ: Didn't you do that already? Well, Tony did...

Helio: Zira kicks him under the table.

DJ: Ow! Your feet are pointy! 

Zira: All feet are pointy. That's how they work.

Sibling shenanigans go back to asking Mom and Dad what’s next now.

Zira: You've both proposed...so what comes next?

Luna, very quietly: Kids.

DJ: They've already GOT kids.

(Tony breaks out into hives immediately because no.)

Bob ( @lynnnnnnnnnnmnnnnnnnnnnnnnmnnnn​ [what the FUCK, lynn]) comes down from upstairs with two very familiar cats!

Lynn: Bob comes downstairs...and following him are two cats.

DJ: YOU!

Others in real life: (immediate shrieking)

Bob: What’s crackalackalin’?

Clint and...Agent 13, I think, join the group for breakfast. Let them know that Fury would like an answer from them within the next day or so. And then they leave.

Lynn: And Bob starts rummaging around in his bag. You already know what’s coming...

Lynn: And Bob puts a bolt and an arrow on the table in front of Clint.

Rhodey gives Bob a small part of his Highsummer gift for the cats, which is a little wicker backpack-like thing for them to stay in. And Zira, after her conversation with Tony and Tony shoving her off onto Rhodey when it comes to gifts, immediately pounces on Rhodey.

Zira: So I think there's no point in hiding it from me.

Rhodey: You mean what i bought you for Highsummer? 

Zira: Yes.  

(No, it doesn’t work.)

DJ is very officially dressed this morning for breakfast; he’s also very nervous! He’s going to try and see about getting started on the next step of becoming a master Alchemist!

Zira: Are you experiencing pre-exam stress?

DJ is very much unconvincing in convincing everyone he isn’t nervous and he’s totally fine. He doesn’t know what’s expected of the exam, only it’s an exam?? Zira tries to help.

Zira: Whoever you're killing, at least they'll be farther away from you since you're mostly a ranged--

DJ: I'm not killing anyone, it's just a test!

Zira: If you fail this test, will they kill you?

DJ: No! 

Zira: Then I don't know what you're so worried about.

Zira, later: People say there won't be any murder, but it's usually a trick.

There’s a little more talk on S.H.I.E.L.D. and what members of the group want to do what. Zira is still for joining. Tony/Gabriel is still against but does say to Rhodey he should just make the best decision for himself.

Rhodey to Tony: The best decision is the decision where I get to stay with you.

DJ does go off to the Alchemists’ Guild! Not alone, as Zira goes with him. Tony was tempted to go but still too uncertain about how things stood to try.

And now Zira finds out what DJ’s first name is... (Tony already knows, courtesy of a text RP.)

DJ: Dudo Jamjar, sir.

Gnome: I see. Your reputation precedes you.

DJ is remarkably polite during this entire interaction and it ends on a pretty positive note.

In the meantime, Luna and Bob are hunting down an Aarakocra Tony met on his shopping trip and referred Bob to. imagine had to roll a dice.

imagine: (dice clatter) eh--

DM: What was it?

imagine: I dunno; it's gone.

They do find the Aarakocra!

Hengist (verbally): Hello, how can I help you?

Bob (telepathically): Hello!

Hengist: Oh, wow, that's new. Are you a friend of that one guy? The one who didn't know anything about Aarakocra? 

Bob: Yes. Aarakocra. That's what I am, an Aarakocra.

(Very convincing, Bob.)

Bob doesn’t really know what to ask or what information to look for. Hengist doesn’t really know what information to give either. They part ways only slightly satisfied.

Luna: Just - one more question. Do your friends ask you what your name is everyday? 

Hengist: What - no, it's just Hengist.

Luna: Cool. Just curious.

imagine: Luna leaves. Awkwardly.

Zira and DJ are still together and so have more of a conversation once they’re back at Summer’s Rest. There’s some really heartfelt stuff on what happened to DJ back when he was still at home. DJ revealed to Zira that he actually died when the library fell on him. It was a pretty massive explosion, guys. Bad.

So that’s why he’s all nervous about continuing to pursue his education, but he’s going to do it!!

And after a hug and comfort from Zira, DJ goes back to gushing over the exciting new developments in the party.

DJ: But, oh my god! Mom proposed to Dad!

Zira and DJ want to surprise tackle someone with affection after everything, since Zira noticed that Tony was making discreet efforts at distancing himself from the group.

DJ: I'm pretty sure if I tackle him I'd break a knee.

Zira: Then do it right, fool.

Also Zira in this conversation:

Zira: Then now's your chance to flip the script! See, wordplay. I can do it.

DJ’s still pondering the technicalities of what he wants to do.

Zira: The important thing is that it's a tackle hug. Two things in one.

They don’t see Tony first. They do see Rhodey. (Tony has been holed up in the room all day, doing...things.)

Rhodey: Uh, hi, DJ - Zira.

Zira: We're here to be nosy!

DJ: I really want to know what [Tony's] doing.

Rhodey: I mean, I would, too...

(Rhodey has been in the room all day with Tony, and yet has no idea what’s up.)

Zira and DJ are trying to sell Rhodey on a tackle hug.

Zira: This is doctor's orders, even though I am technically not a doctor.

It’s okay. Rhodey doesn’t need convincing.

Tony is eventually done with whatever he’s doing, and he and Rhodey head downstairs for dinner. The stairs...are a thing.

Dox: DJ's running towards Tony, but he trips.

DM: Yeah, Zira's falling, but Tony just sidesteps out of the way and she hits the floor instead.

(They rolled terribly on DEX compared to Tony, especially since JARVIS gave Tony an alert that it was happening.)

DJ glomps onto Tony’s legs, and Zira isn’t far behind him. Tony is just ???

Zira: Do not think I haven't noticed your efforts to distance yourself from this group. ...Fuck off with that shit. 

DJ: You cannot escape our affection, Dad!

There is definitely no escape. Rhodey is there, too, and he snags all of them into the hug. So it’s a giant group hug.

We ended the session after going to S.H.I.E.L.D. and telling Fury that we’re not particularly interested in being lackeys of S.H.I.E.L.D. (or at least that’s what Tony said) but they could be consultants. Fury gave the party a mission to see how they liked working for/with S.H.I.E.L.D., which is to retrieve a book from a town several days from Ankh.

Zira hung back and said she did want to be an agent, so Fury officially pulled her in. She’s the only member of the party to actually become an Avenger and is assigned Agent 13 ala Sharon Carter as her handler. Carter is also the one to give us the mission and we’re told to get it through basically any means necessary because it’s really important and S.H.I.E.L.D. needs it.

It’s still raining outside, and we’re no longer in S.H.I.E.L.D.’s headquarters and have never been in Ankh before but really do need somewhere to stay.

@heliocentricgeometric: I'm thinking about what this anxious weirdo would do.

Tony just asks a random gnome where an inn is that they can stay at, and they’re directed to a nice boarding house that has 3 rooms we split between the six of us. Once we’re dried off, we reconvene in one room to discuss S.H.I.E.L.D.

Zira is adamant that she’s joining but no one else has to. Rhodey ( @rebaobsessions) is just as adamant that she’s not going to join it alone and DJ (doxblogsstuff) agrees.

But what about Tony? He’s not a fan of joining a shady organization, although he doesn’t specifically list his reasons for why. He does state he’s willing to ally with them as an independent contractor.

Tony: I'm not going off by myself.

Rhodey: Good.

DJ has doubts about this plan, since he doesn’t think Fury will agree to an independent contractor role.

DJ: Cranky Pants made it sound like it was a black-and-white choice. I don't know if he's been paying attention, but there's a lot of grey out there.

Tony: Shady organizations that think in black-and-white aren’t organizations I want to join.

Bob ( @thechaoticwave​) hasn’t agreed to joining either! He states he needs more information and just left with more questions after talking to Fury and getting some answers.

There’s a meta joke among us about the fact that Bob occasionally also has the name Tony and he and Tony can make a detective club. Zira suggests Tony become a detective and the joke spirals from there.

DM: Tony & Tony Private Detectives

thechaoticwave: Tony-squared.

Dox: T-squared. Their calling card is a t-square nailed to the door.

Back in game, Tony is stating his own decision shouldn’t affect anyone else’s, but Rhodey doesn’t want to leave him alone.

Rhodey: You’re not going anywhere without me by your side.

Tony: I’m not asking you for that.

Rhodey: You don’t get to ask or not ask me that— It’s already given, Tony. It’s already given.

(MY HEART, GUYS)

The conversation doesn’t really have a resolution since Bob still needs more info and Tony is resolutely not joining S.H.I.E.L.D. We wait for the rain to stop before heading down and do some errands.

DJ wants to visit the store his relatives have here since it’s an Artificing store. He invites Tony since it’ll be cool for Tony to check out. Tony agrees to come along but will have to leave for his own errands.

DJ asks the head of the inn where his relatives’ store is, actually using their name. He tries being stealthy but it’s not quiet enough to get past our groups’ passive perception.

There are...reactions among the players.

DJ last name reveal.

inu: wait WHAT WAS THAT

Everyone else: JAMJAR

There are Jar Jar Binks gifs going around in the lurking chat, and Tony in-game is going what very, very quietly.

In the meantime, Zira is interested in why DJ is wanting to go shopping and what is this about holidays?

Zira: We need to jump back. We need to jump way back. What holiday?

An explanation later that involves the practice of gift giving.

Zira: Does this mean I should be getting gifts for you? I don't even know what you like! I mean...explosions?

Some other folks are like...I don’t know if I can find a good gift since I’m terrible in real life. (coughrebacough)

inu (in lurking chat): Now I have an idea for DJ's gift.

Everyone else in voice chat: Oh no.

We do eventually find our way to JamJar Jar Jar Artificers.

The proprietors: Welcome to Jamjar Artificers ...Have I met you before?

DJ, their relative: I'm Junior.

Madi and Mani are the twin proprietors of a store that sells absolutely nothing made by actual artificers. Tony is familiar with almost everything in the store and is an actual artificer. The stores’ contents are also super expensive and we don’t have the funds because our DM hasn’t provided us with a ton of loot drops...

Zira: Being hunted for sport actually doesn't pay very well.

DJ: I could have used a little more gold and a little less near death experiences.

Madi and Mani would really like DJ to buy this cat figurine that has been in their store for absolutely ages. (Please guess which cats this figurine is modeled after. Please.) It’s still 75 gp but they’re willing to knock down the price!

After some more exploring, Tony eventually gives DJ everyone else’s money bags and leaves on his own errands.

He manages to find his way back down to the first floor, upon which he...senses a little something...a little something familiar.

It’s Balthazar.

Balthazar is here.

Balthazar is physically here.

He’s here and painting a mural on the wall!!

Tony has absolutely no idea what to do, but he’s too curious for his own good to just leave without acknowledging his brother in some way. It’s been two years since he’s last seen him in person!

Tony says something nice about Balthazar’s painting, getting his attention. Balthazar turns to him, presumably about to say something nice, 

There’s a moment, and then Balthazar sees the signet ring Tony has.

Balthazar: What’s that ring you're wearing?

Tony looks down at this ring he has always worn and never even considered.

Tony (to himself): Oh shit.

Balthazar tries some kind of spell but Tony aces the wisdom save.

Balthazar keeps asking where Tony got the ring from. Tony is absolutely truthful that it’s his ring and he stole it off a table and not any fingers. Balthazar is incredibly doubtful and suspicious of this because his brother would never let go of that ring and why does Tony have it

I want it to be known that everyone in the lurking chat is losing their minds over Balthazar being physically present and ALL OF THEM IN A STORE AND NOT PRESENT.

Bob ends up leaving because he’s uninterested in what the rest of the party is doing. Zira follows after him.

thechaoticwave rolls a Nat 20 on perception.

DM: Bob, you go up to the balcony, look down, and see this dude about to throw hands with Tony.

Bob flies down, and Zira is right on his heels to see what’s up and is like HEY, WHAT’S GOING ON. This gets everyone else’s attention, and soon they’re all trying to find their way down to the first floor.

Bob interjects himself smack in the middle before Balthazar can throw any punches. His presence is enough for Balthazar to back off a little, but he’s still insistent on the ring being his brother’s (Gabriel) and why does Tony have it?

Bob makes the offhand suggestion that maybe Tony’s his brother! :D

The rest of the group sprints to Tony’s defense, and Balthazar is now faced down by a 6′6″ tall aasimar with sharp teeth, Rhodey who has a ton of weapons, a bird, JARVIS, and a halfling. (Luna is off to parts unknown.)

Rhodey asks Tony if he knows what’s going on here. Tony just nods because anything else would be a lie, wouldn’t it?

Balthazar is now amenable to moving this conversation somewhere more private because Tony isn’t having this discussion here.

They go into a side alley. Balthazar reiterates that the only reason his brother wouldn’t have this ring would be if he was dead.

Tony: He’s not dead.

Balthazar: And how do you know that?!

Tony: Because...he’s me.

There’s...a stunned pause. Helio is accidentally ejected from voice chat while Bob is trying to give Zira a high-five.

And then Balthazar is instantly in denial because how???

Zira: Well, is he your brother then?

Balthazar: NO!

Balthazar is insistent he’d know if Tony was his brother. He’s spent enough time with his siblings to know them! And Tony doesn’t look like any of them!!

This means...is Tony under a disguise??

Helio: 465 is now in the front y’all!

reba: Oh, NO

465 is mad. She is so mad, guys. She demands to know what Tony’s real name is. If that’s even his actual face!!

Tony doesn’t answer, just says they need to go somewhere private if he’s going to do this. Balthazar leads them to his place because he doesn’t want to be led somewhere unfamiliar.

Tony takes off the amulet, and it’s Gabriel.

Helio: Can we pause for a second

DM: Yeah, let loose.

(three to four simultaneous meltdowns)

Balthazar is having emotions. Gabriel is having emotions. Everyone else in the party is just probably in varying stages of wtf-ery and 465 is apparently startled enough and Zira startled enough that Zee is back in the driver’s seat because 465 and Zira are now fighting.

Zee: Mr. Tony... Gabriel. Mr. Tony-Gabriel.

Balthazar eventually tells everyone to make themselves comfortable. He’s found solace in a chair himself.

thechaoticwave: Bob just flops down as soon as he says make yourself comfortable.

DM: Like, on your stomach?

thechaoticwave: Yeah.

Zee is super talkative and introducing herself and the Zira collective to Balthazar. DJ puts a hand over her mouth. He’s wearing the gauntlets of ogre strength and I think Zee licks it?

DM: It tastes like metal and dead people. The dead person is mostly on the inside.

Balthazar swears a little as Gabriel talks; he doesn’t like what he’s hearing.

Zee: That was a bad word. Also is your shirt broken?

Balthazar: No. I'm hot.

Zee: Why don't you take it off?

DJ: Zee, darling, Mr. Balthazar looks a little stressed out right now. Why don't we not critique his clothing choices right now?

Balthazar: If you’re going to call me Mister, use my last name Quill.

Gabriel keeps telling Balthazar about what happened back home. That he left because he if he hadn’t then he probably would have gotten himself killed. And he’s going after the ones who left to join the Horned Crown.

Balthazar looks like he doesn’t want to hear this and doesn’t know whether to believe this. He’s curled in on himself in the chair.

Gabriel eventually reaches out, but something he says upsets Balthazar and he withdraws. Gabriel doesn’t try again.

Gabriel tells Balthazar they’ll leave and are heading to their boarding house. Balthazar can find him there and bring Hannah if he wants.

Balthazar snidely asks if he’s going to skip town. Gabriel glances over to the group and Rhodey and DJ are very adamant on going LIKE HELL with their eyebrows.

Gabriel puts the amulet back on and leaves before anyone else does. Rhodey eventually follows after, leaving Zira, Bob, and DJ to follow.

Rhodey tries to touch Gabriel’s shoulder, but Gabriel actually flinches and puts space between them. Rhodey doesn’t try again.

They end up back in the boarding house. Rhodey and Gabriel are in the room they share. Rhodey lets him know he can take time to think and Rhodey’s here if Gabriel wants to talk. And that he still trusts him and loves him.

There isn’t a verbal response from Gabriel, but he does nod.

Rhodey rolls a Nat 1 on insight against Gabriel’s 19 (17?) for deception. It’s...uh...bad.

Rhodey leaves the room, closes the door, and starts crying against it because he thinks something really awful, guys.

I’m just going ahhhh in the voice chat because owwww

DM to inu: This is your bed that you made and you're going to lie in it.

Zee and DJ find Rhodey crying against the door. Zee is instantly jumping to comfort and gives Rhodey a hug.

reba: Helio, your characters are too perfect and you have three of them.

DJ shoves Rhodey aside while he’s hugging Zee. Zee and Rhodey head downstairs for some water while DJ goes to talk to Gabriel.

DJ: Oh my god, you are so fucking DUMB

Gabriel doesn’t respond to anything. DJ accidentally injures him on trying to pull his hands away from his face because he rolled a Nat 1 and so the gauntlets catch on Gabriel’s skin. He’s rubbing at the wounds angrily but still kindly and is telling Gabriel to go talk to Rhodey because he was crying.

Gabriel: You’re a good kid.

DJ: I’m an adult.

Gabriel: A good kid.

Gabriel goes downstairs, but Rhodey and Zee are sitting together and drinking some water. Zee has managed to cheer Rhodey up some, and Gabriel doesn’t want to bother them.

Zee catches sight of him and waves him over. Rhodey catches sight and raises a hand. Gabriel makes to go to a corner table and Rhodey droops.

Only DJ is there and keeps poking Gabriel in the back, but JARVIS headbutts him because that’s just rude and stop poking Gabriel! DJ hauls Gabriel off to Rhodey and Zee because he’s not leaving them to not talk about this!!

DJ: Zee, sweetheart, let's go over and talk to Neil and Luna, who is invisible. Because Rhodey and Tony need to have a conversation like two adults.

Gabriel sits down but has a chair of space between them. Neither of them speaks. 

inu: Two guys at a table sitting in awkward silence.

DM: Two bros sitting in a hot tub.

Rhodey gathers his thoughts and eventually tells Gabriel he’s still there for him.

Rhodey: I still trust you. I still love you

Gabriel: You don’t know me.

Rhodey: Are you going to say that, after all we've done? That it’s all a lie?

Gabriel: ...no.

Gabriel tells Rhodey it was a mask. Rhodey doesn’t like hearing this. He wants to know if everything about them was a lie. If anything was real.

Gabriel tells him a little about leaving and that none of this was intended. That he made attachments he never intended to make but he’s made them.

Gabriel: I don’t want to leave.

Rhodey: And I definitely don’t want you to go.

Gabriel: Then...I guess we can try.

(There is a part where Rhodey says he loves part of Gabriel already. Can’t he love the rest? my heart)

Rhodey reaches out a hand, and Gabriel gives it a look before grabbing hold of it. He’s holding it pretty tightly, and Rhodey’s squeezing back just as hard.

And that’s where we end the session!!!

After defeating a room full of undead, DJ (doxblogsstuff) goes over to the shiny machine in the room.

Dox: And then DJ went toward the big shiny machine, because it's a big shiny machine

There’s a crevasse in the room where there was clearly water at some point.

Dox: Is it bone dry?

inu: Was that meant to be a pun?

Dox: No, but it is now.

We are going through the cave; Zira is anxious.

Zira ( @heliocentricgeometric): Everywhere is full of things that can kill us!

DJ wants to go explore.

DJ: But, Mooooom, it's cool.

Rhodey ( @rebaobsessions): It will still be cool if you give me a few minutes to make sure it's safe!

Zira: It's less cool if you're DEAD!

DJ and Zira stick their tongues out at each other.

One of the caverns has a large body of water! It’s a bit like the ocean, just in miniature. Some of us want to take a swim...

Bob ( @thechaoticwave): Can we go for a swim?

Tony: That is a bad idea. I have had a lot of bad ideas and that is a BAD IDEA. No one is going for a swim!

DM ( @the-grey-hunt): I would say...nothing, the DM isn't supposed to have opinions. Continue talking amongst yourselves.

DM: Oh my god, so many of you have never seen the ocean.

Luna goes into a room! There is..absolutely nothing in there but for a chest and bad juju.

Luna ( @imagine1117): Something bad happened in here.

Tony: Like what? Are there any bodies?

Zira: How on fire is it?

It turns out there’s a wraith in here! (At least I think it’s a wraith.) She’s mad we’re disturbing her.

DM: This is why you put Rhodey in front; he has all the armor and the charm.

The wraith is willing to let us go if we have something interesting to share or something nice to give her.

imagine: Luna has a bearskin for no reason, that I've been wanting to get rid of.

DM: I like the implication that at some point between backstory and now, Luna killed a bear.

Tony’s for giving the wraith interesting information.

Zira: We're not very interesting people.

Tony: We're not?

Zira (sadly): No...

Rhodey succeeds on selling the wraith a piece of malachite by telling her it’s shiny and can poison people when wet (courtesy of Tony giving him this info).

Rhodey: Thank you very much. (slams door)

There’s a spectator in a room! This would seem to be the room with the legendary forge, so we’re kind of left wondering what to do.

Tony to spectator: That's...a lovely smile you have?

Tony ends up taking the lead here and just bullshits stuff to the spectator, trying to figure out what’s going on in the cave and why the spectator is here.

Tony: Did any of the workers die?

Spectator: Some of the workers got injured and had to take a little time off, but died?

DM: By the way, the spectator's name is Brad.

We didn’t really get any worthwhile info from the spectator other than that it thinks the mine is still operating just fine and dandy and if we want more info we need to go further into the mine.

Rhodey wants to open a door.

Tony: you remember what happened the last time we opened a door .

(We made a spectator grumpy.)

There’s a room with some bugbears and drows! They’re across a very large crevasse and the room is huge, so melee fighters need to slide down to get anywhere close.

Dox: How close is Rhodey to Kurt Cobain? 

DM: None. None close.

DJ throws a bomb.

Rhodey and Luna team up to take down a bugbear.

imagine: I'm gonna stab the bugbear. (laughing) Oh, no. 7? 

DM: That misses. However, Rhodey is up next.

reba: I would like to hit the bugbear.

Next round starts...

DM: It's Luna's turn.

imagine: Stabby stabby part two (rolls Nat 1)

DM: You almost hit Rhodey but it bounces off his chainmail.

Rhodey makes to attack as well but misses. And yet Tony is there and his attack does hit. It’s also the kill, and he runs the bugbear straight through.

We investigate the area, and we discover the gauntlets of ogre strength! They’re currently on the skeleton of a dwarf.

DJ (with a shit eating grin): You know, those are dwarf sized, so they’d fit me a lot better than they’d fit any of you.

We’re discussing who can wear them.

Probably Tony:  DJ, you could use some help.

DJ (offended): HEY! It's true, but hey!

Zira: What if they're cursed? 

[pause, then multiple players start talking over each other]

There’s a pause and we establish no, they are not cursed. DJ attunes to them and we take a short rest.

imagine: Is there any nature here for me to commune with?

DM: There's the water.

imagine: ......That'll do.

After the short rest, the gauntlets shrank down to fit DJ’s hands!

DJ scoops Zira up with his brand new gauntlets of ogre strength and she knees him in the face.

At some point...

Zira: We're all gonna die?

I don’t recall what inspired this bit.

Zira: We could all die like that! We will die! Fuck! 

Rhodey (very quietly): Oh my gosh, Zira.

We probably did something stupid here.

Helio: We don't have very many brain cells, and we also have to share.

Our final boss...is a drow!

Drow turns around, starts talking in accent. The entire party descends into laughter.

He’s talking in Brian’s accent from The Adventure Zone. It’s that accent. It’s ridiculously over-the-top and the DM nails it.

Brian the Drow: You're dodging the question of how you got so far into the mine that no one knows about.

Zira: Murder. So much murder. And more murder.

Tony: And a lot of walking.

Zira: And walking. 

Daniel: And flying! 

Zira: You're the only one who does flying. 

Tony: Okay, walking, murder, and flying. All three.

Brian: Ah, you won't be needing to worry about walking any more, I assure you. You won't be walking anywhere soon.

There’s a fight! Brian attacks! And...his pet spiders?

DM: It's Magic Brian's turn. I have to call him 'Magic Brian' to distinguish him from all the other Brians.

DM:  I named them all Brian on purpose. All of the spiders are named 'Brian,' except for Gryan, who's holding Daniel.

[cue laughter from players]

The spider’s names?

Magic Brian and his giant spiders, spiders Bryan, Breighan, Brienne, and Gryan.

We’re still laughing over the spiders’ names.

DM: Zira, your turn.

Helio (faintly through laughter): Give me a second.