when a bad thought is overcoming your good life,

(Picture credits to the rightful owner)

Yes, we are all saddened by the sudden death.

And it's hard time for us. And yet we choose to speak about this problem. It is not new. We just chose to talk about it right now. Why? Because We're curious about ourselves and other people.if everyone is curious about other people's health. Why is it so hard to share what goes through your mind? Is it a problem that only people with colossal fear, anxiety, depression go through? No.

Then why it is so hard to go through the process of talking and speaking up? Let me explain to you.

When you talk to a person you expect listening . You expect a person to hear you out, not opinions or words or comforting speeches about self love and self worth. You expect someone to know how you feel. Yet, when you want to share they let you out saying" it'll be okay, it's fine. It always happens, depression is not a disease you're just dramatic, you just want attention because "no one listens to you" ". Yes. You say that, I say that, everyone says that, to a person who's dealing with sadness and depression. Some of you even have the audacity to say "yes, because you're such a dumb person you call problems to yourself." Now instead of saying these pretentious so called dialogues and being an ass, wouldn't it be just simple to stay and listen? Would it be so wrong to just hug the person, or just stay and listen. No you can't, because it would be unlike you, because all you can do is tease and irritate your so called friends. It's not just celebrities who are trolled and called pretentious and fake to speak it out. Even infamous people like you and me, are called fake and pretentious and attention seekers because we choose to talk about something that troubles us and yet we are shut out. This happens with everyone not just one person.

Suicidal thoughts are not just caused because of *one bad thing* it is the repercussion of these repetitive actions that we all caused to and around a person.

Now a person with depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts won't happily come to you and speak out. Their thoughts being so stiff around damage and self harm it's hard for them to speak it. Normality would he the best mask to hide this. And yet you wouldn't know what goes inside one's head.

What can you do about it if you don't even know what is going on in someone's head.You can help them heal. Heal from the damage you can't save them from.This person does not require sympathy. This person needs warmth. The warmth that the sun gives on a cold winter day. That kind of warmth.

This kindoff warmth is not bought onto by self loving speeches and stuff. This warm is hidden in the presence of just being. We say tell us what is troubling you and yet when we are supposed to listen we shut a person.

Nothing hurts more, then falling in love.

You usually start with saying, “I hate love, it’s stupid.”

This is when your very young, and have no intention of ever loving someone.

But, then years go by, and you grow.

You start to have crushes, and have small, but minor, heartbreaks.

This is from finding out that your crush, doesn’t like you. However, you still are able to move on.

Then one day, your sitting in class, and like always, your just doodling on your paper, listening to what the teacher is saying.

Its a small class, and about four, maybe five, of the kids in there are just misbehaving.

You lift your head when you hear your name, seeing one of your bestfriends waving at you in the hall.

Of course, you wave back, and watch them walk off.

The boy sitting in front of you, turns around.

Your ability to breath stops.

His lovely eyes look into yours.

“You know them?” “Yeah, their one of my best friends.”

He looks shock for a second, and smiles. “Their my best friend too!”

And, of course, you smile back.

The days go on, and you talk to this boy more, and more. Hell, you even stay awake all night, just texting him.

Then, one day, it hits you.

You love this boy. But...does he love you?

He ends up asking you out, and you say yes. Your both...oh so happy. The adorable couple of the school.

You went to dances together, him holding your body close to his.

You soon had your first kiss at one of the dances, melting into the wonderful feeling.

Everyday, he walks you to class, and would leave a lingering kiss on your lips.

He was also the reason why you would put chapstick, or lipgloss/lipstick.

“Have you been putting something on your lips?” “Yes, how could you tell?” He would look at you, smiling, licking his own lips. “Because, everytime I kiss you, your lips taste so wonderful, I want to kiss them even more.”

But, all amazing things...have to come to a end...

You now sit in your room, tears running down your face, your cheeks already stained from the previous ones.

Its dark, the only light coming from the moon peeking through the cracks of the curtain, and the dim brightness of your phone.

You have your earbuds in, listening to what used to be his favorite songs. One song comes on, that was his most favorite, that has you burst into even more tears.

Biting your blanket, you muffle your screams and whines.

You keep thinking to yourself, ‘If only I did better.’

Many things, of what you could’ve done, race through your head.

You could’ve became more skinny.

You could’ve become more pretty.

You could’ve put pounds of makeup on everyday.

You could’ve wore short skirts, and shirts that showed to much cleavage.

You could’ve worn heels.

More tears keep pouring out, as these go through your mind. Glancing over at the one thing that left you scars, you pick it up.

You haven’t done it, since you met him.

He helped you stop. He saved you.

But, where was he now, to save you?

“Love sucks,” you say, as the cuts form once again, on your arm.

It hurts, when you fall in love. It really does suck. But, what you don’t know, is that you’ll find someone else. You might not believe it now, or for quite some time, but it’ll happen.

The person you may meet later on in your life, may not seem like the one, but you have to give them a chance. And, it might take a few years till you meet someone, but it might be a little shorter then that. But, you might not meet the one, if you consider ending your life.