#donaidk

Turning the last two corners of the Yas Marina Circuit I knew they wouldn't have time to catch me, and I easily crossed the finish line. It was loud at the end with the clapping of the crewmembers at the side and the fans, making me smile even wider. I let the car slow down before turning into the pit lane so I can park down at the garage and turn off the car. I was ecstatic as I got out of the car, immediately taking off my helmet and landing in a hug from the boss. I saw my family right behind them with smiles so wide on their faces I have never seen before. As soon as I was free I went to them, almost jumping up and down as I couldn't mask my excitement. I quickly thanked everyone before having to leave for the podium and celebration but planned on talking to everyone one by one as I had a lot to thank them for in the last season alone.

It was strange to step onto the highest part of the podium while inside I knew I only got third in the whole championship. It didn't break down my spirit in any way, but it was still a little strange. We stood through the speech and anthems but with the start of the usual music, we took the champagne placed at our feet, popping them a second later and showering everyone in the drink. My eyes were stinging but I just wanted to see it all and braved getting even more champagne into them rather than just missing the sight of spectators, teams and families celebrating with us. We were all soaked in it, my hair sticking together even as it was in a braid, so it won't be in the way.

An hour later I was finally finished with interviews and team talks, deciding to go to the driver room to finally change out my wet clothes. The racing suit was already off my upper body, but the fireproofs were just as alcohol smelling as the upper layer. I passed some of the guys on my way back to the paddocks and even saw some F1 drivers give answers to questions about the upcoming season and team changes. Although we had many chances to meet them during races, award shows and just racing events, most of them stayed huge celebrities in our eyes, right until you got to be their teammate for a season and you got used to being on their level. I did see Daniel too, sitting down with a reporter to do his pre-race interview quickly raising my hand to greet him silently and grinned inside when he did the same. I was over the moon with how everything ended and how it all will start next year with the contract I got from Renault.

“ He's inside, waiting for you. ” I heard my mum as soon as I stepped inside the garage and was about to turn the corner to get to the room. “ Talk to him. Give him a chance. ” She added when I was about to backtrack and just leave my idea of changing behind. I would rather travel home smelling like alcohol, champagne to be exact than stand in front of him and talk about anything.

“ Why? What if I don't want to? ” I asked back, with my arms crossed in front of my chest. I just hoped he wasn't hearing anything of this, even though I didn't really care what he thought about me. Still, the look she gave me, made me follow my first plan of just entering the room, so I can finally put down my things.

I stopped in front of the white door for a second, taking a big breath and letting it out before I pushed down the handle and got the door open as I stepped inside. He was sitting on the couch in his orange jacket, with a cap on his head, clearly showing everyone he's part of the McLaren team. Probably his face alone would be enough for a majority of people to get that info, but if you because of some strange happening didn't know him, all the ads and texts on their clothing gave all the info you needed. He was on his phone, of course, but closed it and looked up at me after he realised I was the one stepping inside the little room. I put my watch on the shelves next to him alongside the towels and several fireproofs we had if there were any accidents and we needed more than one piece. The silence made my skin crawl as I knew he was watching my every move with eyes like a hawk but didn't say a word to me actually. Just seconds later I got fed up with the situation and broke the silence around us with a sigh.

“ Here to spy on your future opponent? ” I asked, looking at him with my hand on my hip and even though it made me smile that he was here, I fought myself not to show it to him.

“ More like here to congratulate someone, who will make my next season hell. ” He let out a laugh but his face lost the sudden happiness as I didn't return his feelings.

“ I hope so. ” I had to agree, even though I knew he was joking only. “ It would be embarrassing to finally get in and crash out almost immediately. ” I added with a sigh, still hoping it was just my anxiety towards next season's challenges talking and not something that will become reality.

“ You got a seat yesterday. Even before winning today and taking P3 in the championship. You'll do just fine. ” He shrugged, sliding to the side of the bed so I could sit down next to him comfortably. I got my legs on the bed, crossing them, so I could turn fully towards him. I was angry at him, but being rude wouldn't achieve anything in this situation. “ I'm sorry about ghosting you. It all just got too much and I closed everyone off, including you. ” He exhaled, picking at his own fingers which I knew quite well as a sign of worry for him.

“ Yeah, I know. Your mum was reaching out to me if I knew what happened while I haven't even talked to you for two or even three months previous to her message. ” My eyes stayed on him even though the situation wasn't comfortable for any of us, and I usually hated eye contact during these moments. With him, it was usually the other way around, that I needed to see his eyes to know how he's feeling. When you get to a certain level of friendship with someone, where you know what they're thinking by looking at their eyes, you usually like to use that in the middle of arguments or agonizing dialogues.

“ She was furious with me when I went home. I did almost change my mind who's the Welsh Dragon from the two of you. ' He finally let a smile get on his face and it was the first time since we last talked that I did smile because of him. ” Still wasn't enough to make me text or call you. ' His hand went up to scratch at the nape of his neck, my eyes following the movement, making me realise how long his hair had gotten since the last time he stood in front of me.

“ I  was looking forward to getting a sign of life from you for a week or so, but then gave up. ” I nodded, looking down a little bit as I remembered how alone I felt when not even his mum could get him back to his previous self. He always looked happy for the outside world, but as I saw him at venues and shows I saw the moments he was standing alone with just the emptiest look in his eyes as he scanned the crowd. “ But I understand. I know it was probably hard, I will go through the same next season. ” A silent sigh left my body as I thought about how hard next year will probably be.

“ Yeah, sorry and also thank you for not fully giving up on me. ” He finally looked up at me with a little smile. “ I saw all the messages, just was a dickhead and didn't reply to any of them. ” He shook his head and although looked disappointed in himself he finally had a normal glint in his eyes.

“ Are you talking to everyone else too now? ” I asked curiously, my body loosening up a little as the tension lowered between us. It was a small little cubicle, you could feel everything ten times better if you were closed in.

“ Not really. I planned on slowly saying sorry to everyone. After yesterday's announcements, I thought today would be the perfect time to start it with you. I hoped you wouldn't just come in, tell me off and leave without me explaining myself. ” His laugh made me myself, even though I knew it would be hard work from his side to get our friendship where it once was. He was still the same guy from years back, but when someone just leaves you hanging you do lose a bit of faith and trust towards them. Even if you have been inseparable for the past like 16 years.

I wanted to add a thought to our conversation when we heard a bunch of footsteps coming towards the room. I knew it was probably my crew coming to celebrate a little before we have to start packing up to leave before F1 really gets going and we won't have the place to do it. We just stood up from the bed when some of the mechanic guys came inside without a knock or anything and just took me out of the small room like that while I was almost dying from laughing. I saw Lando shimmie outside, trying not to get caught up in the team dance that I was in the middle of.

When we finally got home I still had some paperwork to attend to and then the fun part started. I say the fun part even though my stress level was higher than some New York skyscrapers if I'm being honest. I understood even more what Lando meant by it was all just too much and I did start to look up at him that he went with it for months before it took the best of him and he shut down a little. My Renault move being quite short notice didn't help either as I had to start searching for a house or apartment close to the HQ in the middle of December and Christmas which was never easy. Luckily we did find a compact little flat that ticked all of our boxes and wasn't even too pricey.

I moved in smaller chunks as I had so many things to take with me but not enough hands. Lando did help out on quite some days, letting us meet up a little and catch up, but as my family was working full time I had to manage most of the moving alone. It was already the middle of February when I felt like it was all finished, which was a huge relief as I had to leave for testing and then do all the necessary photoshoots and paperwork. The first days were probably the worst when I really didn't know anyone other than the boss and Daniel. Even though they both tried to make me comfortable, the best moments were when I finally got to drive the cars and just focus on my job. I started to dread that it will be like this for the whole season, just me feeling really out of place not having anyone I could go to. But then it all finally clicked into place and I started to understand the whole process. It got even better when we finally had some time to get to know each other.

It was the first week of March when we finally had some free time to go out with mine and Daniel's crew for a little team building. We chose a park close to the HQ as we didn't want to go somewhere really crowded and closed in, and just made a little picnic with beer and sandwiches. It was really just a thought one second and a real plan the next. I finally got to know every little piece of our team and finally really connected the names to faces and voices, which I couldn't really do in the rush we were in during weekdays for the last couple of weeks. It was funny when I realised some of them were more in my age group than I actually thought and I hoped they felt as good about me as I did about them. There really was no one who made me think, maybe I don't want to spend so much time with them. Dani was a huge part in making me feel at home too as he acted around me as I have always been there, working next to them. He did give me enough courage to really be myself and not just act as how they wanted to see me. Maybe I didn't become everyone's favourite person, but that wasn't the goal anyway. I can try to be that but will just lose even more friends when they realise I'm not who they thought I was.

Another big part of getting used to it all was the media and all the new fans I gained by becoming an F1 driver. Interviews were already a part of our routine in F2 but the questions got a lot more precise and sometimes you really had to think about your answer. Also, a huge change was that they did actually recognise you in the street even before I had my debut race, meaning you couldn't really just get out of the house how you wanted. At least I felt like I had to plan for at minimum one person asking for a photo or something signed by me. It was fun at times but could become quite tiring if it happened more than once in a row. In a way, you lost a part of your freedom to your fans and people just in general. I still felt lucky that not everyone cared about me and I could still just have fun with old friends or family. I still felt a little relieved when we travelled to Australia for the Grand Prix, because we all were together even if we were from different teams and spent quite some time with our own bubble only.