#doesnt

Me(20F) and my boyfriend (23M) have been dating for a little over a year and a half. Everything has been great, aside from the start, but there is one thing that bugs me.

For context, we live 2 hours apart and around every 2 months I go to see him and stay with him for over a week. Whenever I ask to go out on a date, he always complains that he’s tired from work, his foot hurts, he has work early the next day etc so I just let it be and try to be there for him. Sometimes he’ll say yes and cancel on me later that day. When we eventually do go out (which only happens once every time I go see him) he’s always sighing and huffing and puffing.

Today, I had a particularly rough day. My friends ended up hanging out and only bothered to invite me last minute, and my family was being inconsiderate so I felt upset and asked him to come home (in an ‘I miss you’ manner because I obviously know he can’t just leave work for me lol) because I felt very alone.

He had to work a double shift (11 hours total) and when his shift ended, he told me he was going to a restaurant with his coworkers, which surprised me since he always talks about how he doesn’t like to go out. I was surprised, but I let it be. He ends up staying past his shift an extra 2 hours until his job closes, which I found odd, and then he leaves to the restaurant. He then tells me he’s going to go play basketball with his friends afterwards, mind you it’s 11:30 PM and he has work at 10 AM the following morning. He doesn’t ever miss his routine of playing video games before bed, so I imagine he will go to sleep around 2-3am today. I don’t mind him hanging out with his friends whatsoever, he has a life outside of me, I’m just kind of bummed out that when I ask to go out with him, it’s met with sighs and uneager-ness. AIO?

PS: he only went out with his male coworkers and sent me a selfie with the entire table, so I don’t believe he is doing anything sketchy.

EDIT: he does occasionally drive the whole two hours here and back to get me, and most times we meet halfway

UPDATE: lol we just had an argument because I asked if he could say “I love you” first instead of me saying it first all the time and he got mad, said saying it all the time “diminishes the meaning” and hung on me. lol.

Reddit consensus: NOT OVERREACTING (NOR) (83% confidence)

Top comment: “baby leave that man NOR”

Notable comment: “NOR My dear, it sounds like it’s just not that into you. You are not his priority. you literally drive two hours to see him and he has plans with people from work. 🤷♀️ and video games That’s not encouraging for you. You say he “occasionally does the drive I don’t think he is into you as much as you’re into him sorry if he cared he would’ve excited and eager to see you he’s not.”

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I recently found out that my boyfriend doesn't brush his teeth regularly (if at all). To be honest, it completely gave me the "ick" and I can't look at him the same way anymore. Basic hygiene is an absolute non-negotiable for me, and I just don't think I can move past this.

I want to break up with him over it, but I’m struggling with how to phrase it without being unnecessarily cruel, even though it’s a major issue for me. Has anyone else dealt with a partner lacking basic hygiene, and how did you handle the breakup? And is breaking up the right choice even though he loves me very much, but i feel like i lost interest when he told me that.

Reddit consensus: NOT OVERREACTING (NOR) (100% confidence)

Top comment: “It would be very nice to see someone be honest with a kind phrasing. He needs to know what the issue is so that he can learn. Basic hygene is important to almoat everyone. Help him understand when you break up with him. NOR”

Notable comment: ““Listen, I’ve been doing some thinking and I’ve come to the realization that we’re not compatible. You’ll find someone great and I hope the best in your future. Take care.”

If he does keep pushing you to tell him after you broke up-

Then you can tell him your lack of hygiene is very concerning to me. If you don’t understand why it’s a deal breaker, I suggest talking to a dentist, doctor or even post on a forum on Reddit somewhere if you want unbiased feedback.

NOR and he is gross. Imagine having to kiss a nasty never brushed mouth 🤮”

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Am I wrong with having to end things with partner of 7 years because he doesn’t want marriage or kids? His reasoning is he sees marriage as a business and can only do it the spiritual way. Also said he sees the toll it takes on people especially in divorces. Explained how the benefits of having a certificate would be but says it’s still a business and there’s ways to work around a prenup. He doesn’t want kids due to the economy and not sure if something could go wrong like a sick child etc. I respected his decision but since I was a kid, that’s one of the things I’ve wanted in life. I also feel left out because all of my best friends are getting married and having kids, which I’m so happy for them and I see how happy they are. I’m not getting any younger, as much as I do love him, I can’t keep having my times wasted.

To add in the beginning he did. Then he was back and forth. I ended things before  because of this and he changed his mind but he is also bipolar and said it was mania. Completely on me for believing him

Reddit consensus: NOT OVERREACTING (NOR) (100% confidence)

Top comment: “NOR. Sounds like you have very different values, which usually doesn’t make for a very easy or enjoyable partnership. Best of luck to you and congrats on staying true to yourself <3”

Notable comment: “NOR Let me start with saying, I'm sorry you're going through this. You're not overreacting. It sounds like you both want different things out of life. There's nothing wrong with wanting marriage and kids, just like there's nothing wrong with not wanting them. Neither of you should have to compromise on something that important.

I think you should have one last honest conversation with him about what you both want. If he's certain he never wants marriage or children, and you know you do, then your future goals just don't align.

As hard as it is after seven years, it may be time to let each other go so you can both find someone who wants the same future. In any future relationship, I'd also recommend talking about these big life goals early on. It can save a lot of heartbreak later. I wish you both the best.”

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