Yesterday i finally went to urgent care about a repeat hip injury. I ended up arguing with my doctor because she kept focusing on describing to me how i would be reacting to the pain level she thought i should be in for the injury i thought it was, instead of focusing on less subjective symptoms and talking to me about differential diagnoses. I ended our argument by telling her that, as a chronic pain patient, i know i experience pain differently than other people and it's dumb to try and focus on describing the pain level. At that point we were able to move forward and answer some of my questions. I felt like I had to drag answers out of her, but nonetheless my questions mostly got answered. I don't regret using the word "dumb," i think it's what got her attention.
It takes me awhile to decompress after appointments like this. My partner who went with me, later described how when we have doctors like this, it sometimes feels like we're dissecting a new trauma as we try to sort out what happened after we leave. And honestly i think he's onto something. I exit these appointments in a panic state, not sure if i managed to communicate well enough or if they believed me or if the visit was even worth my while. I cry after them sometimes. I almost always bring them up in therapy after.
Ultimately I think, hours after I left, i was able to piece together what we had said and synthesize the relevant information in a way that I can semi-confidently move forward with the condition. But the memory registers fuzzy even though it was yesterday.
This is a big reason why i appreciate when doctors actually write good notes, or any at all even. The clicking of a keyboard is my favorite sound in appointments. I didn't hear it much during this one, so i expected poor notes. She surprised me! They weren't extensive, but they were definitely useful and I am thankful for that. And I'm glad I argued with her, I don't think i would've gotten my answers otherwise.