#dobdob

Odin:What is your family like?

Both large and small. it's pretty far reaching in terms of cousins and whatnot, but there is essentially jsut my mum and me, and we are this happy unit of two. We're far too alike (and being scottish, this can lead to passive aggressive non-argumentative arguments where we will REFUSE TO TALK FOR MULTIPLE DAYS WHILST BEING ALSO BEING EXTREMELY POLITE and then pretend nohting happened) (it also means we are in a permanent cycle of geekyness). I then have cousins and aunts (matriarchal family) all over the place, but apart from one great-aunt I see regularly we only see each other at funerals. Which are generally very joyous and celebratory reunion-like events.

Then there's my dad 's family. My parents divorced when I was three, my dad is a horrible man. He effectively disowned me nearly three years ago. But now he's started guilt-tripping me about not keeping in touch or spending christmas with his family, despite telling me I wasn't welcome. For the most part, that side of them family is small-minded, manipulative, bigoted and stuck in the '50's, and you can't spend time with the pleasant members without the intolerable ones. I have a half-brother and half-sister, and from what I've seen of them it looks like they're going to turn out ok (my stepmum seems to be a balancing force).

Thor:Would you consider yourself pretty powerful?

Physically, hahahaha no, as evidenced by my inability to remove the wheel lugs on my car the other day without standing on the wrench. I like to think that I am personally a powerful person, though. Not as much as I used to be and not as much as I liked to be, I'm still trying to pull myself back up after the mess of 2012. But I'm resilient and stubborn and independent. I can and will stand on my own two feet, and if I want to do something or go somewhere or achieve something I fucking well will and you watch me do that.

(I also feel like the way I've been forcing myself to push through my illness and not be deterred is a pretty strong thing, and something I should be proud of, even if I always feel weak and like a failure. I'm not, i'm not, i'm not)

Tree:What have you done with your life? What are you going to do with it?

Buuuuuhhh..... I survived shitty uni, I'm making pretty good headway in the industry want to work in. I've finally made it to a good position with a decent wage, even if it has constantly been two-steps-forward-one-step-back. I've been working solidly since the Olympics (with a total of about 8 weeks off), and I have seemingly been in demand. I'm working on some high profile films with some childhood heroes. Professionally, I'm doing good.

I feel torn, though. I adore costume and I adore film, but there is so much snobbery and misogyny everywhere. The lead actress on my last film was treated like a slab of meat by the producers, director, star. The designer did what she could do buffer this, but it is just so fucking integrated with the entire industry. Everyone turns their noses up at genre - you like games? you like scifi? why would you watch star trek, they sneer, when you could watch this incredibly depressing show about blahblahblah? Oh I worked on thor, but only because the money was good. I make a crack about the white misogyny of the Academy in a room full of women and get told 'well, they probably know what they're talking about. They'll have standards and reasons that you won't understand.' Yes, the standard of White Men having Life Crises. I definitely don't get it.

SO. I can only hope that as I slowly move up the chain I can try and challenge and subvert this bullshit. Create positivity and help fight misogyny. It is and will be disheartening, and so i often I just want to quit and leave because an actress is crying and begging us to find some new underwear solution for her because you can see the folds of skin at her armpits and the director doesn't like it and it is legitimately threatening to her job. THIS is my plan.

(I also want a second degree by the time I'm 30 - though that has been slightly derailed - and an MA by sometime in my mid-30's. Just to prove I can. Just to keep my brain ticking over. Just because.)