#dn meta

(Instance #1)

He chides Sayu for watching Hideki Ryuga's music program rather than the news and Sayu retorts "He's gorgeous! Why don't YOU like anybody?"

And Light has no comment, just thinks 'Thank You, Sayu... If the news were on right now, my whole plan would go down the drain.'

Isn't that contradictory? Light tells Sayu to watch the news but according to him just a panel later his plan hinged on him not watching the news since Light as a Kira suspect would have no possible way of knowing about criminals then and when those criminals would die while he studies on camera, occasionally taking a potato chip AND eating it, it would effectively lower the suspicion against him.

And Sayu's reaction leads me to believe that this has happened before. Light supposedly disliking Hideki Ryuga as he's just another dumb idol from his POV and kinda wanting Sayu to make better use of her time like watching the news; ending with Sayu retorting in a similar way each time.

I believe canon!Light said this to Sayu as part of their usual sibling banter coz him remaining wholly silent during dinner could raise eyebrows because Sachiko & Sayu both know how he normally acts and their reaction to Light's unnatural behavior might put him on L's radar.

Additionally, Light knows Sayu and correctly predicts that it's unlikely that she'd actually listen to his suggestion and change to a news channel.

I know Light enjoys their playful sibling banter, additionally Light knows Sayu well enough to think it unlikely she'll actually watch the news; still why risk his plan going down the drain just for the matter of appearance of just your friendly (rather serious tho) neighborhood older brother? He could've picked any other conversation topic which could be harmless and unrelated to his chips keikaku like-

What if Sachiko had had finally enough and gently told Sayu to listen to her brother who was being right as always? What if Sayu grudgingly agreed to watch the news but Only this time Mom!

What would our 'Lord Kira' do then I wonder? Backtrack to 'oh hahaha I didn't think you'd actually agree Sayu, you know what you can watch the music program- as a treat!'? Which is totally not suspicious in itself? Yeah nope I don't think so.

Which is why (headcanon incoming) I think it's much more believable that Light said this as part of his habit- it slipped out of his mouth on autopilot. Which means it's part of their routine now- Light deriding Hideki Ryuga and everything associated with his dumb pop star routine and Sayu pushing back.

I like to imagine that Light is being his typical tsundere self. He must've been annoyed with himself for actually enjoying what that stupid guy sings sometimes, and Ryuga not being entirely unfortunate looking doesn't help Light's case. It's a silly feeling is what Light tells himself. The guy probably hasn't even graduated properly!

Light puts Ryuga's name into the search bar. He rationalizes that he must know about the guy who's being such a bad influence on his younger sister who'd rather watch his shows than study. It's not because he's curious about the man's academic accomplishments, trying to determine whether he's good enough for Light's subconscious mind to latch into- nope not at all!

Oh.

He had predicted correctly. The idol only has a high school diploma to his name, dedicating his time to 'better' pursuits like music and acting at a young age, according to this interview.

(He still dreams about the idol being shirtless sometimes.)

Wait. Is he seriously watching this idiot's interview about poor career and life choices? Gosh that's such a waste of his time. What's he doing here anyway?

Light quickly shuts down his computer and pretends for a long time that it didn't happen.

This is why he cringes internally for Sayu tormenting him by providing much fodder for his relentless not-exactly-innocent dreams about this accursed singer- so Light does what he does best. Denial of feelings.

He looked pretty passionate in your dreams though Light's traitorous mind supplies

He pretends that he hates this fool of a singer and tells Sayu to focus on more productive activities.

It's easy to justify as both are true. Sayu Should focus on studies and according to that interview that he watched only for informational purposes thank you Ryuga is dumb as hell and clearly proud of his ill-advised life decisions, doesn't value intelligence, maybe isn't even aware of how rotten this world is, doesn't have the spark/passion for it

'...S-Shut up!' comes the eloquent reply from his conscious.

Anyway, the point is, even if it could be called a crush it's in the past now- Gods know Light isn't that shallow- to fall for someone's appearance and melodious voice and- (okay aborting that thought)

The point! Light reminds himself is not to think about Ryuga ever again. Yes he still has 'nightmares' (he refuses to call them dreams let alone fantasies) once in a while, about the hopelessly brainless idol, but there's more important exciting stuff now!

He's Kira for the betterment of this world and he finally has a worthy opponent- L. Before meeting L, Light imagines especially when he's sleep deprived (how could he not? L is a mystery after all) L to look like a model:

Coz apparently that's how his taste in men is like, thinks Light resignedly before snapping out of it. He's not shallow...nor gay!

Imagine how ridiculous/ironic it is that when Light finally meets L, he's hit with the can-no-longer-repress gay awakening in the form of a guy called by his past crush name but looking nothing like him YET possessing a sharp intellect matching nobody other than his own.

His present crush and past crush collide so much that he can't even kill him normally:

(Instance #2)

'Not to mention, he's using the conspicuously fake name of Hideki Ryuga. If I write his name into the Death Note, even if his name really IS Hideki Ryuga...There's a good chance the face of the singer Hideki Ryuga will pop into my head. If that Hideki dies and this one doesn't, he'll infer that I'm Kira.'

Woah good luck explaining why Hideki's (your past crush) gorgeous face is imprinted in your mind to the extent you can't kill your nemesis /your present crush without sounding gay. I dare you Light XD

Also I fully believe (see references at the bottom) that Light found L's actual appearance wayyy more attractive than Hideki Ryuga Or the Super Sleuth Detective image his brain had conjured up (before he met L), much to his surprise it turned out that he found genius frogmen irresistible.

Which added onto Light's reasons to kill L asap, the latter's existence was clearly distracting him! And deterring him from doing important work as God of the New World.

Sadly, feelings for a person just don't go away after that person dies. By your own hand nonetheless.

I bet after L's death, Light found Hideki Ryuga even more infuriating than before. Coz the name invoked memories of the one man Light had the greatest pleasure of calling his intellectual equal. He knew Ryuga was dumb but gosh did meeting L made his past crush seem even more idiotic.

Light sometimes dreamed about L (when the latter would find out) making fun of past!him for having the hots for the handsome yet moronic idol. And Light would retort by dissing L for being Misa's fan. L would reply it was only coz of the investigation that he looked into her in magazines- but he always had his eyes on Light - the only one worthy enough to be the OG Kira, and Light's eyes would go soft with affection.

It was a good game, Light reasons, it should've ended like this anyway with L dead. Surprisingly and not so surprisingly, that reasoning doesn't make the realization when it finally dawns (after L's death of course) on Light that he's fallen in love with L hurt any less.

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