#dlaf2019

April 1 - Taser Mishaps - (I reused this one from last year, it was so incredibly DARCY and fun, I just had to) Our queen of tasers can’t always hit her target, can she?  Something goes wrong, Taser-wise. 

April 2 - An unexplainable predicament to explain - It’s not what it looks like... or maybe it’s exactly what it looks like? Either way, our girl’s gotta explain herself, one way or another!

April 3 - Stuck in an air vent - Oh boy, this is a tight squeeze, and we want to know how, why, under what condition and to what degree Darcy has gotten herself stuck. 

April 4 - Must include magnets - Pretty self-explanatory. Any story at all, but with the added fun of magnets.

April 5 - A literal eraser - Not your average pencil variety. This erase is erasing REAL THINGS.

April 6 - Must include glow sticks - Rave not required. 

April 7 - Strange iPod locations - Ever since the Son of Coul took that damn thing, it’s been causing Darcy grief. Where’d she end up finding it?

April 8 - Anti-gravity - Crackfic, now with no gravity!

April 9 - Must include packing peanuts - Organic or styrofoam, you know it really doesn’t matter.

It was purely an accident that Darcy’s taser had gone out the window.  She’d had it out in the kitchen, left on the little counter they’d set up in front of the window for some extra space so she could drop it into her backpack.  But the day is one of those summer days, where it’s nice and hot but there’s a breeze coming off the water, and it’s just about perfect as long as you can ignore the ever pervasive smell of hot garbage that seems to emanate from the pores of NYC in the warm weather, and the window was open to get some much needed fresh air in the apartment.  

So, of course someone ended up knocking into the counter and sending the taser clattering out of the window.  It didn’t fall far, only down to an ancient cement ledge on the story below theirs, but that little trip led to an entirely new set of problems.  First, the window behind the ledge had been bricked up ages before, so they couldn’t go through the apartment below theirs to retrieve the taser.  Second, the ledge had become overgrown with moss and lichen, making it a wonderfully soft location and protected location for a pigeon couple to set up a nest to keep their eggs warm and cozy.

The taser had landed just beyond the pigeons’ nest, and Mama Pigeon really, really didn’t like Steve, much to his chagrin and everyone else’s amusement during the first retrieval attempt.  Which is how Darcy ended up in the makeshift harness trying to reach past one very pissed off pigeon to retrieve her highly illegal non-lethal weapon.  

Mama Pigeon wriggles in her nest, and puffs her feathers up, giving Darcy a glare that translates all too well across species.  “I know,” Darcy says with a sigh.  “Just give me a few seconds and I’ll get out of your way?” she all but begs.  She reaches out again, trying to curve her arm up from below so that Mama Pigeon doesn’t see her coming and she can just snatch her taser back. 

She moves slowly, with careful intent, and she can feel Steve and Barrett’s eyes following her every move.  They’re all so intent on watching Darcy, however, that they don’t see the U-Haul van come to a jolting stop in the alley below them.  The passenger side door of the van opens, and another one of the roommates, Jess, steps out to stare gape mouthed at the sight above them.  “What the fuck is going on?!” she yells up at the crowd on the fire escape.

“Darcy’s taser got taken hostage by a pigeon!” Barrett yells back.

Darcy twists to give Barrett a glare, which makes Steve scramble to get an even tighter grip on the ropes keeping her in place.  “I wasn’t the one who knocked it out the window, butterfingers,” she spits out.

“Can we get this over with before you get arrested for illegal carry?  And before you scare off your new roommate?”  Steve cocks his head in the direction of the street below, at the young black woman who’d stepped out from the driver’s seat of the van and who had joined Jess in staring up at the chaos above them.  

“Ooh, good point.”  Darcy twists in the other direction to wave at the new woman, which is enough to make Steve lunge forward, quickly wrapping the loose rope around his forearm, and grab for the waistband of her shorts and at her hip to be certain that she doesn’t fall into the open dumpster in the alley below.  “Hi!  Monica, right?  Welcome to the madhouse!”

Down on the street, Monica slides her eyes over to Jess with a knowing look.  “You are very, very lucky that this is not the craziest thing I’ve seen in my life,” she says.

“It’s only Tuesday,” Jess replies with a nonchalant shrug, her eyes still watching the attempt at taser retrieval.  “Just wait until the weekend.”

Meaning she hadn’t really figured things out that far in advance.

But that was really, okay, wasn’t it?

Jane was testing some portal gun, Darcy wasn’t sure of the exact logistics, but there was definitely some theoretical math involved because Janey had filled three whiteboards with her calculations.

Much of the morning was spent calibrating some of the more touchy equipment so Jane could pull the trigger thingie on the portal gun and swear at it for not working.

Or at least, that’s what Dr. Foster was doing. Whether that was what Jane had in mind for her Tuesday was up for debate.

Darcy left for lunch, bringing something up for Jane on her way back. It was then that she noticed the Star Spangled Man with a Plan himself. He was standing over near Tony talking in a very low and solemn tone if the expression on his face was any indication.

He was wearing a white t-shirt and jogging pants. Sneakers.

So he was probably fresh from the gym. Or headed there afterward. Yeah, definitely that second one because he wasn’t sweaty or anything.

But did he sweat, though? Darcy nearly toppled over a rolling cart that Jane had pushed away, too deep in her thoughts to notice its existence until it stopped her from moving forward. She ran into it, hitting her hip, which smarted and made a hugely loud racket that she really hoped no one heard.

They did hear it. Of fucking course.

It interrupted Steve and Tony’s discussion of boring and brought Steve over to inquire as to whether or not she was okay. “Are you alright?” he asked, his brow furrowing with a worry that made her cheeks feel hot. Why was Steve Rogers worried about her clumsiness?

She wasn’t okay, but it wasn’t because of the cart. And she didn’t know how to tell him that, so she opened and closed her mouth like a fish, but no sound came out at first. Dumb nerves.

It was at that precise moment in which Jane pressed the button on the doohickey gun again, opening up a swirling, sparkling black hole in front of Darcy and Steve.

Darcy let out a tiny screech as the hole’s force pulled her towards it, the absent thought of ‘Steve wasn’t usually in the lab on Tuesdays,” floated through her head. She heard Jane’s frantic voice calling her name. Or the beginning of it, anyway. Just “Dar!”

And that was as far as Darcy got before the wormhole spit herself and Steve out and closed behind them.

She panicked the second she opened her eyes.

Floating. They were floating.

She sucked in a deep breath and was met with no resistance. No horrible feeling like her lungs were about to explode or she was going to drown.

“Leapin’ fucknuts,” she exclaimed, reaching out to brush her fingertips over the wall of the room they were in.

No. Not a room.  There were windows. A windshield. Some kind of crazy piloting apparatus.  And nothing but black sky and stars out the front windshield. It was small, the area. No longer than about twelve feet of ‘walking’ space from the windshield to the back of the craft.

“I was going to go with ‘holy shit’, but yours is better,” Steve said, chuckling a little as he floated past. Below her. He seemed oddly calm for someone thrust into zero gravity in outer freaking space.

“Where are we?” Darcy asked, looking around rapidly for something to hold onto.  She settled for what could have passed as a towel rack on the ceiling, clinging to it like a scared cat on a tree branch. “Does any of this look familiar to you?”

“This certainly feels familiar,” Steve muttered, probably thinking she wouldn’t hear him. But she did. She really fucking did and she wished she hadn’t.

He used the floor grate to pull himself forward and to push up. His eyes scanned the room as he floated up to the ceiling. “Actually, this does look familiar… I think this a SHIELD ship…”

Darcy hated that he used the word ‘ship’ and not ‘plane’ or ‘quinjet’.

“Does that mean you know how to pilot it?” she asked hopefully.

He made a scoffing sound. “Not a ship like this. I only know planes.  But I do know there’s a comm under the pilot’s seat. Emergency backup battery. We should be able to contact someone on the ground and let them know we’re here. And we can get further instructions that way.”

Steve pushed off the ceiling and Darcy heard a tiny tearing sound.

Alarmed, she looked up just in time to see Steve’s white t-shirt fluttering past so she was treated to an eyeful of Captain Pecs and his Glorious Abs.

Steve either didn’t notice or figured it was a lost cause in the situation they were in. Either way, he didn’t address it. Instead, he rummaged around under the pilot’s seat. He found the comm right where he said it’d be.

He sent out a call. “This is Captain Rogers… I’m not sure where I am, but I know I’m in outer space. There’s a civilian with me, get back soon. Over.”

A voice, clear as crystal responded. “Come again, Captain? Over.”

Steve planted his feet on the ceiling and repeated his message, only to be treated to a long silence.

“How are you there, when we just clocked you in NYC?”

He glanced back at Darcy for confirmation and she floated over, grabbing the comm. “I work for Dr. Jane Foster. She was working on an interdimensional wormhole generator and might have accidentally sent us here. Wherever ‘here’ is. Uh. Over.”

The man on the other side didn’t miss a beat. “Is she in NYC as well? Because I have on file a frantic call from that area thirty seconds ago. Lots of screaming, something about a wormhole? Over.”

“Affirmative, over,” Steve replied.

Darcy pressed her hand to her heart. Her Janey was already looking for her.

“Okay, we’ll get more info once you’re back on Earth. In the meantime, we’ll get the power reserves turned back on.  It’ll take a little while, but the only other way is to switch it on manually from the outside. You’d need a space suit. There are two on board, but neither of you is trained for that. “

Steve got some kind of look in his eyes, handing the comm to Darcy, who hurriedly signed off and floated after Steve, having to push off the windshield to do so.

She’d have no way of actually stopping Captain America in normal situations. But since there was no gravity, she could wrap her arms around his waist and yank him backward if she hooked her feet around the headrest on the pilot’s chair. Which she did.

And it really was a power trip, watching that muscley fella fly backward every time he made for the back of the ship, to where the space suits were.

“Let me go,” he said, attempting to spin around and just ending up spinning himself in place.

Darcy tried not to laugh, but it was hard.

“Stop it. I’ve been trapped on a doomed ship before,” he reiterated. Like she didn’t know.

“I know, dude. Everyone knows what you did. You’re in every US History book. Is this some kind of claustrophobia or…”

“No.  I signed up for this. You didn’t.”

Darcy tilted her head, throwing a look his way that could have frozen ice if they were back on earth.  “Dude. Do you think I didn’t sign up for this? My boss is a renowned astrophysicist. I handled the Dark Elf invasion. And I totally beat Thor in hand to hand combat.”

“You tased him while he was weakened,” Steve retorted. “And no. You didn’t sign up for perilous situations like this.”

“First of all, don’t take my victory away from me. I know you’re freaking out a little, but really. There’s no need to be rude. I’d never tell you that you didn’t beat Thor in hand-to-hand combat.”

Steve smirked. “I beat Thor in hand-to-hand combat.”

“Okay, not to be a stickler, but you didn’t. I did. Weakened form still counts.”

“Fine, you beat Thor and I didn’t. But--”

“Look, I’m an agent with SHIELD too. I’m learning self-defense from the Black Widow. I have a badge thingie just like you do. My clearance level isn’t as high, but whatever. The point is, I signed up for this, knowing damn well something like this would happen. And I’ll be damned if Captain 1940s-Booty-Shorties is going to manhandle me into a submissive role!”

He stopped struggling, but it didn’t matter much, it was still spinning them around until he reached out and placed his palm against the wall. “1940s Nooty Shorties?”

“I saw the pics, Cap. I know those were booty shorts and tights.”

He smirked a little and stopped trying to ditch her.

“Fine. So we’ll just sit here until they turn the remote power on?”

“We can thank our lucky stars that there’s oxygen in here,” Darcy mused as they slowly spun around the cockpit. Like the slowest and least controllable 3D tour ever.

“Not to burst your bubble, but I think it might be limited to what’s already here. The fact that we came from a place with oxygen also probably helped matters. Some got sucked in with us through the wormhole.”

“And you’ve been sucking it down in your attempt to Herosplain this situation to me?” she gasped, clapping one hand over her mouth.

“You mean save you? Because my argument was that I was the best candidate to go on a spacewalk and turn on the backup power.”

“No. I mean herosplain me. Like I didn’t fight the Dark Elves and I don’t know you have some kind of superhero complex about self-worth and whatever.”

“Touche…” he replied. “I won’t do that again, sorry. I was just…”

Darcy filled in for him. “You were just being Captain America. But I think this situation calls for Steve.”

“Steve, I can do. I think.” He reached out for one of the handles. “So… you wanna turn flips or something to pass the time?”

“I don’t really believe that you aren’t going to make a break for that space suit, but actually, yes? I’ve always wanted to have a zero-gravity flip contest.”

She had to yank him back from the space suits three times, and from the look on his face, he could probably keep this up all day. But so could she.

Darcy resolved the situation by wrapping both arms around his bare waist and hanging on for dear life.

“Are you going to hug me all day until the gravity comes back?” Steve asked, a smile apparent in his voice.

Darcy shrugged. “Maybe? You can’t go outside with a whole-ass me attached to you.”

“Fine, but I’m hugging you too.” He proceeded to twist in her arms and wrap his beefy biceps of justice around her shoulders, resting his chin on her head. She almost let go of him, but she had a sneaking suspicion that was what he wanted.

She sniffed. “Why are you hugging me? I’m not going anywhere.” She glanced up at him, her eyes meeting his for a long moment.

“Okay. Me either,” he conceded.

She snorted. “Ha, LIke I actually believe you”

“You don’t believe Captain America?” Steve joked. “I stand for truth, justice, and freedom. If you can’t trust me, you can’t trust anybody.”

“Yup, that’s right,” she replied, her arms tightening around his body, pressing her cheek snugly to his shoulder. “I’m not falling for that, Rogers.”

“Fine by me. I’m enjoying this.”

So was she, but she kind of wasn’t going to tell him that.

Their little cuddle-fest was interrupted just a few seconds later.

“Captain Rogers? This is SHIELD Mission Control. We’re turning on the gravity boosters and are ready to talk you through your return flight to earth. Are you ready? Over.”

Darcy felt Steve laugh a little. “I feel like I should ask for ten more minutes…”

“How about I give you double that when we land back on terrain I’m familiar with?” Darcy asked.

“What do I do with my twenty minutes?” he asked.

“That’s entirely up to you,” she replied, cheekily

He smiled that genuine smile of his that had ceased being about honor and patriotism and had started being something that made Darcy a little weak in the knees. Gravity or no.

“We’re ready, SMC. Tell us what to do first, over.”

Darcy couldn’t help but smile a little. She had plans. With a guy. To land a spaceship and spend twenty minutes doing… well, the specifics didn’t matter. She was making plans. Apparently, the sky wasn’t the limit anymore.

She frowned a little and looked at him. He liked the way her forehead wrinkled just between her eyebrows. "Knowing Jane, she'd ask me. She knows you can't stand being told what to do, and by someone so clearly your inferior, all the better. Or worse. Whichever." Her frown had disappeared by the time she'd finished talking, a triumphant little quirk in her smile tugged the corners of her mouth instead. He liked the corners of her mouth as well, so let her have her triumph.

"You believe yourself to be my inferior?" he drawled.

"No. I think I'm pretty hot shit. But I happen to know you don't agree," she countered. "So like… if it bothers you, I'm game."

He smirked slightly. If she only knew exactly what he thought of her. 'Hot shit' didn't begin to cover it.

"Go speak to Dr. Foster, then. If it would bring you such pleasure to boss me around."

Color rose in her cheeks and she glanced down at her laptop instead, stammering something about talking to Jane later if he didn't stop his nonsense.

As adorable as her blushing and stammering were, he already had his eye on another item from Jane's workstation.  This one looked relatively harmless. And if it urged Ms. Lewis to speak with Jane about his lack of supervision, all the better. He would simply adore more time spent in Darcy's company.

He pushed up from the empty counter and sauntered over to the table, making sure to ease his feet down on the floor as quietly as he was able. Too quiet for Darcy's Midgardian ears, at any rate.

Scooping up the device, he turned it over in his hands. "What does this do?"

"Seriously dude? You can't even wait five minutes before you're back on your bullshit?" She made a grab for the object, and he tossed it easily to his other hand, holding it behind his back so she had to reach around him.

He smirked. "Surely you've seen Dr. Foster use it before?"

"No, actually. I haven't seen that one in action. So for all I know, it blows up planets. Please. Give it back to me before it Alderaans us into oblivion."

Grinning, he held it just out of her reach. "Surely she wouldn't have something such as that in her possession. Just lying around for me to find."

Darcy pursed her lips and jumped up, grabbing for the device in her left hand. He'd let her have it in just a moment. "Whatever. Just give it back, dude."

"Since you asked so nicely--" he began, stopping short when her thumb and forefinger grabbed it, pressing against the front panel. Darcy screamed loudly a split second later when her hand disappeared.

"OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!" she screeched, grabbing the sleeve of her sweatshirt and yanking it up to reveal a bare wrist. She turned it towards her face and immediately turned a horrible shade of puce. "OH MY GOD!" She wavered on her feet and Loki dropped the device on the table and slipped an arm around her, catching her just in time.

He peered at her wrist, seeing exactly what had made her queasy. Her hand was gone, that much he knew already. But, in its wake was a neatly sliced wrist. Not a wound, per se. There was no blood gushing. The flesh around it wasn't angry or inflamed. It simply looked like he was peering through a window at her bone and circulatory system.

"Are you in pain?" he asked, frowning before lifting her up and onto the counter in front of him.

"No… no? Am I in shock, FRIDAY?"

"Your heart rate is increased, Ms. Lewis, and you seem to be in a slightly panicked state. But otherwise, you seem fine. I'll continue to monitor your vitals just in case? Is that okay?"

"Yes, that's fine," she said absently, suddenly realizing she was still in Loki's embrace. She stepped to the side, swallowing thickly as she reached for one of the rolling stools.

"How does it feel?" he asked, nodding down to her wrist. "Are you certain you're not in pain?"

"No, I don't feel any different… it's like nothing's wrong… like my hand's still there… oh my god, is this what phantom limbs feel like?"

Loki frowned. "I'm sure I have no idea. What sort of… sensation do you have in the fingers??"

"My entire hand… the one that's gone? It feels... " She frowned, closing her eyes. "It feels like it's crawling."

"Your skin?"

"No. My hand. My fingertips are on something hard. It's moving. Like it's walking. Like 'Thing' from the Addams' Family."

"You're delirious…" he concluded, making to carry her to the med bay and alert the staff. He'd no sooner taken a step towards her than she stopped him.

"No. I mean it… Let me see if I can…" She frowned, deep in concentration.

A rapping sounded across the lab.

"There!" she said triumphantly. "That was me."

Loki's eyes narrowed as he took a few steps towards the sound. "Do it again."

The rapping continued and Loki darted off in the direction from whence it came. Darcy hopped off the table and followed him.

Once he'd reached the far wall, where the sound seemed to be originating, he knelt down, listening to a peculiar rustling and alternating raps until one of the large silver vents near him burst open and Darcy's hand skittered out onto the floor.

Or at least, he assumed it was Darcy's. He wasn't aware of any other rogue appendages running around the labs, but he wouldn't put it past these people. This one had lovely teal painted fingernails and a silver ring, so he was almost positive it was hers.

Loki jumped back and Darcy shrieked. "Grab it! Loki! Grab my hand!"

"If you insist," he teased, taking off after it, but the little bugger was too fast.

Darcy jumped up on the countertop, eyes scanning the floor and yelling directions for him. Badly.

"IT'S BY THE THING! It's over by the red blinky lights! The red blinky lights!"

"Where is that?" he countered.

"Never mind! THE DOOR! THE DOOR!" She yelped, pointing not to the front door, but the supply closet.

The hand leaped up and grasped the handle, opening it and running inside.

Loki quickly shut the door and spun, holding it closed. "There aren't any vents in there, are there?"

"Just the one on the door that ventilates the space," she replied.

"No others?"

Darcy glanced up at the ceiling. "FRIDAY? Are there any heating or cooling ducts that lead into this closet?"

"No. The only way in or out is through the door," Stark's A.I replied automatically. Loki was slightly jealous, the A.I wouldn't speak to him unless he tried to go somewhere he shouldn't.

"Good. It's trapped. Now, help me barricade the door…" Darcy hopped down off the counter and shed her hoodie as she placed her attached hand on a rolling file cabinet with locking wheels.

Loki took care of that one and one other for good measure, starting to roll them both towards the closed supply closet. He was at least partially responsible for her runaway hand, and he had two working ones attached to his wrists, so it was the least he could do.

But of course, at that precise moment, Jane and Thor reappeared in the doorway. Loki's stomach dropped. Having to explain this to his brother was bad enough. But Dr. Foster might slap him again.

He glanced over at Darcy, who, unprompted, jammed her hand into a nearby bag of potato chips just as they approached. An odd feeling swept through his abdomen. Almost as if he were falling from a great distance. Without the hard landing.

"What are you two up to?" Thor asked, warily reaching out to wave his hand over Loki's shoulder, slapping him in the process. Loki rolled his eyes.

"Just some redecorating," Darcy said, hand still in the chip bag. "And eating chips."

Jane and Thor gave them some odd looks but continued over to Jane's main work area.

There was a clatter from the bottom of the door as the grated opening at the bottom of the door came crashing out onto the floor.  Loki half expected Jane to start screaming as Darcy had, but nothing happened.

Perhaps the hand had remained in the room after seeing Thor out here.

If it could see. It was only a hand after all. Perhaps it sensed things. A soft tugging on his pant leg soon answered that question, however.

His eyes went wide as Darcy's runaway hand crept its way up the back of his leg. He glanced over at Darcy, who was also wide-eyed. "Sorry," she mouthed, shrugging slightly as it moved over the back of his thigh and up over the swell of his rear.

He shifted slightly and reached back to grab it, to perhaps stop it from feeling up Thor next, but when he turned to look for it, he saw nothing. Instead, he felt something tap his shoulder.

"Um… Loki. You seem to have an extra… hand," Thor replied, looking with a bemused expression as Ms. Lewis' hand tapped once more on his shoulder.

"Don't just stand there, help me catch it!" Loki growled.

Darcy squealed. "Be gentle, Thor, it's my hand!" She pulled her wrist out of the chip bag and Thor, without missing a beat, grasped the rogue hand tightly. It slipped from his grasp into Loki's, who laced his fingers and held it tight.

"If you wanted to hold Darcy's hand, you only need to ask her, brother!" Thor joked with a wink.

Loki sighed heavily, seriously struggling to not hold the hand too tightly, but also to keep it from bursting free once more.

"Darcy, how even…" Jane asked, reaching for the exact device that had caused the issue in the first place. "You cannot mess with my spacial modifier… it's not one hundred percent working correctly!"

"No kidding!" Darcy exclaimed. "It sent my hand rogue."

Jane sighed. "Yeah, mine takes a nap whenever I try to use it. Makes it easy to reattach, but I can't ever get anything done. Apparently, yours runs through the walls and gropes Asgardians. I can't say I'm surprised."

Darcy shrugged. "What can I say? I have a type." She winked at Loki and he felt that same sweeping feeling once more. He almost let go of her hand. Almost.

Jane eyed him, clearly amused at his clear discomfort. "Here, Loki… hold her hand still.  Darce, bring your wrist up to where it attaches. I'll get it back on there for you."Thirty seconds later and Darcy's hand was reattached and still clasped tightly in Loki's grasp.  She wriggled her fingers against his hand and he quickly let go, pressing his lips together as he took a few steps back."Woo, thanks, Janey!" Darcy wiggled her fingers and stared at it in wonder. "I should probably wash this, right? No idea where it's been."

"I know of at least one place," Thor muttered, chuckling when Loki glared in his direction.

"Close your mouth," he hissed.

"Close yours," Thor countered. "You're the one blindly flirting with a woman and doing nothing about it."

"I'm doing plenty."

"Sounds as if her hand has gotten further than you have."

"I've been biding my time," he said. "I want her to be certain she wants more before I--"

Thor's gaze flitted from Loki to where Darcy was standing across the room. He spoke loudly, "Loki should take you to lunch to make up for losing your hand!".

Darcy stopped in mid-scrub. "Yeah! He should! Lunch, Loki?"

He turned to face his brother, ready to chastise him for sticking his great big nose where it didn't belong, but instead, he simply mouthed 'Thank you' before turning back to Darcy. "That sounds lovely. Where to?"

"I dunno, but you lost my hand. I'm thinking something expensive. Maybe nothing that costs an arm and a leg. Maybe just an arm, you know?" she grinned brilliantly, and the feeling returned to his stomach.

"Whatever you'd like."

She raised her eyebrows. "Wow. Meek is a new color for you. I kind of prefer the snark, honestly."

If she wanted snark, he could definitely provide it. He smiled and offered his arm. "Here. let's put that hand somewhere for safe keeping." He reached out and placed it in the crook of his elbow. "Can't have you losing it again."

"Hey, buddy. I didn't lose it!"

That's right. It's Wednesday. Wednesday nights were group dinner nights. "Oh right. The dinner. And thank you, FRIDAY, you're officially on my good list."

"I'm thrilled, Ms. Lewis. Do you have any other queries at this time?"

"Who all are attending? Stevie and Wanda?"

"Captain Rogers and Ms. Maximoff are indeed in attendance. As is Colonel Rhodes, as is Mr. Wilson. Dr. Stephen Strange is also in attendance.  And you and Dr. Foster, if you disengage from your computers and start walking in the direction of the dining hall in no less than ten minutes. Dr. Banner has recused himself to his private quarters, so he will regretfully not be joining you this evening.."

Darcy grimaced. "Strange is gonna be there?"

"Indeed. His invitation was accepted belatedly, but he is already in the dining hall as we speak."

"Did you hear that, Janey?" Darcy extended her leg and pushed on Jane's chair, jarring her from her thoughts. Not an easy thing to do, but Darcy knew all her boss's buttons and cheat codes after almost ten years.

"Hear what?"

"Dr. Strangelove is coming to dinner tonight."

Jane wrinkled her nose and reached over to save her work. "Oh, I'm sorry Darce. I know how much you don't like him."

"And neither do you! You don't like him either. Because he's my wildcard, Jane. You have to hate him because I do. No questions asked. We each get one, and I totally hate that one dude who came in here."

Jane began the process of shutting down her computers. "First of all, I feel like that shouldn't count as my wildcard because Reed Richards is a dick and everyone knows it. And secondly, I do; I hate Stephen Strange blindly. Only because I love you, Darce.  But…"

"No buts. We have to be mean girls tonight, Janey."

"I don't think he's all that bad."

"That's because in regards to you, he's some kind of magical-science man whose brain you'd like to pick, and he's actually of a mental acuity that can keep up with your science babbles.  But Bruce is all of those things too, and he's not a jerk to me, so…"

"I don't think Stephen's being a jerk, Darce. I think he's teasing you because he likes the reaction he gets from you.  If you didn't get so angry, I bet he'd leave you alone. Not that any of this is your fault, but… you see what I'm saying?"

"Look. I am thirty years old."

"You're thirty-two…" Jane muttered under her breath.

"I am THIRTY for the third year running, and I'm doing just fine with it, thank you…" Darcy replied in a scandalized tone.  "And regardless. I'm too old to have my pigtails yanked on the playground. If he enjoys my company, I require a more… finessed approach."

"Darcy. He could magic a bunch of lab equipment to float in the air, spelling out your initials and his in a heart and you still wouldn't get it through your thick skull that he liked you."

"That may be true, but I certainly cannot gauge someone's like or dislike of me if he flat out refuses common decency."

"He teases you. He's not being uncommonly indecent."

"He likes seeing me squirm," Darcy countered.

"And that's not a good trait in someone you're boning?" Jane retorted, eyebrows raised.

Darcy's mouth fell open and she made several undignified noises. If she had to call them anything, she'd call them squawks.  "I… I… I… never said anything about boning him!"

"That's the underlying current here, isn't it?" Jane asked. "You say you hate him. But there's a thin line between disdain and--"

"Do not for the love of all that is Thor-ly, say 'love'."

"Attraction," Jane finished. "If you were indifferent to him, you wouldn't care how he treated you. Look at Bruce. He has his bad days and grumbles at you and you don't bat an eye. Stephen Strange uses a tone that's borderline snarky and you throw yourself dramatically off the deep end."

"No. I. Don't."

Jane pursed her lips but didn't reply any further, which was fine. Because Darcy totally won that argument, okay? "So, are you ready for dinner and hating Stephen? Because I'm ready."

Darcy sniffed and nodded. "Might as well get this over with."

"What are we eating, anyway? Last week's options were pretty good…"

"I think Tony's doing takeout for everything…" Darcy said trailing off. "We could literally ask FRIDAY."

"Tonight's menu consists of twelve different gourmet soups," the A.I cheerfully provided.

Darcy made a face. "One of those better be cheese based or I'm skipping out…"

"Me too," Jane muttered.

The dinner itself was amazing. Surprisingly.  Or not surprisingly, since Tony usually hired chefs that made amazing food and Darcy wasn't sure why she ever questioned things anymore.

There were three cheese-based soups, so she and Jane had plenty to choose from.

The wine was nothing to sneeze at either.

It was too bad that Darcy couldn't really enjoy either because Stephen Strange was such a mind-numbingly terrible human and his very existence put a bad taste in her mouth.

A bad taste that even a bowl of creamy asparagus parmesan soup couldn't take away.

"So how's scientist-wrangling, Darcy?" His Terrible-ness asked, only about five minutes into the meal.

Seriously dude, let me live?

She took a long sip from her wine glass, realizing that any hope of his surviving the dinner was going to rest on how quickly it got refilled. "Good. Thanks." Just like Jane had advised. Short. Semisweet. Didn't expose any emotion whatsoever, Darcy was golden-- "How's being an emotionally constipated magical prick with too many layers and a personality that idles on extra?" she added at the end.

Gods-dammit, Darcy.

Stephen burst into laughter. Pretentious laughter. "I was just trying to make conversation," he said.

"No, you weren't. If you were making conversation, you wouldn't have picked on one of the things you know bothers me."

He peered over at her. "How would I know that bothers you?"

"Because, Genius. You've brought it up before. And you know damn well that's not all I do, but you oversimplify things to get a rise out of me. Next, you'll be making fun of my taser, even though I could level your ass with it."

"Hey, hey…" Tony interjected.  "Keep the foreplay out of dining room, okay?"

Darcy rolled her eyes and snatched her glass, physically turning herself so Stephen was out of her line of vision.

"You've never done it before, why start now?" Stephen muttered under his breath. Just loud enough for everyone to hear.

"That taser's gotten her out of some binds before," Steve interrupted. "She'd be dead by now with all the intelligence she's carrying if it wasn't for that thing."

Wanda agreed. "No one ever expects it."

"And she tased Thor!" Jane added.

Darcy felt her heart physically warm. Her friends were awesome, okay?

"Yes, I did," Darcy said, effectively ending the convo once and for all.

Or it would have.

If she didn't get her feelings hurt a little.

Okay, so she got her feelings hurt a lot.

And when Darcy got her feelings hurt, she usually cleaned something. But her apartment and workstation were all as tidy as they could be and Jane had murder eyes for anyone who so much as deigned to ogle the mess in her area, so Darcy was left with but one option.

Tinkering with her taser.

Probably not the best of plans, considering her lack of engineering expertise. But she'd hooked up her Roku, and she was the only one who could fix the wifi in the lab, so those skills had to account for something.

After approximately three shocks to various fingers, it was obvious that while those skills were nothing to sniff at, they didn't transfer to taser tampering.

Which was how she found herself hanging out at Tony's station and casually nudging the weapon towards him.

"Fine," he said finally, scooping it up. "What do you want me to do?"

"Add more settings," Darcy said quickly.

"What settings?"

"Doesn't matter. Just. More."

"You got it, short stack."

When her beloved taser was returned to her, it looked largely the same. Except for a dial on the side that she could spin to change settings.

There were the ominous 1, 2, and 3 settings. In addition to those, there were some others that grabbed her attention a little more.

"Double Rainbow" seemed to do just that, shooting two identical rainbow beams out the end that carried no voltage that she could discern. Probably why the setting was printed in blue font, whereas the 1, the 2, and the 3 were in red.

There was also a 'Pinkie Pie' setting in blue, as well as something Tony called "Sonic Screwdriver, which she found out was actually a type of a lock-picking setting.  She just had to stick the diodes on any lock and she could blast a door open.  Nifty.  Both were blue, so she assumed neither would hurt an actual person.

Last on the dial, though. Was something called 'Tickle'. The font was purple. And it looked hella interesting.

"'Tickle'?" Darcy asked.

Tony nodded. "Yeah, that one's a hybrid. Won't hurt the target. But it'll make 'em giggle a little."  He shrugged. "I wanted something in the middle. Before, that thing either maimed or sparkled.  Now, it also tickles. You're welcome."

Darcy took her new weapon and grinned. "Thanks!"

She would swear up, down, and under oath that it was an accident.

She was practicing on one of the dummies Bruce and Tony hadn't blown up yet. She'd tried out each of the red settings, finding the 3 was likely for Bruce's Other Guy, if he ever Hulked out in the lab and was unwilling to listen to reason. Settings 2 and 1 were pretty much the factory settings.

She tried out Pinkie Pie and Double Rainbow, happy with the results. The first one emitting showers of purple and pink sparkles in the shape of a unicorn. The latter, doing its double rainbow-thing.

Unfortunately, she couldn't even shoot the 'Sonic Screwdriver' at something that wasn't a lock, so she'd have to talk to Tony about how to test that one out.

It left one final setting to try out.

And she wasn't sure what it would do to the dummy, but she wanted to give it a shot. Pun intended.

She set it firmly on 'Tickle' and rounded on her target, shooting the diodes out and giving a yelp of surprise when they implanted firmly on Stephen Strange's shirt.

He glanced down at them for a long moment before his shoulders started shaking.

Let it be known to the world and everyone in it that Stephen Strange had the dorkiest laugh in the entire universe.  Somewhere between a cackle and a goose honk.

Darcy released the trigger, her hand coming up to cover her mouth. "Oh my Thor, I'm sorry…"

"You're shooting me now?" he gestured to the diodes. "And correct me if I'm wrong, but if this thing took down Thor, I must be even mightier than the Asgardian." He puffed his chest proudly.

Darcy audibly groaned and pulled the trigger again, resulting in Stephen laughing both uncontrollably and loudly.

She smirked. "It's the tickle setting. Tony's been working on it. I also have a setting that can take down the Hulk, care to try that one?" She mimed reaching for the dial and Stephen's hands came out as he jolted forward.

"No, don't. Don't. I give."

"Relax. I wasn't going to shoot you with that one."

He smirked. "I know that. But I still give."

"You… give?"

"Yes. I give. Uncle. Whatever I need to say. Just please don't tickle me again."

"Why?"

"I don't like my laugh," he readily admitted.

She smirked and held her finger over the trigger again. "There's something else I'd like you to say… five seconds to guess…"

For the record, she was hoping for an apology.

"Dinner?" Stephen asked, hands still extended.

"What?" Darcy frowned. "Dinner?"

"Dinner? Just you and me. No one else. I don't feel like we ever get a chance to talk when everyone's here."

Her stomach flip-flopped and she let the taser come down to her side. She walked over to him, yanking the diodes from his shirt and wound them back up. "You can go."

"Wait…" He practically stumbled forward. "That's why I'm here. To ask you to dinner."

"Pull the other one, Magic Man."

"No, I mean it.  And I take it from your utter lack of a reaction that this is a complete surprise to you?"

"Not completely. Just utterly the last thing in the entire world I expected to hear from you. I would have settled for an apology just so you know. I'm not into torturing a dude for a date."

"An apology for what?"

"For our entire acquaintanceship," she countered. "You're rude and mean and you make fun of me, and you are so good at picking out every little thing that I'm sensitive about…" Darcy shook her head. "So hate to break it to ya, but I'm gonna need a rain check on the date."

"I'm sorry," he said immediately. "I'm sorry for hurting your… pride? Your feelings? I can't tell by your tone which it was, but I am infinitely sorry."

She shrugged. "You had to do something, right? I was kind of equally horrible to you."

"I didn't mind," Stephen replied. "I enjoy a good verbal spar from time to time." He took a step closer. "You said you'd need a rain check for the date?"

"Did I? I thought I refused you outright and bade you to never darken my doorway again…" she teased.

He shook his head, and she shifted her weight expectantly. "How long's the rain check good for?" He asked, freezing in place.

She shrugged. "No expiration, I guess."

"That's… that's good to hear. So you wouldn't be opposed?"

"I know," she said, laughing a little. "Color me surprised."

He took another step closer. "I really am sorry. I thought we were engaging in verbal combat, but with a slightly flirtatious flair."

"I don't flirt with the guys who pull my hair to show they like me," she replied.

He smiled a little. Crookedly, and in a way that made her want to blush and look away.

"You weren't not flirting," he countered.

"No. But I wasn't flirting either. You'd know if I was."

"What does that look like? For those of us who are helplessly dense in this subject?"

She rolled her eyes. "You, Stephen. Are hopelessly dense about a lot of things. But not about this. If I like you. I'll tell you."

"Do you like me?"

"You're growing on me," she replied, smiling a little as he moved closer still. She wasn't moving closer, but she wasn't moving away either. He could come all the way across the floor if he was serious.

"Like a skin tag?"

She smirked. "No, genius."

He chuckled, closing the gap between them and standing so close that she could smell his aftershave. "See, I'm really bad at this."

She reached up to grab at what passed for lapels on that ridiculous ensemble he was wearing. She tugged him forward and turned at the last second, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. "You really aren't.  Call me later about the date, okay?"

She took a step back and took her taser with her.

"How late is later? Can I call you in five minutes?"

"Use your best judgment!" she called, retreating to her area of the lab with a smug smile on her face. She slid into her chair with a tiny bounce.

"Seemed pretty 'finessed' if you ask me," Jane said, keeping her voice low as she clicked around on her computer.

She was still staring confusedly at the marble benchtop when the door burst open, releasing a veritable torrent of Avengers into the common room.

“Darcy!” Clint greeted her with an enthusiastic grin. “Whatcha cookin’?”

“What?” Darcy looked up. “Um. Nothing. I was just, um. Lasagne.” With a little mental shake she flashed a grin at the group. “I forgot to order groceries for me and Jane and then I remembered that leftover lasagne from the other week and I'm really hoping it's still in the freezer.”

Steve - who was already at the freezer - pulled the package out. “Still here,” he said, peering around the door at her, “but we're ordering pizza if you'd like to join us?”

“Oh, um.” Any other day Darcy would jump at the chance to have pizza with the team Steve but right now she just wanted to get out of here so she could freak out. “Thanks but I'm really tired and I just want a quiet night in. Maybe next time?”

“You're sure? It's from that nice family store you like so much.”

“Yeah, I just- I'm very tired,” she repeated. She stepped close enough to take the container and with a “Thanks,” and a short smile, went back to her apartment, put the lasagne in the oven to reheat, and freaked out until it was ready to eat.

Darcy slept fitfully that night, getting up to the bathroom twice, and tossing and turning more than the chefs at the Pancake Palace. She woke up with scratchy eyes, a slight headache, and a wish that it was Saturday. A shower helped a little bit she still hadn’t done the grocery order and was all out of cereal and coffee. At least she had milk…

She zombied her way through the first hour or two of work. And while the coffee in the break room was tolerable, it wasn’t really what she wanted - and it certainly wasn’t good enough to see her through the four meetings she had scheduled today.

The first meeting was with the Avengers to discuss which publicity opportunities they wanted to take, and who would be attending each one. Luckily it was an easy discussion as each team member preferred attending different types of events. Steve made a point of asking if she felt better today, and after the meeting Natasha hung back for the same purpose.

“How are you feeling today?” she asked. “Do you feel better after your quiet night in?”

Darcy smiled as she replied. “Ugh. Not really. I didn’t sleep very well and I still haven’t done my groceries, so I’m all out of decent coffee.”

“There’s plenty of coffee in the common room - you know you’re welcome any time.”

“Thanks, Natasha. I might just visit after my next meeting.”

After a bit more conversation Natasha left for training and Darcy headed for her next meeting. At least it was a teleconference so she didn’t actually have to share a room with anyone this time.

By the time her next meeting finished, all she wanted was an egg and bacon croissant and the biggest, strongest cup of coffee money could buy.

As soon as the last person left the teleconference, she picked up her purse, pocketed her phone and stood up.

The world blurred.

Darcy blinked to clear her vision and took an off-balance step backwards. “Oh no, not again,” she moaned. She was in the main foyer of the facility, hidden from view by a large potted tree that lived right next to the coffee cart.

She continued turning on the spot, confused and disoriented. Unfortunately, all this achieved was dizziness.

“Get a grip, Lewis,” she muttered. “Coffee. Maybe I just need coffee so badly that I don’t remember leaving my office and taking the elevator to the lobby. Yeah, that must be it. I zoned out, auto-piloted.”

Darcy bought coffee and a croissant, and then concentrated very hard on everything she did until she got back to her office.

Over the next several days Darcy experienced several more of the strange incidents. She would be busy doing something, and then suddenly she’d find herself somewhere completely different.

Maria’s office after she realised she’d left her phone behind.

The bathrooms in the east wing when the west wing ones were closed due to a burst pipe.

Tony’s (empty) workshop when she needed him to sign some urgent paperwork but had forgotten he wasn’t here this week.

The stationery storeroom when her pen broke, spilling ink everywhere.

A broom cupboard.

And then… and then one evening she got home after a very long and stressful day, kicked off her shoes and went to collapse on her sofa...

Only the sofa she landed on wasn’t hers.

And it wasn’t in her apartment.

And it was already occupied.

She leapt up with a startled squawk, turning around so quickly she almost fell back into the lap of- “Steve? Why are you on my sofa?”

Steve was just as startled as Darcy. There he was, enjoying a nice relaxing lay-back-with-your-eyes-closed-but-don’t-fall-asleep on his sofa when a lap full of Darcy Lewis appeared out of nowhere.

He knew she hadn’t come in via the door or the vents or any other way because he would have heard it. Nope, he’d been definitely the only person in his apartment.

“Darcy?”

But Darcy wasn’t listening. She was looking around in bewilderment at furniture, furnishings, and decorations that definitely weren’t hers.

“Wait- this isn’t my apartment?”

“Ah, no - it’s mine? How did you get here?”

“I- I don’t know?” She turned worried eyes on him. “I was in my apartment, sitting on my sofa. What the hell happened, Steve?”

“You appeared out of nowhere and landed in my lap. That’s what happened,” Steve said, sitting up and leaning forward.

Darcy frowned at him. “What do you mean, I appeared out of nowhere?”

Steve shrugged, never taking his eyes off the visibly shaken woman standing in front of him. “One minute I was here on my own, the next you were sitting in my lap.”

“So- I didn’t walk here?”

“Not that I saw or heard. You just - appeared.”

“What? Like a- a teleport or something?”

Steve thought about this for a moment and then stared at Darcy with curious worry. “Yeah. Exactly like a teleport.”

“What the hell? How, Steve? Why is this happening to me? I thought I was just- I dunno, blacking out or something.” Darcy’s voice became more frantic with each word.

Steve only just managed to hide his shock at Darcy’s words. “Darcy - has this happened before?”

She nodded, tears welling up in her eyes. “It’s been happening for several days now. One minute I’m in one place, the next I’m somewhere completely different.”

Steve stood up. “You’ve been experiencing this for several days and you haven’t told anyone?”

She shook her head, and he could see she was shaking. He took a careful step closer, moving slowly so as not to spook her. “How about I take you to medical and we’ll get you checked out?”

“You think something’s wrong with me?”

Steve chose his words carefully. “No, but I do think something about you must have changed if you’ve suddenly started teleporting all over the place. Don’t you want to know why it’s happening?”