#distancerelationships

It’s not too hard to have a distance relationship if it’s the right person. You know it’s so worth it, when someone devotes their life to be with you, no matter what. Yes, some days are harder than others, but with the right man, anything is simple 💓

Today I’m having to make a rough decision. Well, the decision has really already been made, it’s deciding how to follow through with it that’s the problem. 

I’m a gamer. I have always wanted to play multiplayer games, but I’m extremely cautious about who I interact with, so I generally don’t. Lately, though, I got started playing an interesting online multiplayer, and made a few friends. A couple of them were close to my age (Lord help me, I’m almost officially in my mid-thirties) and we clicked. 

There was one I clicked with more than the others, over things like favorite games and shows. We played on voice chat and started getting to know one another in a very careful and roundabout way. 

There was an attraction.

And then there was the unfortunate truth. 

In my life I’ve had to work hard to overcome the poison in my childhood. I have learned how to be mentally healthy (healthier, anyway. It’s a process) and become a generally more upbeat and contented person. I have a future I’m looking forward to experiencing. My love for God is a fundamental part of my healing process.

And now there is this man, who, I discovered, is living the lifestyle I escaped. So subtle, so slightly different, so dangerous. At that point, I knew that the attraction would never pan out, but I made a sacrifice to stay friends with him. I thought I would be safe from the influence online. We could still be friends...

Then he started talking about his beliefs about God that made me feel sick. He is free to believe whatever he likes, but I could tell that he wants to convince me. Convince me that his habits are no big deal, that his beliefs are solid and logical, and not crazy at all (my opinion, of course, but, seriously, you had to be there).

It’s the convincing that’s the problem. He talked on and on, and every time I tried to discuss my own beliefs, I was drowned out.

So now I know I can’t be friends with him without sacrificing fundamental parts of who I am. At the most basic level, you can’t be friends with someone who wont let you voice your own thoughts when they don’t agree with theirs. And for me, personally, I can’t be friends with him without sliding back into a poisonous environment, one way or another.

How am I going to do this? We aren’t a couple, so I’m not breaking up with him, but... How much am I obligated to explain to him? Do I simply take him off my friends list? With explaining, how much is too much? When is it too little? These are the only decisions left. 

The other day when I brainstormed a list of article topics, one of the ones that came to my mind was to discuss long distance relationships. I think there’s a value in discussing this subject, particularly with the advent of social media and online dating only appearing to gain traction among our generation. It’s worth looking into what aspect of these sorts of relationships are positive and what can be rather difficult to deal with. My intention is to analyze what benefits might be derived from considering meeting someone through such an avenue, and whether that could serve as a launch pad for something more than friendship. I think it is possible when the right people, personalities, and desires clash. It’s like receiving a kiss of God’s destiny, where God sparks a will in us we can make a way.

Of course with all this said we should probably start with the downsides to online dating and also distinguish between different types of this that I think deserve to be categorically considered. I will call the first kind, I assume likely the more common one, is related to using online dating websites. These can be used to check out different profiles then proceed to choose who appears to fit the criteria of who we are looking for in a date. If we’re serious about dating God’s way, this is essentially looking to see who appears they have the potential to make a good spouse. Otherwise if we were being honest with ourselves we’d just be wasting their time and ours. The benefit of this as opposed to meeting people in person spontaneously or in our immediate circle of friends is that we can read a few more details about someone that they felt compelled to share. This information can help us to weed out prospects that were close, but ultimately don’t fit some things we consider “deal breakers”. For example, if I use a dating site and come across a girl who’s pretty, smart, and funny that’s a great start. If I scroll down a bit further and discover she has no affiliation or interest with Christianity I can already tell you that it just won’t happen. I will not pursue a date with her because we don’t share the same core Christian values. This may be a deal breaker for some, and it may not be a deal breaker for others. It is of my opinion, based on scripture, that it should be a deal breaker for every man or woman of God because the Bible tells us not to be unequally yoked. (V*1).

So this first advantage is clear, it saves us time in the long run. Instead of going on 30 dates and discovering deep into a discussion that a woman doesn’t share the same Christian values, I can just view 30 profiles and find the one that actually loves God. That sounds like a pretty good deal to me. On the surface it may sound like it could take a little bit more work, but when push comes to shove I will know that I am trying to optimize my time spent dating rather than speculating with girls that I know I have little to no chance giving long-term consideration to. I am not trying to say I am any better than them; it’s just better to avoid that kind of conflict when I know I cannot go further with a non-believer. Additionally as a man of God I would view dating a non-believer as a source of temptation. I am not saying she’ll jump my bones or that she doesn’t have her own standards for morality, but I do know that she doesn’t share God’s standards. Eventually she might want to have premarital sex, and it will be much less painful for both of us if it doesn’t need to go that far down the track for us to realize it’s not a good idea.