#gamertroubles

Today I’m having to make a rough decision. Well, the decision has really already been made, it’s deciding how to follow through with it that’s the problem. 

I’m a gamer. I have always wanted to play multiplayer games, but I’m extremely cautious about who I interact with, so I generally don’t. Lately, though, I got started playing an interesting online multiplayer, and made a few friends. A couple of them were close to my age (Lord help me, I’m almost officially in my mid-thirties) and we clicked. 

There was one I clicked with more than the others, over things like favorite games and shows. We played on voice chat and started getting to know one another in a very careful and roundabout way. 

There was an attraction.

And then there was the unfortunate truth. 

In my life I’ve had to work hard to overcome the poison in my childhood. I have learned how to be mentally healthy (healthier, anyway. It’s a process) and become a generally more upbeat and contented person. I have a future I’m looking forward to experiencing. My love for God is a fundamental part of my healing process.

And now there is this man, who, I discovered, is living the lifestyle I escaped. So subtle, so slightly different, so dangerous. At that point, I knew that the attraction would never pan out, but I made a sacrifice to stay friends with him. I thought I would be safe from the influence online. We could still be friends...

Then he started talking about his beliefs about God that made me feel sick. He is free to believe whatever he likes, but I could tell that he wants to convince me. Convince me that his habits are no big deal, that his beliefs are solid and logical, and not crazy at all (my opinion, of course, but, seriously, you had to be there).

It’s the convincing that’s the problem. He talked on and on, and every time I tried to discuss my own beliefs, I was drowned out.

So now I know I can’t be friends with him without sacrificing fundamental parts of who I am. At the most basic level, you can’t be friends with someone who wont let you voice your own thoughts when they don’t agree with theirs. And for me, personally, I can’t be friends with him without sliding back into a poisonous environment, one way or another.

How am I going to do this? We aren’t a couple, so I’m not breaking up with him, but... How much am I obligated to explain to him? Do I simply take him off my friends list? With explaining, how much is too much? When is it too little? These are the only decisions left.