#dismalkindness

1. In the recruitment stage, I repeatedly wrote "straight boy energy" next to certain dudes' names because there was a dearth of straight boys on the team and we needed more of them. 2. The first time I saw Ella do a scene, all I wrote about her was "BRAVE." She's now a good buddy of mine. And indeed she is BRAVE. 3. "This baby is baking inside me like a cupcake" 4. "Some girl freestyle rapping? She's actually kind of funny" 5. "Zoe: touch people a lot more" 6. "Octopi Wall Street" 7. "If you walk in, explain yourself; don't just say hi" 8. "Nick - great commitment to blindness; thanks for sweeping a MUTILATION BY FIRE for fuck's sake" 9. "Try to stay away from mental illness" 10. "Everyone makes Ella cry" 11. "Nick, don't really hit people" 12. "The best reason to be on an improv team is that sometimes you get free chips" 13. "If you do a weird voice/accent, please make sure we can understand you" 14. "Nick, thanks for saving Ella from Henry's pimp" 15. "If you're a dead body, you can't laugh" 16. "Avoid racism please" 17. "Nice job embarrassing Mitch as much as possible" 18. "Ella, get out of your comfort zone of old people, manly men and flirtatious sluts" 19. "Why is it okay to steal from this guy? Is he a tyrant?" 20. "I'm Mitt Romney and I hate everyone that's not money"

Aaah, thanks. I got rid of most of them and I left the rest at home so I wouldn't have to drag them back here on the bus. The people who requested them promised to buy them when I come back in April, and they had better fuckin do it

Anyway, the next week or so is going to be really rough, but after that if you're up for it we can definitely hang out. It can be something really chill too: I'm not a very energetic person when it comes to going places and doing things, so just eating food or drinking warm beverages would be cool. Whatever works. 

Oh my! First off, sorry for not replying until now: the new message icon basically went unnoticed by me for weeks. Goddamn Tumblr and its updates. Anyway, mine is just one of the basic default themes because I have almost no understanding of basic HTML, so it’s entirely possible that they’re the same! Yours seems to show some slightly different information such as who you follow and what you’ve liked, but apart from that they are very similar! Cool! 

Yeaaahh, I just hate the fuck out of one of my cast mates, who, ironically, is my best friend in the play. I mean, we're done after Saturday, so that's a relief, but he was saying that there was "evidence" that darren wilson was right to shoot mike brown and he was complaining about roma people in the most horrible and shocking and derogatory manner possible. I've never heard someone use that antiziganist slur with so much hatred. I told him off both times, but no one was very helpful or supportive, even if they didn't agree with him on the mike brown thing. Instead of being like "dude, you need to stop," they all went "hey! let's talk about something else and not argue!" which just acts like this is somehow equally my fault. It's just, I'm the only person who's part black on the cast and even though a lot of them (including this guy) are poc, there is so much fucking antiblackness. This guy, like me, is mixed, although I think he's Chinese and White?? But he is the most virulently antiblack piece of shit and I guess maybe he has his own internalized oppression to deal with, but I don't appreciate having to deal with that. Just having to sit there while that horrible shitstain sullied michael brown's name and memory, and not be able to adequately defend him was so horrible. I have the privilege, in this world, of not looking or being read as black, and I am protected by this against antiblack violence, but just thinking of all the times family members have been profiled and discriminated against, I fear for their safety and wellbeing so much. All the little microaggressions I have faced are nothing compared to the terror that someone will hurt someone I love that way and face no consequences. Knowing that people with whom I have to interact genuinely believe in the inherent guilt of black people, and in the right of police to act as judge jury and executioner against them...just. blah. I really wanted to hurt him. I at least wanted to kick his ass verbally. But I could barely do anything before being silenced. I'm so angry at the white people and non-black poc who let him say that shit and did nothing. They were even worse about roma people--they actively agreed with him. 

True. It would have been alright if I'd had the correct measurements probably. I suck so much at estimating things, and I ended up putting way too much lemon and the wrong amount of cumin and stuff like that. Also next time I'll put actual vegetables instead of just a bunch of hot peppers and nothing else. It's not even terrible, but it's not delicious. Next time though. My mum said to bring the cookbook home with me for Thanksgiving so that she could experiment and write it out correctly. Yeah, the future holds better things! 

dismalkindness Aaah, you are SO invited! You know Nan too, and I definitely need to see you! It's sometime on Saturday, and I'll give you details when I know more!

--