God I know there's so much discussion on transmisogyny/transandrophobia but I really wish people talked about exorsexism as well. Like, okay, so- I'm trying to look into local LGBT groups in my area to connect with community and everything, but uh- A lot of the groups are "gay men (and nonbinary people too I guess, but no cis women.)" or "lesbian women (and nonbinary people too i guess, but no cis men.)"
I'm not kidding. I genuinely couldn't find any gender-neutral LGBTQ+ groups, they were ALL categorized by gender in this way and it really made me feel grossed out and unwelcome as someone on the nonbinary spectrum because like. Great. I'm either "man-lite" or "woman-lite" in this scenario. I have to choose between joining the "gay men's" community or the "gay women's community" instead of just. y'know, the fucking lgbt community as a whole? And before anyone says anything about "oh well maybe it's just dating-" no. No it isn't. I did not filter for dating groups only or any of that shit. I genuinely only saw gay men or gay women centered groups. Some of those included dating, yes, but the majority of them did not.
It's just. Genuinely frustrating. On so many levels. I really wish the LGBTQ community as a whole would stop treating nonbinary people as some "other" that can fit into whatever category- like? Does anyone else get that feeling? That it's not just, being inclusive to nonbinary people, but that the majority of the time it feels like "men, women, and if you're neither of those, whatever, you're welcome as long as you're close enough to the gender I prefer."
Like it feels like a lot of the time when non-nb-spectrum people talk about/mention nonbinary people in a sentence, with the whole "girls, gays, theys" and shit like that. It feels dehumanizing, honestly. It doesn't feel like it acknowledges the spectrum of gender, it feels like it's just, "girls, boys, and-" using nonbinary as one singular third gender. Instead of, y'know, a spectrum?? Which it is?? It generally feels like a lot of people percieve being nonbinary as being this one, unified androgynous gender. Instead of what it really is, which is an UMBRELLA to refer to people who don't feel fully comfortable in the labels of "boy/girl or man/woman," but as anything on that spectrum from partially a boy/girl or man/woman, to being neither a boy/girl or man/woman. I dunno. It's just frustrating. I may be transmasc but the fucking keyword there is MASC. I do go by he/they and if I have to be percieved as boy or girl I'd rather be percieved as a guy, but I still want to be percieved as androgynous masc-leaning by people who are open enough to acknowledge the spectrum of gender identity. I want to have the choice about the fluidity of my identity, I don't want to be forced to identify as a man or a woman, especially when it feels like just genuinely fucking frustrating that these spaces would prefer I force myself into a binary box in order to be a nonbinary person accepted in their community -_-
