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“Disabled math” is the constant calculation disabled folks make to survive. Every task costs energy. Every decision carries risk. We aren’t lazy—we’re accountants of our own capacity. Abled people often can’t fathom how intentional we have to be just to exist.
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Y’all ever realize patients are only given a 15 minute grace period but doctors are allowed to be tardy, even up to an hour at times.
Disabled math means I am grieving an experience I have not yet lived, because I see it clear as day in equations and probability. Survival depends on letting go. I hate even phrasing living the day as something I have to survive. It sounds so bleak. I grieve in real time wishing I felt freedom in the moments. Not having to carefully digest them one tiny bite at a time or else I will choke. And there is grief in the gap between what I want to do and what I can do.
