#disabilityblogging

on the one hand this always feels mildly insulting because wdym i'm going through all this for such a low-tier disease like not even a sinus infection? not even strep??

you are always in one of two states: devastatingly efficient, or incapacitated.

you're just going around thinking you are acting like a normal human and then people randomly get very concerned and ask "are you okay???"

today i went grocery shopping after work and used one of the motorized scooter carts for the first time.

i walked in, realized i was there for more than two items, and turned around to get a cart. Lo and behold, there were like ten scooter carts sitting there with no one using them.

i hesitated.

my hip joints nudged me and whispered, "yo, wanna see us race to find out which one can dislocate faster?"

i sat.

being a responsible driver, i read all the instructions before turning on the cart. and then, like an intellectual, nearly backed into a wall instead of going forward.

it really made me think about the accessibility of grocery stores. I.E., i had to stand up at one point to to reach a bag of chips. what if i didn't have any legs? no chips for the legless. (or, idk, you get really good at using those grabby claw things.)

at one point i was like, man, i wish these things went faster. i could walk much quicker than this. and i said to myself, would you rather be walking?

no.

would you be more likely to run over some toddler or innocent old person if it did go faster?

...yeah.

i reconciled myself to a steady 2 mph.

zooming around would probably drain the battery, anyway. i reflected on how much it might cost the store to charge and maintain these things. and then i realized i'd been in there twice as long as i would have stayed otherwise and had ice cream and milano cookies in my cart which i wouldn't have gotten if i was in pain. so that's probably a net profit

the logistics of using the self check out machine was different. i had to lean way forward over the controls to unload my groceries and then back up approximately fourteen inches to get my receipt.

an employee came over and helped me pack up the groceries which was good because they were a little hard to reach. there was one of those little check-signing surfaces at approximately my eye level that i had to awkwardly reach around. (i'm used to being short. i'm not used to being that short.)

i've been eying the scooter carts with longing every time i go into a store for...uh... years, at this point, but holding off because i "only" had ortho hypo, and i also have social anxiety which gives me imposter syndrome about just walking into a store on my own two feet. and i've heard too many horror stories of disabled people being mistreated because they didn't "look" disabled enough to be using such accomodations.

but I've been having pretty bad joint pain (i blame the wildfire smoke) and i figured if anyone gave me shit about it i could just be like "my hips dislocate when i walk :)))"

and you know what? nobody gave a shit! in fact, on my way through the parking lot, two separate people approached and politely asked if i needed help getting things into my car.

"oof, my organic components didn't like that"

to

"Jack, you lovable dork, you don't have any inorganic components. unless you're counting your glasses"

to

"stop treating yourself like a SecUnit"

and finally

"if you wouldn't do it to your beloved SecUnit don't do it to your squishy human or augmented human self"

My body is saying "I am not well."

My brain is saying "It's barely worse than usual, it's not contagious, I need the money, what will people think of me?"