#diebolical

Sticking to a goal is not an easy thing to do all the time. I should know, it took me days and days of intense thinking to come up with even this piece. Trying to write something every single week is difficult for someone like me. Some would say it is my ADHD, while others might say it is Procrastination. The answer is neither! It is being afraid of not writing something good enough, right now, when I am just finally showing people, in a public setting, what it is I love to do! There are only a few things in this world that truly make me happy, writing has always been one of them. But it’s one of those things that I’ve never come out to do or even to think about as a career or hobby choice. Who would ever want to listen to a sad sparkle galaxy demon, at the age of 26, with no “Proven” talent?

Me,

Everybody is always trying to find their lane. The place they belong, that feeling of fitting in. I have spent years trying to find where I belong. I tried to be in the cosplay community the gaming community, the board game community, but nothing really stuck with me. Those things made me happy, but not as happy am I wanted to be. I’m hoping that writing will be a source for me to find the place I belong, even if it means to create my own world, and just belong there. I can tell myself my writing must improve every single week, to slow down, and take time in creating a masterpiece. I’ve always viewed writing as one of the greatest forms of communication on the planet next to facial expressions, inflections, and auras. Writing is beautiful yet frightening, like having magic at your fingertips.

I have this dark black purple sphere inside me. I named it Doubt. It is what I believe is the reason behind my mental excuses that delayed this post. That little bit of self-doubt has been pulling me back this week. I have been so afraid of picking a topic to write about that wasn’t interesting. That I was so afraid I’d let people down. When it isn’t letting people down, it’s only letting myself down. I don’t write to others all the time. I do it because I find it beautiful, yet fear has me struggling more and more every week with “what if?” s and “but” s. Now I am just going to tell you I struggle.

At this rate my Tumblr page is slowly going to turn into a mix between my resume, my Portfolio, and slight personal blog. It will be a great way to watch my writing’s development. Even though I do worry every single day I want this to become my thing, my life, my dedicated project. I want to fall in love with my writing and I want others to as well someday. I just first need to understand that I will not being amazing right out of the gate. It will take time and hard work.

I will need a lot of help so I will accept any and all constructive feedback. I want to be a dream weaver, and I think it is time to face my self-judgment, worth, and inner peace.

Don’t let your fears, become your excuse.