#dicontent

-Eugene V. Debs.

I don't understand myself or my way of thinking. I feel lonely a lot and I miss having a best friend and a lover all wrapped into one. I watch videos of these couples that are obviously in love and I want that. I see my friends all with their boyfriends or girlfriends and I want that. But then when I have a guy trying to get my attention and chasing after me I turn them down. I find something wrong with them and I run away. Why? Nobody is perfect, I shouldn't be expecting them to have nothing wrong with them. But I always find something... Age, looks, distance, money, religion.... Something. And it's so stupid. But I can't convince myself to follow through with it and start something new. This will sound completely cocky but I literally have three guys right now trying to win me over and not one of them am I interested in. They're great guys too, wanting to take me on dates and they're sweet and everything. Ugh. I hate this. Idk how to fix it either. 

John Steinbeck, The Winter of Our Discontent