#dickarren

and the experience is so mortifyingly fulfilling for both of them that afterwards theyre side by side under the covers staring wide eyed up at the ceiling like. should we start our relationship over from scratch??

MOST IMPORTANT PICREW EVER MADE!!!!!!!!!

mars: please forgive my forwardness, i just haven’t been able to keep my eyes off of you all night. could i buy you a drink?

dick: oh gods i’m flattered but i have a husband

mars: you deserve two husbands (internally) i’ll fuck her husband too if that’s what it takes.

+

dick: (teaching local kids about nature, helping one up and wiping dirt from their cheek, playing hand games with a group of them, generally being quite good with kids)

mars, champion of a fertility goddess: (digging his fingers into his thigh) i need her to have my children.

mars separately meets arren and also thinks he’s hot. he absolutely does not make the connection that arren’s husband “dick” is the beautiful woman he keeps seeing around

dick would be mortified to find out, not because he’s judgmental of the fetish itself but bc he personally thinks his own feet look weird and also can’t help but think of feet in general as being kind of unclean

meanwhile dick considers it IMPERATIVE that arren NEVER finds out about the tentacle thing

i almost wonder if dick would wear something dress-adjacent? like i think he’d pretend not to care, but secretly want very much to feel beautiful. but of course mel and suying would NOT let that slide

hair intricately braided and a flower crown at minimum. ohhHH AND MEL would be the one who makes it, bc when they were kids dick made her daisy chain crowns all the time and his happy smile as he placed one on her head was a memory she held super dear after he left

omg maybe the one she makes is even a little sloppy if you look at it closely bc it’s something she never got as good at as him, and she apologizes bc he could have made it better and offers to use magic on it but dick thinks it’s so perfect just the way it is

arren: no, listen baby. listen to me. all i’m saying is that you’re two of the most important people in the world to me, and—

dick: (completely hysterical) I REMIND YOU OF YOUR MOTHER?!?!!?!!?

in arren’s defense, dick and lena just happened to have similarly colored upbringings but are otherwise very different people. and also arren is much much much more into taking care of his partners than any actual Guy Who Wants To Date His Mom

in dick’s defense, even considering the above, anything remotely approaching“you remind me of my mom” is challenging to hear from someone who’s seen you naked, and dick is particularly fucked in the head about moms in general

dick: (trying to convince himself it’s not a big deal) so like……do you want to call me mommy?

arren: (confused and wary but trying to be supportive) do you……want me to call you mommy???

brief dickarren misunderstanding where dick finds out suying still teases arren about how his first love ended up being a lesbian (joke) (they barely dated) (they were both relieved to break up) and when dick asks if arren really doesn’t mind he goes “course not. i love her”